F.A.I.T.H. (Forsaking all, I trust Him)

[Aster]

Hi girlies,

I just needed you guys right now...
I am such a horrible person. Ok will start from the beginning...

We have a new girl started at work in Nov, she is really nice, 31 and is good at the job. So about 4 weeks into the job she tells me that she has had IVF in the past that failed and that she cant afford it again.She had a minor procedure done the day before (she told my husband in the interview that she had a docs appt but nothing about IVF) related to it and felt poorly so could she go home.

Fast forward to today, she just asked to see me in private and told me she is 7 weeks pregnant!! I was so shocked as she told me they were not having more IVF, obviously her 'little procedure' was actually IVF! I hate myself for feeling so jealous of her, I am normal (I think) so why not me!!!!! I could have burst into tears when she told me but I had to keep it together and look professional (as the boss' wife) but inside it really hurt me. On top of that I know that my husband is going to feel annoyed that after alot of interviewing for the right person, we are going to need cover now... and the legality makes it a real faff.

But I can't help but feel really upset.... I know it is so wrong not to feel happy for her but I am just so frustrated.... why not me!!! I always put a brave face on each month as I am a positive person and know it hopefully will happen but this news has made me take a nosedive in positivity, I just want to go home and cry.... what is the matter with me!!!!

Ok... sorry to vent girls, i just know you guys understand and I hate myself for feeling like this... i feel so dispondent...

 

[mrskcbrown]

Hi girlies,

I just needed you guys right now...
I am such a horrible person. Ok will start from the beginning...

We have a new girl started at work in Nov, she is really nice, 31 and is good at the job. So about 4 weeks into the job she tells me that she has had IVF in the past that failed and that she cant afford it again.She had a minor procedure done the day before (she told my husband in the interview that she had a docs appt but nothing about IVF) related to it and felt poorly so could she go home.

Fast forward to today, she just asked to see me in private and told me she is 7 weeks pregnant!! I was so shocked as she told me they were not having more IVF, obviously her 'little procedure' was actually IVF! I hate myself for feeling so jealous of her, I am normal (I think) so why not me!!!!! I could have burst into tears when she told me but I had to keep it together and look professional (as the boss' wife) but inside it really hurt me. On top of that I know that my husband is going to feel annoyed that after alot of interviewing for the right person, we are going to need cover now... and the legality makes it a real faff.

But I can't help but feel really upset.... I know it is so wrong not to feel happy for her but I am just so frustrated.... why not me!!! I always put a brave face on each month as I am a positive person and know it hopefully will happen but this news has made me take a nosedive in positivity, I just want to go home and cry.... what is the matter with me!!!!

Ok... sorry to vent girls, i just know you guys understand and I hate myself for feeling like this... i feel so dispondent...

I am so sorry you feel like this! Are you sure her "little procedure" was actually the IVF? What if she got the old fashioned way by coincidence? . I know how bad this hurts that she has gotten pregnant. I hope that you can find some comfort in knowing that your day is definitely coming!!!

 

[Aster]

Thanks Mrskcbrown, it was definately IVF as she told me graphically about her frozed eggs being implanted... TMI!!

Have had a little sniffle and feel much better now as long as i dont dwell on it too much, jealousy is such an evil emotion but I can't help but feel ita little bit.

Hubby doesn't understand at all as he thinks that it will happen (I think he may get a shock if in a month I want tests done on us both) and thinks I am totally over-reacting to expect it to have happened in 6 months (about 7 off the pill) but said that we better get home and 'get me knocked up too!' Bless, he does know how to make me smile!!
He should know me well enough by now to know that I am not patient!!

Going to divert my emotion into some more beadwork tonight, it is very comforting. That is after my 'warm up' ..... :wink: :wink: think this months exercise might actually kill me....

Love you girlies, just knowing you are there helps xxxxxx

 

[somedaymama]

Aww Aster, I'm sorry. I don't understand either why it's always the other people and not us, and it's so hard not to feel jealous when we want it so bad. Don't hate yourself and don't feel bad for venting...we understand. I know I've felt the same way more than my share of times. I hope you have a good day.

 

[mrskcbrown]

I hope you feel better and yes it does sting. I will not act like it doesnt! Here's to hoping that we all get BFP's. It seems January has been a strange month, but its not over yet. I hate how men think it will "just happen" when we read and know otherwise. I had to convince my DH as well that we needed treatment. Dont give up hope yet!

 

[somedaymama]

I just saw your next post...I know it's not really any consolation, but if she had eggs frozen, she's probably been waiting for this for a long time too. You can take it as a sign that it will happen for you eventually too!

Husbands can be so dense.. even the well-meaning, wonderful ones. For some reason they don't get quite as attached to having the baby so they are fine waiting longer. At least that's how mine is, even though I know he wants a baby just as much as I do!

 

[Deb111]

Hi Aster - really sorry you're feeling so crappy. It's so hard not to get down when everyone else around us is getting pregnant. We know 7 couples who have either just had babies or who are due in the next month or so. My next door neighbour had hers 3 weeks ago even though they got married 3 months after us and told us they were doing what we were and not even trying til after the wedding - it's just not fair

I hear him crying sometimes and it's like someone's stuck a knife in me

Anyway, just wanted you to know that I know where you're coming from

Hugs to you hun
Deb xx

 

[somedaymama]

My temperature fell below the coverline today, so now I'm certain that AF is going to show up. I wasn't even expecting a this cycle, but it's still disappointing. On the positive side, I now know that I have a good LP length.

 

[Deb111]

Sorry to hear that somedaymama - it doesn't seem to matter to me whether I'm expecting BFP or not - a couple of months we didn't BD for various reasons and I was still devastated when AF showed up - it was like a nasty reminder! So sending you hugs

 

[Deb111]

Hi girls

Would be grateful of some prayers tomorrow - we have our first appt with FS tomorrow evening and I'm freaking out about it. I'm worried about the tests they will want to do, what they may find or wont find i.e. unexplained infertility - will be glad when first appt's over and I feel a bit more in control of it all and aware of where we're heading

Thanks

Praying for lots of BFP's for you all!

Deb xx

 

[somedaymama]

I'll be praying for you, Deb. Like I said before, we just had our first fertility specialist appointment last week, so I know it can be scary. For our initial appointment, our doctor just outlined what treatment options were available, took family history, and set up appointments for blood tests and my husband's semen analysis. Try not to freak out, this appointment is a good step toward getting your BFP! Let us know how it goes.

 

[mrskcbrown]

@Deb: Good luck at your appt tomorrow! Ive been to see a RE as well and I must say it is great to finally have the ball rolling. The testing and semen analysis helped us to discover a lot about or fertility and how to plan better. So everything will be fine and im praying for you!

As for me, awhhhh 10dpo tomorrow. Still trying to hold out testing until sunday. I feel like Im out as usual, and I dont know why this has swept over me all of a sudden? I guess because it hasnt so many other months but Im trying to hold onto that last little bit of PMA that I have! Im starting to think all of the symptoms are in my head and im just delirious!!!! I said what if Im just fooling myself, but then I thought about it and said, this is the devil. He comes to steal our joy and make us second guess ourselves and etc. Pray for me because I truly need it tonight. Im super exhausted, GN ladies!!!!!!

 

[Aster]

Hi Debs! :waves: thanks for your kind message and you are quite close to me! I can't imagine what it is like having so many babies around! how hard for you, this is the first pregnant person I have really been in constant contact with so it is a bit wierd for me.
Will be thinking of you today and sending you good vibes and prayers. xxx

I feel much better today, I had a good nights sleep and feel much happier and more positive this morning.

Someday, you are right she has been trying for 18 months (6 months ago started IVF) so who am I to not feel happy when someone gets their dream.
Hang in there, it aint over til its over and the :AF: shows her ugly head. And as you stay you have the positive of a good LP !

Operation baby making starts with a vengence tonight!! I was a bit upset last so really wasnt in the mood but hubby always likes to think of the practical and said ' You can't complain your not pregnant if we're aren't 24/7 !!' Bless.. so romantic! So his month - his rules and if it doesn't happen, I book a doc's appt.... come on baby !!!!

Loads of and love to you all girlies.. come on BFP's!!!
Lets turn this into a super positive thread, you have to be positive about one thing every day. I am a member of another forum and we have a thread like this and it really helps you to find a positive thing to say!

Today I am happy because......

.... I have an opportunity for a fresh start with a new cycle....

Aster xx

 

[lilpinkkitty]

hello ladies, i was just browsing around on the site and i never ever realised there was diff TCC groups, i would love to join you if that is ok, i am a christian, i am 25 years old and currently TTC for my 1st little one

 

[J_K_L]

Ladies. Ihave a favor to ask. Could you please pray fom my little bean today. My discharge. This morning had a slight pink tinge to it. I'm terrified this means I'm going to start spotting...and worse. Thank you all so much. Much love to you!

 

[Aster]

Hi lilpinkkitty.. (ok gonna call you kitty as I am bound to spell it wrong!)
welcome to our little group. I am 26 (fast aproaching 27...) and TTC my first too!

xxxx

 

[Aster]

Praying for you JKL - I am sure it is ok, many women experience it but get it checked if you are worried!

 

[somedaymama]

Aster, good luck with the BD'ing! It sounds like you and your DH have a good plan in place! This is your 12th month, right? I hope you don't need that doctor's appointment! (So when is your 27th b-day? )

Welcome, lilpinkkitty!! :wave: How long have you been TTC?

Praying, JKL. I'm praying for your little bean and for your sanity/comfort.

Deb, make sure to let us know how your appointment goes! Praying for you!!

Good idea about being positive, Aster! I know I need to focus on being more positive.

So for today...I am thankful that AF showed up. I know that sounds insane, but I knew I wasn't going to get a BFP this month, so I'd rather she show up than that my cycle continue longer! I put together a list of my cycle lengths (since going off of BC last October) for my RE appointment last week, and this is what I found:
14 days
20 days
17 days
27 days
45 days
46 days
miscarriage @ approx. 5.5 weeks based on estimated day of ovulation
34 days
41 days
48 days
50 days (my cycle that just ended)

So really, it finally ending was a good thing. If I continue at this rate, I am going to end up with only about 7 cycles per year!

Also, I had bad cramps when I woke up this morning, and for me that is a good thing. So many of my cycles this year I haven't had any, and the cramps are another good verification/sign that I did indeed ovulate. As uncomfortable as cramps are, they are normal, and normal is good!

My husband had his semen analysis this morning, and we should get the results of that back in a couple of days. I haven't had my tests yet because we have to wait until they tell us how much they will cost - I don't want to have them done until I know I can pay for them.

Here is the verse that I am claming for today: "If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you." John 15:7

 

[somedaymama]

Oh, fertility friend has given me 17 possible days that I might ovulate next month. Helpful, right? Although I guess it's better than nothing! I haven't used OPKs in a long time because I never got a positive on them before, but I was talking to DH about it last month and I think it would be good to do them and to cross-check it with my BBT charting. By doing this I think I'll be able to tell what a positive looks like for me, and that will help when I take Clomid the next month (unless of course I get a BFP this month! pma pma pma!) I think I'm going to get one of the 20 packs of First Response OPKs that Target sells to use this month.

 

[Aster]

Thanks someday, this is actually only month 7 of active TTC'ing (have been off the pill 8 months - I had to check!) but given my good cycle lengths (30days every month) am young and fit and healthy and I have no other symptoms of PCOS I figured that it can't hurt to have a prelim check over by my doctor. I had my blood pressure and bloods done when I told them I was TTC (I have kidney problems so they wanted to keep an eye on my BP when I was on the pill) but they were all fine. So just want to make sure really. Luckily I know the doc well (she went to school with my husband!) so I know she will order the right tests and take me seriously.

My birthday is the 18th February and I am hoping I will be eating birthday cake for 2! But better get back to the if that is going to happen! AF is due on the 5th feb so we will see..... PMA PMA!!

Sorry the witchie got you but as you say at least you now know.


xxxx