Hello! You guys don't know me, but I think this thread is fabulous!
I'm 33 and have been a Christian since I was 13. I was led to Christ through Christian radio. There were very few Christians in my school and no one in my immediate family are, either. Even 20 years later, I still struggle with forming good Christian relationships, although in college I did form three good friendships, but we're only able to keep in touch on Facebook as we live hundreds (or thousands) of miles apart. (I have Social Anxiety Disorder, or so I've been told by three different mental health professionals.)
My husband and I have a 2.5 year old son and I've been TTC since December 2008. I ended up having a missed miscarriage at nearly 13 weeks in March of 2009, and have been trying since then. I am also, to put it mildly, a bigger woman, and in order to get my BMI under 30 for any kind of treatments it's going to take a least a year. I have regular periods and I'm pretty sure that I'm ovulating regularly (positive opks, ewcm etc), but have been told that I have multiple small uterine fibroids (which don't seem to be causing many, if any, symptoms) as well as cysts on my right ovary. I've never actually talked to my doctor about my problems TTC, because I'm so certain I'll get the "weight lecture." Which, I AM working on, but I'm struggling with that, too.
Sometimes I feel like this is happening because I'm not a good enough mother to my son...I feel like God doesn't want me to have more children because I am a defective person and just "not good enough" even though I know that's not how He works. I really need prayer, and I really would like to start praying for others, as well.
The desire for more children is so very strong, and my prayer is that if it is not in God's plan, that I'll be able to have peace about it and be able to accept it. I don't even have the words to say what I need.
I feel very lonely and really need some prayers and support!
(Sorry to make this all about *me*, I'll try to respond to some of your posts soon!)