Failure - what the hell am I doing wrong?!

[dinkery]

So on advice of lactation consultant I am:
- drinking about 2.5 gallons of water a day
- eating 3 servings of oats a day
- taking 3 fenugreek capsules 4 times a day
- drinking fenugreek tea nightly
- eating spinach
- eating cashews
- getting lots of protein
- pumping every 2hrs to increase supply/demand ratio
- massaging during pumps
- keeping baby near me during pumps

All this and I still can't keep up. I am forced to give him formula tonight because he eats more than I can make. He takes a 4oz bottle every 3hrs (I am exclusively pumping as he refuses to take the breast) and I am only getting 1oz-2oz per pump, so he's gone through my entire supply and I don't have anything left, and can't produce fast enough to make his next bottle. I just can't understand why I can't make more milk, what on earth more could I possibly do? And she told me to stay stress-free which is entirely impossible in my day to day life, let alone in this situation, so I'm sure my anxiety about it isn't helping but still, I'm doing so much else to combat it...

Why am I failing?

 

[azure girl]

you exclusively pump if I recall correctly? What about RLT? I hear that helps supply as well. Also heat gets my milk flowing, I shower and leak afterward. You could put rice in a tube sock, tie it off, and warm it in the microwave and place on the breast before pumping. Other than that, I am a noob and cannot give much more advice.

 

[fashionlover]

I understand your stress. When my Daughter was newly born I could not pump a significant amount of milk. The stress of wanting to feed my baby and feeling like a failure was I am sure the culprit of my personal dilemma. Keep on doing what you are doing, if you need to supplement with formula from time to time that is ok. In time, your milk will be plentiful. And if your milk simply does not amp up don't feel bad at all about having to give your baby formula if that is what you end up having to do. The fact that you are doing everything you can to give your baby the nutrition he or she needs is Fantastic!

 

[leigh5tom]

I really admire anyone exclusively pumping - it's such hard work and I only done it for two weeks with my daughter before swapping to formula!
Formula is a god send, please don't feel like a failure if you decide to swap! Pumping and bottle feeding takes up so much time, time you could be relaxing and spending time with your newborn.
I'm sure your supply will eventually catch up, but you need to do what's best for your situation. Look at the bigger picture rather than just breast milk being best xxxx

 

[TCK_Runner]

Give it some time! I am mostly pumping and it took a few weeks for me to start building up. I combi-fed in the meantime and, if you are OK with it, I suggest looking for a formula that works well with breastmilk/breastfeeding (we are using HIPP Pre level that is made for babies also getting some breastmilk). We don't really need it so much anymore, so she only has it once per day, in the evenings, it's part of a routine she gets with the Vitamin D pill mixed into it and then she goes to sleep.

In any case, I am now able to regularly pump plenty for her and even have started storing (as of April 18-19!), but that did not happen at 2 weeks. However, one thing I can say that has helped me immensely is sleep. It helped SO much with the stress of the early days, at least for me. Around two weeks I had a miserable pump where I could only get like 1/2-1 ounce and I burst out crying... my husband was so worried about me. Then I asked the MW about having to pump every 2-3 hours and what to eat and she flat out said something like, "if you sleep midnight-5am and don't pump that is not only OK, but it will also probably help you be more relaxed and refreshed, and then you'll be able to pump more." Wow. She was so right. In my case this almost immediately led to better and more productive pumping sessions! My husband feeds her while I sleep. It doesn't have to necessarily be those hours, sometimes I take a 3-4 hour nap mid-morning or in the evening and he then feeds her during those times, in another room, so I can sleep peacefully. Might be something to consider.

 

[Daisybelle]

So on advice of lactation consultant I am:
- drinking about 2.5 gallons of water a day
- eating 3 servings of oats a day
- taking 3 fenugreek capsules 4 times a day
- drinking fenugreek tea nightly
- eating spinach
- eating cashews
- getting lots of protein
- pumping every 2hrs to increase supply/demand ratio
- massaging during pumps
- keeping baby near me during pumps

All this and I still can't keep up. I am forced to give him formula tonight because he eats more than I can make. He takes a 4oz bottle every 3hrs (I am exclusively pumping as he refuses to take the breast) and I am only getting 1oz-2oz per pump, so he's gone through my entire supply and I don't have anything left, and can't produce fast enough to make his next bottle. I just can't understand why I can't make more milk, what on earth more could I possibly do? And she told me to stay stress-free which is entirely impossible in my day to day life, let alone in this situation, so I'm sure my anxiety about it isn't helping but still, I'm doing so much else to combat it...

Why am I failing?

I BF for 17 weeks but then started to express and moved on to formula shortly after.

However, my sister only BF for a week or so as baby wouldn't latch on and she found exclusively pumping to be a nightmare.

What i'm trying to say is that it sounds like you are doing SO much extra (all the dietary things, the pumping, the worrying).. if you feel ok with that stick with it. However, don't let people think that supplementing your expressed milk with formula is wrong! You should be enjoying your time being a new mum, not constantly worrying about feeding. Do whatever feels best for you - formula, BF or pumping (or a mix of any of them!!)

 

[zigee]

Youre doing everything you possibly can! As did I, and I too would get less than 4 oz a pump from both. Try not to beat yourself up, I breastfed my son for a year and had to start supplementing at 1 month.

 

[Maxy1]

Wow - firstly - major kudos for exclusively pumping. I had to pump for a period with DS and it was so hard. You are doing an awesome job. I also did combi-feeding during this time. Just do what is best for you and bubs.

Pumping is difficult. It took ages for me to get good at pumping. I used to pump so little it didn't seem worth it and then it just gets better. I second the PP who mentioned heat. Try putting a hot flannel (face-cloth) on your breast before you start pumping. Also, make sure you get lots of rest.

 

[Beatha]

You're doing great. I have to pump 3 times a day because I just started working again and it's so hard and stressfull. I'm always worried I wont be able to pump enough for her. I can imagine how harder it must be to be exclusively pumping. You're a hero in my eyes.
Also what kind of pump are you using? maybe that's what is causing you problems. Hospital pumps are way better. I'm thinking about renting one.

hugs

 

[TCK_Runner]

Also what kind of pump are you using? maybe that's what is causing you problems. Hospital pumps are way better. I'm thinking about renting one.

hugs

Oh, an excellent point! I have rented a medela symphony (hospital grade!) and I renew it through my insurance each month. They are much better - so I've heard - but to buy one costs $1500 USD (!!!). They are dual breast and I cut holes in two old sports bras that I use with it (wash one while using the other...). These days I can get at least 100-150mL total (3-4oz) in 15-20 minutes of pumping/massaging etc or on a good pump, such as middle of the night or early morning, upwards of 200-220mL (total out of both, which is awesome because that's almost two feeds right there!!!). I don't pump the recommended 2-3 hours anymore, I've found that once things got more steady with my supply I've only needed to pump every ~4 hours, and at night I sometimes go 6 hours just so I can get some sleep.

 

[dairymomma]

You could try rubbing fennel essential oil on your bbs after pumping. Otherwise, know that not everyone can pump lots. My s-i-l simply cannot pump or hand express AT ALL, I can't pump unless I have an electric pump that pumps both sides (manual pumps don't work for me), and my sis can pump with anything or hand express. But if you stick with it, then hopefully your body catches on and things improve. Heat and massage helped me, I learned to keep pumping for 5-10 minutes after my milk stopped as I have a second letdown, and I had to pump both sides at the same time in order to get any sort of letdown. But know that no matter how much or little you pump, you are doing a great job. Even if you have to switch to formula full time, there's nothing wrong with that. Good luck!

 

[TCK_Runner]

How long do you pump for btw? I also pump 15-20 minutes and have a second letdown, i.e. it seems like I could be done at 10 minutes, but if I keep pumping I start to get a bunch more around the ~15 minute mark.

Also, as others have mentioned, heat does work. If I shower or microwave a heating bean bag/compress and apply it, both get things going.

 

[annio84]

I just wanted to add skin to skin with baby if you can and keep pumping after your milk stops flowing. I suppose the other thing is to try and relax, being stressed doesn't help get the milk flowing. And well done you, my sister exclusively pumped and I know it was hard work.

 

[leigh5tom]

Just checking in to see how things are? xxxx

 

[dinkery]

Thanks for your responses, support, and suggestions everyone. I've tried most of your ideas, including more skin-to-skin, fennel oil, hot shower and/or heating pad, tried two different kinds of pumps and four different size flanges for each, the only thing I really haven't been able to try is getting more rest/sleep, it just isn't possible - He has kept me up ALL night long the last 6 days or so, and I mean literally. Last night he went to sleep for 15min at 3:30am and that was all the rest I got until my husband could take him at 8am and then I only got 2hrs before he had to go for work again. Then the baby takes maybe one long nap of around 2.5hrs once a day and the rest of the time he is either wide awake (usually crying so I can't put him down, the only thing that calms him is being in my arms) or napping in small spurts of 20min or so - makes it super hard to get any rest myself or get anything done.

My pumping is suffering even more with this new completely sleepless kick he is on and my output has decreased even further - I am now only getting 4 to 5oz in 24hrs and the rest of what he drinks is soy formula. I feel ridiculous for even bothering when I think about it, but I still believe a little bit of the antibodies and good stuff is better than none at all? I pump for 30min each time. I get all I'm going to get in the first 10, then it's just an extra 20min of empty pumping and hoping it will encourage my body to bring on more, it's so frustrating. And I've never experienced what some of you describe as a second letdown. In fact I'm not sure I've ever even experienced a real letdown at all, considering how little I'm getting and how my breasts don't give me any kind of feeling - like some people I've heard get tingles or a sensation of some sort when a baby cries or if it's been too long since the breasts have been emptied, but I've never felt a thing at all.

I just don't know how much longer I'll be able to keep this up, it's taking a toll on me. Aside from the fact I'm getting pretty much zero sleep, I feel like what a previous poster said is right - I'm not enjoying my newborn as much as I feel I could or should be because I'm doing all this other stuff. Worried sick about pumping and my supply, working so hard to fill myself with all these supposed milk-encouraging foods and herbs, the time it takes to do all that, and the cost oh my gosh - aside from all the fenugreek and oats and things I'm also on a dairy free diet now because he has a milk protein allergy, so that means reading labels carefully and buying soy butter, soy milk, dairy/casein protein free breads and other items I can eat... It's so expensive, and all for 4oz of breast milk a day. If I weren't concerned with the extra goodness that breast milk can provide him, I'd choose formula feeding simply to save all the money we're spending on trying to make what little milk I produce fit for him!

I was trying to stay optimistic and try everything I could to get my milk flowing but nothng seems to be helping and in fact it just seems like it's getting worse. I am really beginning to question if this is worth it.

 

[Elmo5]

Have you had anyone trying to help you latch?

 

[Rachel_C]

I didn't feel a let down until about 6 weeks, IIRC, and that was with directly BF - for me, expressing milk makes it harder, so I wouldn't worry about that.

I second what Elmo asked - have you tried different people to help you get LO to latch? LO is very young to have given up trying (that's not a dig at you, just a suggestion that maybe the people you've asked for help so far just don't know the right answer). Did you try a SNS at all? I'd really recommend having a look at Dr Jack Newman's Facebook page and website; perhaps you could contact him too? He has a LOT of very good answers!

 

[TCK_Runner]

You should do what makes you feel better and happy - if you want to keep pumping do it, but if YOU feel better doing primarily or all formula and that might give you less stress or more sleep, by all means think about doing that. Formula is not poison, and please do not feel bad if that is the route you go. Many of our generation were raised entirely on formula either immediately or shortly after birth, as newborns still, etc, and we turned out just fine! Happy mama = happy baby.

Regarding his sleep... this doesn't sound right, he sounds like he's getting overtired all the time and I personally think that his lack of sleep might be causing you more stress right now and he might then sense your stress -- vicious cycle!! Just don't know if you realize that this is possible as babies are very smart creatures, smarter than we often give them credit for. Anyways, my friend send me a great sleeping website a few weeks back, check it out:

https://www.troublesometots.com/baby-sleep-what-is-normal/

and on newborns specifically:

https://www.troublesometots.com/newborn-baby-sleep-survival-guide/

 

[paintrider89]

When your pumping have you tried to squeeze/massage your breasts in time with the pump? Like when the pump is sucking do you squeeze at the same time? I have found I get a lot more milk if I do this. Like the difference in 2oz and 5oz. You may give that a try. Either way good luck.

 

[Vicki_Cream]

you exclusively pump if I recall correctly? What about RLT? I hear that helps supply as well. Also heat gets my milk flowing, I shower and leak afterward. You could put rice in a tube sock, tie it off, and warm it in the microwave and place on the breast before pumping. Other than that, I am a noob and cannot give much more advice.

I used RLT to boost my supply, and my word did it work!!