Faith!

[JCIC]

I have recently suffered my 1st miscarriage and although I accept what happened and am able to begin to get on with my life I am struggling with my faith. I am a Catholic and until my miscarriage I attended church every Sunday and my faith did mean an awful lot to me. I cannot bring myself to go back to church. I don't feel anger or bitterness towards God but I am not sure if I can now believe in a God who can cause me so much pain and grief. I was always able to explain death, war, natural disasters etc using my faith but I can't explain this and it's causing me inner turmoil. I was just wondering if anyone had felt the same or if anyone can offer any advice?

 

[Tulip]

I'm sorry I can't help you as I am not a religious person, however I feel your pain and hope that you can find strength in your faith again. I think bbb2009 is also struggling to reconcile her beliefs at the moment, I hope you can comfort each other xx

 

[JCIC]

Thanks Tulip, hopefully she will get in touch and we may find that we help each other x

 

[catfromaus]

Just read your post in the loss section. I wanted to let you know that I have been through exactly this. I have always been a strong Christian, and have attended church practically every sunday of my life! After my miscarriage, I just kind of lost any connection with God. I blamed him, and he seemed so absent. It is the hardest thing to go through, because I felt like not only had I lost my baby, but I had lost the most important part of who I was- my faith. Have you read that poem, 'footprints'? Its about how, during the hardest times in your life, when you can't see God, it is then that he is carrying you. I lost my Aiden in March. I felt completely betrayed, I had so many people praying for me. And then there was the desperate longing to be pregnant again- and only experiencing my period, every month. During this time, my DH's family (non-Christian) had three babies. In October, I got my bfp. And this baby seems to be sticking. With the benefits of hindsight, I really can see God's hand at work through everything. I can see all the good that Aiden bought to my life (improved my relationship with DH's family, brought me to this awesome site), and I tell myself that if I had not lost Aiden, I could not have this baby. This doesn't stop me missing her. But it does help me trust God again. Thing is, God never promises that life is going to be a bed of roses. We live in a world of sin, and unfortunately being a Christian doesn't give you a free pass.
I'd been really sheltered before this, and had never had my faith tested before. Now that it has been tested, I feel like it is more real, and more my own. Keep praying. You'll find your way through this. I know you don't want to give up on God completely.
Hope this helps.
Cat

 

[bbb2009]

Thanks Tulip, hopefully she will get in touch and we may find that we help each other x

hi JCIC. i was feeling very upset and had been thinking a lot about God and how He could allow something like this to happen, especially to one of his faithful followers. i completely understand where you are coming from and how you feel. i did have some anger towards God as i felt that i had prayed earnestly for this child and that He had delivered a miracle only to take it right back. God is first in my life and always has been and, like you, i could always tell others how God was working in their lives through obstacles, but did not know what to do when faced with my MC. it is a feeling of being abandonded in a sense by God. i am always saying to my OH, to my family, co-workers, etc. that "God has a bigger and better plan than I could ever have for myself". yes, i have had obstacles and bad things happen in my life (quite a few), but never anything that hurt like my MC and felt so robbing of MY life, my body and my baby. i went to church on sunday morning (first sunday after my MC). i felt that God was tellingme that i needed to be there and He had a message for me. the message sunday was about how difficult this time of the year can be for people that are struggling with grief. it was a very clear message that i needed to hear and to know that there are many others who have lost a loved one, whether it be through a MC, an accident, a terminal illness or even natural causes. those people feel the same pain. i am sure that it is not any easier for a mom to say goodbye to her son at the age of 16 than after many weeks of carrying him insider her body. it just really hit home. the pastor asked anyone that was experiencing a time of grief or needing prayer to stand and asked others to come to us and just lay a hand on our shoulder and pray for us. ironically, i was there alone, as my OH was home with our dog who had to be rushed to the emergency vet the night before (she's okay now). maybe it was good that i was alone and it gave me more courage to stand. it felt very freeing as the tears streamed down my face and i knew that God does have a plan for me....one bigger and better than any plan i could have for myself. He does feel my grief and pain and confusion and terrible heartache. He cares about me and He loves me, but i may not always understand what His reasoning is. i realized that i may never know why this happened and i may never look back on my MC and see what the "plan" was for me, but i don't have to. i don't have to worry about why because God will take care of that for me. He has always blessed me and i know that he will continue to do so. i believe that if you pray earnestly for your heart's desire, He will hear you and will provide. one day, i will have my baby (i wish it were the one that i lost and i wish it were now, but one day it will happen) and one day i will be reunited in heaven with my angel baby and be able to hold him in my arms and tell him i love him. it will happen. in the meantime, i am here for God's purpose and His will and will have to trust that He is working His miracles in my life. ironically, catfromaus mentioned the poem "footprints"...my mom and i were just shopping a couple of days ago and i told her that i wanted something as a memory and remembrance of my baby. we walked into a jewelry store and there was a charm with little tiny footprints. immediately, i thought that they were baby footprints and thought that it was so perfect. but, when you turn the charm over, the back reads "when you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that i carried you". i know that God had intended that charm for me and to make me realize that He is still in control of my life and truly loves me. His plan is going to be worth all of the pain and i do believe that! i hope that you can find solace and peace in knowing that God has an amazing plan & journey or you, also. it is so difficult to see when something hurts as bad as this does, but i promise you that He has not forsaken you!

 

[wldgreen]

I have recently suffered my 1st miscarriage and although I accept what happened and am able to begin to get on with my life I am struggling with my faith. I am a Catholic and until my miscarriage I attended church every Sunday and my faith did mean an awful lot to me. I cannot bring myself to go back to church. I don't feel anger or bitterness towards God but I am not sure if I can now believe in a God who can cause me so much pain and grief. I was always able to explain death, war, natural disasters etc using my faith but I can't explain this and it's causing me inner turmoil. I was just wondering if anyone had felt the same or if anyone can offer any advice?

I feel your pain and can relate. I was just having a similar conversation today with my mom and sister. I have loved GOD and had great faith for as long as I can remember never really questioning why things have happened in my life (well not that I can remember anyhow), but I find myself questioning why after all my prayers for years not to let me know how it feels to lose a child, and then he takes my little girl. Why does GOD want me to go through the rest of my life with a piece of my heart broken? It breaks my heart to feel this way, because I love GOD and I feel that I am a little lost now with my faith. Thank you for posting this. It helps me to know I am not the only one! I do know I am truely blessed with my boys, and hope and pray for my faith to be as strong if not stronger than before, but I am not sure!

 

[wldgreen]

Thanks Tulip, hopefully she will get in touch and we may find that we help each other x

hi JCIC. i was feeling very upset and had been thinking a lot about God and how He could allow something like this to happen, especially to one of his faithful followers. i completely understand where you are coming from and how you feel. i did have some anger towards God as i felt that i had prayed earnestly for this child and that He had delivered a miracle only to take it right back. God is first in my life and always has been and, like you, i could always tell others how God was working in their lives through obstacles, but did not know what to do when faced with my MC. it is a feeling of being abandonded in a sense by God. i am always saying to my OH, to my family, co-workers, etc. that "God has a bigger and better plan than I could ever have for myself". yes, i have had obstacles and bad things happen in my life (quite a few), but never anything that hurt like my MC and felt so robbing of MY life, my body and my baby. i went to church on sunday morning (first sunday after my MC). i felt that God was tellingme that i needed to be there and He had a message for me. the message sunday was about how difficult this time of the year can be for people that are struggling with grief. it was a very clear message that i needed to hear and to know that there are many others who have lost a loved one, whether it be through a MC, an accident, a terminal illness or even natural causes. those people feel the same pain. i am sure that it is not any easier for a mom to say goodbye to her son at the age of 16 than after many weeks of carrying him insider her body. it just really hit home. the pastor asked anyone that was experiencing a time of grief or needing prayer to stand and asked others to come to us and just lay a hand on our shoulder and pray for us. ironically, i was there alone, as my OH was home with our dog who had to be rushed to the emergency vet the night before (she's okay now). maybe it was good that i was alone and it gave me more courage to stand. it felt very freeing as the tears streamed down my face and i knew that God does have a plan for me....one bigger and better than any plan i could have for myself. He does feel my grief and pain and confusion and terrible heartache. He cares about me and He loves me, but i may not always understand what His reasoning is. i realized that i may never know why this happened and i may never look back on my MC and see what the "plan" was for me, but i don't have to. i don't have to worry about why because God will take care of that for me. He has always blessed me and i know that he will continue to do so. i believe that if you pray earnestly for your heart's desire, He will hear you and will provide. one day, i will have my baby (i wish it were the one that i lost and i wish it were now, but one day it will happen) and one day i will be reunited in heaven with my angel baby and be able to hold him in my arms and tell him i love him. it will happen. in the meantime, i am here for God's purpose and His will and will have to trust that He is working His miracles in my life. ironically, catfromaus mentioned the poem "footprints"...my mom and i were just shopping a couple of days ago and i told her that i wanted something as a memory and remembrance of my baby. we walked into a jewelry store and there was a charm with little tiny footprints. immediately, i thought that they were baby footprints and thought that it was so perfect. but, when you turn the charm over, the back reads "when you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that i carried you". i know that God had intended that charm for me and to make me realize that He is still in control of my life and truly loves me. His plan is going to be worth all of the pain and i do believe that! i hope that you can find solace and peace in knowing that God has an amazing plan & journey or you, also. it is so difficult to see when something hurts as bad as this does, but i promise you that He has not forsaken you!

I know this wasn't posted for me, but I wanted to say thank you. I myself have lost some of my faith, and your story made me cry and made me think. Thank you so much!

 

[bbb2009]

Thanks Tulip, hopefully she will get in touch and we may find that we help each other x

hi JCIC. i was feeling very upset and had been thinking a lot about God and how He could allow something like this to happen, especially to one of his faithful followers. i completely understand where you are coming from and how you feel. i did have some anger towards God as i felt that i had prayed earnestly for this child and that He had delivered a miracle only to take it right back. God is first in my life and always has been and, like you, i could always tell others how God was working in their lives through obstacles, but did not know what to do when faced with my MC. it is a feeling of being abandonded in a sense by God. i am always saying to my OH, to my family, co-workers, etc. that "God has a bigger and better plan than I could ever have for myself". yes, i have had obstacles and bad things happen in my life (quite a few), but never anything that hurt like my MC and felt so robbing of MY life, my body and my baby. i went to church on sunday morning (first sunday after my MC). i felt that God was tellingme that i needed to be there and He had a message for me. the message sunday was about how difficult this time of the year can be for people that are struggling with grief. it was a very clear message that i needed to hear and to know that there are many others who have lost a loved one, whether it be through a MC, an accident, a terminal illness or even natural causes. those people feel the same pain. i am sure that it is not any easier for a mom to say goodbye to her son at the age of 16 than after many weeks of carrying him insider her body. it just really hit home. the pastor asked anyone that was experiencing a time of grief or needing prayer to stand and asked others to come to us and just lay a hand on our shoulder and pray for us. ironically, i was there alone, as my OH was home with our dog who had to be rushed to the emergency vet the night before (she's okay now). maybe it was good that i was alone and it gave me more courage to stand. it felt very freeing as the tears streamed down my face and i knew that God does have a plan for me....one bigger and better than any plan i could have for myself. He does feel my grief and pain and confusion and terrible heartache. He cares about me and He loves me, but i may not always understand what His reasoning is. i realized that i may never know why this happened and i may never look back on my MC and see what the "plan" was for me, but i don't have to. i don't have to worry about why because God will take care of that for me. He has always blessed me and i know that he will continue to do so. i believe that if you pray earnestly for your heart's desire, He will hear you and will provide. one day, i will have my baby (i wish it were the one that i lost and i wish it were now, but one day it will happen) and one day i will be reunited in heaven with my angel baby and be able to hold him in my arms and tell him i love him. it will happen. in the meantime, i am here for God's purpose and His will and will have to trust that He is working His miracles in my life. ironically, catfromaus mentioned the poem "footprints"...my mom and i were just shopping a couple of days ago and i told her that i wanted something as a memory and remembrance of my baby. we walked into a jewelry store and there was a charm with little tiny footprints. immediately, i thought that they were baby footprints and thought that it was so perfect. but, when you turn the charm over, the back reads "when you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that i carried you". i know that God had intended that charm for me and to make me realize that He is still in control of my life and truly loves me. His plan is going to be worth all of the pain and i do believe that! i hope that you can find solace and peace in knowing that God has an amazing plan & journey or you, also. it is so difficult to see when something hurts as bad as this does, but i promise you that He has not forsaken you!

I know this wasn't posted for me, but I wanted to say thank you. I myself have lost some of my faith, and your story made me cry and made me think. Thank you so much!

i am glad that i could do something to help! we all go through times of questioning and confusion, it we didn't, we would't be sinners that need salvation, right!? hold onto your faith in Him, He will deliver and fulfill!

 

[JCIC]

Thank you so much for all your replys. I have cried with relief knowing that there are other people who have felt exactly as I have. What you said bbb2009 really hit home, I knew that God does have a plan for me....one bigger and better than any plan i could have for myself. He does feel my grief and pain and confusion and terrible heartache. He cares about me and He loves me, but i may not always understand what His reasoning is. i realized that i may never know why this happened and i may never look back on my MC and see what the "plan" was for me, but i don't have to. i don't have to worry about why because God will take care of that for me. He has always blessed me and i know that he will continue to do so. i believe that if you pray earnestly for your heart's desire, He will hear you and will provide. one day, i will have my baby
I know that I love God but recently I have been pushing him away. I know the footprints poem very well and understand that in my time or trouble and grief God is carrying me.I also had an incident that made me wonder if God was trying to tell me something. When I had my MC we referred to our baby as a star in the sky. A week after my MC I received a belated 30th present from a friend, it was a star charm for my links of london bracelet,she had no idea that we thought of our baby as a star now. God does indeed work in mysterious ways and I have no idea why this happened and maybe I have to stop trying to figure that all out and trust that God has a bigger and hopefully better plan. What doesn't kill us can only make us stronger eh. I think midnight mass at Christmas will have one more person now. Thank you so much girls x x x