family have upset me. why do they think they get a say????

[laura109]

A few times my dad whos a natural grump has said i dont want to be finding out what i am having. My mum also thinks this way. Me and oh are excited to find out. We will be happy either way and for us it will help prepare us.

today we werein the car on our way to a big store. my dad in a harsh tone said you dont want to find out. My mum tried to lighten it by saying we dont want to know. Dad then said they dont want to either. I said in a normal voice.... well its up to us its our choice not everyones the same.he said fine ill say no more. He would not speak sat ina chair sulking and then said he was going to wait in the car why i looked at baby stuff. I said i was not bothered about it now. Mum quietly told me it was probs cus i snapped in the car.

I never snapped but its my pregnancy and im going to have to prevent them from finding out. Ive got to make sure they see nothing till there born that gives away gender.

My mum has insulted my descision to frame my scan pic.

Told me theres no need to buy a fancy changing station.

told me theres baths etc alot cheaper than i want.

Why the hell do people think they have the right to tell u what u should and should not do. I am 25 they might aswel do this for me because clearly im wrong

 

[pinkstarbinks]

No advice but sympathy as I'm in a similar place! With first I had mum in at the birth my choice. With second I said I'd just have partner, my mum didn't like this and my dad took me to one side with an intimidating tone to pressure me into changing my decision as he does not like to see mum unhappy. This time, mum asked directly can she be there. Due to last pregnant being intimidated by dad over it I realise I have no choice or say in the matter if I don't want to be stressed so just said yes again, they can have their way it's clearly their moment x

 

[laura109]

Bless you hun. I was so cross that he thinks he can speak to me a grown adult in a rude manner and im expected to listen like im a silly kid making a bad choice.

goes to show they are stroppy. Your mum should respect you want the virth to be what you want. I think yours and mine are both being rude. Atressing us out at a time like this. Xx

 

[pinkstarbinks]

They still think of us as kids I guess! They more than likely got to do things the way they liked when they had their children so they should really bite their lip so that you can do as you desire, or just to brush over it in a jokey way & then let it go. But to pursue and pressure you over finding out the gender is a bit unfair and taking it as far as sulking deary me, it's something your going to want to want to celebrate, chat about lots & shout from the rooftops x

 

[laura109]

I know hun. Thats it now im not going to be asking there opinions on anything. Ill do it my way x

 

[misspriss]

I kind of read this thinking the opposite. My in-laws made it quite clear they were upset we stayed team yellow with DS. Like to the point of making the same type remarks as your family, only about us NOT finding out. Sometimes you just can't make people happy.

 

[GeralynB]

Sorry you're going through this. My mom has been a bit overbearing also but in different ways. I'm having a boy and my mom never had a boy…it was me and my sister. She'll say things like "I'm having a boy and my boy" and I just think to myself I thought I was the one having a boy?!? She'll tell me things I should be doing and not doing and advice for when the baby gets here that I don't agree with and I say to her "I'm his mother, so I'll make that decision." That quiets her up right away.

 

[laura109]

Thanks girls. Sorry you are having simular issues.

It is a descision for the mum and dad nobody else

 

[mandaa1220]

Same issues here, just not as severe. My mom makes it into a joke instead of attempting to intimidate me. She doesn't like our name choice and says that she won't ever agree with his name, so she'll just call him her choice of name, because she can call him whatever she wants.

MIL will be more so opinionated once he is here, because they've already commented on things like what we can/can't do for Thanksgiving and Christmas since we'll have a baby, how we can't go on vacations anymore, etc. They will realize soon enough that we will raise this baby the way that we want.

I find it frustrating, but just try to ignore it now.

 

[emmi26]

Hun why have you got to hide it from them ?
Seriously it's your decision if they don't want to know it's tough I'm not being mean but you shouldn't have to go out of your way to avoid then finding out and they should accept your decision to find out the gender
If you don't mind me saying your dad sounds a bit old fashioned like mine lol

Enjoy your pregnancy enjoy finding out bubs secret ( if he or she wants to show you lol )
Don't worry about other people even if they are your parents

Emma

 

[laura109]

Thanks emma i agree. They like to tell me how they did things and they want me to follow.

I want to do things my way and i dont want to be like them. Growing up with a grumpy dad and a mum who cant show emotion was not easy lol x

 

[amanda111308]

Sorry you're going through this. My mom has been a bit overbearing also but in different ways. I'm having a boy and my mom never had a boy…it was me and my sister. She'll say things like "I'm having a boy and my boy" and I just think to myself I thought I was the one having a boy?!? She'll tell me things I should be doing and not doing and advice for when the baby gets here that I don't agree with and I say to her "I'm his mother, so I'll make that decision." That quiets her up right away.

Oh my gosh this reminded me of my situation when I was expecting my ds. My mom never had a son she instead had 3 girls, of which I was the second born. My mom had her sons name all picked out, because back then you couldn't really find out the gender for fun like you can now. Anyways after my son, Gregory, was born my mom stayed with us for an entire month. It became weird to both me and my husband that my mom was always calling our son Andrew and referring to him as her own baby... My dad had to have a serious talk with her and she stopped but it was kind of creepy how possessive she was in the beginning

Turns out gender disappointment was just as real then as it is now but it was taboo to ever talk about it with others so she always had to keep it bottled up. I felt bad for her tbh.

We have a lot of people mad at us for staying team yellow this time around. But it's our baby and likely our last baby and we both really want the delivery room surprise!! Screw everyone else and what they want!!

For the op: I want to place a light warning on you now, if you cave and do what they want you too, they will slowly but surely try to control other and likely bigger things in your life. Put your foot down and let them know how it's going to be. You and your DH are the parents and it is fully your choice!!

 

[laura109]

Thank you for your stories i feel much better. You can't believe they feel they have such a huge say in something so personal.

calling your baby the wrong name too. Its rude when people think they have the right to opinions on the names.

we have picked out what names we like and my mum still tuts when i do not want names she likes. She said the other day this baby will be nameless when i said no to her choices. I was like hellooooo i told you we have made choices.

They have had there babies and done there names they need to just enjoy cuddles and they will be welcome to sometimes babysit. My parents are very cold with there emotions and luckily i am the other way. I want my baby to grow up being able to express how they feel. Come to us when they have an emotional issue and to know its ok to be upset. I have never been encouraged to these things and itscwhy we dont see eye to eye sometimes. My mum for an easy life will always put the blame onto me when dads started it.

He made a comment on my clothes the day too. I defended myself then when he told me to go shopping for bigger clothes. I said until i have had my scan i do not want to buy anything.

Nightmares lol xx

 

[UnderPressure]

My mom hates the name we picked for our son... But I told her, "boy I guess it's a good thing you don't get a vote huh?"

She knows not to call him something else too because I'll cut her off for a while. My mom is relatively well trained by now, but it's taken some time. Basically I think I've made enough decisions against her advice that she knows it's useless to try to convince me of anything once I make a decision.

.... So maybe you just need to disappoint them more often and yours will stop too!

 

[sethsmummy]

oh man reading all this makes me kind of glad my mums never bothered about any of my pregnancies/babies apart from tutting over out first name choice with DS1.. but then so did everyone else.

shes no interest in this baby/pregnancy what so ever.

I really feel for you all. At the end of the day these are your babies/your births and your lives. Parents have no say what so ever... I had people trying to push me around about delivery with my son (Friend and sister) and they were eventually put in their places and i kept my planned section a secret from my friend to stop her from kicking off about being there (she still did when she realised i had him hours and hours before telling her). But at the end of the day its just tough luck.. i wont allow anybody at the birh that i dont want there.. whether they stropped or not.

My dad doesn't like to know what sex baby is.. he asked for every grandchild (this is the 7th) and ended up being told on all but my DS2 and he loved it. It wasnt upto me to keep things hidden though.. he was told if they were coming to visit they had to warn me so that i could put anything away/shut the door to the room so he wouldnt see anything... if they didnt warn me.. and he saw something it would have been just tough luck. xx

 

[Rickles]

My mom hates the name we picked for our son... But I told her, "boy I guess it's a good thing you don't get a vote huh?"

She knows not to call him something else too because I'll cut her off for a while. My mom is relatively well trained by now, but it's taken some time. Basically I think I've made enough decisions against her advice that she knows it's useless to try to convince me of anything once I make a decision.

.... So maybe you just need to disappoint them more often and yours will stop too!

THIS!

I used to be the obedient, subservient (some might say dream child)... Then I got to 30 and realised I spent my whole life trying to make my parents happy, I didn't know what I wanted and how to be happy for myself...

We found out the gender with DD, my Mum was totally against it, even said at one point, "Well your brother found out with his third and I still loved him I supposed..." WTF!!! Anyway she was pissed because we didn't give DD a middle name, the list goes on - but when she makes a fuss or a scene I remind her she had her kids, made a whole bunch of mistakes )) named them crap names and now it's my turn. Shut up, put up or get out...

Luckily my DD is so damn adorable she shuts up!

 

[Hellymay83]

Parents!!

When I was pregnant with DD1 we were team yellow because that's what DH and I wanted, my mom in particular kept pestering me to find out the gender but we stuck to our guns much to her disapproval. She wanted me to have a girl and made it very clear by buying PINK everything even though we were team yellow... Well I did have a girl to which she was delighted and Katie is very spoilt by my parents to the point I have to put my foot down and restrict contact sometimes.

This time around DH and wanted to find out the gender mainly because we have kept all of katies things and if we were having a boy we could sell them on.

This time my mom wanted us to have a boy but we are having another girl, her response when I told her was "errr you aren't are you?" I've just ignored her for a few weeks..

Guess parents will always think they have some sort of say/opinion on their children's decisions even if they aren't wanted and don't tend to think how they make us feel.

Try and enjoy YOUR pregnancy and who cares if they see something that relates to the gender, this is your child, your decision, not theirs. xx

 

[laura109]

Thanks hun clearly im not alone. They should be happy there getting a new grandchild.

yours sound as bad as mine lol xx

 

[LoveMy2Boys2]

I'm with ya!! This is my 3rd. We have 2 boys and found out with each.... I really want to not find out this time.... DH is dying to know though..... None of my family supports my decision of team yellow.... They are actually being quite rude about it and saying things like "well if u want us to buy u stuff we need to know , we don't want to get boring yellow and gray" "its not only your decision, if dh wants to know then he should be able to and tell everyone else and it can be a secret from you" etc..... Ummmm hellloooooooo I am the mother. Why would I want everyone to know but me.... If I don't know Then nobody knows! Ugh the nerve of these family members!

 

[laura109]

I just told my mum about them tommee tippee bottle machines. U dont need one of them was her response. No need to buy anything when theres a cheap alternative.... sighhhhh xx