Father to be, need help from guys

[RiskyD]

Hi everyone, i've been lurking here for the past hour and decided to register and ask for help.

I'm a 23 male, and my girlfriend is 21, she is around 12 weeks pregnant but we have an appointement the 21 of july.
Basically, ever since she got pregnant, she changed on so many level, i hardy recognize her. As a father to be, its all new for me, I blame the hormone. Overall, she is the sweetest, most loving girlfriend I ever had, we share common passion, we have a futur, we love each other to death, we have sexually compatible and hell, i proposed to her about a week ago and she said yes but as you may know, hormone do horrible things. Im wondering how can I deal with the sudden lack of affection, kisses, talking, sex. I always try to please her but its meh for her, she doesnt give me attention anymore and whenever we talk, she goes crazy on me ( i'm a full time student in comptability) and i text her most of the day and after school, i join her at our house. I text normally and she snaps at me for NOTHING and she points me as being the rude and stupid one. I live her to death, i wont quit her ever but I need tips to get around the pregnancy because its as if im with a different woman, cold 90% of the time and the remaining 10% pop up from no where to give me affection. How do i deal with this hormonal monster that I live to death?

 

[Patsy7]

why dont you post this in the 'men only' part of the forum as the majority of the people on these boards will be women aka 'hormonal monsters'

 

[RiskyD]

why dont you post this in the 'men only' part of the forum as the majority of the people on these boards will be women aka 'hormonal monsters'

Hi, i didn't meant to say guys but you guys, it's a typo sorry, everyone is welcome to help me.

 

[Blu10]

From a girls perspective hormones are vile. I love DH but he winds me up right now and sometimes I just need space and quiet time. Im aure she still loves you dearly!
Maybe book a nice romantic meal somewhere and have some quality time together x

 

[RiskyD]

From a girls perspective hormones are vile. I love DH but he winds me up right now and sometimes I just need space and quiet time. Im aure she still loves you dearly!
Maybe book a nice romantic meal somewhere and have some quality time together x

She is alone usually until 5 to 6 pm and whenever she tells me she is excited to see me, i arrive at home and nothing happens, she stares at me, and i lean to give her a kiss and that is all, i come to sit on the couch and she stay still not wanting to come near me and i'm ok with that, im giving her space then she turn around and ask me whats wrong, i tell her nothing with a smile and then she gives me a cold stare saying okayyy at the same time giving
Me an akward look, and whenever i come near her to cuddle her she tells me to back off after 1 minutes and when im in the corner of the couch, she tells me whats wrong again! Complicated

 

[mummy2o]

I asked my partner what he does when I'm being a complete cow to him, which is most of the time. He generally avoids me, which is fine. He does chores like cleaning (he has OCD though) and takes little one of me at times when I'm tired. We still try and do things together, like gaming as we're both big gamers, just currently in different rooms as to me he stinks. He's even having to shower before bed, which he doesn't mind. Hormones will be there for a while, even until the 4th trimester (first 3 months of baby being here) so it's a long road ahead. You'll do fine if you love her that much. Ask her if there is anything you could do to make it easier for her.

 

[littlesteph]

I just want to give you a big hug, it's a big thing for a guy to ask for help. I know my husband wouldn't. Hormones are vile, think I've been lucky and not been that bad lol, minus the sex front, that's gone down hill.
Anyway, the only thing I could think of as much as it means not getting the affection you want and need is when she is in a mood is just to give her space.
i'm sorry it's not really much advise and defiantly not really what you want to hear. when she wants or feels the need for affection she'll come to you. It's only for a few more months.

 

[WW1]

The pregnancy hormones are horrible that's for sure! All I can suggest is for you to be there for her and not to take things personally. Try to do things to look after her and remember to compliment her. She may want space sometimes. If she does then give it to her. It doesn't last for ever! You might find it eases a bit in the next few weeks as she'll hopefully start to feel better.

 

[icegurl470]

I've been a shadow of the person I was before I got pregnant. The first 16 weeks of my pregnancy I would literally come home from work and go to the bedroom, still do sometimes. I've been so tired. When I do spend time with my husband I'm sometimes a complete bitch for no reason. I'm also completely off sex. I feel really bad because we were just pregnant last year and it had the exact opposite effect, I wanted sex all the time. This pregnancy has been so much harder. It's honestly true what they say, every pregnancy is different. All I can say is don't give up on her. Even though she doesn't say it, I'm sure she has moments of clarity when she realizes how moody she's been and desperately hopes you forgive her. Every relationship has its highs and it's lows. Things will get better.

 

[RiskyD]

Alright, basically, i just ignore the mean stuff/talk she gives me and dont take them personnaly ? Its hard for me, i'm kinda emotionnal as a guy and its my first healthy relationship and for her too ( previous one was with an ex friend of mine and she was kinda there as a tool)

 

[icegurl470]

My husband says he just "grins and bears it". Ask her how shes feeling and try to be sympathetic. offer to get her drinks or snacks. Let her know that she can talk to you about anything that may be on her mind. If she needs her space just give it to her even if she turns around and bashes you for it, try not to take it personal. The beginning of the pregnancy is the WORST, things will get better.

 

[Mississippi03]

Before it was just you and her. Remember that it isnt anymore... You wont be number 1 anymore. Pregnancy kills sex and affection. I never want my husband touching me, unless I want him touching me. Its hard to focus on anything other then feeling ok and getting rest. Plus shes young, emotionally she might not know how to deal. I always want my husband around and miss him when hes gone, but i just want him here, i dont want him mauling me. Although this does ease up a tad in second tri.

Try writing her a letter telling her how you feel and leave it for her to read when you arent around. Let her think about it a bit. Dont think this will solve it for long, but it will give her something o reflect on when shes being super shitty.

 

[RiskyD]

Before it was just you and her. Remember that it isnt anymore... You wont be number 1 anymore. Pregnancy kills sex and affection. I never want my husband touching me, unless I want him touching me. Its hard to focus on anything other then feeling ok and getting rest. Plus shes young, emotionally she might not know how to deal. I always want my husband around and miss him when hes gone, but i just want him here, i dont want him mauling me. Although this does ease up a tad in second tri.

Try writing her a letter telling her how you feel and leave it for her to read when you arent around. Let her think about it a bit. Dont think this will solve it for long, but it will give her something o reflect on when shes being super shitty.

Thank you for your help will try this

 

[DoubleTFun]

Just be there for her. Pregnancy is rough! I had severe nausea and didn't want my husband near me. He kept his distance, helped out more around the house and got the kids involved in helping me out.

As a woman you are exhausted, but don't want to appear lazy. I would pass out for 2-3 hours while trying to watch a TV show with my husband.

Just be supportive. If her nausea is gone. Surprise her with dinner, or her favorite craving. Listen..even if you think you are she might be giving you clues, but doesn't know how to ask for help.

Sometimes I just wish my husband could read my mind, but after years together I realize I have to be blunt and say what I mean and how I feel. Pregnancy changes you, and she just needs time to adjust.

Good for you for being supportive, just don't shut her out.

 

[AJae]

massive hugs to you.
it probably isn't anything you have 'done'....she may be scared as hell about her body and the fact that these hormones have taken her hostage and changing her every thought.

from my own experience although i would never 'push' my OH away intentionally there are times when i want to be insular to be completely still and alone to process what is happening with my body. yes i am growing a human that we both made, but what if that growing changes my appearance to beyond what my OH can handle? what if i change into something he doesn't want? I need him but also need him to be in the distance. to hug me and love me and kiss me and be my team mate as well as the person who is barely there as i need to be alone as it is a big thing to be happening on the inside.

talk to her, not on the defensive. ask her how she is, what her fears, thoughts and dreams are. reassure here that although she is changing everyday that you are still crazy about her and all those dreams you had for the future won't be forgotten just because you will be parents. You can still get out and conquer the world, you just need to have a hiatus first whilst you raise an amazing human.

you need to remain the constant, the rock, the king of her universe (despite the crumbling rejection and distance you feel right now) dig your heels in, stay the reliable source of affection that she needs and communicate. lots of love and strength, daddy! xoxo

 

[Charmed86]

As the others have said, be there for her & don't take it personally. I know when I am being a complete cow to my DH.. I can hear the words come out of my mouth & I know the anger is irrational, but there is literally nothing I can do to stop it! My DH tries to diffuse the situation by making me laugh, but it's a risky move & won't work for everyone! There have been occasions where it's made me worse too.. Just a disclaimer for you!

Show her that regardless of what she does & says, that you will still keep coming by & you won't give up on her. If you've both had rotten relationships in the past, then she might be feeling vulnerable and insecure so some reassurance might help

You've done the right thing by asking for help & hopefully things ease off for you soon! I know my hormones have levelled out slightly since getting past 20wks, but I am still sometimes a monster! Plus, I now have a bunch of new symptoms to deal with (round ligament pains, sleep deprivation, sore hips, acid reflux), they do make me ratty too.

You'll get your old girlfriend back, this is tough, but it does get easier

 

[bathbabe]

Honestly.... hormones when pregnant SUCK!!
You can go from happy to sad in a split second and it can be over nothing! Want something one second and not stand the sight of it the next!
Just try not to take it all to heart.
Try help in little ways like encouraging her to sit down and relax while you cook dinner, or offer to clean or... anything really that will allow her to relax without her feeling like shes being lazy even if its just taking her out for a meal.
Dont get angry with her, she really cant help it and I bet she doesnt even realised what shes doing most if the time and when she does I bet she feels awful.

Your fun loving girlfriend will come back it just might take a while x

 

[m nonie]

I think the advice here is pretty sound tbh, from a women's point of view it's horrible to feel so hormonal all the time and often it's the people we're closest to that get it in the neck. You kinda feel knackered all the time, it's damn scary, every body wants to give you advice (ive been stopped in new look and told that I really shouldn't be shopping on my own in case something happened) but I do think for me the worse bit is feeling a bit guilty as folk tell you it's a brilliant time and all I want to do is curl up and sleep.

The best thing you can do is be there for her, in some respects you may be the most difficult person to talk to as your daddy. I do realise that sounds weird but I tend to find I feel like I'm letting DH down. I'd take her to dinner and wine and dine her, sit and make a fuss over her.

As bad as this may sound pregnancy isn't easy on DHs, you guys do get forgotten but you just have to keep your head up and maybe if you have any friends that are going through the same sit and talk about it like a dad's group type of thing you may find it's very useful after baby is born .

 

[RiskyD]

Wow everyone, I didn't expect to get so much advice, i'm currently with her right now, she is laying by me in her side, we just got back from outside because she craved bacon and all I did was support her during her baby talk, and angryness over nothing, i'm trying to adjust, i'm happy that you all are helping me through this and i'll do my best to not take personnal any of her bad saying, i'm helping around the house and ask her if she wants anything and i noticed as long as I do that, i'm okay to her, basically, I should just be here as a baby sitter and sit on the couch leaving her in the corner until she asks for something or come to me by herself ?

 

[icklemonster]

I think a nice way of looking at it is the hormones are sent here to test us and prepare us for once baby arrives

I know the patience DH and I need with our 2 year old (who is relatively very well behaved) is absolutely huge. Getting used to a woman throwing hormonal unjustified tantrums is nothing compared to the crazy reasons a toddler will throw a tantrum (other week DD had a meltdown because we stopped her playing with a belt she had found in the wardrobe that she kept trying to tighten around her neck ) Also, things like sex become impossible most of the time, unless it's during nap time/sleep time. So no more impromptu fun on a saturday morning as peppa pig is a real mood killer

Please know what your OH is experiencing is entirely normal; I have been experiencing something very similar this pregnancy, and I love my DH to the moon and back. I just seem to have a funny way of showing it right now!