Father to be, need help from guys

[Koifish]

Wow everyone, I didn't expect to get so much advice, i'm currently with her right now, she is laying by me in her side, we just got back from outside because she craved bacon and all I did was support her during her baby talk, and angryness over nothing, i'm trying to adjust, i'm happy that you all are helping me through this and i'll do my best to not take p ersonnal any of her bad saying, i'm helping around the house and ask her if she wants anything and i noticed as long as I do that, i'm okay to her, basically, I should just be here as a baby sitter and sit on the couch leaving her in the corner until she asks for something or come to me by herself ?

For me this is basically yes, exactly what my hubby is doing.

He asks me how I feel, if I need anything and if I don't he let's me be until I call him for something. I hate being bothered, touched, snuggled, no sex, talking I just like to be in a bubble. I have gotten a lot better now in 3rd trimester but for me the entire pregnancy has been awful.

Hormones mess with you, they make you mean. They gave me food aversion so if she hates something she normally loves don't get mad it's really hard having food aversion and not liking any foods (if she gets this). It drove my husband crazy because he never knew what to make me.

You get a lot of aches, pains, lost sleep or no sleep, you feel sick, tired and really like a different person. I know I am being horrible and I feel horrible for it but I don't really mean it, it's just hard. It really is like a hostile take over. I personally will never understand how you "enjoy" pregnancy. For some women it's just not a great experience (but totally worth the reward).

Its hard I think for men to relate and understand.

My hubby just let's it roll off and let's me be, he checks up on me if I need anything and leaves me alone. He takes care of the house and pets because I just don't have the energy to do it. I love him to bits but you'd never know it with how awful and annoyed I have been and for no reason at all.

Just be there when she needs you, wait on her as needed and give her space. Keep the house clean and know inside the monster is the girl you love, she's just going through a lot. It will get better and you will have her back but you just have to go with it. Good luck

 

[RaquelDee]

Exactly, you really want to be looked after, but not crowded. In the first trimester, given that she's most likely nauseous and exhausted, she will want two things: food that doesn't make her feel sick (if anything falls in to this category) and a quiet and comfortable place to rest and maybe nap. She's probably not in a good place to be taking care of someone else's emotional needs.

You said in an earlier post that you guys have a cycle of her asking what's wrong, you denying anything is, then going for a cuddle and being upset that she doesn't reciprocate. The issue here is that she does care (she's asking what the matter is) and she can obviously pick up on your concerns or mood, but because you aren't really explaining it to her, she can't give you any verbal reassurance. And when you go for physical reassurance, it's the last thing she wants, so of course she will shrug you off - she's probably feeling pretty rotten and she doesn't need her boyfriend to be acting oddly and then getting in her space. So instead of going for a cuddle, show her that you care by looking after her - the babysitter thing is right.

You'll probably find that you'll get better at picking up on her cues. If she's mentioned that she's craving bacon, go stock up on that bacon. If she looks sleepy, go get her a pillow or a blanket - she'll really appreciate it all the moreso if you anticipate these things rather than waiting for her to ask.

 

[RiskyD]

Is ot bormal for her to act like that only towards me? She is cheerful around other peoples but me, she doesn't talk to me but talk to her friends.

 

[DoubleTFun]

yep..your the one who knocked her up, so you get the worst of it. It sucks, but it's how it works. I'm normally not too bad, but I know women who are and it's normally the significant other who gets the brunt of it.

 

[tallybee]

Alright, basically, i just ignore the mean stuff/talk she gives me and dont take them personnaly ? Its hard for me, i'm kinda emotionnal as a guy and its my first healthy relationship and for her too ( previous one was with an ex friend of mine and she was kinda there as a tool)

Yeah basically... I know it's not easy but she is goin through a lot and needs your support and understanding so much! It's all temporary and you will have your beautiful son or daughter together so worth it. Good luck

 

[RiskyD]

Yeah I guess, but it still makes me sad, when we go outside with her guy friend, she smiles more, talk more to him and joke around while im being left over most of the time, and seeing that, I get a down and when she asks me whats wrong, I tell her what is wrong and tells me to stop being like that, its jealousy.. I tell her yes, when your giving him as much attention, i mind, she is all cold toward me when we are alone but outside, its another person, im trying but it gets ib my head and it pisses me pff seeing her act like that with him and not me (its her bestfriend and is kinda his sister)

 

[Charmed86]

My husband has had the worst of it so far, but I am around him most of the time so that doesn't help get me on a bad day though & no one is safe! I know when my hormones are crazy & I tend to avoid the world tbh. It's not fair to inflict that on everyone else. I know her hormones are off, but that doesn't excuse everything. Even in my worst moments, I can acknowledge how my actions might affect the people around me. I hope things ease off for you soon. My hormones got a lot better around wk16, but I was still pretty unwell up until wk18 & that was tough on me. I still have my moments, but they are short lived compared to how they were at the beginning.

 

[WW1]

Yeah I guess, but it still makes me sad, when we go outside with her guy friend, she smiles more, talk more to him and joke around while im being left over most of the time, and seeing that, I get a down and when she asks me whats wrong, I tell her what is wrong and tells me to stop being like that, its jealousy.. I tell her yes, when your giving him as much attention, i mind, she is all cold toward me when we are alone but outside, its another person, im trying but it gets ib my head and it pisses me pff seeing her act like that with him and not me (its her bestfriend and is kinda his sister)

I apologise if this comes across as a little strong but, to me, what you're describing here suggests more about your insecurities than anything else. Do you trust your OH? I'm assuming it's yes so there's no need to be jealous. If my DH got stroppy when I had a laugh with my mates, I'd be cold towards him too! Honestly, you're likely to get the brunt of her moodiness but this will be worsened if you're hot and cold with her. If she wants a laugh with her friend, good for her!

It's lovely that you're trying to please her but maybe you're trying too hard? Give her some space and try not to second guess every action she makes - just be you. After all, that's what she fell for in the first place.

 

[RiskyD]

Yeah I guess, but it still makes me sad, when we go outside with her guy friend, she smiles more, talk more to him and joke around while im being left over most of the time, and seeing that, I get a down and when she asks me whats wrong, I tell her what is wrong and tells me to stop being like that, its jealousy.. I tell her yes, when your giving him as much attention, i mind, she is all cold toward me when we are alone but outside, its another person, im trying but it gets ib my head and it pisses me pff seeing her act like that with him and not me (its her bestfriend and is kinda his sister)

I apologise if this comes across as a little strong but, to me, what you're describing here suggests more about your insecurities than anything else. Do you trust your OH? I'm assuming it's yes so there's no need to be jealous. If my DH got stroppy when I had a laugh with my mates, I'd be cold towards him too! Honestly, you're likely to get the brunt of her moodiness but this will be worsened if you're hot and cold with her. If she wants a laugh with her friend, good for her!

It's lovely that you're trying to please her but maybe you're trying too hard? Give her some space and try not to second guess every action she makes - just be you. After all, that's what she fell for in the first place.

Maybe you're right, but it still hurts me to see she hasn't lost her conplicity with her friend while she lost it all with me. That's what its about for me.

I'll try my best to ignore her but I need some tips to block my heart to be able to resist and not get hurt

 

[ajarvis]

Think of early pregnancy like being hungover every day. Almost all of the day and for weeks. If not months in a row. Throw in angry hormones and it's a lot of fun!! ha. That being said you should still talk to her. Pregnancy isn't an excuse or reason to treat you like crap and make you feel bad about yourself, or your relationship. Sometimes mine will just make a joke, or make me smile and remind me to be reasonable. Cause honestly I'm really angry and unreasonable, and knowing so doesn't change acting so necessarily