Feel bad...so disappointed

[Willow01]

Just back from my 20 week scan to discover we are having a boy. Desperately wanted a girl. Feel absolutely terrible because I know we are blessed to be having a healthy baby and there are so many desperate couples out there trying for children with no luck. I keep reminding myself I should be thankful everything's ok but feel like I have lost my girl Had girl names sorted, looking forward to buying girls things... I feel terrible that I am not excited like what I feel I should be. Sorry to rant on just wanted to share my feelings with people I know I can confide in. Is it ok to feel like this? Now I'm worried I won't bond with the baby?

 

[babyhopes2010]

im sure ull bond fine with baby. this will be our last so im praying for a boy not bcos i dont want a girl but bcos i dont want to not ever have a son xx

 

[dollych]

It is ok to feel like you do. I was exactly the same when I found out we were expecting our second son. Devastated was an understatement and I felt so bad for feeling like that. I was convinced I was having a Girl and was so excited about the pregnancy before I found out it was a boy and after the 16 week scan I just didn't enjoy the pregnancy for about 3 months.
I cried so much and felt so down. I got a little better as the pregnancy went on, but I longed so much for a girl ( I wanted a girl with my first pregnancy) and didn't think I would get over it.
6 months later my boy is here and I just love him to bits and wouldn't change him for the world. Don't worry, you will feel better in time. Good luck xx

 

[onetwothreebp]

it is TOTALLY okay to feel the way you do, there is no shame in it. i am sorry you won't be getting a girl. i would recommend shopping though and picking out boy clothes, i know that can be fun and possibly help?

 

[Hotbump]

yes it's okay to feel like that hun.

 

[gk1701]

I could have written your post. I am mourning the loss of the little girl I had imagined. I feel so sad and so ungrateful because, like you said, so many people have problems having a baby at all or they don't have healthy babies. Plus I already have one girl so I really have no excuse to feel like this but I have been crying constantly since my scan on Friday. I can't make eye contact with my husband. I feel like I let everyone down. Yes, I know the man determines the sex, but I still feel like a failure. I miss the little girl that I won't have and I just don't want to buy boy things etc. In fact, even looking at boy clothes right now makes me sad. Everyone seems to think that we'll bond with our little boys once they come. And I'm sure they are right but I am just so sad right now. You're not the only one who feels this way. It's really hard, isn't it?

 

[maybebaby3]

it's ok to feel this way. We are here to support you xx

 

[Willow01]

Thanks so much for everyone's support. gk it is hard isn't it, it's been 2 days and still I feel exactly the same. We went shopping and nearly had tears in my eyes looking at the girl clothing, it's hard too because my other half was also hoping for a girl but now he's playing the 'I'm happy now that its a boy'. Every time I feel a kick I feel so terribly guilty. this much wanted baby is growing away inside me and I feel like this. I wish I could kick myself and tell myself to get over it but it honestly is hard.

 

[babyhopes2010]

is this ur first ?

 

[immy11]

I feel the exact same way, so guilty but i just can't help it. I'm pretending to be happy but i feel like crying. My scan was today, the ultrasound technician told us it was a girl i was so happy and then 5 minutes later she said woops sorry its a boy!!! Im so happy he's healthy but i wanted a girl so badly

 

[gk1701]

Thanks so much for everyone's support. gk it is hard isn't it, it's been 2 days and still I feel exactly the same. We went shopping and nearly had tears in my eyes looking at the girl clothing, it's hard too because my other half was also hoping for a girl but now he's playing the 'I'm happy now that its a boy'. Every time I feel a kick I feel so terribly guilty. this much wanted baby is growing away inside me and I feel like this. I wish I could kick myself and tell myself to get over it but it honestly is hard.

My husband is doing the same thing. He really wanted a girl but now he's saying he's happy with our boy. I don't feel like talking about my pregnancy any more to him or anyone else. I was so excited and hopeful and now I feel blah. And then I feel guilty for feeling blah.

 

[Misscalais]

Is this your 1st baby?
I never had a preference for my 1st child and even with my. 2nd didn't have an overwhelming preference but I did want a girl. My heart sunk when they told me boy. But I went out and bought him some cutesy boys things and got over it. My boys are healthy and happy.
Now TTC my third and I'm desperate for a girl. I have my two little men and its time for a little lady in our lives.
I fell pregnant with our third after 6 mths of trying and I was so nervous that I'd have another boy to the point where it consumed my every thought.
I lost my baby! I miscarried.
I feel like it might have been a boy and I wished it away!
So next time I'm just going to try and relax hope for a girl but all that matters is a healthy baby.
I don't want a girl just because of all the pretty things you can buy but I want that mother daughter bond. I want my hubby to have a daddy daughter bond. I want my boys to have a little sister to gush over and protect. I want to be mother of the bride, and be there when she has her babies. That's what I desperately want.
I have the most amazing boys and the things I get to share with them are amazing.
Boys are amazing
Chin up, I hope your little boy brings so much love and happiness to your life.

 

[mom2b2013]

I'm so sorry Willow, I can only imagine your disappointment. I will probably be in your shoes 3 weeks from now. I don't think there is anything wrong with the way you feel and you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. I've heard many stories about mothers who wanted a particular sex and gave birth to the opposite but then say they wouldn't want it any other way. Once the baby is born you will most likely feel different and have no trouble bonding with your little bubs.

 

[No1showgirl]

Hi Willow - I felt the same way you did when i found out i was having a boy! Gutted was an understatement!

However, now things are different - I have the most amazing, gentle, smiley little boy ever! I seriously think boys are less work, less complicated and more chilled out than little girls (from what i have heard /seen since getting mummy friends).

Your little boy will be AMAZING! xx

 

[babyhopes2010]

i think when u know itll be ur last,it hurts the most. iv got a beautiful girl id love a son too.
if this is a girl ill be upset thatll never have a son

 

[motherofboys]

Is this your 1st baby?

I feel like it might have been a boy and I wished it away!

I'm so scared of this exact thing. I'm desperate for a girl, but convinced we will only have boys. Whenever I get into the really strong feeling of hoping it's a girl, if I feel any cramps not long after I start to worry something will go wrong if it's a boy and whatever higher force out there things I don't want it.
I'm very sorry for your loss x

 

[MrsClark24]

You will bind with your baby don't worry. Give yourself time to get over the shock and disappointment, I was the same but the other way round. I wanted a boy and we are having a girl. I found out at 17w and, now at 35, I'm finally getting used to the idea of having my daughter.

It will happen, don't worry. You will love him the moment you see him. Boys are wonderful! xxxxx

 

[Ava Grace]

Totally feel the same honey. I'm expecting my 2nd boy and now I feel so guilty because I can't help but feel sad he isn't a girl

 

[Ghost]

I know how you feel too. This is my first and I was so desperately wanting a baby I thought I didn't mind. Then I got pregnant and a part of me longed for a little girl. I'm a biological only child but with two adopted siblings and I just wanted to replicate that closeness I have with my mother and had with my grandmother. I know boys are loving but It got me as because I won't neccessarily have that again. I beleived in my heart that I couldn't have any children so the fact that I'm pregnant now I fear I won't be able to have more or that little girl I dreamnt of.

That being said , dispite my dissapointment, I've come round to the idea. At my twenty week scan they said there was some issues with his kidney - at that point he was hiding his sex(and the next few scans!), and I remember thinking I really don't care whether he's boy or girl I just wanted him to be healthy or his kidney issues manageable. And after feeling him kicking me at 25 weeks onwards I'm already bonding with him. Ill always mourn the idea of my dream daughter but I'm going to have a little boy. I had foster siblings who were boys and I adored them. They're naughty and mischevious sometimes or just mummy's boys, theyre usually more independant than girls and when they hit teenage years itl be a whole different set of worries , but in the end it'll all be worth it.