Feel like I`m back to square one

[majored]

Hi Sarah, did you see my ticker?

I have been keeping it quiet but I got ' outed' on another thread cos someone looked at my fertility friend chart.

Really really worried though, as you can imagine.

I was at the Alex on Tuesday morning to see the diabetic nurse. First time I'd been there since jan, thought about going into the memorial garden, but I couldn't do it.

I'm at heartlands tomorrow having an early scan, so scared!

Hi Lisa, oh im so pleased for you both.......
I would also be very scared and worried if i was in the same position as you, however its only natural for you to feel like that. Im sure everyone has the same feelings.

Other than being worried how are you feeling i bet you were very pleased?

I still have Samuels ashes at the moment, i didnt want them in the memorial garden just in case we moved house. I then would be too far away if i wanted to visit.

How did you get on at heartlands?

Im taking some new tablets for my stomach which seems to be helping with the pain but the swelling is still there, which worries sick. Ive had to do a sample for them to test to see if i have helicobacter. slightly worried that it could be something else instead. If this comes back as normal, i may end up having to have a camera down & up. I cant cope with it all to tell you the truth......feed up with feeling stressed all the time and being in pain day in and day out. I wont know the results till Friday. ~i get worried about what they are going to think up next, i just wish i didnt worry but i have to take one day at a time.

im so happy for you really i am I wish i could be well and be there with you too.

take care xx

 

[Pink_Sparkle]

Congratulations! H&H 9 months xxx

 

[dancareoi]

Hi Sarah, sorry you are still not well.

Hopefully you will get some positive feedback on Friday and hopefully they will be able to find what the problem is and sort it for you, so you can get back on your feet properly and start looking ahead.

Scan last Friday was fine, so far so good and measuring to my dates. Still early days though. We have another scan at heartlands next wednesday. They will then scan me again on 10 th October.

I have an appointment in diabetic clinic at Alex on 8th October. The midwife came to see my Monday and I have scan at alex on 17 th oct.

Midwife asked what we were going to do about a nuchal scan. The Alex now do them but they only have 85% detection rate and if baby not in right place and they can't get a good luck, they won't try again, you then have to wait for results.

The last couple of times we have been to mums in Solihull for a private nuchal. Their detection rate is 97% and you get the results the same day.

Hubby is very reluctant to go back there as last December we had ns at 12 weeks and
They said how perfect it all was but a week later baby died. Somehow I think he blames them.

I did mention it to him yesterday but he doesn't want to think that far ahead yet. Just wants to take each step at a time. Next step is the second scan next wed.

I am now feeling very very tired each day and feeling sick most of the day as well. Seems to get worse as the days goes on.

I've been in studies the last 2 Tuesday's. Dd gymnastics has started up again at studies high school, so whilst she is doing that we have a carvery in the barley mow!

Look after yourself and let me know how you get on on Friday.

 

[dancareoi]

Hi Sarah, how did it go last week? Hope everything got sorted.

I am now officially back to square one again. Scan today showed no HB. Life is just so cruel.

 

[majored]

Hi Sarah, how did it go last week? Hope everything got sorted.

I am now officially back to square one again. Scan today showed no HB. Life is just so cruel.

Oh Lisa, im so sorry to hear your news. I just dont know what to say. Life at times is just so unfair. I really do feel for you.

Do you know if they will do any tests to see why this has happened? It can help when you know the answer but sometimes people just dont want to know. My SIL and MIL both lost 3, both had tests and both times they couldnt find anything wrong. I know why i lost Samuel which has helped me to understand things better.

Well my tests come back as normal, in one way i thought great and then i thought well what have i got. The dr is now trying to get me to have the camera. Well i know it needs to be done but getting it done is another thing. Im now having pain under my bottom right rib, which is above the swelling i have. That could indicate my gallbladder, however thats been scaned and is normal. So i keep going round and round at the moment. Wanting to get to the end of it all but just cant cope with it all. So back to the drs next week.

If you need a chat or just a cry im here. Please take care xx

 

[Andypanda6570]

Oh Lisa........... I am SO SO SO sorry. OMG I am almost in tears here. oh Lisa, i wish I could hug you. My heart is just broken for you. I am here lisa if you ever need to talk, I am just in shock right now. OXOXO

 

[dancareoi]

Hi Sarah, how did it go last week? Hope everything got sorted.

I am now officially back to square one again. Scan today showed no HB. Life is just so cruel.

Oh Lisa, im so sorry to hear your news. I just dont know what to say. Life at times is just so unfair. I really do feel for you.

Do you know if they will do any tests to see why this has happened? It can help when you know the answer but sometimes people just dont want to know. My SIL and MIL both lost 3, both had tests and both times they couldnt find anything wrong. I know why i lost Samuel which has helped me to understand things better.

Well my tests come back as normal, in one way i thought great and then i thought well what have i got. The dr is now trying to get me to have the camera. Well i know it needs to be done but getting it done is another thing. Im now having pain under my bottom right rib, which is above the swelling i have. That could indicate my gallbladder, however thats been scaned and is normal. So i keep going round and round at the moment. Wanting to get to the end of it all but just cant cope with it all. So back to the drs next week.

If you need a chat or just a cry im here. Please take care xx

Thanks Sarah, glad your tests were all ok, but it seems never ending doesn't it?

You are so right, life is so unfair.

I have to go to heartlands for dnc tomorrow, so will be glad when all that is over.

Really worried now that Dh won't let us try again, I just can't bear it. I need to keep on trying and trying until I get my rainbow.

The baby shaped hole in my heart needs filling and I just can't let it go.

 

[Pink_Sparkle]

I am so so sorry you are going through this again. Big hugs to you xxx

 

[dancareoi]

I am so so sorry you are going through this again. Big hugs to you xxx

Thank you for your kind words.

Sorry for your loss too, it is so hard isn't it?

 

[Pink_Sparkle]

I am so so sorry you are going through this again. Big hugs to you xxx

Thank you for your kind words.

Sorry for your loss too, it is so hard isn't it?

Thanks hun, its very hard. Life is so cruel and unfair. I see youve had a few losses already, if anyone deserves a rainbow its you. Freya took us a long time to conceive (4 years) we really thought that this was 'our time' when we got past the 12 weeks stage we thought we were safe This was my first and only pregnancy. We miss Freya so so much, no baby will ever replace her but we desperately want a rainbow xxx

 

[dancareoi]

I am so so sorry you are going through this again. Big hugs to you xxx

Thank you for your kind words.

Sorry for your loss too, it is so hard isn't it?

Thanks hun, its very hard. Life is so cruel and unfair. I see youve had a few losses already, if anyone deserves a rainbow its you. Freya took us a long time to conceive (4 years) we really thought that this was 'our time' when we got past the 12 weeks stage we thought we were safe This was my first and only pregnancy. We miss Freya so so much, no baby will ever replace her but we desperately want a rainbow xxx

We are lucky that we do have 3 beautiful children already, but that doesn't make the loss any easier,

It seems even crueller to be trying for so long for you to conceive your first for her then to be taken from you.

On the miscarriage support forum I have posted a poem called an angel never dies, it has beautiful words, you should try and look for it, although it makes me cry it is comforting as well.

Nothing will replace the loss, but a rainbow goes a long long way to helping. I know because my third is a rainbow and is surely is the most wonderful things that has been created.

 

[majored]

Hi Sarah, how did it go last week? Hope everything got sorted.

I am now officially back to square one again. Scan today showed no HB. Life is just so cruel.

Oh Lisa, im so sorry to hear your news. I just dont know what to say. Life at times is just so unfair. I really do feel for you.

Do you know if they will do any tests to see why this has happened? It can help when you know the answer but sometimes people just dont want to know. My SIL and MIL both lost 3, both had tests and both times they couldnt find anything wrong. I know why i lost Samuel which has helped me to understand things better.

Well my tests come back as normal, in one way i thought great and then i thought well what have i got. The dr is now trying to get me to have the camera. Well i know it needs to be done but getting it done is another thing. Im now having pain under my bottom right rib, which is above the swelling i have. That could indicate my gallbladder, however thats been scaned and is normal. So i keep going round and round at the moment. Wanting to get to the end of it all but just cant cope with it all. So back to the drs next week.

If you need a chat or just a cry im here. Please take care xx

Thanks Sarah, glad your tests were all ok, but it seems never ending doesn't it?

You are so right, life is so unfair.

I have to go to heartlands for dnc tomorrow, so will be glad when all that is over.

Really worried now that Dh won't let us try again, I just can't bear it. I need to keep on trying and trying until I get my rainbow.

The baby shaped hole in my heart needs filling and I just can't let it go.

Hi Lisa, Sometimes i wonder why life throws things like this at us. It gives us life, hope, joy to then take it away from us and make our world come falling down at our feet. Is it to make us stronger or was there something wrong? However its all just so unfair.

I so much wanted another but i dont think i can/could do it all again. I admire all women that can do it again, they are like YOU alot stronger than iam.

I hope you get on ok at the hospital and you are well. I know it may sound harsh but when i found out that i had lost Samuel i felt i couldnt carry him anymore. That space inside me was for him to be safe and grow but he wasnt growing. I felt i needed it to be over and the only was was to deliver him as soon as i could, i didnt want to wait about. I found that time very hard to deal with. I know not everybody thinks like that.

You may need to give Dh time he may come round if you think about trying again.

I really do feel for you and my memories of how i felt are still very fresh in my mind.


Please take Lisa God bless your little angels.

 

[dancareoi]

Hi Sarah, how did it go last week? Hope everything got sorted.

I am now officially back to square one again. Scan today showed no HB. Life is just so cruel.

Oh Lisa, im so sorry to hear your news. I just dont know what to say. Life at times is just so unfair. I really do feel for you.

Do you know if they will do any tests to see why this has happened? It can help when you know the answer but sometimes people just dont want to know. My SIL and MIL both lost 3, both had tests and both times they couldnt find anything wrong. I know why i lost Samuel which has helped me to understand things better.

Well my tests come back as normal, in one way i thought great and then i thought well what have i got. The dr is now trying to get me to have the camera. Well i know it needs to be done but getting it done is another thing. Im now having pain under my bottom right rib, which is above the swelling i have. That could indicate my gallbladder, however thats been scaned and is normal. So i keep going round and round at the moment. Wanting to get to the end of it all but just cant cope with it all. So back to the drs next week.

If you need a chat or just a cry im here. Please take care xx

Thanks Sarah, glad your tests were all ok, but it seems never ending doesn't it?

You are so right, life is so unfair.

I have to go to heartlands for dnc tomorrow, so will be glad when all that is over.

Really worried now that Dh won't let us try again, I just can't bear it. I need to keep on trying and trying until I get my rainbow.

The baby shaped hole in my heart needs filling and I just can't let it go.

Hi Lisa, Sometimes i wonder why life throws things like this at us. It gives us life, hope, joy to then take it away from us and make our world come falling down at our feet. Is it to make us stronger or was there something wrong? However its all just so unfair.

I so much wanted another but i dont think i can/could do it all again. I admire all women that can do it again, they are like YOU alot stronger than iam.

I hope you get on ok at the hospital and you are well. I know it may sound harsh but when i found out that i had lost Samuel i felt i couldnt carry him anymore. That space inside me was for him to be safe and grow but he wasnt growing. I felt i needed it to be over and the only was was to deliver him as soon as i could, i didnt want to wait about. I found that time very hard to deal with. I know not everybody thinks like that.

You may need to give Dh time he may come round if you think about trying again.

I really do feel for you and my memories of how i felt are still very fresh in my mind.


Please take Lisa God bless your little angels.

Thank you Sarah,

It is all over now. I know how you feel about wanting it over, that is how I have felt each time.

We have asked the hospital to deal with everything from now on, it may sound cold but we don't want anymore to do with it now, which is how we were the first time it happened.

After January and giving birth and having a funeral, we could not go through that again.

I am a strong person and I have been heartbroken once again, but i need to try again as soon as possible. Odds are it could happen again, but I have to take that risk.

I am going to an acupuncturist in 2 weeks time and have 7 sessions booked with him. He specialises in fertility and miscarriage and I am hoping that he can help.

God bless all our beautiful little angels

 

[majored]

Hi Sarah, how did it go last week? Hope everything got sorted.

I am now officially back to square one again. Scan today showed no HB. Life is just so cruel.

Oh Lisa, im so sorry to hear your news. I just dont know what to say. Life at times is just so unfair. I really do feel for you.

Do you know if they will do any tests to see why this has happened? It can help when you know the answer but sometimes people just dont want to know. My SIL and MIL both lost 3, both had tests and both times they couldnt find anything wrong. I know why i lost Samuel which has helped me to understand things better.

Well my tests come back as normal, in one way i thought great and then i thought well what have i got. The dr is now trying to get me to have the camera. Well i know it needs to be done but getting it done is another thing. Im now having pain under my bottom right rib, which is above the swelling i have. That could indicate my gallbladder, however thats been scaned and is normal. So i keep going round and round at the moment. Wanting to get to the end of it all but just cant cope with it all. So back to the drs next week.

If you need a chat or just a cry im here. Please take care xx

Thanks Sarah, glad your tests were all ok, but it seems never ending doesn't it?

You are so right, life is so unfair.

I have to go to heartlands for dnc tomorrow, so will be glad when all that is over.

Really worried now that Dh won't let us try again, I just can't bear it. I need to keep on trying and trying until I get my rainbow.

The baby shaped hole in my heart needs filling and I just can't let it go.

Hi Lisa, Sometimes i wonder why life throws things like this at us. It gives us life, hope, joy to then take it away from us and make our world come falling down at our feet. Is it to make us stronger or was there something wrong? However its all just so unfair.

I so much wanted another but i dont think i can/could do it all again. I admire all women that can do it again, they are like YOU alot stronger than iam.

I hope you get on ok at the hospital and you are well. I know it may sound harsh but when i found out that i had lost Samuel i felt i couldnt carry him anymore. That space inside me was for him to be safe and grow but he wasnt growing. I felt i needed it to be over and the only was was to deliver him as soon as i could, i didnt want to wait about. I found that time very hard to deal with. I know not everybody thinks like that.

You may need to give Dh time he may come round if you think about trying again.

I really do feel for you and my memories of how i felt are still very fresh in my mind.


Please take Lisa God bless your little angels.

Thank you Sarah,

It is all over now. I know how you feel about wanting it over, that is how I have felt each time.

We have asked the hospital to deal with everything from now on, it may sound cold but we don't want anymore to do with it now, which is how we were the first time it happened.

After January and giving birth and having a funeral, we could not go through that again.

I am a strong person and I have been heartbroken once again, but i need to try again as soon as possible. Odds are it could happen again, but I have to take that risk.

I am going to an acupuncturist in 2 weeks time and have 7 sessions booked with him. He specialises in fertility and miscarriage and I am hoping that he can help.

God bless all our beautiful little angels

Hi Lisa, hoping your ok and thinking about you. xx

 

[Kelly9]

So sorry to hear you have another angel

 

[dancareoi]

Just popping in to let you know my rainbow girl , Caitlin Erin, is 2 weeks old today.

 

[helloeveryone]

So pleased to hear about your rainbow little girl...injoy every moment of the sleepless night , Time flys so quickly.. Xxxx

 

[Kelly9]

That's awesome mine is 6 months

 

[lovelylaura]

congratulations on your rainbow xx

 

[Andypanda6570]

Just popping in to let you know my rainbow girl , Caitlin Erin, is 2 weeks old today.

OMG Lisa , I am SOOoooooooooooooooo excited and happy for you..
You SO deserved her... All my love, congrats and give her kisses from me..

XOXOXOXOOOXOXO