Feel sad that more people arent willing to give bf a go..

Discussion in 'Breastfeeding' started by GypsyDancer, Nov 15, 2011.

  1. GypsyDancer

    GypsyDancer Mummy to Zach <3

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    Firstly..Not a dig at those ff..

    But i went round "mil" earlier and her neice who is a year older than myself is pregnant and due in a few months..Mil mentioned that she isnt going to breastfeed just going straight to the bottle..

    Im not entirely surprised as none of OH's family have ever breastfed..his mum or his aunty never did..his nan didnt..she even advised me to stop after a few weeks..luckily oh has been incredibly supportive with me bf after i talked him round and he is very pro it now..i dont think he wants me to stop :haha:ever!

    I suppose part of me hoped she would have noticed that ive breastfed lo and consider it..because i know just how much it has benefited my LO..i have such a passion about breastfeeding now and i feel really dissapointed that she isnt even willing to give it a go..I feel sad that because none of her family have ever been willing to breastfeed..that she isnt even going to give it a try..I just want to message her telling her she should try it! But i doubt itd go down well..she never seems to talk to me when i see her..

    I just feel dissapointed that its still seen as something that some women just dont want to even try..not even once..they just think its disgusting..i cant understand it :nope:
     
  2. HellBunny

    HellBunny Guest

    I think alot of it is due to lack of education to be honest.
    I was one of those who didn't try it with my little boy, i'd never been around anyone who breastfed and all my family find it disgraceful!
    I've since bettered my knowledge and am 100% going to this time round, i just wish i'd of known more before.
    You could always bring it up when you next see her? x
     
  3. GypsyDancer

    GypsyDancer Mummy to Zach <3

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    Yeh i think your right with the lack of education i know it isnt her fault if none of her family have ever bf..she's just following what she knows and what shes been told..i just wish she'd give it a try..just a tryyy..i foiund that when i was pregnant..i researched tons about breastfeeding though..but then again i was a saddo and had too much time on my hands :blush:
    I suppose i was lucky as my mum breastfed me and my brother..however her mum didnt bf her..
    Tbh i dont know if i'll see her..she lives nearby but i never see her..im slightly tempted to message her..but i really dont think she'd be impressed..id come across as preaching no doubt :haha:

    No doubt her nan (oh's nan too) has told her to ff and not bother breastfeeding:dohh:
     
  4. Nervous_1

    Nervous_1 Well-Known Member

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    While I don't understand this attitude either, I do understand that bfing isn't for everyone. I equally come from a family where bfing is taboo but I don't try and make them understand me. If someone wanted to try it I would be supportive and offer advice, but at the end of the day it's up tp them.
     
  5. HellBunny

    HellBunny Guest

    yeah it doesn't really help matters if family aren't supportive :( mine will hit the roof when they ask what milk i am using and i say breastmilk/breastfeeding, they won't put me off though! :)
    I didn't even get asked how i was feeding J last time! lol, when they found out i had GD every appointment was hospital based and we just focused on that, and induction etc, so i really wish i'd of looked into it more, but i believed my mum (i hate to sound like i'm being awful) as she said some awful things about it, and i listened as i knew no different x
     
  6. MommyMoore503

    MommyMoore503 Mommy of 2 girls

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    My first two were ff due to a prolactinoma but this pregnancy I'm happy to report the tumor is gone. That being said, I realized early on that the option to breastfeed was available this time. It's always made me feel very uncomfortable and in the past I would quickly push the idea out of my head. Within the past 6 months I've really challenged myself as to why I feel this way. Afterall, breastfeeding has been around forever. I started realizing that it's a combination of a lack of exposure, education on the topic, and the fact that the more recent generations are exposed to breasts purely as sexual objects, thus making the idea of having LO latching to them seem awkward and violating. I've never had a harder time forcing myself to explore such uncomfortable feelings but I'm proud to say I'll be giving it a go this time. I won't know how I'll react until LO is here but I'm praying that the feelings of modesty, and the separation between sexual objects and providing for my baby will all work themselves out. The ladies on this site have made all the difference for me and I appreciate you all opening up about it being so taboo. Can't wait until I can post threads here asking for advice!!
    Please excuse any typos, doing this all from my cell. Hugs to all you breastfeeding moms! And thanks for the support you give us newbies!!
     
  7. DarlingMe

    DarlingMe Well-Known Member

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    Book I am reading says that something like 90% of women who BF longer than 2 weeks have college degrees and are middle class or higher. It states specifically that lack of education is a main reason people don't BF.
     
  8. Ozzieshunni

    Ozzieshunni Guest

    Interesting, but does that take into consideration countries like Africa where formula isn't widely available?
     
  9. DarlingMe

    DarlingMe Well-Known Member

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    Lol no! The stats are regarding Western cultures, specifically the US. it talks about countries like Sweden where virtually everyone breastfeeds and they are a Western culture. It also talks about maternity leave and income beig an issue for people. If they have to go back to work and can't afford to stay home, they are less likely to BF. Where someone in the upper class who is financially secure or in Sweden where they get several months paid off they would be more like to BF. Its called Milk, Money, & Madness. It was written almost 15 years ago, I would love if they wrote an updated version!
     
  10. chichestermum

    chichestermum mummy of 2 :)

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    she might give it a go in the hospital when they go on about the first few drops of colostrum being the best etc, she may like it so much and continue, never know, is she a slim person who loves her slim figure? try messaging her explaining the benefits for her! that may switch her thoughts a little, or just message her and just say that you know she is planning on FF and although you find nothiing wrong with it, that if she did want to have more info about breastfeeding or exclusively expressing for a few weeks to give her baby a boost of immunity to protect baby from all the bugs and illnesses that visitors are bringing in when they visit that you will be more than happy to answer any questions. Try to get her into thinking about BF for a short term first, 6 months + can seem daunting!
    I was uneducated about BF with my eldest and at first i was set on FF then the midwife started saying how BF would be protecting my baby from all the nasties that visitors bring with them in those first few weeks and that BF meant that when people were visiting and taking over with the baby i had an excuse to get her back, i thought about it and decided to try out BF for the first few weeks, as i looked more and more into it i started feeling more and more confident and in the end wanted to BF fully until LO was ready to stop, unfortuantely my eldest wouldnt latch, she point blank refused so i ended up expressing for her. But it just goes to show that it is possible to change somebodys mind even when they are set on it. and even if she still decides to FF then at least you know that she made an educated decision about it and not just went with what she knows xxx
     
  11. Palestrina

    Palestrina Well-Known Member

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    I know how frustrating it is to have people around you who view BF as an alien concept. I also think that we as mothers who are benefiting from BF have an opportunity and a responsibility to spread the word about BF. Who else will? Doctors doesn't seem to give a fig about helping women BF, and the general public is misguided about it. None of my friends are pregnant right now but if one does get pregnant I will be sure to pass along some information. Call it preaching if you like but information needs to spread.

    One thing I like to tell people very often is that pumps are tax deductible. That really gets people's ears perked up. If someone comments on how much weight I've lost since having baby I say "that's one of my favorite perks of BF!" If someone comments on how big LO has gotten I say "can you believe it's only on mommy's milk?!" Every chance I get I inject the role that BF plays in our lives. Some may find it annoying but I really feel like it's my duty to be out in the open about it.

    I can see you're itching to reach out to this woman. I don't think it's wrong to do so, what's the worst that can happen? You already don't seem to have much of a relationship so what's at risk? You may come off as annoying to her but that's a ridiculous thing in itself. Imagine, we live in a world where a woman is considered annoying or a boobie nazi just because she's BF her child - the notion is preposterous so I can't take anyone seriously for thinking it of me.

    Friends of mine that were successful nursers didn't ask me if I was intending to BF or not, they just gave me the info. They acted very nonchalantly as if BF is a norm, not an exception and gave me advice whether I asked for it or not. It made my consideration of BF really easy. You can send her a message saying "it was good to see you the other day, congratulations on your bump! I can't wait to meet your LO, imagine our LOs can play together one day. I know how hard pregnancy and first-time motherhood can be so please give me a ring anytime if you need some advice or just need a good mommy chat. I also attend a BF support group and you're welcome to tag along with me at our next meeting, expectant mothers are always in attendance."
     
  12. Eliza_V

    Eliza_V Wife and Mummy!

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    I can kind of see it from both sides here.

    When I was pregnant, I was pretty sure I wasn't going to breastfeed. Don't get me wrong, I was never against it or anything, but I had such a strange relationship with my breasts.. They have always been too big for my size (I'm an 8-10 atm and in a 28J, which is too small!) and my family would take the mick out of them (some in a nasty way, my nasty Nan said I'd look like Jordan on my wedding day, and made me out to be some sort of tart and acted like I "had them out" all the time :cry:) and men just wouldn't take me seriously. ("You have a degree in Medical Science.. Really? YOU?" *looks at breasts*). Given the way I felt about them, the last thing I wanted to do was put them in LOs mouth, or especially feed in front of anyone or try and feed discreetly in public! Also, what put me off again was the way the midwives were shoving it down my throat.. Especially the one who started saying it could prevent breast cancer, and I snapped at her as both my Mum and my Nan have had it, and when I asked which type, she just kept repeating herself.. I just lost it with her and said if it's a hereditary type and I'm genetically predisposed to get it anyway, whether I BF or not wont make the slightest bit of difference, and she had a cheek throwing that in my face! Due to previous bouts of severe depression as well, I was petrified of failing at it and heading on another downward spiral, so part of me just didn't want to try and all so I wouldn't fail. Also, the lack of support for BF mothers is diabolical.. GPs and HVs seem to push the bottle if you ask for help, despite the fact BF has been pushed on you all through pregnancy! It's confusing for new mothers.

    However, when people actually left me alone about it (after snapping at numerous people), and I was left to my own devices, that was when I started looking into it again. I always knew the health benefits etc, but I started looking at the practicalities off my own back, and how I could get over the emotional issues. I finally settled on giving it a try in the hospital (with bottles in my bag as a back-up in case BF failed and I was in for a longer stay), and I went home BFing. The first few weeks were a nightmare, as I was in horrific pain from infected/burst open stiches and couldn't even sit down, and my nipples felt like they were being ripped off and I cried at every feed, but for some reason I carried on. 3 and a half months later and still feeding, and still wanting to give up at every growth spurt! :haha: When the time comes (whenever that may be) I will find it really hard to stop now.

    So yeah, a big turn-around for me. I can understand why some people don't want to do it, as breasts are so sexualised nowadays, that it can be seen as "disgusting" (which I think is a real shame) and people who have body issues will naturally find it harder as well. And there are emotional issues with potentially "failing". But at the same time, I do agree that it would be great if people just gave it a go! But I would never push it on anyone if they say they don't want to do it; people doing it to me nearly stopped me even trying it at all :flower:
     
  13. lisaf

    lisaf Super tired new mom

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    I get sad too, all you can do is offer information though without being condescending/pushy.
    You could ask her genuinely why she's not considering it, not in a pushy 'how on earth could you not consider it' way but in a 'I'm interested to understand why a person would pass up on the benefits' way. And open the topic up from there.

    And honestly what was more motivating to me were the benefits to ME for BFing... the convenience etc... the health benefits to my LO were the cherry on top, and it is really neat to think he is sustained by my body still even outside the womb. I was hoping for a magic-bullet for weight loss (that didn't exactly happen but I eat whatever I want and am slowly losing a few lbs, lol). The money savings too were a major factor. Its not that we couldn't afford it, but the hassle of running to the store, running out, buying more, dealing with any recalls, all for something my body can make for free?
     
  14. ashley2pink

    ashley2pink Mom to 4 girls

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    Its so true that having a breastfeeding support system goes a long way. I was the first in my family to breastfeed. I was the first of my siblings to have a baby, but my mom didnt breastfeed us nor was she breastfed, nor was my Dad. When my sisters had babies they came to me for help and told me they wanted to breastfeed their babies too. They have breastfed their kids for at least a year each. My younger sister is still nursing her 13 month old and plans to 18 months and said its because I nurse mine to 2 yrs. so she realizes that it is okay, actually very good to nurse past 12 months.
    I'm just confused why someone wouldnt give bf'ing even a try. They say they just dont want to, but I can't understand why.
     
  15. lisaf

    lisaf Super tired new mom

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    my friend who didn't want to worked on a dairy farm... and felt like she didn't want to be another milk cow :haha: That explanation I could almost understand, lol. But actually she was sort of tempted to try it but her family told her it was disgusting and gross and not to and she felt like she couldn't do it without their support since they would just make it hard on her when they came over or she visited etc.
     
  16. aliss

    aliss Well-Known Member

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    It's hard for me to understand either. I come from a very pro-BF culture - well, not so much "pro-BF" but formula is not considered except for real medical problems. When my friend chose to go straight to the bottle with her 2nd son (she had problems with her 1st), I admit most of us girls were quite shocked by the idea. It was very alien to us. But it was her choice. When I ended up having to supplement and FF, she was the only one who could help me. My own mother had never used a bottle and the nurses weren't calling me back so I had no choice...

    The idea of sexualized breasts doesn't even compute in my brain but I married an ass man and have no boobs :rofl:
     
  17. Ozzieshunni

    Ozzieshunni Guest

    My DH's his boobs :rofl: and says Alex is renting them.
     
  18. TeresaG

    TeresaG Mummy to a little girl

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    I find it quite hard to understand too. My mum breastfed us and I am still breastfeeding my 14 month old little girl. I am hoping that she will self wean when she is ready. I think that it really helps to have a supportive partner and family when it comes to breastfeeding. I also found a breastfeeding support group and have had lots of help and advice from them. I found the first few weeks really hard and at times I was tempted to give up but having that help and support was wonderful and I carried on.

    I think that it is harder to breastfeed if it is alien to you or if you don't have support. My DH's family are not at all supportive but luckily DH is. My DH's sister did not BF any of her three sons and told me that it is disgusting and unnatural. I didn't understand that at all. My MIL hasn't been that suportive either but I think part of that is that she would like me to have left LO with her when she was tiny and she would have been able to give her a bottle.

    There are so many benefits to breastfeeding and I don't think that people are aware of them all. With a little help and support it can be quite easy and I am so glad that I perservered. I do feel sad that people don't give it a try.
     
  19. lisaf

    lisaf Super tired new mom

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    My DH has talked to my boobs and said he can't wait until I stop BFing so he can have them back :haha:
    He's too afraid to touch them right now for fear of squirting :rofl:
     
  20. Ozzieshunni

    Ozzieshunni Guest

    Mine won't touch them at all during sex. What's weird is I'm actually uncomfortable with him touching them :shrug:
     

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