Feel selfish

[torch2010]

I have 2, beautiful, gorgeous, intelligent, perfect, healthy little girls. DD1 is 9 and DD2 is 16 months. I also have a son but he lives in heaven. He was stillborn at 25+5 weeks in 2010. When I was pregnant with DD2 I prayed, begged for her to be a girl. I wasn't in the right mind frame to have another boy just yet.

I am currently 16 weeks pregnant with another baby. I have prayed, begged and even cried. I so want a baby boy to complete our family. I just can't imagine having another girl. I keep saying as long as the baby is healthy then it doesn't matter and I know that if it is a girl then I will love her but my arms ache so badly for a boy, I feel empty not having a little boy running around.

I have avoided booking an early gender scan as I just can't handle knowing yet. We will find out but only at our 20 week scan. I want to know so badly so I can prepare myself either way.

I feel selfish and so upset when I write it all down. I don't know if what I feel is normal

 

[Eleanor ace]

. You're not selfish AT ALL for feeling this way. A lot of people long for a child of one gender but I can't imagine how much stronger that urge must be when you have lost a child of that gender. Please don't feel bad for feeling the way you do. When is your 20 week scan? x

 

[MeAndMyShadow]

Hugs hun...hope you get your little boy, so sorry for your loss xx

 

[torch2010]

Thank you so much for understanding and not judging. Gender disappointment is awful I feel terrible about it. We got to hear baby's heartbeat today and it brought it all home. Ofcourse another girl would be lovely, I have everything I could ever need for a girl but my arms ache for a little lad in my life. It's hard to get my head around xx

 

[maybebaby3]

your feelings are understandable. I hope you get your blue bundle xxx

 

[LoraLoo]

I completely understand that, its very normal! We lost Eve at 5 days old, when I fell pregnant my main concern was that the baby would be healthy, but I also ached for another baby girl. I'd have been over joyed with a boy but it scared me to think I might not ever get a baby girl again, not get to do all the girly things i had planned and dreamt of. We did have a girl, I cried at the scan. Since then we have also had a baby boy, and also lost another baby boy 18 weeks in to the pregnancy. We are currently TTC xx