Feeling ambivalent

C

ChocLover

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For years I wasn't sure if I wanted to have a baby or if motherhood was for me. I've finally come to the conclusion that I do want this.

I was going to tcc in March and I was really excited about this. Yesterday I found out I have to wait another cycle (April) before we try because of certain tests that need to get done first to clear me of an infection I was recently treated for. I was really disappointed because I was getting so excited about trying.

I've been reading a lot on here.

I guess what I want to say is - I don't think I feel the same way as a lot of ladies do about ttc. Im not really "ambivalent" - it IS something I want and certainly something DH wants but.. A part of me feels "if it happens it happens, if it doesn't it doesn't".

It's not that I'm equally fine with both outcomes. I want to get pregnant. I just feel that if it doesn't happen that's ok too. I might consider the extra treatments you can do - but not to the point where it becomes a financial strain or an all engulfing pursuit.

I've liked reading these forums because I am an avid information gatherer .. But I feel like I don't belong here because I don't feel as emotionally invested in the outcome as a lot of the ladies do.

Does anyone else feel this way? They want pregnancy and they'd like to talk to others on the journey - but it's not as intense a thing as it is for many here?
 

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