Feeling completely ashamed for being pregnant again.. (Update - Told my mother)

[MyFavSurprise]

I want to be happy and enjoy my pregnancy, I want to feel good about it like I should be able to. I'm still having trouble with the idea of telling my mom, and we are still stuck in a lease with her for half a year.. My husband told me laat night that she's been making comments while I'm not around about money. Apparently he was joking with her one day and she said "you don't mess with the person that pays the rent". I am soo irate hearing that, because when we moved with her we all made an agreement on what we would be paying and we always pay that plus bills on time, and we are the only ones who buy groceries for our 5 person household and that is plenty expensive and easily makes up the rest of the rent that she pays. We moved with her because she was all alone and it saves all of us money, including her, but all she does is rub money in our faces and act like we are an inconvenience to her. I am SO tired of it..

We are starting to look into buying our own house when this lease is up and making the garage into rooms for his family because they would love to live with us and be around the kids and help if need be. I'm tired of being made to feel like we aren't capable of having our own life and we "need" her and its such a problem for her. I'm so finished with this. And now at this beautiful time in our lives where we're adding to our family again, I've got to deal with her negativity and I really don't want anything to do with it. Part of me wants to move out while she's at work one day and stay with his family in their 2 bedroom until this lease is up so we can keep paying the rent for her. Part of the issue is that she is bipolar and even with the medication she is all over the place. I really am just done with the stress and ready to just say if you wont respect us then we don't want to live with you and we don't need your money.

I'm having vivid and horrible nightmares every night and all day I'm just miserable and not at all connected to this pregnancy. Sometimes she says she wants to live with us and sometimes she acts like its a burden and why should we be made to feel like we're a burden? I'm just so tired of being miserable. I want to be happy about this. My husband and I fight more, I rarely know how far along I am in the pregnancy until I see my ticker.. It's just not fair..but as my mom would say, "well, life isn't fair"

DH's family never complains about helping with the kids or being around us, his mom even folded our laundry when we lived together...I was so afraid that they thought I was incapable of being a good mother when I let his mom hold the baby or watch our older boy, turns out she loved it and can't get enough.. I was afraid that when they told me to leave the dishes in the sink I was being lazy or taking advantage, and it turns out his family is really all about helping..and we help them with money when they need it or car rides or appointments, I make phone calls to help or read mail because English is not their first language..and they are so happy all having each other..and thats what I want in our lives, nobody thinking things are one sided, because they aren't.. everybody helping everybody.. His mom told us our baby is a blessing, and have more kids while you can and she wants to watch them at night while I get a part time job because I am not even working right now.. I am so finished with the bs. I want to move on.

 

[mum2b2010]

Sending you a hug and whilst I'm not in the same situation I can empathise somewhat...currently expecting number 3 and afraid to tell my mum (who minds my other 2 daughters when Im working) as afraid of the negativity and backlash. She constantly tells me 2 is max any woman should have (Im her 3rd ) If I had any advice I would recommend organising a place all of your own if thats financially feasible, enjoy support of your in laws and try enjoy your pregnancy as much as possible, you won't get this time back.

 

[MyFavSurprise]

Thank you so much, I'm sorry you're in a fairly similar situation, it is so hard to be happy when someone close to you is not. I can't deal with the stress and guilt anymore so we are about to just get it over with and tell her right now when she gets out of the shower. Sadly we will be in this lease with her until a month before I'm due, I figure if it's that horrible maybe we can live in his parent's living room for a while and pay the rent here. She seems to be in a good mood today and has been talking about how this Christmas is going to be so cute with our two boys. I figure it's a good of time as any

 

[MyFavSurprise]

Well jeez, all of my worry for nothing, she is excited lol. She was more upset that we said we would move out!

 

[mum2b2010]

Ah thats brilliant MyFavsurprise...hopefully my mum might surprise us too but I'm doubtful. I wont see her for 2 weeks and right now going to focus on all my babies and my dh and think positive vibes....

 

[MyFavSurprise]

Awh, I hope it goes better than you expect as well. I know how nerve-wracking it is.. is there another option for childcare if she isn't thrilled? For me it made it easier to say "we know you probably wont be too happy but we found out we're having another one and so we will be moving when the lease is up", giving her and myself another option, in case that would be the main reason for her struggle to accept it. Wishing you luck and strength! Our lives are ours and you have nothing to be sorry for in having another baby...even though I know it's hard to hold onto that thought.

 

[justplay91]

Glad it went better than expected! That's a wonderful surprise. We spent the weekend with my family and it was a lot of fun. I kept wanting to tell them, but I just couldn't. I didn't want to ruin the fun. I know at this point my mom will be upset that we didn't tell her sooner. I just don't know how to say it now!

 

[MyFavSurprise]

Hahaha I know what you mean, my mom was like "I'm the LAST to know???" We were like "well we thought you'd be upset!!" Lol.. I had to get it out of the way, I planned on keeping it until 12 weeks from everyone else but I never can.. I just get too excited. Some family doesn't know yet though!!