Feeling Hopeless

[NeedSomeLuckT]

My husband and I have been TTC for #1 for 15 months now. I have been trying so hard to be strong but I have reached my breaking point. I needed an outlet so thought I would give this group a try. I find myself crying on nights out with the girls or in conversation with my hubby and its getting crazy, I'm an emotional wreck and feel like people think I'm losing it because they can't relate, all of my friends pride themselves that they're husbands sneeze on them and their pregnant

I went for an HSG test on Aug 2 and the radiologist said my left tube was blocked, we went for our follow up and the fertility doctor disagreed so now I have to go back for another HSG at the end of the month to confirm one way or the other (crazy!). At this point it seems as if the first test may have messed with my cycle because my OPK's have all been negative and I usually ovulate anywhere from cd17- cd19, i'm on cd22 today and feeling like now we have decreased our chances even more by trying to help our situation. This constant roller coaster ride of emotions is getting to me now and I'm ready to stop tracking everything and just accept it for what it is.

My husbands SA came back with low motility but the last follow up we had showed that his numbers are getting better due to some lifestyle changes that he made (so at least we think) other than that we seem to be perfectly normal.

This is an unfair process as I look around and see people that take it for granted (being a parent) it makes me that much more upset. I need to get back into the positive realm but I'm having a hard time doing so.

Anyway thanks for listening to me rant if you made it through this entire post.

 

[CanadianMoose]

I'm right there with you, for me it's been 2 years and 2 months... sometimes you just have to keep plodding along and look for any glimmer. It's when you still try when you feel like there's no hope and many cycles, drugs, and pokes later you get your prize. I would say keep at it even though even right now your heart might be filled with doubt and sadness, you are not alone. I'm plodding along with you right now.

 

[CowgirlBaby]

I'm there with you all the way hun. It's been almost a year for me. But my OH is temporarily living in NYC, and it makes it all the more difficult. I am going tomorrow to a walk-in clinic to see if I can get some help figuring it out. Because my doctor is a freaking idiot. and I was entirely regular for AF and then I haven't had her visit for 3 months, but hpt's come up negative. So something's up and I don't know what. But as the anniversary of when my child should have been born approaches I find myself being able to handle it less and less. My god son, whom his mother never even wanted children. Is due to be born on the 21st of August. The day after when my own child was due. So it's going to be interesting, especially since now she's all about being a mother, even though up till about half way through her pregnancy she didn't want to be a mother, she was too head over heels for her party life, drinking, and smoking, and using pot and other drugs. Then finally I snapped at her when I found out she was 6 months along and still using drugs and alcohol, and she finally realized what she needed to do. It just feels so unfair, because she never wanted children, and she's getting one. I have been wanting children for years, and more desperately in the past year and a half. Since my miscarriage in 2017. and no sticky beans seem to catch for me.

I wish you the best of luck in your fertility adventures, and I am ALWAYS here if you need someone

 

[NeedSomeLuckT]

I'm right there with you, for me it's been 2 years and 2 months... sometimes you just have to keep plodding along and look for any glimmer. It's when you still try when you feel like there's no hope and many cycles, drugs, and pokes later you get your prize. I would say keep at it even though even right now your heart might be filled with doubt and sadness, you are not alone. I'm plodding along with you right now.

Thanks so much. What a wild ride. I think when we get our prize it will be the most amazing and rewarding feeling. I know we’ll appreciate it so much more. I wish you all the best with this process, sending you good vibes!

 

[NeedSomeLuckT]

I'm there with you all the way hun. It's been almost a year for me. But my OH is temporarily living in NYC, and it makes it all the more difficult. I am going tomorrow to a walk-in clinic to see if I can get some help figuring it out. Because my doctor is a freaking idiot. and I was entirely regular for AF and then I haven't had her visit for 3 months, but hpt's come up negative. So something's up and I don't know what. But as the anniversary of when my child should have been born approaches I find myself being able to handle it less and less. My god son, whom his mother never even wanted children. Is due to be born on the 21st of August. The day after when my own child was due. So it's going to be interesting, especially since now she's all about being a mother, even though up till about half way through her pregnancy she didn't want to be a mother, she was too head over heels for her party life, drinking, and smoking, and using pot and other drugs. Then finally I snapped at her when I found out she was 6 months along and still using drugs and alcohol, and she finally realized what she needed to do. It just feels so unfair, because she never wanted children, and she's getting one. I have been wanting children for years, and more desperately in the past year and a half. Since my miscarriage in 2017. and no sticky beans seem to catch for me.

I wish you the best of luck in your fertility adventures, and I am ALWAYS here if you need someone

I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. I truly hope that your little miracle comes soon and believe that the strong ones are put through these tests for a reason. Sending you all of the good vibes and the offer goes for
You as well. Best of luck

 

[CowgirlBaby]

I'm there with you all the way hun. It's been almost a year for me. But my OH is temporarily living in NYC, and it makes it all the more difficult. I am going tomorrow to a walk-in clinic to see if I can get some help figuring it out. Because my doctor is a freaking idiot. and I was entirely regular for AF and then I haven't had her visit for 3 months, but hpt's come up negative. So something's up and I don't know what. But as the anniversary of when my child should have been born approaches I find myself being able to handle it less and less. My god son, whom his mother never even wanted children. Is due to be born on the 21st of August. The day after when my own child was due. So it's going to be interesting, especially since now she's all about being a mother, even though up till about half way through her pregnancy she didn't want to be a mother, she was too head over heels for her party life, drinking, and smoking, and using pot and other drugs. Then finally I snapped at her when I found out she was 6 months along and still using drugs and alcohol, and she finally realized what she needed to do. It just feels so unfair, because she never wanted children, and she's getting one. I have been wanting children for years, and more desperately in the past year and a half. Since my miscarriage in 2017. and no sticky beans seem to catch for me.

I wish you the best of luck in your fertility adventures, and I am ALWAYS here if you need someone

I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. I truly hope that your little miracle comes soon and believe that the strong ones are put through these tests for a reason. Sending you all of the good vibes and the offer goes for
You as well. Best of luck

Thanks love ❤ I'm hoping things look up soon, and I wish you the best of luck. I may have to go back to WTT for a while. I have an ultrasound next week. My doctor thinks, there is a chance I may have Ovarian cysts. So fx I don't have cysts. But we will see.

 

[mrs.armbarr]

My husband and I have been TTC for #1 for 15 months now. I have been trying so hard to be strong but I have reached my breaking point. I needed an outlet so thought I would give this group a try. I find myself crying on nights out with the girls or in conversation with my hubby and its getting crazy, I'm an emotional wreck and feel like people think I'm losing it because they can't relate, all of my friends pride themselves that they're husbands sneeze on them and their pregnant

I went for an HSG test on Aug 2 and the radiologist said my left tube was blocked, we went for our follow up and the fertility doctor disagreed so now I have to go back for another HSG at the end of the month to confirm one way or the other (crazy!). At this point it seems as if the first test may have messed with my cycle because my OPK's have all been negative and I usually ovulate anywhere from cd17- cd19, i'm on cd22 today and feeling like now we have decreased our chances even more by trying to help our situation. This constant roller coaster ride of emotions is getting to me now and I'm ready to stop tracking everything and just accept it for what it is.

My husbands SA came back with low motility but the last follow up we had showed that his numbers are getting better due to some lifestyle changes that he made (so at least we think) other than that we seem to be perfectly normal.

This is an unfair process as I look around and see people that take it for granted (being a parent) it makes me that much more upset. I need to get back into the positive realm but I'm having a hard time doing so.

Anyway thanks for listening to me rant if you made it through this entire post.

Hi Need some luck, I'm new to this site and can relate to your recent "hopeless" post. I've been looking for a place to discuss difficulty conceiving as well as just to vent to other women who understand.
My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant since December 2017. I stopped my long time birth control at the end of November. I figured my cycles would quickly return to normal on their own, but that has not been the case.
In trying to discover why I am severely anemic as well as my OB doctor trying to figure out why I wasn't having a period, nor did my body respond to taking the 10 day progesterone pills; I was tested for Celiac disease and came back positive. My OB believes as my body heals from the damage from the Celiac that I should have no issues conceiving. I wish it was as easy as she makes it sound.

After being gluten free for 3 months, I took a second round of progesterone and it allowed me to have a legit period for 4 days. Now, since this is my very first cycle after 9 months without BC, I have no idea how long my cycle actually is; therefore I don't know exactly when I should be ovulating. I believe I ovulated and was doing my best to track it after my period. I took ovulations tests daily for almost 2 weeks and never saw a positive result. I was monitoring my cervical mucus and believe I had somewhat of an idea of when I might have ovulated. Husband and I made sure to have sex multiple times around the time I believed was correct as well as when an app I'm using said to try.

Needless to say, my period is "due" (since I don't know my actual cycle yet, I can't say when I really know it's due. I'm basing my cycle off 28 or 29 days) tomorrow, but I don't feel anything. I don't feel like I could be pregnant either, even though I am hopeful that a miracle occurred and I am.

I've been very emotional too throughout this entire process. So many of my friends are pregnant and get pregnant the minute they think about it. I have friends and family telling me "it will happen when it's meant to" or "stop stressing about it." I'm so upset with these comments. They break my heart even more as no one seems to understand where I'm coming from because none of them have wanted to be pregnant and struggled like this.

I've cried many days because I just want to be pregnant and I'm upset that it's this hard for me. It doesn't help that I was diagnosed with Celiac at the time of trying to conceive and I've had to process that information and make appropriate changes. I've always been an extremely healthy person, so going GF has not been hard, but knowing that it has most likely been the cause of my infertility and struggles is depressing!

Anyway, thank-you to anyone who took the time to read this post as well. If I could tell any woman struggling to have a baby I'd say you are not alone and I understand it isn't as easy as everyone says it should be. My heart breaks daily as I try to be excited and happy for those I know who are pregnant and don't have any issues. If anyone has any advice or just words to share I would greatly appreciate them.

 

[calilah]

The first thing men should do to improve sperm motility is take a look at their lifestyle. Change what you are doing and improve sperm motility and overall sperm health. Extreme heat can affect both sperm count and sperm motility. The man who is trying to conceive, then, should avoid hot baths, saunas, whirlpools, and even tight fitting underwear. Sometimes exposure to heavy metals, or even smoking can contribute to low sperm motility. Eliminating these factors is often the most effective treatment option for low sperm motility. There are some natural treatments that can improve low sperm motility. Ginseng, Vitamin c, Zinc, and lycopene help improve sperm issues, whether it is low sperm count, low sperm motility, or abnormal sperm. Fertilaid for Men and Motility Boost is specifically formulated to help naturally treat low sperm motility. If lifestyle changes do not improve your sperm motility, you can see a doctor who specializes in fertility issues. The downside is treatment plans for treating low sperm motility are expensive and complicated.

 

[daydreaming39]

Hi, i am new to this board and have been trying for over 2 years now, figured out it is an issue with my pituitary and i will never ovulate on my own. Clomid didn't work, have been trying injectibles and will soon move to IUI. Every month during the TWW i feel incredibly sad and lonely and like i am a shell of a person walking around trying to smile and talk to people but inside i am a mess. my husband tries to be supportive but ends up being dismissive like "it will be fine, i don't know why you are so upset it is going to happen" etc. i am starting to feel deep down that it will never happen for me. just venting and feeling sorry for myself. hopefully i can pick myself up and start again next month. anyway, i really related to your posts, and hope you guys are feeling a little less hopeless today.

 

[NeedSomeLuckT]

That’s the worst feeling... it happens to me too.. walking around like a zombie just so upset and feeling bad for myself. My husband tries so hard too but no one truly understands the pain that this truffle causes until it happens to them. I started seeing a counsellor just to talk about my feelings and try and get out of this negative fog. We have to remember that this isn’t failure ladies!! We have a huge dark cloud hovering over us and blocking us from happiness and we just need to fight through it and know that our time will come!!! I believe it xo

 

[Kiwiberry]

I'm so sorry you're going through this . It took me over 2 years to have my first, close to two years to have my second, and only 3 months to have my third. With my Ex, we never went in for any fertility treatments. it was the hardest thing I've ever went through and I've had a pretty hard life. I know what it feels like to Want your little love bug so bad but to be disappointed every month with a negative test. I even cursed the universe for putting me through this, I mean how could it put me through all of this pain when I know that I would be a great loving mother and I wanted to be a mother so bad. All I have is to tell you to keep going and keep your head up. I wish there was more that I could say.

Lots and lots of


It is my belief that some of us (not everyone) have a bigger plan at work that requires the right timing.

 

[NeedSomeLuckT]

Ladies,
I had the craziest surprise this morning... please keep hope and know that it will happen!!! I was about to stop because I mentally couldn’t take anymore until today... I got 4 positive tests... I had to run out and buy more because I didn’t believe it. Keep hope xoxox I Believe your time will come too !!!

 

[NeedSomeLuckT]

Ladies,
I had the craziest surprise this morning... please keep hope and know that it will happen!!! I was about to stop because I mentally couldn’t take anymore until today... I got 4 positive tests... I had to run out and buy more because I didn’t believe it. Keep hope xoxox I Believe your time will come too !!!

 

[CowgirlBaby]

Fingers crossed for you sweetie good luck!

I got cleared on no cysts! Ultrasound was showing a nice healthy follicle ready to be released. So i think I may have O'd well OH was here. So fingers crossed for that! If not then onto birth control and back to WTT

 

[NeedSomeLuckT]

Fingers crossed for you sweetie good luck!

I got cleared on no cysts! Ultrasound was showing a nice healthy follicle ready to be released. So i think I may have O'd well OH was here. So fingers crossed for that! If not then onto birth control and back to WTT

My thoughts are with you!!! FINGERS CROSSED xo

 

[CowgirlBaby]

Fingers crossed for you sweetie good luck!

I got cleared on no cysts! Ultrasound was showing a nice healthy follicle ready to be released. So i think I may have O'd well OH was here. So fingers crossed for that! If not then onto birth control and back to WTT

My thoughts are with you!!! FINGERS CROSSED xo

xo thanks! Ive started getting like a super light brown spotting. So not getting my hopes up TOOO much cause it could be AF the sneaky bitch, OR it could be Implantation bleeding. Just have to wait and see what transpires over the next couple days

 

[NeedSomeLuckT]

Well I got too happy, I ended up miscarrying. Our first hope that we were given just stripped away... such an awful feeling. I miscarried on September 12 and I'm still bleeding.. so torturous and upsetting. Hope everyone is doing well.

 

[Kiwiberry]

I'm so sorry for your loss love . I can't even imagine how you must feel right now. Try and take care of yourself as best you can okay .