Feeling less connected to baby #2

[BrittRashel]

With my first pregnancy I remember feeling connected to my baby from about 6 weeks on. I started getting really excited and talking to the baby. I couldn’t wait to start planning the nursery and shopping for baby clothes. I went through that for maybe a week with this one then all of a sudden it just stopped. I don’t feel connected at all. I’m still excited but nothing like with my first. I almost feel like I’m just going through the motions. I don’t know if it’s because my anxiety is so much worse this time around or maybe because I went off of my antidepressants in February so that could be lingering around a bit. Did anyone else feel like this? It makes me sad because I desperately want to feel that excited.

 

[sausages]

I think it is partly to do with having another child already. I remember my last pregnancy was NOTHING like my first ones. Because I already had DD I couldn't do the same amount of daydreaming and nesting and planning. My life revolved around her and everything else, including pregnancy was secondary.

This time I am still feeling the same. I was wondering if I will start to feel a little more connected once we have announced - provided everything goes well at the scan tomorrow.

It could be something to do with your anxiety or depression lingering, but I also think it's just normal. Maybe because of your history with those things you're leaning towards blaming that and perhaps reading more into it and worrying more, because of that clinical history?

Honestly though, I am sure many women will say they feel very similar.

 

[BrittRashel]

That makes me feel a lot better that I'm not completely nuts.

It is very possible that I am blaming my anxiety and depression needlessly. DH tells me I tend to play in my head too much and that I contribute to my own anxiety.

 

[flowergirl7]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It definitely feels different with baby #2 for me as well. You're not nuts! I'm excited, but I don't feel like I have time for anything but my son right now. I hope you feel better soon!

 

[xdxxtx]

I was MUCH less connected with my second pregnancy - and I had a hard time forming a solid bond with my second child for a long time. With my first, and even with my third, it was so effortless. We just bonded straight away, even in the womb. I must say, my first and third babies are just like me. They look and act like me. My second looks and acts just like my OH. I can't help but wonder if that's the difference. It wasn't just second child syndrome - all of my kids have been intentional and very much wanted. My second-born and I are now wonderful together. It just takes more understanding and for me to be more sensitive towards him because he is sensitive like my OH and isn't at all like his siblings.

Then again, I wouldn't worry about it. There is plenty of time to get excited later in the pregnancy when it is time to really prepare for baby. I always kind of keep myself grounded in the first trimester, just in case, and will happily form that bond once I feel secure with the pregnancy. Perhaps you'll do the same. Either way, no, you're definitely not alone!

 

[RainbowDrop_x]

I've felt exactly the same. Not because I'm not looking forward to another baby or because I feel someway averted to number 2 but mainly because I just don't have the time to stop and think like I did when I was pregnant with DD.

When I was pregnant with DD every waking moment was related in some way to my pregnancy and my baby plans, except when I was working. This time round, I'm working, getting a 5 year old ready to go to school, napping in days off, trying to clear the house out to make it practical for 2 children, doing homework with a 5 year old, getting her ready for bed, in to bed, having another nap, sorting out dinners/lunches.

It's only really times like now when I'm on here I feel it's real and that's because it's quiet, hubby's at work and I actually have the time to think about it. I don't think you need to worry, it's not that you don't care, it's just that there isn't time to fit it in

 

[Nurse1980]

I feel the same.

Even though this baby is very much wanted, I haven't got the same excitement as I did with my first.

I forget I am pregnant sometimes!

 

[became]

I feel exactly the same, I'm so glad I'm not the only one! This baby is very much wanted, and loved.. But I just don't feel like I have that connection yet. Something inside won't let me get exited, because I'm too worried about something going wrong. I don't even want to buy anything, or plan anything until 13+ weeks! I never felt this way when pregnant with my daughter, I feel awful for it. X

 

[Snufflepop]

I feel like this! With my dd as soon as I got my bfp I was excited and dreaming of the baby. This time around I'm so busy running around after a toddler I don't have time to think about it. Plus we didn't have a great experience at our 12 week scan (sonographer was rude and didn't really tell us much at all) either which I was hoping would help. Hoping now that the 20 week scan is more positive and helps me bond.

 

[kasey590]

I have been very very nervous about this baby because its early and because we had a MC in late April. I havent really let myself bond or get too excited yet because im worried it will be taken away from me so Im only now starting to relax a little. Once I have my dating scan on Friday and see a happy healthy heartbeat then I'll be fine and start getting happy and hopefully start bonding a little and be better about it. But i've also been worried about loving this baby because I already have our daughter, I do want another baby but im so not ready for the chaos of two children haha but i dont think anyone is until it actually happens. So im not really worried NOW but i have my moments!!!

 

[Xrosex]

I feel like this! This pregnancy is both a happy and sad experience for me because i had a miscarriage at the beginning of the year so i find it hard to think about this baby whithout thinking of the one i lost, hopefully after my scan ill feel more connected

 

[BrittRashel]

I feel exactly the same, I'm so glad I'm not the only one! This baby is very much wanted, and loved.. But I just don't feel like I have that connection yet. Something inside won't let me get exited, because I'm too worried about something going wrong. I don't even want to buy anything, or plan anything until 13+ weeks! I never felt this way when pregnant with my daughter, I feel awful for it. X

Ugh, I am terrified of ordering my bridesmaid dress for my sister's wedding in November. I have to order it really soon and while it's looser in the tummy, she also found a maternity dress that I could order. If I order the maternity dress, I have to order it this week for it to get here in time. The other dress would have to be ordered by the end of the month. I finally decided to just order the regular one a size bigger than I am now and have it altered down if need be. This is strictly because I have an US two weeks from today plus I'll be 13 weeks at the end of the month so I'm hoping I'll be less panicky then. I feel like if I order a maternity dress now it will jinx it which is crazy because I'm never superstitious.

 

[became]

I feel exactly the same, I'm so glad I'm not the only one! This baby is very much wanted, and loved.. But I just don't feel like I have that connection yet. Something inside won't let me get exited, because I'm too worried about something going wrong. I don't even want to buy anything, or plan anything until 13+ weeks! I never felt this way when pregnant with my daughter, I feel awful for it. X

Ugh, I am terrified of ordering my bridesmaid dress for my sister's wedding in November. I have to order it really soon and while it's looser in the tummy, she also found a maternity dress that I could order. If I order the maternity dress, I have to order it this week for it to get here in time. The other dress would have to be ordered by the end of the month. I finally decided to just order the regular one a size bigger than I am now and have it altered down if need be. This is strictly because I have an US two weeks from today plus I'll be 13 weeks at the end of the month so I'm hoping I'll be less panicky then. I feel like if I order a maternity dress now it will jinx it which is crazy because I'm never superstitious.

I'm exactly the same! I've seen so many good offers on pushchairs etc, but I just won't risk buying anything yet. I know what you mean by feeling that you're going to jinx it x

 

[Lindsay109]

I'm feeling the same way - I'm glad I'm not the only one! I find I'm quite regularly forgetting I'm even pregnant because I'm so busy with DS and work. I think it will feel more real and exciting when we have shared the news with family and friends

 

[CandiceSj]

I feel the same with baby #3 and it's worrying me because it was a surprise pregnancy. BUT, I'm comforted by the fact that I felt very similarly during my 2nd pregnancy and he was 100% tried for and wanted.

I remember wondering if I could even form the same type of bond with him after his birth that I have with my first, without taking away from the feelings I have for my daughter and our closeness. Really, it was effortless!