Feeling like I'm the only one who doesn't have a baby

[heart tree]

My grief totally blindsided me this weekend. I have been doing pretty well since my second mc. This weekend I went to my nephew’s 2nd birthday party. I was expecting there to be babies there, but it was crazy! Everyone had a baby except me and DH. Some people had two. There was breast feeding and talk of mom’s groups everywhere I turned. I finally found one woman to talk to and she told me she was 13 weeks pregnant! Uuugghhh! It made me want to throw up. Even the lesbian couple had a 5 week old baby there. When I asked how they conceived, they did it at home with a friend who donated his sperm. It took them 3 cycles, that’s it! They didn’t even have sex, or go to a doctor and they have a baby now. I felt so horrible. And I hated when people kept asking me if I have kids. How do you answer that???

The worst part was that I got AF that very day. I was feeling so infertile. Luckily, I had my DH to hold me as I cried in his arms when we got home. Now I’m just reflecting on how sad that day made me. It’s amazing how a day like that can ruin the whole weekend. I’m still feeling pretty low (and crampy!) Can’t wait for AF to go away so we can try again!

Anyone else feel like they're the only one without a baby?

 

[africaqueen]

I read this and u are mirroring my exact emotions hun
me and dh have no children yet and went to my friends babies christening over the wkend and every woman there had a child or was pregnant. It was very hard for me. particulary as there were a lot of younger woman (18-20 age group) with children and pregnant with their 2nd babies... and there is me aged 29 and nada I just about emotionally managed the day and was glad to get home. keep seeing this lovely spring weather we are having and seeing mothers pushing their babies around in lovely prams and i keep thinking how many springs and summers must i go through childless?

The only thing that keeps me going is telling myself we WILL have our baby in our arms one day and then all this pain will melt away xxxx

 

[heart tree]

Thanks africaqueen! I'm older than you, 35 and DH will be 41 next month. I felt very old at that birthday party. I completely know what you mean.

I keep telling the universe that I WILL have my baby too! It's a good reminder, thanks luv!

 

[redhead31]

Hi - I'm totally with you on this one . I am the only one now out of all my friends who hasn't got children/is pregnant. It hurts a lot and got to the point where I was going home crying after a night out with them because I felt so alone - hence the reason why I joined this website. I haven't been out with my friends as a group in three months, which I know sounds a bit drastic but it was a bit of self-preservation kicking in and I have been much stronger since. At the weekend I went to a party where there were kids. One woman, who had a six-year-old, asked if my DH and I had any kids and when I said No she said 'don't you want any then?' to which I could have hit her. She then had the cheek to ask how old I was, like just because I'm in my 30s I'm too over the hill already!!! Anyway, DH managed to calm me down once we got in the car - thank goodness.

 

[kandiset06]

I do have a four year old, but as far as feeling like you are the only one without a baby I feel ya. I was very upset at work as I found out another girl is pg. There are a total of 6 other ladies at work pg. And not even counting the lady that just had hers a couple days ago. No one at work was trying either. It just happened. They wanted me to look at pics of the baby and I was like no thank you....hope I didnt hurt their feelings but im sorry it makes me too sad to see babies right now. *hugs* Be happy that you have your hubby to help you through this...he sounds like a keeper!!!

 

[kanga]

HeartTree i can totally relate. Only yesterday I found out my BF is pregnant with her second! I get comments about it all the time - when do you think you'll try and all this. I feel like there are 2 groups of people. Those who pop babies out easily and moan about morning sickness. And then us, who it is all more of a struggle for. We will get there thought, it will just be a bit tougher. We are lucky to haev each other in the meantime x

 

[KatyKat]

I know exactly how you all feel! It suddenly seems like the whole world has babies, and made nmo effort whatsoever to have them, whereas you know you've done everything you possibly could, and you're still left without.

I'm also in my 30's - will be 32 next month, and I am sooooooo sick of people asking a) when are you going to have kids then or b) don't you want children. Aaaaaarrrgghhhh.

My DH's aunt even said to us the other day that if we wanted kids we should get a move on as we were getting on a bit as far as than went

I swear if it wasn't for this website and all you lovely ladies I'd have gone completely mental by now. Hugs!

 

[hmu04146]

Hey ladies, feel like I always still end up in this section, dont belong in PAL I'm just waiting on something horrible happening again. I know how you all feel in my department there is 20 women 7 of them are PG just now not counting me(I dont ) my manager is due the day I would have been with my MMC and the comments she makes are really cruel "I cant look at you it makes me think something will happen to my baby" "you shouldnt be tired your not PG anymore" but it it will happen for us all, I have every faith in it and our babies will be all the more wanted and loved because we had to fight for them, that a bond these women will never have with their bumps. xxxx

PS I LOVE my MS it gives me hope xxxx

 

[sincerevon]

I feel the same way. There are babies and pregnancy EVERYWHERE! I get SO jealous at times. I try to keep PMA but it does get hard. My heart goes out to all of you who work with pregnant women. There was a rumor that a girl at my job was pregnant, and I nearly fainted! I don't think I could handle that! to you all!!

 

[kstan]

Same here - seems since my MC in Feb, everyone is pregnant. I have had 3 people tell me they are pregnant since my mc who wouldve been preg wen i was but have only ust started telling people. It makes me feel sad especially when they werent really trying (as all 3 have put it!)

 

[redhead31]

Hey ladies, feel like I always still end up in this section, dont belong in PAL I'm just waiting on something horrible happening again. I know how you all feel in my department there is 20 women 7 of them are PG just now not counting me(I dont ) my manager is due the day I would have been with my MMC and the comments she makes are really cruel "I cant look at you it makes me think something will happen to my baby" "you shouldnt be tired your not PG anymore" but it it will happen for us all, I have every faith in it and our babies will be all the more wanted and loved because we had to fight for them, that a bond these women will never have with their bumps. xxxx

PS I LOVE my MS it gives me hope xxxx

OMG - I can't believe someone would say something so cruel. I think if my manager said she didn't want to look at me incase something happened to her baby I'd make an official complaint as that is just horrible and totally uncalled for - you don't want your medical problems being brought up in the office on a regular basis - she sounds like a bully who needs to be brought down a peg or two.
Anyway, you are right - I know someone who got pregnant in the first month she tried and now hardly sees her daughter because she drops her off at nursery every day at 6am and then the babysitter picks her up at 6pm and looks after her until she goes to sleep at 8pm. She and her husband even take their holidays and leave the baby with nursery/babysitter/her parents in Spain (they recently went off to Dubai for two weeks without her!!!) I can't help thinking that if they had struggled and battled to get pregnant they would treasure their daughter so much more.

 

[stardust22]

Well said Redhead31!!

For some reason I have just gone from feeling really strong and positive to pretty tearful. I just hate this cruel world. I wish you all a BFP soon.

I am currently off work with severe anxiety. I struggled to cope there after my mmc in January and returned too soon after my erpc. I work in a maternity ward and see babies everyday and I slowly broke down. I will be going back in 3 weeks and I dont have a clue how I will cope. I am better not being there but its my job and i cant just quit. if only I could.

moan moan, sorry everyone.

 

[africaqueen]

stardust22- omg i rly feel for u working in a maternity ward! i could not do it. Is it possible to get moved to another ward for a while, intill u come to terms with things? i was just reading through this post and thinking that although we are going through hell emotionally and physically to become a mother, just imagine how extra special the whole experience will be when we hold our babies in our arms... priceless and worth all the struggle. Pray we get our bfps soon and they are sticky healthy beans in the right place to grow strong

xxxx

 

[stardust22]

I think the only way I seem to be able to handle going back is hoping that it wont be for long and I will be pregnant soon and then I wont worry and countdown to maternity leave!

I see patients all the time that have gone through hell and back and finally get their baby and it always chokes me, it did before my mmc but more now. I see a patient the day I broke down, her husband died in a road accident the week after they found out she was pregnant with their first and long awaited baby. I sobbed with her. She was being so brave but what a thing to happen! my job is a nightmare LOL!
I wish I could leave but I cant.
we will cherish our baby so much and all this will seem such a distant memory one day.

 

[QueenieMurphy]

Thanks africaqueen! I'm older than you, 35 and DH will be 41 next month. I felt very old at that birthday party. I completely know what you mean.

I keep telling the universe that I WILL have my baby too! It's a good reminder, thanks luv!

Heart tree - I totally understand how you're feeling, I'm 35 too!! ALL my friends have babies - some 2 some even 3!! I feel very much the odd one out. A lady with a newborn came into my shop today and I got all tearful - was v embarrassing, think was pmt ( another thing getting me down today, bfn and af due tomorrow). We will get to join their club soon I'm sure, we just must stay positive - easy for me to say - OH forever telling me this and driving me up the wall when I want to wallow in selfpity - but he's right I guess. Sending you lots of PMA xxx

 

[heart tree]

Thanks Queenie, that's very helpful. I have my good days and bad days about being positive. I'm wrapping up AF, so am getting excited about trying again this cycle (first time since mc!)

Thanks to all the ladies who have been replying to this post. As I read everyone's responses, I'm struck by how amazing everyone is. We've been handed our fair share of pain. On top of our personal grief, we are handed daily reminders from the outside world. Walking in the park, going to work, talking to a friend, can all rub the fact in our faces that we don't have babies yet. I'm shocked by some of the insensitive comments that some of you have had to endure. But yet, we've all endured. I'm truly amazed by all of you strong, fantastic women!

 

[mlyn26]

Ah can be upsetting. Up to today i have been fine but a lady in my office (who is absolutely lovely) is expecting twins in august and her and another lady were talking about whether she could feel them kick and what names she has picked out. I'd have been 12 weeks last sunday and so would have been able to join in with my names etc if bubba had stuck. An overwhelming sadness hit my gut and tears sprung to my eyes. I managed to pull myself together quickly then put some earphones in so i didn;t hear anymore. x

 

[heart tree]

Ah can be upsetting. Up to today i have been fine but a lady in my office (who is absolutely lovely) is expecting twins in august and her and another lady were talking about whether she could feel them kick and what names she has picked out. I'd have been 12 weeks last sunday and so would have been able to join in with my names etc if bubba had stuck. An overwhelming sadness hit my gut and tears sprung to my eyes. I managed to pull myself together quickly then put some earphones in so i didn;t hear anymore. x

Oh hun, I can totally relate to you! It is sooooo hard being around expecting women when they are talking about things you should also be talking about. Thank god for earphones!!! Isn't just amazing how you can be fine one minute and then something like that can entirely change your mood for several days. I'm so sorry you had that happen.

 

[cutelou101]

Hearttree, i tottally understand how you feel. Two of my friends are 12 weeks and 14 weeks preganant, i should have been a month ahead of them, so i feel sad each time i see them, though i am so happy for them. Its just a reminder that we should have been going through it together, though they are both very supportive. Trying to say positive and TTC, testing day on sunday. Big

 

[kstan]

Good luck for all our bfps over the next few weeks!! Sooo hard and can relate to all of u. I'm getting married in 5weeks an I am so overcome with sadness about my mc that I'm not feeling the excitement an happiness that I should so close to my big day. I've planned it for 2 years too! Not looking forward to the fact there's gonna be 4 pregnant women at my wedding. X