Feeling lonely/isolated

[Rachie004]

Hi girls,

I feel a bit down in the dumps and generally lacking motivation - I feel like I'm spending alot of time on my own which isn't helping. The problem is exacerbated because I haven't been to work for nearly two months (I'm aircrew and we are grounded as soon as we notify the company of our pregnancy). My OH is working long hours and is going away for 5 days at the end of this week.

I'm trying not to go out with friends too much because with Christmas and our wedding coming up I feel like I'm just haemorrhaging cash and I'm very conscious that there is still plenty we want to do the house plus all the baby things that we want to buy. I don't have family nearby and I'm not close to my mum - she doesn't know about the baby.

I'll be going back to work in the next few weeks on ground duties and part of me is tempted to call up and ask if I can come in sooner just for the social interaction - the other part of me wants to take advantage for as long as possible because there are plenty of things I could be doing (and yet I just seem to be spending far too much time on here, not being productive!)

Not really sure why I'm posting - just feel like I need to 'put it out there'. Thanks for reading xx

 

[Eternal]

Hugs

I don't think people realise how hard pregnancy can be and how it can effect the way you feel, my hormones are all over the place and I'm extra sensitive about certain things now.

I think it's hard if you have been working and now you are stuck at home and missing your OH, do you have any friends who you could visit just for a chat?

No real advice just wanted to say i care and I'm here of you ever want to chat or rant x

 

[azure girl]

Aw... I too sit alone at home most days, my DH is a busy guy with lots of work to do. I typically just go to the library and store to entertain myself, it is super pathetic! Find some distractions to pass the time, it helps for me to read or watch my favorite shows online. Hopefully work helps you feel less lonely!

 

[Coco Tutu]

Oh all the fun I am having, going to the supermarket, stalking all the other people there Kidding. NOT! I work from home as a freelance writer and it doesn't get much more lonely than that, so I feel you. DH is a PhD in his 3rd year and trying to get as much of his research done as possible, before the baby is born, so he works more than 10-12 hours a day. I do skype once or twice a week with friends back home (cause I am an expat as well), but it does get lonely. And I do spend a lot of time on BnB procrastinating instead of working as well :/

Usually I enjoy being on my own, but now sometimes I feel that I would be thrilled to have 5-6 female friends, as pregnant as me, and sit around and knit and sip caffeine-free around a fire in the forest or something. That sounds weird, doesn't it? I guess what I want to say is that I miss a "tribe" of some sort. Do you have this feeling too?

I find that reading a good book improves my mood though. And it takes me away from the laptop, which is great. But I am a fast reader, so books don't last that long either

Sorry, I have no advice to offer. Just wanted to say you are not alone!

 

[wtbmummy]

I too feel very lonely and it's been made worse lately. Normally DH works between a 10-14 hour day which is bad but last week, this week and next week he is working away Im so glad I get him back for weekends but feel so lonely.
I only work two days a week so mon through wed I am home alone, it's great havinv friends but they all work so I don't see much of them. N even then its only a couple as one my close friends stopped talking to me since she found out Im pregnant

I really feel for you and I know its lonely, I do end up crying most days. Nothing I do makes me forget despite tv and books and housework. I hope you feel less lonely soon. I hope we all do

 

[Rachie004]

Thanks girls, I really appreciate the replies.

I've made myself a bit of a recluse the last few weeks while we were keeping the pregnancy quiet because I didn't want to raise too many suspicions as to why I suddenly was available all the time so I guess it's partly my fault. Now we've started to announce to people it's a little better - I'm meeting one of my friends on Monday to tell her, she had her baby in September so it'll be nice to get advice from her as we're very much on the same wave length.

It's not like I'm short of things to do, we've decided to get married in January, there is always things that need doing to the house (ceiling painting for me today, I have a very attractive breathing mask so don't worry about fumes), I play drums, I go to the gym, I have an A level in anatomy and physiology that I could be working on but instead of doing stuff I just feel blah and sit around feeling sorry for myself trying to work out what I want to eat.

Coco - I have an overwhelming urge to knit and sew - I'm probably the most uncreative person ever and haven't got a clue where to start! I'm sorry one of your friends has stopped talking to you wtbmummy

Sorry to do the 'woe is me' post I really just need to get off my bum and do stuff really!

 

[Eternal]

Wedding planning must be exciting, how ready are you?

 

[Rachie004]

Well, we've only been planning/generally all systems go for the last two weeks and it's in January so I think I/we've done pretty well.

Venue is chosen. We have a date and time with the registrar. Photographer is chosen. Invites are chosen. Colour theme chosen. Wedding meal venue is chosen (we're going for a curry). I've bought my dress, veil, underskirt, shoes and weddingtons - I had a faux fur wrap delivered this morning which looks nothing like that one advertised so I've started an exchange with the seller. Fairly certain on transport for the day - just waiting for them to come back to me with a quote.

We still need to decide on a cake, rings, evening entertainment and I need to think about my hair. We're only inviting 14 people (no family ) so it's not been that traumatic. Please point out anything glaringly obvious that you think I may have missed!

I'm starting to lose interest already though, I admire people who plan their wedding for two years and don't get bored/frightened by how much they're spending!

 

[Eternal]

Well, we've only been planning/generally all systems go for the last two weeks and it's in January so I think I/we've done pretty well.

Venue is chosen. We have a date and time with the registrar. Photographer is chosen. Invites are chosen. Colour theme chosen. Wedding meal venue is chosen (we're going for a curry). I've bought my dress, veil, underskirt, shoes and weddingtons - I had a faux fur wrap delivered this morning which looks nothing like that one advertised so I've started an exchange with the seller. Fairly certain on transport for the day - just waiting for them to come back to me with a quote.

We still need to decide on a cake, rings, evening entertainment and I need to think about my hair. We're only inviting 14 people (no family ) so it's not been that traumatic. Please point out anything glaringly obvious that you think I may have missed!

I'm starting to lose interest already though, I admire people who plan their wedding for two years and don't get bored/frightened by how much they're spending!

Sounds lovely, I think it's stressful the more people involved, I remember my mum calling and freaking I hadn't done order or services lol.

Something old? Something new, borrowed? Blue? If your into that sort of thing.

 

[redlemonade]

Sorry to hear you've been feeling lonely Rachie

It's normal to start feeling this way when you suddenly don't have work (who would have thought we'd need to work for social interaction!?) and it's probably made worse by hormones and wedding stress. Do try and get out with friends, even if it's just for a coffee and a chat! It doesn't have to be an expensive outing. I find that, even when I've got things to do, my motivation is low without social interaction. You'll find that getting out and about will totally improve your motivation!

As for wedding/financial stress - I've been there! It will be SO worth it in the end though. I used this ( https://offbeatbride.com/wp-content/blogs.dir/6/files/2008/01/Offbeat-Bride-Checklist.pdf ) checklist to guide me on what I needed to do - It might help you too? There were lots of things we didn't need/weren't doing, but it was useful as a general guide! I'd give my right arm to do my wedding all over again, lol!

 

[Rachie004]

Hmm I've been thinking about the something old, new, borrowed and blue. Not sure how much emphasis to place on it - I wouldn't know what to borrow and from who lol!

Redlemonade - I think my managers are going to have me back in work soon, obviously on amended duties - I'm sure I'll be complaing about having to have social interaction with people who aren't generally my cup of tea! The checklist is scary, especially since we've skipped straight to 'two months away' I've had to get back out of bed because I read a wedding related email before putting the laptop down and now my mind is racing!

I really really appreciate the replies girls, it means alot to have people cheering you on from the other side of their laptops

 

[redlemonade]

Oh no, sorry the checklist scared you! It's only a guide - we planned our wedding in about 6 months so I just used that as a general guide for what could be done and changed the time line too. Don't panic, you've most things sorted and you've got time still

 

[LiLi2]

Rachie... I could have written this entire post myself.

I have not been working as much lately, usually only 2 days a week, and OH has been working long days. I will actually be out of work permanently in January because I work with my OH and I won't be returning to work after the baby is born, so come January things are shifting around at work and I will no longer be doing what I've been doing.

We are also planning a rather "last minute" wedding. We're getting married on December 14th and haven't done ANYTHING. lol. It will be a smaller wedding with mainly close friends and some family, but it's still kind of stressful. I need to get my dress altered, we need to get rings, and send out invitations. We haven't sent them out yet because we are going back and forth between getting married at our church or at an outdoor space. The church would be easiest, but it's a warehouse that's been transformed into a church... so not the most romantic venue. lol

But back to the main reason for this post: I have been feeling very lonely as well. Because I'm home so much and OH works so much, I find myself just sitting at home bored out of my mind. I clean, I grocery shop, and once or twice a week I hang out with friends. I need to find something to get me out of the house, preferably meeting other new moms. Not really sure how to do that though. *sigh*

So yes, I know how you're feeling and it stinks! Hugs.

 

[Rachie004]

It IS stressful! As much as I think 'ah, everything is pretty much sorted' I then think of 6 other things that probably don't matter to panic about! I suppose it's a matter of weighing up what is the most important to you - marrying at your church or having a nicer venue, my only hesitation with the outdoor space is the cold - unless you're somewhere more exotic than the UK

I know once we start antenatal classes that it will be a good way to meet people but that seems like a lifetime away at the moment - plus I'll be back at work by then so hopefully not feeling so lonely. Do you have a gym you could go to? I always feel brighter after I've been to the gym or a nice outdoor space that you could go for a walk? It's hard to get the motivation sometimes!

I'm sorry you're feeling lonely too

 

[LiLi2]

Cold wouldn't really be an issue here - we are in Florida Rain may, though. We're leaning towards the church.

As for getting out, I don't have a gym membership, but I would like to start taking my dogs out more often. Maybe I'll plan on once a week taking a dog to a new walking spot. It will be good for them, too. I wish I could take both, but they're pretty big and being pregnant, I'm not quite as confident to walk them both at the same time. lol

I wish I knew some BNB ladies that lived nearby. Our church does a "coffee with mom" event once a week that I'd like to start going to once I'm a little further along. And yeah, classes will be a great place to meet people! I've made several friends in this city, but most women my age (22) are not ready to have children yet, so all of them are 3-10 years older than I am. That's fine, since most of them are in similar spots with young families, so OH and I enjoy spending time with other couples despite the age difference. We've been "settled" for a while. lol... since long before graduating university. We have just always known that as soon as we were stable enough, we wanted to get started. We've been together for a long time and known each other for 9+ years, so when the time felt right, we went for it! lol It would still be nice to have some girlfriends my own age, though.

Do you plan on working after your LO is born or will you be taking some time off?

 

[Rachie004]

I think when you know it's right you just know it's right so why wait?

I'll be taking my maternity leave but then won't be returning to my job. It just wouldn't work as we both work unpredictable shifts, never really know when we're going to get home, unfortunately that is just the nature of the job. Plus we don't really have any family we can rely on for childcare so I'd probably be working just to cover childcare costs. I was ready for a career change before I fell pregnant so I'm not going to miss it. What do you plan to do for work?

I do worry if I feel isolated and lonely now when I can essentially do whatever takes my fancy then how am I going to feel when I'm at home and have a baby relying on me...

 

[LiLi2]

I won't be returning to work either. OH wants me to be a stay at home mom for as long as I fancy because if there is anything I learned in earning a B.S in Psychology, it is that a child's first 2 years are so incredibly important as far as development and learning go and I refuse to let someone else have as much influence over that as a child care provider would. That is my time to love and mold my babies into the beautiful creatures they are So I likely won't return to work for several years, as we want 2-3 kids fairly close in age. I just hope I don't get too secluded, so I need to nurture some social outlets.