Feeling miserable and worried all the time

[meeky81]

Hey Ladies,

Sorry for your losses and congrats on your new pregnancies.

I had a missed miscarriage in Nov, saw the baby's heart beat, then a week later it has stopped . I had an EPRC Nov 13th and fell pregnant again straight away with no cycle in-between.

I now found myself roughly 7 weeks pregnant and miserable. I can't get atall excited about being pregnant, and I have already resigned myself to the fact that I will miscarry again. I am worrying 24/7 and driving myself crazy.

I have no idea why I feel this way and wish with all my heart I could change it. I just wish I could be excited and happy like I was the last time, but feel like I won't let myself, because I don't want to make the heart break of losing a baby any worse.

I've had 3 early scans, the last one was 6 days ago and they saw the fetal pole (3mm) and a heart beat for the first time. I think I was around 6 weeks then. The fetal pole seems on the small side to me, but the dr didn't seem concerned. There's a little bit of blood in my uterus, that she said is prob implantation bleeding, didn't seem too concerned about that either.

I have no symptoms, other than sore boobs, which is exactly the same as last time, so I just feel like its going to be the same outcome. I've been wishing for morning sickness, just so I can feel like this pregnancy is different and will have a positive outcome, but no, other than boobs, which aren't even that sore today, I don't feel pregnant.


Sorry for the miserable post, I just don't think people understand what I'm going through emotionally unless they've been in the same boat. They keep telling me "not to worry" and I've already "had my bad luck" so this will be fine...

I have another scan on Sat, and I'm already preparing myself for the worst.

Can anyone else relate to this? Does anyone else feel like they are doomed never to be a mum?

x

 

[Smiler82]

Relating absolutely to everything you've said. This pregnancy I just cannot believe is going to work out ok. I haven't had any scans yet and I'm 8 weeks so now have got it in my head it is a blighted ovum and will be told there isn't even a baby in there when I do get to have a scan.

It's useless being told not to worry because we are bound to. People also say "you'll be fine" which I know is meant to be reassuring, but I just get cross and think, have you got a crystal ball? No? Then you don't know do you.

I'm finding myself sitting here just trying to mentally prepare myself for when the bleeding is going to start. DH wants me to be more positive, though he understands. I just tell him he has to do the positive thinking for the both of us at the moment.

I HOPE the worst does not happen for either of us but I kind of think it is a good idea to go into scans with your hopes not being too high. I'm seeing my doc later and am going to ask for a scan. If I can't get one on the NHS then I'm phoning a private clinic and we'll just pay. In either case I'm going to be sitting there with my eyes closed and breath held until I'm told for sure things are looking ok. Even if things are looking ok now, I know it doesn't mean we're out of the woods. It really is just one day at a time and teeny tiny steps forwards.

xx

 

[meeky81]

Thanks for your reply

I just feel like everytime I get a small bit of reassurance, i find myself obsessing and finding something else to worry about.

I hate that I can't enjoy this pregnancy with the naiveity of thinking everything will be ok. All of my friends that have kids, were lucky enough to not have ny problems, so when i'm telling them about everything that happened with my Missed Miscarriage and whats going on this time, its all completely foreign to them, they have no idea how lucky they were.

If everythign goes ok at my scan on Sat, i'm sure i'll feel better, but only for a day or 2, and then i'll be worrying until the next one.

Its just exhausting and draining, and I wish I could do something to take it all away for me, you and all of the other ladies in this same predicament

Hope your Dr lets you have an early scan

xx

 

[MamaTex]

You sound like me!!! You are definitely not alone in how you feel. I hope things go well with your scan today mama Your post isn't miserable to me. You are understandably nervous. I am anxiously waiting on my doppler I ordered so I can give myself some peace of mind because I am starting to get nervous again the closer I get to my next appointment.

 

[meeky81]

hey ladies, I had my scan today and baby is measuring perfectly! I'm walking on cloud nine right now, going to enjoy the next few days of not worrying! lol

I'm starting to believe that maybe this could actually be it, and for the first time, feel a little excited!

hope you''re both doing ok xx

 

[meeky81]

hey ladies, I had my scan today and baby is measuring perfectly! I'm walking on cloud nine right now, going to enjoy the next few days of not worrying! lol

I'm starting to believe that maybe this could actually be it, and for the first time, feel a little excited!

hope you''re both doing ok xx

 

[MrsMoose]

hey ladies, I had my scan today and baby is measuring perfectly! I'm walking on cloud nine right now, going to enjoy the next few days of not worrying! lol

I'm starting to believe that maybe this could actually be it, and for the first time, feel a little excited!

hope you''re both doing ok xx

Meeky, that's awesome news I know exactly how you feel, I've lost 3 angel babies and am pregnant for the 4th time but I find myself feeling anxious and willing myself not to get too emotionally attached to this baby until I know what's happening. My first scan is on Monday, I hope that everything is ok.

All the best for you and what a lovely outcome!

Carmen. xx

 

[Smiler82]

Meeky that's great news I managed to get a scan too and things are ok for now. They added 3 days so am further along than I thought which is nice Still nervous for the next few weeks but just glad we got to see the baby.

MrsMoose hope we can go for the hat trick and get good news for you too on mon xx

 

[needshelp]

i feel the same as you.... MY HCG LEVELS WERE DOUBLING UP UNTIL YESTERdAY...had a scan and saw a sac with nothing else,b ut doc said it was too early...super nervous as my levels were only at 3679 at 5 w 2d...just hoping for the best at this point...no more spotting today though so at least that was short lived...hang in there!

 

[meeky81]

i feel the same as you.... MY HCG LEVELS WERE DOUBLING UP UNTIL YESTERdAY...had a scan and saw a sac with nothing else,b ut doc said it was too early...super nervous as my levels were only at 3679 at 5 w 2d...just hoping for the best at this point...no more spotting today though so at least that was short lived...hang in there!

Keeping fingers crossed for you hun xx

 

[needshelp]

great news on your awesome scan! somewhat reassuring! I'm still waiting on the results from my blood tests from this morning! the waiting KILLS me!

 

[meeky81]

great news on your awesome scan! somewhat reassuring! I'm still waiting on the results from my blood tests from this morning! the waiting KILLS me!

Thanks hun...i had my 12 week scan last week and everything measuring perfectly

Waiting is so painful...every minute feels like an hour!! Let us know how you get on! x

 

[needshelp]

got my blood results...they are up 700 from monday to wednesday, not doubling at all but the doc said this is a good sign it's going up! sometimes HCG levels fluctuate! I'm still in the 4000 range though and i'm not sure if that is good for 5 plus weeks but trying to think positive...my hcg is rising, just slowly, any success stories wtih this? also, all my morning sickness went away today