feeling miserable

[passengerrach]

sorry if this is not meant to be in this section but i thought id get more response in this forum so thought id post here too. well here goes i do not trust anyone with my son except my mum and my nan and my aunties all who i trust completely and they all have a lot of kids of their own so i know they no what they r doing but even my oh i feel as though i cant trust him completely to do things right. i hate other people holding him unless its one of the above people i have to grit my teeth till hes given back i especially hate going to my oh parents house because hes taken away from me for hours and i cant even feed him or change him because everyone else wants to do it even though i feel like only i no how to do it properly i dont know how to relax and go with the flow.
i think all this stems from when he was first born my oh family and parents were so pushy coming round 3 times a day and holding him the whole time so i never got time alone with him and the first time we went round there when he was a week old we were there for 7 hours and i didnt get to hold him for the whole time we were there and even now hes taken away from me as soon as we step through the door if i do manage to have him on my lap after a second hes taken off me and i dont know if i can cope with it anymore i dread going there and my oh parents expect us round twice a week and i know were going to end up falling out over it because i never want to go there i just hate them touching him im worried someone is going to hurt him accidentaly and they let their kids kiss him and breath over him when they have colds and things it just annoys the hell out of me im sorry this is so long i just needed to get it out to someone im starting to worry that im getting pnd or something im just feeling really miserable. i know i sound like an overbearing mother but i just cant help it does anyone else feel this way i know theres not a lot of advise anyone can give me but as i said i just needed to talk to someone

 

[sparkswillfly]

I feel exactly the same as you. Luckily our families live far away but when OHs family come over they hold her the whole time and they dont give her back when she cries... they try and settle her themselves. I know for a fact the only reason she cries is that shes hungry and I breastfeed so bloody give her to me now I feel like screaming. I do everything with her day to day. OH has never bathed her or anything. and I only get him to change her bum if im desperate. I like to do everything myself because then I know its done right.

 

[passengerrach]

i know its like they think well u get the baby all the time and we only see them every week so while ur here u dont need ur baby but truth is we do need them and need to hold them every so often thats why i wanted to breastfeed so id get given him back but it didnt work out and at the start i was happy to give up breastfeeding but now im so wishing id stuck with it just so i could disapear upstairs with him to feed him and have an excuse to be close to him

 

[sparkswillfly]

The early weeks are so important for bonding because its not instant and it grows with time. By them being such an overbearing force they interfering with your bonding time. If I was you I would seriously cut back on the visits for a while just be strong. Maybe only go once a week

 

[passengerrach]

i want to i really would prefer to not go every week for a while especially not twice a week but my oh gets this text from his dad saying ' hows the family' and i just know its a hint that they want us to go there and then my oh just says we will be coming round on such an such day without even asking me and he gets angry when i make excuses i havnt told him how im feeling because i think he will think im being selfish and get angry with me and i think i would probably just cry if i started talking about it

 

[Chel]

Wow... sounds awful... sounds like my OHs family.

I dont go over to their place any more at all, and I dont answer the phone to his mum at all... they're overbearing and awful and mean and bossy and I cant take it along with sleep deprivation.

Then again, since having Jasper I've been heaps firm with them, because I think when your a mum, you have to be tough! I take Jasper back when I want him back - I really couldn't care less if I offended them.

My MIL lost all right and respect from me the first time she held Jasper when he was a day old, after I'd just gotten him to sleep and I'd said that, I didn' even want to hand him over because he was asleep, but my OH insisted, so I carefully passed over my neatly wrapped bundle and she unwraps him and tries to wake him up because she wanted to see his blue eyes!!!!

I could have killed the b*tch!

So... yeah.... she doens't get Jasper UNLESS I let her... and as soon as I want him back, I take him... end of story.

So dont worry about being an overbearing mummy, because if you are, I dont know what I am!!!

 

[taperjeangirl]

I went through the exact same thing xxx

 

[alexaliff]

I don't think that it's overbearing at all. You're his mummy and you know what is best for him!