Feeling pissed and Cheated!

[KimmieHawkins]

UPDATE!

I took my SIL to dinner last night. idk if she was putting on a bold face or if my MIL was just being uptight but she said she is overjoyed about our baby. She says in some odd way us having kids gives her comfort that even if she never conceives there are children out here with her blood line.

She never ceases to amaze me. She even asked to host the baby shower. THIS is why I offered to be her surrogate...she is so selfless and loving it sucks that things like this happen to great people.

thanks all for the advice!

 

[babydustcass]

For me personally I don't think I'd have another baby shower anyway but then they aren't big here in the uk and most certainly would only be for your first. I don't think it means your baby isn't celebrated but it's just not the done thing here, I think the whole thing is considered pretty awkward unless your friends organise it for you and I guess that's very much the British way. Too reserved about asking for certain things for our own good lol we don't even have registrys here. I've never know anyone to organiser their own shower. It will be undoubtedly upsetting for your sil but there is no getting around the fact that you are pregnant, and whilst I understand her anguis, it's not your fault she is unable to have children and you shouldn't be made to feel like you can't enjoy it incase you upset her.

 

[babydustcass]

That's great news!!!!

 

[KimmieHawkins]

For me personally I don't think I'd have another baby shower anyway but then they aren't big here in the uk and most certainly would only be for your first. I don't think it means your baby isn't celebrated but it's just not the done thing here, I think the whole thing is considered pretty awkward unless your friends organise it for you and I guess that's very much the British way. Too reserved about asking for certain things for our own good lol we don't even have registrys here. I've never know anyone to organiser their own shower. It will be undoubtedly upsetting for your sil but there is no getting around the fact that you are pregnant, and whilst I understand her anguis, it's not your fault she is unable to have children and you shouldn't be made to feel like you can't enjoy it incase you upset her.

well, you know us Americans....any reason to throw a party. lol jk but here we don't typically throw our own and down south you may have more than one baby shower (your mom throws one, the in-laws throw one, and then your friends)...I couldn't imagine not having one just because its so traditional and the last hoorah before labor.

 

[Mrs W 11]

Great news, she does sound like a lovely person. I hope it happens for her x

 

[KimmieHawkins]

Great news, she does sound like a lovely person. I hope it happens for her x

Me too!!! I know it will, just a matter of when.

 

[xSweetTartx]

Wonderful news! She sounds like such a wonderful person. I really hope that one day she gets her chance! Adoption is always an option too.

 

[KimmieHawkins]

Wonderful news! She sounds like such a wonderful person. I really hope that one day she gets her chance! Adoption is always an option too.

I brought that to her attention too!!! I volunteer at a sexual trauma clinic and we actually have quite a few women who come to us looking for adoption advice. She said she will eventually but isn't ready to give up. I told her to start looking into fertility assistance bc just bc the baby wasn't naturally conceived doesn't mean any less.

But they're really old fashion and believe that if you cant conceive naturally then that's Gods decision and you shouldn't bypass that. I don't agree but all I can do is pray and support. its sad though.

 

[bunnyblonde]

So glad it all worked out!! She sounds like an amazing person!!

 

[xSweetTartx]

I brought that to her attention too!!! I volunteer at a sexual trauma clinic and we actually have quite a few women who come to us looking for adoption advice. She said she will eventually but isn't ready to give up. I told her to start looking into fertility assistance bc just bc the baby wasn't naturally conceived doesn't mean any less.

But they're really old fashion and believe that if you cant conceive naturally then that's Gods decision and you shouldn't bypass that. I don't agree but all I can do is pray and support. its sad though.

She might want to look into assistance-religious or not. When we started TTC this one, 6 months in we were told it wasn't going to happen 100% naturally because I wasn't ovulating. At all. Not even one little eggo. We tried a few months of 50mg clomid, nothing. Once we upped to the 100mg we had success. It's not a bad option if she's having trouble. Sometimes our bodies are not on the same page with us and if she has a similar issue (no clue what her struggle includes) it would be unfortunate to be completely against trying something like it. It doesn't guarantee pregnancy but it gives you a good shot.

Also, funny enough, we conceived shortly after we started seriously considering adoption.

 

[Rhiannon137]

Aww - this whole situation sounds like a bunch of good intentions and crossed wires. My guess is she was probably venting to her mum some of the bad feelings she has. Mum wants to protect her, comes to you and says stuff SIL never intended you to hear...

Either way, it sounds like the SIL is a.lovely and brave person, and the two of you have a good relationship. I'd just move forward with that, enjoy your pregnancy, and keep being kind to your SIL.

 

[Rei]

Honestly I PERSONALLY wouldn't have another babyshower. Not because you should be sensitive to your SIL but because it's kind of a major etiquette no no where I am from. You are only supposed to have one, maybe two if the second is a different gender but definitely not a third.

However if it's perfectly acceptable where you are from, it's your baby and if you want one have one. You shouldn't have your happiness taken away because of someone else's misfortune. Clearly you are supportive and you aren't rubbing it in her face rlor anything

 

[KimmieHawkins]

Honestly I PERSONALLY wouldn't have another babyshower. Not because you should be sensitive to your SIL but because it's kind of a major etiquette no no where I am from. You are only supposed to have one, maybe two if the second is a different gender but definitely not a third.

However if it's perfectly acceptable where you are from, it's your baby and if you want one have one. You shouldn't have your happiness taken away because of someone else's misfortune. Clearly you are supportive and you aren't rubbing it in her face rlor anything

even if it wasn't "acceptable" I still would have one. I think every pregnancy and child should be celebrated not just the 1st. Luckily, those surrounding me agree and host my showers. Very thankful.