Feeling Really Down Today

[JViti]

I am not sure why, but today I just feel really down about this whole thing. Ive been TTC for 19 months now. Since Sept 2011. I feel like I should have had my baby by now. I feel like a failure and I feel like I am being punished. I havent stopped crying since I woke up because all I dream about is having another baby. When I wake up, I feel like it was all taken away from me. Like someone is having a laugh by making me dream about it then saying "HaHa" when I wake up. Everyone in my family is getting pregnant and I am the ONLY one with fertility problems. Everyone likes to brag about how quickly they got pregnant...with the exception of my cousin who complained that it took 6 months...I so badly wanted to say "quit ur bitching until u walk in my shoes."

I feel like no one understands me or what im going through. I am so sick of all the cliches that people are trying to convince me of... "it will happen when its meant to" "maybe God doesnt think ur ready for another one" "these things take time" "having 2 kids is overrated" "your still young, you still have time" "the economy sucks right now anyway" "Look on the bright side......." ummm, what bright side??? "you'll be thankful when your not puking every morning and going through labor and everyone else is..." sorry, but small price to pay, its worth it!! "at least u get to sleep" I'd rather not....

I know people here understand what Im going through, and my DH is ok through this whole thing, but he just doesnt understand the emotional pain i suffer on a daily basis knowing its my fault we cant conceive.

How is it that I get pregnant at 18....without trying....without wanting a baby....and then at 23-25 I try and it wont happen....its kinda backwards dont u think??

Sorry this is long, but I needed to vent...and no one else understands and no one else is able to cheer me up. I dont think anyone could cheer me up but at least its comforting to know that I am not the only one suffering fertility problems and that there are people out there who do understand my feelings.

IDK, today is just NOT going to be a good day for me....

 

[Yoofie]

I also became pregnant with my first without meaning to. I'm a newbie with TTC #2 (only 5 months) but I have an idea of how you're feeling. On top of everything else I also have my father making me feel guilty for something beyond my control.

Hugs to you and I hope you get your BFP very soon.

 

[lanet]

I'm with you girls. It's been 28 months ttc conceive now. The grief and anger is almost unbearable if I really let myself go there. The babies born to parents that don't want them is sickening. It's made me question everything and really shaken my faith. I would love and cherish and take care of a baby. I beg for a baby. And instead peices of crap are the ones getting pregnant without even trying. I don't think it's going to happen for me. I give up, but every month when af shows it's a cruel reminder.

 

[VeraLynn]

Know how you all feel as well. I wasn't even trying to get pregnant with my daughter when I was 19, and spent the next 10 years now trying not to because I wanted to wait til I was more financially stable. Now at 29 I can't get pregnant, and if I do, I can't sustain a pregnancy and have a MC like I did in December. So I know the feeling. Everyone I know are getting pregnant like that, and here I am going on medications and seeing drs. Its been even worse now because I'm slowly creeping up on the the what would've been the due date, so its just getting harder and harder to deal with.

I've gotten the stupid cliches as well. The "maybe it's just not meant to be" or "you already have one kid, that should be enough" really pisses me off, especially when its coming out of the mouths of people that have like 3 or more kids. Surprisingly I've found the people who have been more understanding are the ones without kids. They've been the most supportive too.

Big hugs to all you and hopefully there will be BFPs for us soon!

 

[MyMiniMonk]

I know how you ladies are feeling too. It's been 9 years and 3 months since we started trying. I am so extremely depressed and it's worn me down emotionally.
Comments from people who don't understand hurt so bad! I even had a family member tell me that my faith isn't strong enough. Umm?? First of all, atheists get pregnant every single day. So do women who are purely evil. So what the heck does that have to do with anything??
I am so frustrated and mad, and all I want to do is cry every single day =(

 

[lanet]

I understand that. I'm having a really hard time understanding why horrible abusive people are so fertile. Teenagers that don't know who the father is get pregnant. People that get abortions or neglect their children get pregnant. And here I am thinking maybe I'm just not praying the right way or being good enough. It's a pain that cuts so deep. I started reading a book "Pain Redeemed:when our deepest sorrows meet God" it's been so right on the mark and comforting.
My sister was just over asking about the next fertility treatment. I pay everything out of pocket so i just don't even know what to do next. I'm tired of throwing money down the drain.