Feeling really down

[broodymrs]

This seemed to fit best in the health and wellbeing section so here goes. Sorry in advance for long post.

So I've found my job really stressful for a while now but I stayed because we were ttc and it's good mat leave. This was when we were ttc no 1 in 2012. It took 11 months to get pregnant and I did have a difficult pregnancy so had a fair bit of time off sick. I then went on mat leave and foolishly forgot how unhappy I was at work. Ended up having to go back early as they wouldn't initially let me work part time so I had to use annual leave which I'd planned to tag onto the end of my mat leave. I then applied for part time and had a real battle to get it. I so very nearly quit and wish I had now but I didn't. I then applied for a promotion which I got. I only applied as it was more money, not really because I wanted the job. I'd started thinking about an escape plan and I knew I wanted another baby so thought I'd hang in there for mat leave again. Fast forward to now I'm pregnant after 5 months ttc. Having another difficult pregnancy, sickness, headaches, not sleeping. Made it to 11 weeks before being signed off with ms. I feel physically terrible but I know that underlying it all is stress and anxiety. I logged on to my emails the other day and immediately saw loads of emails from people demanding stuff or moaning and instantly started throwing up. Gp has said ms is made worse by stress and it makes sense as I'm always worse at work or when thinking about work.

Any contact from work is making my heart race and I just want to cry. I absolutely hate my job, I'm not even going to get the extra pay for it this year as I'll be on mat leave when it's due so I know they just won't pay it. And it's not worth chasing it as it'll stress me out more. I have decided now that once my mat leave finishes I'm not going back, thank god I don't have to pay my mat pay back. But I wish I'd resigned before I was pregnant, although then I wouldn't be getting the great mat leave!

I don't really know the purpose of writing this. I just need to get it off my chest. I'm physically feeling terrible and an emotional wreck. Due to our procedures there's no way work will not contact me and I'm dreading going back after my note expires. I do have a proposition to basically ask them to give my role to someone else so I can do something less stressful but I know it won't go down well.

If you've read this far, thank you! If anyone has any experience of handling work related stress:anxiety I'd appreciate hearing it. I keep telling myself it's only a few months as technically I can go on mat leave at Christmas. That would be great but it would bring the end date of my mat leave forward too, although the kind of jobs I'm planning on doing that might not be too bad. Anyway I'll shut up now!

 

[greekgirl]

I am sorry you are feeling stressed, down and generally not feeling well.
Your job situation sounds confusing and stressful.
I have no insight on the matter... Sorry.
Just that I took my unpaid maternity leave with difficulty a month before my baby was due and legally I was supposed to still have a job 6 months later but I live in corrupt Greece and my boss got away with not keeping me and I did nothing because she is supposed to be a family friend. Long story. I am now unemployed as of March 2014.

I hope things look up soon.

 

[kirstybumx3]

If your doctor thinks your job role is making you more I'll he can put it into writing and during your work risk assessment they'll need to take that into consideration and allow you lighter duties so definitely request it if you think your current role is affecting your wellbeing at the moment. X

 

[broodymrs]

Thanks for your replies. I'm physically feeling better this week and it has helped with my mental outlook too. I've decided to go on maternity from Christmas and I've lots of leave to take and appointments between now and then too so I think my plan is to just ride it out, try and take as much time off as I can and not get so emotionally involved in stuff at work. Clearly no one there cares about me so why should I care in return?! I will be sensible though and if I am really struggling with my mental health when I return I will speak to my GP. I haven't even had a risk assessment yet. My manager is rubbish at things like that

 

[LoraLoo]

Sorry you are going through this- I had similar in one of my pregnancies and it was awful.

I would ride it out to get your mat leave but Id begin leave as soon as you can, use up any annual leave in between, and don't hesitate to get signed off again if you need to.

Horrible situation to be in.

 

[broodymrs]

Thank you Hun. I am a naturally anxious person but I normally control it ok. Everything just got on top of me I think, with feeling so physically ill and work still expecting a lot of me despite me being signed off. Oh well, not long left! And I'm not going back after mat leave either so I'll be free!

 

[Jenny Bean]

Just wondering how you are doing now, you baby is due soon I see.
I am a naturally anxious person also and find it difficult to cope with work stress/life stress. I focus on all my mistakes instead of focusing on what I am doing right. I am in a new role since being back from mat leave for 6-7 months now and the anticipation of the day/leaving my daughter is hard. I contemplate trying to start up my own website and kick this job, lol....but I guess there would be a new set of problems. Also dealing with marital problems magnifies everything. Hope you are doing well xo.

 

[broodymrs]

Just wondering how you are doing now, you baby is due soon I see.
I am a naturally anxious person also and find it difficult to cope with work stress/life stress. I focus on all my mistakes instead of focusing on what I am doing right. I am in a new role since being back from mat leave for 6-7 months now and the anticipation of the day/leaving my daughter is hard. I contemplate trying to start up my own website and kick this job, lol....but I guess there would be a new set of problems. Also dealing with marital problems magnifies everything. Hope you are doing well xo.

I'm ok thanks. I went back to work and told my boss I needed more support. Didn't get it so ended up signed off from mid November. Currently on annual leave and my maternity officially starts 21st Jan. So I've basically been off since mid November which has massively helped. I have been referred for counselling but tbh I'm not really finding it helpful. I think rather than a frame of mind it was circumstances putting pressure on me. I'm definitely not going back after mat leave. Not exactly sure what I will do but just not going to worry about it until I have to.

Sorry if you're struggling. I would definitely recommend speaking to your gp to get the ball rolling for some support. With your job, well it's up to you but my view is life is too short to be miserable so if you have the option to do something else go for it!