feeling really low after miscarriage - need someone to talk to

[mad4babies]

Hi. I am feeling really low and really alone tonight and just wondered if anyone wanted to talk? I lost my baby 10 days ago after being told he had died on 26 March. I thought that we had lost him on April 11 and have been very slowly recovering only to have been knocked for 6 last week when I gave birth to him complete in sac. The last few days I thought that I was coping okdespitelast week ending up in hospital after excessive bleeding and clots. The last 2 days I haven't been able to get out of bed and can't cope with basics of life. This is 11 weeks after my baby's heartbeat stopped. I don't know how to repair myself and pull myself together. This has gone on so long now it's even wearing thin for me

 

[AnnieMac2]

I'm so sorry.

I've been through some really bad times as a result of this and then unexpectedly bounce back a little bit. I hate the emotional roller coaster, but maybe it'll get to the point where we're feeling better more often than not.

Can you ask a friend over to help you with stuff around the house or just a visit even if just for a little bit? I know I wasn't capable of socializing when it first happened, but a friend dropped in just for a cup of coffee and I found that just a short visit was a good distraction. Maybe start small and get out of bed for a shower or get down the tiniest snack, even if you get right back in? Don't put added pressure on yourself to "get better." It will take time and you're doing your best. xo

 

[momwithbabies]

I know we've chatted on another thread, but I just wanted to say I'm so sorry. I agree with AnnieMac with trying to take those small steps.

I know you've been through so much. I hope you feel better soon. I know it seems like the grief is unending at times.

 

[mad4babies]

Thank you anniemac and momwithbabies for your replies. This has been such a LONG emotional rollercoaster this time round and I just need to stay focused and know that days will get better gradually. I just need to decide what I am going to do with my baby now (he is in the freezer right now) and maybe that will help me try and move on. (I can't bear to part with him). I am currently testing negative on HPT so maybe I should focus on trying again - I am just so exhausted with thinking about this everyday and know that I am setting myself up for another miscarriage.

How are you doing momwithbabies? x x

 

[momwithbabies]

I'm doing okay. Thank you for asking. This journey is for sure an emotional rollercoaster. I've thought about sitting down some day to write down everything, as I feel expressing myself helps me through the grief the most. I don't know why, but I feel like I want to tell people I lost my baby and it hurts. I'm not the best writer, but this is going to be my summer project. Also, I want to get something to memorialize my baby...an angel figurine or something special. I don't know because then I have days when I feel stupid for dwelling on this lost life when I have two kids I'm raising right now. Sigh...

 

[mad4babies]

hi momwithbabies. You are so right in everything you say. It sure is an emotional rollercoaster - I sometimes think I could cope better if the emotions just stayed in one place, however bad they were. I know exactly what you mean about wanting to tell people what we are going through and that we are hurting so much and that our babies aren't with us anymore. I want to scream it out from the rooftops! I also know what you mean about feeling bad for dwelling on a lost life and not the living (especially our children) and I've been doing this so long now that those feelings are with me a lot adding to all the guilt that we feel.

I kept a diary from the day I was told my first baby was dead and wrote for a few months. Then I started it again with my 2nd and continued with this miscarriage. It helps me a lot to get my feelings out and also further down the line it helps to look back and know that things have got a bit easier - even if it doesn't feel like that at that time. Also it helped me to look back to my first miscarriage and see what stage my emotions and body were at at the different stages and how I was feeling then. So the days when I feel that I can't go on anymore I can look back at my diary and know that I did manage to somehow find the strength then and that I can do it once again now.

I also feel guilty for wanting to ttc again because I will probably have another miscarriage and once again put my family through all this all over again. I don't feel like I've been me for over a year now but I can't give up now - I just don't know how much further I can take this journey but I must continue until I can't do it anymore. x x x
My first angelbaby was due on Christmas Day so we bought a special angel for our Christmas Tree so every year she will be with us. With this miscarriage we are thinking about burying our baby in a special pot in the garden but just don't know what to plant in it yet - I would be devastated if the plant/tree died! Our children don't know about any of the babies so we have to do it all very discreetly. I feel guilty for hiding the babies from them but I don't want them distressed, maybe I will tell them when they are older?!?

 

[momwithbabies]

I love your diary idea! It makes me want to go out and buy one now. And what a sweet way to memorialize your baby with an ornament. I might do that as well.

I think the plant is a good idea, but I understand your concern about the plant dying. I'm sure you've searched the Internet for ideas. I'm really unsure of what to do. It's tough because I know you want everything to be perfect for your sweet baby. There's no telling what the cost is, but have you tried contacting a funeral home? Or maybe some ladies on this forum might have some other ideas to choose from?

 

[Esperanza2015]

Hi ladies, I just want to say am sorry for your lost. I had a miscarriage on April 6th and I can say that I understand what you are going through. For me the physical part was done quickly, well bleeding for 12 days, the natural mc carried out normally, but the emotional rollercoaster seems never ending. Just yesterday I got again very sad and had to cry for a while to feel a little normal again. I also want to tell people about my angel baby, how much i miss him and how much it hurts now that he is gone. Im also writing a diary, well not everyday but when I can and it really helps me. My sister also told me that what was making me sad is the fact that is like a silent loss so Im also thinking on doing some sort of ritual to say good bye properly to my little angel.
I know it gets better and I hope the diary and the ritual help you and me to have a closure. Our babies will always live in our memories and our hearts.