Feeling so guilty and sad

[AwesomePossum]

For literally 10 years I have dreamed about a little girl. Every few months I dreamt of her at different ages, but it was always the same little girl and she was mine. My son is 11 and I knew she wasn't my son's father's baby because right after he got his vasectomy is when I started dreaming about her. I have been divorced for 7 years and just this year got remarried to a wonderful man. We are building a gorgeous house that will be done in a month. Life is perfect and it seems like everything is falling into place. I have SO much to be grateful for.

We had our gender scan this morning. I saw it and knew even before the tech said anything it is clearly a boy. I couldn't stop tears from slipping down my face during the rest of th scan. Thank goodness it's dark in there. He is absolutely perfect, healthy, and exactly where he should be for length and weight. As soon as the tech finished I pretended I had to pee really bad and ran to the bathroom. I cried for about ten minutes and have since been crying on and off all day.

There are people who try for years to conceive, people who don't have healthy babies or lose their babies and here I am crying about a boy when I wanted a girl. I feel guilty. I feel like an a$$hole. I was so excited for today and now I'm afraid I'm going to cry every time someone asked me what I'm having. I know I will love this baby and I will get over this, but right now is really hard.

 

[Eleanor ace]

sory you didn't get the news you wanted hun, it must be very hard when you have dreamed of a little girl for so long. Perhaps you will have another and get your girl? x

 

[_jellybean_]

Massive hugs, hon. Let yourself feel the way that you feel. Try not to beat yourself up about how you feel either. Take it easy on yourself. It's okay to cry, to feel upset and angry. You'll get through this. Treat yourself to something if you can. Also, maybe look into some talk therapy, as that may help.

 

[BabyCleo]

its okay to be sad! just dont hold it in. go talk to someone, maybe one day you will have your pink bundle, but that boy will be so special when hes born

 

[AwesomePossum]

Thanks, ladies, for the support. I really just needed to vent I think and spend some time in introspection. I am feeling better about it and just trying to focus on all of the great things in my life, my new house, my healthy baby. Things happen as they should. I may or may not have my girl. Maybe she's supposed to be my granddaughter. Thanks again for the support when I needed it most

 

[pinklightbulb]

 

[maybebaby3]

maybe you will have another baby and she'll be your girl!