Feeling so low (sorry, a bit long)

[charlies-star]

Hi, i dont really know why i am on here, but it seems like the right thing to do. I also haven't ever posted on a board before so i apologise if i get anything wrong.

I had a m/c nearly two weeks ago at 12+4 and altho i feel i have coped fairly well i still go through depressive days (like today) where i can't really motivate to do anything.

It isn't helped by the fact that my dp is seeking and finding support from a long term female friend who he has a history with. Nothing ever went on between them but he wanted it to at the time (they were only 15ish) We have all been friends for a long while as all went to school together (altho i didn't really like her much there). DP and i have been together for 13 years this year and i know i can totally trust him but i am not so sure about her. She is going through a divorce and has a two year old son. They text each other regulary and seek advice from eachother and altho he tells me that she is concerned about me she doesn't really do anything to prove it. Today she texted me and it seemed that she might actually want to make the effort to help me (by going out somewhere or just coming by for a coffee) but then totally blew me off and has left me feeling much worse than i did before.

DP isn't coping with the loss as well as me (and that makes me feel like a heartless cow) and so i don't want to ask him to stop speaking to her as it is his only outlet. He is doing the big 'i am the man and i am going to protect you and be strong for you' stuff, however much we talk and tell him he doesn't have to be like that.

The problem is that i really need someone to just come and talk to me or take me out and it makes me realise that i don't have many friends, let alone one that i could really do with.

I have spent all day disolving into floods of tears and feel so very lonely. I don't think it is the m/c in itself that is causing me to be like this, just everything connected with it.

Sorry if i have rambled on. Am i just being jealous as he has a friend he can talk to and i don't.

 

[rachjim98]

It times like these when you find out who your true friends are. I am so sorry for your loss
Your DH is dealing with it in his way, if you trust him then she isn't a issue. Sorry you and him don't feel you can talk to each other about this.

We had just moved here to this place about a month before our MC and I had nobody other then DH to turn to for instant support. All of my friends live in Florida, I did have a friend come up in January to spend a week with me. My MC was in November of last year so it did take her 2 months to come visit but hey at least she cared enough to do that.

This site has been a wonderful support for me during my time of need and all the people on here have put their grief aside for that one moment to help me feel better and that can mean so much.

I know a real life hug makes you just feel loved and cared for but here is a cyber hug for you and if you need some more I will give you some.

Take care of yourself

 

[charlies-star]

Thanks, at least you made me stop crying. Your reply is so kind, thank you for the hugs, they are almost better than realy hugs as they are genuine.

Rant coming up.....

The worst bit is that we do talk to each other a lot but he feels he gets other stuff from her (she has had a m/c as well). I think that his close relationship with her makes me realise that i don't have someone close to talk to. and then that makes me feel like i must be a really bad person not to have any really good friends.

The really crappy bit is that he has just come home to find me in floods of tears and so made me explain to him what was wrong. He then went on about how she is really worried and that when they met up earlier for a coffee whilst her son was in his swimming class, all she talked about was how worried she was about me. So then i got more upset because whilst she was blowing me out of meeting up she was with him and they were having a lovely drink together. I just get the feeling that she is using talking about me as a way to talk to him. She also talks to him about her divorce etc and he is such a caring person that he worries about her and not me - am i just being overly jealous.

How long did it take for you to get your life back on track after the m/c?

 

[rachjim98]

Back on track...I don't know what that is at the moment! Hell I am still struggling, I had a car accident 2 days ago after leaving a store full of newborn girls. My mind was just so out of it and I hit a tree but I am alive so I cant complain.

We lost our Daughter Rebecca @19+5 weeks in November08, and nobody has answers to why.

I think I would keep a close eye on that relationship, the more you tell me the more I began to think she is using this as way in to get close to him. If she was a good friend to you she wouldn't be blowing you off to have a drink with him. She should be more concerned with your well being.
This can really do bad things to your system and your head. It dose get better I was doing really well until 2 days ago when I seen all those newborns in the store. Our daughter would have been due 23 of this month and to add double dagger in my heart my b-day is 3 days later.

But enough about me this was suppose to be about you and your problems.. See we all have issues.LOL Sorry if I sound negative not trying to

 

[charlies-star]

Sorry, shouldn't have assumed you were back on track. I just so desperatly want to be me again and as this was my first i really want to try again soon. I hadn't realised i wanted to be a mum this badly until i got preg.

The friend keeps on either telling me or dp times when she thinks i might lose it - like seeing someone else pushing a pram. It hadn't really occured to me as i was just happy for them but once she said it i now burst into tears.

19+5 must be really diff as everything is so more advanced. I thought 12+ was bad enough. You're not sounding negative, but you are making me feel a whole lot better. I think it is just talking to someone else about it.

 

[rachjim98]

Maybe she is just trying to help in her own way and she feels he is easier to help. Has DH told her you were feeling better then him maybe why she feels he is better to talk to.

I have trying to find me for awhile and I am getting me back. It is a every hour process (grief loss pain) and it takes time but it dose get better. I just had a lapse but talking with everyone will help.

I have to walk up to the bus stop here in a minute to pick up my 2 LO's from school. I will be back also if you would like to PM please feel free. I will help anyway I can

 

[chella]

Hi, i dont really know why i am on here, but it seems like the right thing to do. I also haven't ever posted on a board before so i apologise if i get anything wrong.

I had a m/c nearly two weeks ago at 12+4 and altho i feel i have coped fairly well i still go through depressive days (like today) where i can't really motivate to do anything.

It isn't helped by the fact that my dp is seeking and finding support from a long term female friend who he has a history with. Nothing ever went on between them but he wanted it to at the time (they were only 15ish) We have all been friends for a long while as all went to school together (altho i didn't really like her much there). DP and i have been together for 13 years this year and i know i can totally trust him but i am not so sure about her. She is going through a divorce and has a two year old son. They text each other regulary and seek advice from eachother and altho he tells me that she is concerned about me she doesn't really do anything to prove it. Today she texted me and it seemed that she might actually want to make the effort to help me (by going out somewhere or just coming by for a coffee) but then totally blew me off and has left me feeling much worse than i did before.

DP isn't coping with the loss as well as me (and that makes me feel like a heartless cow) and so i don't want to ask him to stop speaking to her as it is his only outlet. He is doing the big 'i am the man and i am going to protect you and be strong for you' stuff, however much we talk and tell him he doesn't have to be like that.

The problem is that i really need someone to just come and talk to me or take me out and it makes me realise that i don't have many friends, let alone one that i could really do with.

I have spent all day disolving into floods of tears and feel so very lonely. I don't think it is the m/c in itself that is causing me to be like this, just everything connected with it.

Sorry if i have rambled on. Am i just being jealous as he has a friend he can talk to and i don't.

Hi

Read your story and im so sorry for ur loss and also hope the problems go away soon with ur partners friend as as nice as she is and u trust ur other half she needs to let u both hav ur time together so he can need u, I so hope it all gets better for u,
sending loadsa
xxx

 

[rachjim98]

How are you feeling, I know reading post on here and getting some postive feed back can help alot. I agree with chella above, when she says she needs to let him need you.

hope you get feeling better, and dont worry your time will come!

 

[charlies-star]

Thanks both, have jst had a bath. I do talk to dp and have always thought we had quite an open approach to each other. But he just seems to want to make everything better for everyone and that doesn't seem to be helping. He just keeps saying that she is trying to help and she does care but doesn't seem to have an answer when i ask him how she shows this to me. I understand that he probably is getting help from her and that is fine but i don't want her inflicted on me.

I think having a m/c is one of those life altering things just makes you realise what support you have round you. I'm not particulary close to my mother so that makes it all a little bit harder. Earlier i just really wanted someone to moan at and i realised that there isn't anyone.

I think my hormones must still be raging. How long does it take for your body to settle back down after a m/c?

 

[chella]

Thanks both, have jst had a bath. I do talk to dp and have always thought we had quite an open approach to each other. But he just seems to want to make everything better for everyone and that doesn't seem to be helping. He just keeps saying that she is trying to help and she does care but doesn't seem to have an answer when i ask him how she shows this to me. I understand that he probably is getting help from her and that is fine but i don't want her inflicted on me.

I think having a m/c is one of those life altering things just makes you realise what support you have round you. I'm not particulary close to my mother so that makes it all a little bit harder. Earlier i just really wanted someone to moan at and i realised that there isn't anyone.

I think my hormones must still be raging. How long does it take for your body to settle back down after a m/c?

Hey Ya,
Well if u ever want a moan pm me lol i dont mind i get like that at times and its true when things like this happens it makes u realise whos there for u ??

Let me know how things go and so sorry ur feelin alone at times , i was told bout couple wks , i had my miscarriage induced last thursday and ive still got sore heavy boobs and nausea i hate it as theres nothing inside me ne more and its hard to cope at times wen u hav these symptoms but im sendin u loadsa this forum has helped me so much and i hope it can do the same for u , keep talkin xxxx

 

[Chilli]

Hi Charlie's. How are you? Sounds like your in a very low place at the moment and as the others have already said, it's a lonely experience having a MC and you should take advantage of all the help you can get here.
Regarding this woman, yes your hormones can get a bit confusing and influence your feelings, but it sounds like she needs to back off!! In the nicest sense. Could you try talking to her about how your feeling - if she really is trying to help she should understand how vunerable you are at the moment. If she doesn't give you both some space, make sure he realises how much you need him at the mo... it's good to feel useful! I hope you can work something out, and we're here if you just want a damn good moan!!!

 

[todteach]

Sending you tons of hun. xox

Right now you need your partner by your side. Not with other women. Please tell him how you feel right now. I would be furious with my husband, if he went to other women to talk about me, when I was sitting at home all alone. He needs to be more supportive of you right now, by being with you. You may not be as emotional on the outside, but inside you're hurting.

Take care hun. I hope this girl gives you both some much needed space. xox

 

[rachjim98]

Hi sweetie was just thinking of you and was wondering how your doing? Silly question but you are on my mind. If you need anything I am just a click away

 

[becky77]

so sorry for your loss, your right a m/c is a life altering experience and it can leave you feeling alone and lonely. your dh sounds like he is struggling a bit and is trying to be strong for you and therefore showing this other lady his weak side so as not to burden you, unfortunately men dont realise that we want them to show us that side . I agree with the ither girls this woman does sound a little predatory to me and might be using the situation to her advantage.but you sound like you have a pretty good relationship with dh so try not to worry.
as for getting back to normal i dont know that you ever go back to being the old you , you just move on and accept it eventually,and slowly you will start to see little shoots of happiness again and start to feel stronger.

dont feel alone there are some wonderful ladies on here who will always talk to you or just listen if you want to rant.
take care xxx

 

[Staceyxxx]

So sorry for your loss, if you ever feel like a chat pm me *hugs* xx