Feeling suffocated and very down - any advice?

[Em_S]

Hi ladies. My daughter is 10 weeks old and will not sleep anywhere day or night but on me & my partner. I have tried everything. Swaddling, bouncer, car rides, leaving her to cry, you name it. Once we've have managed to get her off we will then put her in her Moses basket or cot and she instantly wakes. As my partner is at work in the day I'm constantly having to sit and hold her on my chest whilst she sleeps. I never get the chance to have a break as she is breastfeeding and has started refusing bottles. I struggle to do any washing, go out etc as she won't sleep in her pram either. If I do go out she is constantly screaming as she is over tired. A dark blanket will work for 10 mins but when the dummy drops out she wakes. I'm feeling very suffocated and have been in tears a few times as I just don't know what else I can do
Any advice ladies? Thanks

 

[Fizzyfefe]

Have you tried a wrap or carrier? They are truly a lifesaver if you have a baby that won't be put down. That way, they are held close to you but your hands are free to do chores or whatever you need. Your baby is still so teeny tiny and just wants to be close to you, so I think a carrier might be a good solution.

 

[mummytobe_93]

Hi ladies. My daughter is 10 weeks old and will not sleep anywhere day or night but on me & my partner. I have tried everything. Swaddling, bouncer, car rides, leaving her to cry, you name it. Once we've have managed to get her off we will then put her in her Moses basket or cot and she instantly wakes. As my partner is at work in the day I'm constantly having to sit and hold her on my chest whilst she sleeps. I never get the chance to have a break as she is breastfeeding and has started refusing bottles. I struggle to do any washing, go out etc as she won't sleep in her pram either. If I do go out she is constantly screaming as she is over tired. A dark blanket will work for 10 mins but when the dummy drops out she wakes. I'm feeling very suffocated and have been in tears a few times as I just don't know what else I can do
Any advice ladies? Thanks

I feel you it's hard! Have you tried a wrap or a baby carrier so you have your hands free? Honestly I think it's just getting through the next few weeks and then your baby will be able to play happily for ten or so minutes and give you a bit of a break.

Also it is OK for your baby to cry. I know sometimes it can stress you out. But as long as they are safe you can put them down and get a shower or do the dishes honestly it is fine. Sometimes I have to do it, I feel bad but he is fine!
Could your partner give you a few hours to yourself at night to re cooperate ? You could have a bath and read a book or watch some TV and your partner could give a bottle of expressed milk if needed?

You do need some alone time to feel human and normal and that's ok!

Just get through these next few weeks, accept help if offered and get some time for yourself! And if you get things done eg dishes washed you might feel better

Also if I ever need something doing and baby is crying I put the vacuum on, hairdryer on ir some white noise and usually stops him crying and settles him for a while you could try it?

Or try swaddling ?

Good luck x

 

[MindUtopia]

I third what the other ladies have said: get a wrap. It is a lifesaver. My daughter was also one of those babies that needed to always be held. She slept once in the moses basket for 20 minutes. That was it. Otherwise, for the first 4 months, she slept on my chest/in a wrap or next to me. With her in the wrap, I could do things like use the toilet or make myself some food with my hands free while she slept. I didn't bother trying to put her down and it just wasn't worth it. If she would sleep on me in the wrap and that worked, that's what we did. But it helps a lot to have your hands free and to be able to move around without worrying about waking her. So I really can't recommend that enough. It will change your life. Find a sling meet near you and go. They'll know exactly what you're going through and be able to help suggest some thing to try.

As for doing things around the house, don't worry about them. Use paper plates, make ready-meals, do the washing up or a little bit of cleaning in the evening when your partner is home or save it up for the weekend. I never did any cleaning or washing up or cooking during the day in the early months. It was too much. When my husband got home at 6, he took over with our daughter, holding her or wearing her in the wrap while I did things in the kitchen, etc. or vice versa. We saved all big jobs (like anything but washing up or cooking) for the weekend when we were both at home. It was also great bonding time for them too and it meant I had a few hours in the evening to do what I needed to do, like shower or cook (which I find relaxing). He wore her in the wrap all evening after her 7 ish feed while she slept and then we took her to bed when we went. We didn't bother with trying to put her to bed on her own at that age. It wouldn't have worked and would have been too stressful. At 4 months, she transitioned easily to going to sleep on her own upstairs, but before that she always slept with or on one of us.

Co-sleeping. We also co-slept (and actually still do part of the night). It was a lifesaver as well. As you're breastfeeding, it's something you can easily do safely and will make nighttime much easier.

And don't feel like you can't get out just because you're having a rough day. It's the best reason to get out. Sign up for a class and commit to going every week (we did a baby massage class around this age). It forced me to leave the house and do something (because I'd already paid for it) even when I felt like I couldn't cope. All the babies had days when they cried the whole time. It's normal and everyone else understands. We had one class we spent half the time dancing around the room to music trying to calm our screaming babies and some of us cried ourselves because we were so overwhelmed. It happens. Everyone goes through it. But if you force yourself to get out on your worst days, they will get better and you'll eventually have fewer and fewer of them.

 

[Amber3]

With my daughter I would turn on the hair dryer. It worked amazingly. Also for a while a wrap (any thin blanket can be just fine)

I hope your situation improves soon

 

[kristel_]

This is exactly how my daughter was. We found out after trying everything that the reason she wouldn't sleep in a cot or a moses basket or anywhere other than on us was because she had silent reflux. As soon as we put her down the acid was coming back up from her stomach and burning the back of her throat. We only tried the staydown milk as a last resort but after the first feed she was like a different baby!

 

[bitethebullet]

Sounds like my friend's baby who had reflux. I think my baby has mild reflux and propping the Moses basket has helped. Also the soft wrap carriers are great as other ladies have said

 

[jstarr]

A wrap is a great suggestion as others have said, possible reflux? Maybe a bouncer chair that is slightly angled with white noise might let you do a few things, I bring the bouncer in whatever room I'm in if she's awake while i need to do something. Is there anyone who coins pop over and hold her while you have half an hour for a bath or hot cup of tea? It feels like forever at the time but hopefully it will improve for you as she gets a bit older x

 

[pachamama92]

Both my babies have been the same. To get them to sleep in the pram or the cot I do the following!
If he has just fed then I prop him up or keep him upright for 10-15 minutes
Then I wait to make sure he is in a deep sleep. Breathing should be quiet and slower
I quickly pick him up and plonk him in cot
Then this is crucial, keep your hand on his tummy. He might stir but wait for a few minutes even if his eyes are open!!
Volia, baby asleep in cot. Its. Laborious process bug gets me some time to breathe even if just 20 minutes!!

 

[Berri]

Can agree that a wrap or carrier may help (DS2 would spend about 3 hours napping in there in the mornings).

I also found that putting my firstborn in the pram and going for a loooooooong walk helped a lot. He probably cried the whole way (6-8km) but at least I got some fresh air and exercise and it was easier than staying in and listening to the crying bouncing off the same walls. Also if I'm honest, putting him the pram meant I had some time where I wasn't being pawed at, where my body was just mine. Rain, hail or shine that baby and I were out there every afternoon without fail! It gave me time to breathe a bit so I wasn't tackling bedtime already frazzled (because baby does pick up emotional cues from you).

Be kind to yourself and I know it's really hard not to worry about the house falling into chaos but really, the time they will "need" to be so close to you is so short and that housework will ALWAYS be there!

 

[Em_S]

Hi ladies thanks for all your tips and advice. Have tried them but they don't seem to be working
She won't sleep in a carrier but will stay in for a short while thankfully. White noise doesn't seem to do anything and I have tried swaddling and putting towels under her mattress but she still wakes up. We have tried putting her in the middle of the bed but she just startles herself awake yet even when swaddled after 40 minutes will wake. On our chest is the only way.

It just seems to be getting worse lastnight she was up every 40 minutes til we got up at 7am even sleeping on our chest. I try multiple times in the night to put her in her cot but she just wakes up. Iv tried her on her front, side and on a v pillow everything I can think of. I can't try formula either as she won't take it. I just don't know what else to do this lack of space and sleep is killing me x