Feeling under pressure to get BFP

[justwaiting]

I have been feeling under so much pressure after our loss back in Nov.Pressure from myself, family and friends. I feel the pressure to get pregnant again so I can prove to people that my mc was a once off and that I can fall pregnant again and hopefully as quickly as the first time. It took a total of 6 weeks to get a bfp last time from when we started trying. I know I was lucky then.
I convince and unconvince myself I'm pregnant everyday, last time I just had a feeling that I was but I didn't know any different this time I have felt it before so not sure if it my mind making me think I am or my body.
I feel that if I fall pregnant again soon then people will stop worrying about me, asking whether I'm trying again or just simply if I'm ok. It sounds horrible but I wish they'd stop asking me if I'm ok, especially Dh. I've started hiding my pg books from him and reading them in secret and going on here and hiding it from him. My cousin also is 17wks pg and I was 3 weeksa ahead of her and she avoids saying too much around me incase she upsets me (it does but I want to know too)
I know it's probably normal to feel pressure after loss, has anyone else felt the same? How do I cope with the pressure and not let it effect my chances of getting pg, as I've heard stress can stop you falling pg?

 

[Xpecta]

I feel the same way. I think a lot of people do. It almost feels like a race. Its not fun. I'm sorry that you have to feel that way. Its so hard! Cause all you do is worry and stress about it, but that can prevent it!

Luckily I don't have any people asking when I'm going to get pregnant again. I won't let them. Though, they keep asking why I'm so upset lately! I mean seriously?!

I've heard that stress can make getting pregnant harder, but there's not really anything I can say that will help you. Saying just relax and it will happen will probably make you more upset..I know it makes me upset.

Basically I think just talking with the ladies on here will help best. I wish you the best of luck! I really hope you get pregnant again soon, with the child you get to raise!

 

[coco84]

Hey justwaiting

I'm new to this forum but nit to TTC.

It seems we are in a very similar situations, i had a loss in November also, we fell pregnant first month trying and considered myself very lucky, unfortunatly i had MMC that was discovered at scan.

Since then we have been trying, but nothing. I do also feel under pressure as out families know we are trying due to me being in hospital.

I feel as though everyone is watching and waiting, TBH i expected to have fallen PG again by now as it happened so easily last time.

I think all we can do is make sure we are doing everything health wise, i'm also using OPK's and Pre-seed this month. If my in-laws keep on asking me if i'm pregnant then i'm going to get OH to have a word with them.

Hope you feel better soon.

 

[justwaiting]

Coco84,
It is good to know someone feels the same as I do. I'm very sorry for your loss, it is a horrible thing for anyone to go through. I'll keep my fingers crossed that your get pg soon and that you actually get to meet this little one. Have you thought about how you'll feel when you do finally fall again. I know someone who took 3 month's off work after she got pg again and did as little as possible coz she was so scared of losing her baby again. Thats not an option for all of us but I've been thinking of having 3 us in the first 12weeks, a dating one when I find out one at 8-9wks and then the normal one at 12wks. I want to hear a heart beat and be able to see my baby next time asap. I also wont be telling my family and friends next time. We had told quite a few people last time since we got to 11.5wks before we found out we had a mmc wks before and telling people was so hard and it sounds horrible but the sympathy was hard to deal with too. This time we wont tell hardly anyone until the 12wks.
Have you thought about this?

 

[1babylost]

HI girls. I had a MMC/ D&C on Dec 7th. I was 10.5 weeks but baby only measured 8.5 and there was no heartbeat. I waited until my 1st period came on 1/6/11 and then immediately tried that cycle. When I got my BFN/ AF this past Sunday, it felt like I was going through it all over again. I conceived on the 1st try with the baby I miscarried (no charting, no opk, no tempting, just all natural). This past cycle I used opk's, checked cm, and we did the sperm meets egg plan. I was surprised I didn't get pregnant after all of these efforts. My husband will be away on business most of this month, so we will not have the option to TTC. At first, when he told me he had a business trip coming up, I was angry and upset because I want this so bad. But over the past few days, I almost feel a sense of relief in that there is no pressure and that I need to get my life back and stop obsessing over something that's going to happen when the time is right.

So, as I am reading everything your saying, I can relate 100% and know where you are in life. It feels like you won't be happy until you're pregnant again. I spent most of last month feeling the same way. I obsessed over every little feeling. I got upset when my opk wasn't turning positive on the day I thought it would. I bought a ton of pregnancy tests and peed on 1 every day starting at 10dpo... it was nuts. But I think I've reached a point where I am sick of thinking about it all the time. At this point, I just want my pre-pregnancy self back, so thats what I am focusing on this month! So this month, no opk's, no tempting, no craziness, just some fun unprotected sex when time feels right and the hubbys in town!!

PS- I'll let you know how it goes and if I revert to my craziness from January, but right now, I don't expect that to happen.. hhaha!

 

[justwaiting]

Just personally and I'm only new to the ttc game but this whole testing your wee, saliva, cm, temp everyday and hpt everyday post O would drive anyone crazy. I'm obsessed enough and I have done none of it. I know 6-12-24months down the track I probably wouldn't feel that way but to me until/ unless your know something isn't working lots of bd and knowing roughly when you wil O is all I can handle.
I don't mean to offend anyone, I just personally want it to be as natural as possible until the time comes that I have to take further action (which hopefully I never do)

 

[1babylost]

I agree. I just read what you wrote about the sympathy being hard. This was really hard for me too. I had starting telling people at 10 weeks I was pregnant (5 days before I found out about the MC). It was really hard having everyone know my business and then how everyone seemed to walk on eggshells around me. The difference with my situation is that it seemed like everyone avoided the MC topic, even my husband. Even though I can talk to him about it, I always have to be the first to talk about it, and he always is so optimistic and carefree about how we will get pregnant again and have a successful outcome. Right after the MC and even sometimes now, I have a hard time having this same outlook. So its hard and feels like I'm going through it alone. Everyone has told me, "Its so common, it will work out for you." Sometimes I just have a really hard time believing this.

I also would like to do this as natural as possible and try not to do all the crazy stuff I did last month. I think it ends up working out the less you worry about it. One of my biggest fears is having to do something like IVF. I really really don't want to have to do that. Did you miscarry naturally or did you have a D&C?

 

[justwaiting]

1lostbaby,
I felt the same it was like a week or so afterwards that I started to feel like I should not bring it up any longer and that people were in a sense over it. Same old sayings, your young, it happens all the time, it was only the first time, you fell so quickly it'll happen again, think positive and it'll work out for the best. To me it just sounded like shut up and move on already. So I stopped even with DH who just seemed to want to forget it even happened, I found joining this site around that time so helpful. Now No one even brings it up and I don't either it's the taboo subject that alot of women go through but no one mentions it!
I just wish it had happened after I'd had one child atleast then I'd know it'll be ok, when it happens your first pregnancy it brings about all this doubt that this may be the beginning of a long and heart breaking road.
I too want to keep this as natural as possible, IVF is my biggest fear, I'm am trying to avoid anything but ov prdictors on my phone at the moment so I know roughly when to bd.
I had a d&c at 12.2wks after some minor spotting at 11.5wks, at the us the baby measured on 5.6wks.
Have you heard that babies die at the rate they would have grown? I read somewhere that as an example I was 11.5 wks when I found out, baby measured 5.6 weeks, so baby actually died about 8-9wks. I prefer to think this than think my baby was dead for 6wks before I even knew?

 

[wannabe mam]

I feel the same, its weird because we hardly told anyone I was pregnant but then had to tell more about the loss as people need to know why you are suddenly off work for 2 weeks! I feel under pressure now because everyone knows what we want, in fact my boss offered me some baby stuff of hers a week or so ago which I declined as I feel its weird to start collecting stuff before I am pregnant!
I cope with the pressure by drinking large glasses of wine in front of people then they realise I am obviously not expecting!
xxx

 

[coco84]

Just waiting

Yes i have thought loads about this, its going to be a terrible first 12 weeks, i know i'm going to be so worried. I am not working at the moment, We have recently moved for my husbands job and decided that i would stay at home until after we have our first, so doing as little as possible for the first 12 weeks wont really be an issue for me.

Sometimes when i dream what it will be like to get another BFP it amazing but at the same time i have no idea how i'm going to cope with all the worry and stress. my local hospital said i could decide when i would like to have first scan but i'm thinking around week 8 then 12 week dating scan. Not sure there would be any point in having a scan before 8 weeks as there can be so many problems if they dont find heartbeat and i would just be in panic

I really hope you get a BFP soon just waiting! what are you trying at the moment? I'm using OPK's and giving pre-seed a go this month. I dont think i ovulated first 2 months after D&C as i got my first positive OPK last month

 

[glaciergirl]

Hello, I also lost my baby in November at 8 weeks after a scan at 10 weeks detected it had not grown. I have suffered hugely since then physically and emotionally - I got an infection after my D&C and started getting into serious depression again.

I am now in counselling and I talked about exactly what you are going through justwaiting. I have two friends happily pregnant and expecting babies around my due date, and my older sister is 4 months pregnant (she found out on the day of my D&C) with her first baby. I totally felt like I was being left behind.

Anyway - talking it out with a counsellor was very good for me - i could get hysterical, angry and upset and she just talked me through it all. In fact she pointed out that I should be kind to myself and stopping beating myself up about other peoples pregnancies. To focus on me and my own happiness and position in life - my gorgeous caring husband, my beautiful cat, my home and my amazing job. She also helped me to understand that although it may seem that pregnancy makes your life perfect, most women who are pregnant do have other issues in their life, just like me. She also hit it home that pregnancy is all down to chance, and I never understood that before.

Oh, and noone is asking me about being pregnant again, as I made it clear that was going to counselling and still in mental rehab!

Not sure if that helps, but hope you feel better soon. xx

 

[justwaiting]

I'm not really using anythign other than O predicter apps and bd every other day until the wk my period would be due, I'm trying to avoid Opk's and charting and all that unless I really need to, the pressure is enough already without having to do all that and my OH would think I'm nuts, he's very keen on it'll happen when it's meant to. I did another test this morning BFN still 2 days until AF is due will test again on sat. I have a wknd away with the girls and want to know whether I'll be drinking or not! Fingers crossed for not!
It's good to hear everyone is coping with it in similar ways and has similar ideas, makes me feel less alone. Fingers crossed for everyone on here

 

[1babylost]

How do the O predictor apps work? Is this on your iphone?

Yeah, exactly what you said... everyone is like "oh, you're young... you got pregnant so quickly the 1st time.. its going to happen again". Like you, I just come on here and talk about it instead of even talking to DH about it. I feel like he's soooo tried of hearing about it and has the most carefree attitude about it. Sometimes its good because it gets my mind off of it, but most of the time I'm thinking.... reallly... you have no basis for saying what you're saying, you're just saying it to keep me from talking about it.... ANNOYING!!! haha. I also agree about the part of how maybe I would feel better if I already had a child, so I know that we can actually do it. Right now, it seems like we may be one of those couples that will never have it happen.

One thing I was wondering was if DH and I BD on a Sunday and I O on a Wed... is there still a chance of getting pregnant, or will I be too far out?

 

[justwaiting]

Apparently the sperm can stay inside us for a few days so it is possible I think to fall preg even if u dont do the deed on O day. have a look at other threads they may know how long the little guys hang around!
I think men get confused when we are ttc, they have spent their whole lives avoiding talking about our periods and anything to do with our af and then all of a sudden it's all open for discussion on a regular basis, I don't think oh is trying to be insensitive they just don't see why it has to be discussed and to what detail us woman think about these things. i don't even tell oh when I'm ovulating I just make sure we are having sex every other day where possible and go from there. All hubby wants is the sex and the baby at the end they don't get the middle bit!!!!

I use the fertility apps on my Iphone I have pink pad, whattoexpect fertility and another one which is just a period tracker. I know they can't be as accurate as doing the Opk's but atleast I know when I should be getting to the bd as often as possible.

What methods are you all using if any?

 

[glaciergirl]

for me the most accurate way of charting fertility is the appearance of fertile quality cervical mucus. If you are happy inserting non-applicator tampons then its is pretty easy and much more reliable than using pee-on-the stick OPK tests - although I use these too . Your body is telling you when your fertile stage is beginning so you can begin bding. I got pregnant after two months using this method (sadly had a mmc) and have used it again since. Good luck everyone! xx

 

[Niamh22]

I have to say that this month was the first time i used an OPK i usually just bed every other day and i can feel when i am obvulating as i get pain in my lower back and lower abdominal so make sure i hit that night and next day. Now i am obsessing not told my OH as he is very much it will happen again when it happens, now i am obsessing as i O'd on monday and bed every night since saturday just to be sure lol. my OH had no complaints think he is hoping that this is the way forward, but with a 20month old won't be able to keep up that stamina!! I'm not sure if my way of coping with my Mc is now to obsess and i really don't want to stress about it but i know i am....