Fell apart when I saw a baby today

[Alison]

I've just got back from the hospital. I had a second follow-up appointment for blood tests following the injection to deal with my ectopic pregnancy. Thankfully the EPU is well away from other areas of the maternity wing so the most difficult thing I'd had to deal with so far was sharing the lift with heavily pregnant women - until today.

I sat down in the waiting room and looked up to see a beautiful baby on her mother's knee, smiling at me with big brown eyes. I fell apart. I just couldn't handle it. I dashed into the corridoor and burst into tears. It hurt so much seeing a baby when I've just lost mine. A nurse came past me as I was taking deep breaths to control myself and I reassured her I was OK. A few minutes later I was, but just hearing the baby gurgling was so upsetting.

The midwife told me this was a perfectly normal reaction and to take each day at a time. I'm back at home now and OK. Just needed to talk - has anyone else experienced this? It just feels like there are babies everywhere, on the TV in Xmas ads and I know of two babies being born this last week. It hurts so much.

 

[shimmyshimmy]

You sound very depressed, have you spoken to your g.p about the feelings you are experiencing?
Unfortunately you are going to be bumping into babies here there and everywhere. You have to remind yourself that your time will come.
This isnt it for you. Try and stay positive for the future, and remember that you have only just lost your baby, so give yourself more time to grieve.

 

[RachiePachie]

Due to trying for a baby for four years and having 4 nieces and nephews born within those four years I adapted over the years to not get up set. However, since my loss I seem to notice stuff more. Babies and toddlers, little people clothing etc. I also just found out my sister in law is pregnant again - that made me pretty upset.

I think it is so expectant for you to get upset still whether it be triggered by a baby or something else. I get upset when I tell someone new face to face - like my GP yesterday - I nearly broke down.

But my GP did say that it was important to go through the bereavement process after all we had just lost a little baby no matter how many weeks pregnant we were.

Let it out! Go through the process and do what you feel you need to in order to mourn. It is supposed to get easier.

 

[coccyx]

All quite understandable. It will seem like there are pregnant ladies and babies everywhere!. All part of the grieving process, you will not get over it but you will get through it and move forward. Don't be hard on yourself, a good blub can help healing . Your time will come. Take care , one day at a time . 2008 could be your year

 

[Alison]

Thanks everyone. I thought I was going nuts! I'm not depressed, just very sad and I keep reminding myself of all the positive things. I've kept my fallopian tube and I only have to wait 3 months before TTC again, etc. I am determined to stay strong and I'm sure in a few weeks time I'll look at babies like I used to and think "my turn soon". I feel better reading that I'm not the only one on this emotional rollercoaster. The good news is that my hcg level continues to fall dramatically (the hospital rang not long ago with my results). I have a lot to be thankful for and I keep reminding myself this is not a catastrophe, just a setback. Stay strong everyone. Our times will come.

 

[suzan]

I am passing tru the same thing. Sometimes I do burst into tears, and others cry silently!

It's hard!! It becomes something u want so bad isn't it? It becomes something that is missing in ur life and you need to fulfill the dream of having one isnt it?

Cry when u need to, I do the same thing. I hope u get ur BFP as soon as u start trying again.

 

[FJL]

Oh hun, i'm so sorry you're going through this. I wish I could do something to take your pain away.

My thoughts are with you during this very difficult time

 

[Mynxie]

I'm thinking of you huni. It gets easier to deal with seeing babies, but it always stings huni

 

[Hope22]

You asked if any of us had experienced this - for me, the answer is yes, absolutely.

I had a MC that revealed a serious condition requiring surgery, and over a period of a few months I had 12 separate ultrasound appointments. Each time I would see heavily pregnant women and struggle to hold myself together, it felt like torture. I felt like screaming - if I couldn't have children, at least I shouldn't have to be confronted with all that impending birth over and over.

One day I was sitting in the US waiting room, which is in the same building as my gyno's office, surrounded by pregnant women. There was a young woman, maybe 20 years old, at the desk in front of me. The receptionist asked her if she was pregnant, since it wasn't obvious if she was or not, and the woman rolled her eyes and said 'yah, again.' I got the impression that she didn't want the baby, and wanted to slap her right there in the office. I was incredibly depressed but didn't know it at the time.

For me it wasn't seeing babies that made me lose it (though that wasn't easy either), it was hearing pregnant women complain. I wanted to throttle them all and tell them how jealous I was, which isn't at all fair - I was in a horrid state of mind then.

You will heal, but allow yourself to feel sad - you're grieving a loss. If you need to talk, come here or phone a friend; you have a right to cry. We're all here for you.

 

[Wobbles]

to you x

Its deep feelings and sat in the hospital when you see those babies and bumps is the most cutting to the throat.

I am determined to stay strong and I'm sure in a few weeks time I'll look at babies like I used to and think "my turn soon".

Good on you for thinking like this - keep saying it over an over. keep yourself strong x