FF Mums - who does the night shift - you or OH?

[Melody74]

LO is 3 and a half weeks old and aside from 2 saturday nights, I've done all the night shifts. I suggested this in the first place as OH works 6 days a week and gets up at 6am. However - it is killing me.

When I got pregnant and started reading about babies, I assumed feeding every 2 or 3 hours meant that the clock started when you put them down after a feed. So you could get 2-3 hours of sleep in between feeds during the day. However the clock seems to start from the moment they wake up for a feed! LO feeds every 3 hours but she takes 45 minutes to drain the bottle and another hour (or more) to settle. So at best, she has 1 hour naps probably 3 or 4 times a day. I'm a terrible sleeper and suffer insomnia so I have zero chance of getting a cat nap in those snatched hours. I think I managed 15 minutes a handful of times.

My OH gets home early and so I go off to bed for 3 hours although only sleep for about 2 of those. Then it's the night shift and I get anything between 0 and 2 hours of extra sleep (she has wind and reflux), so at best 2-4 hours of very broken sleep in a full day.

I'm not sure I can go on - it's getting harder and harder to fall to sleep when OH gets back - my insomnia is getting worse the less sleep I get. I'm getting ratty, not coping as well and any desire to get out and about is dwindling. It doesn't help that LO has started to wake up every time we put her down to sleep, no matter how much we have rocked her beforehand. She doesn't seem in pain - just wants to be held. But it means the time she is actually asleep in between daytime feeds is getting shorter and shorter. She must be shattered too.

That's a very longwinded way to ask if anyone gets their other half to do a nightshift for a break, even if they work. He is getting 7 hours a night and I feel jealous. But I also think it would be horrible to ask him and then he goes to work on nothing. When I asked him to stay up later with her one evening, he was like a zombie after just one night...
Anyone else suffering insomnia or getting so little sleep/ How are you coping? xx

 

[mrsraggle]

I do the nightfeeds and have since DH finished his paternity leave when LO wa 3 weeks old. I was told that it gets a bit easier when LO is 6 weeks old and actually that was true for us - so there is light at the end of the tunnel. LO also used to take ages to settle after a nightfeed. Nowadays, she can be fed, burped and back to sleep in less than 30 minutes!

Although, on nights like the last two where I've been really ill DH has helped settle Ellie. x

 

[lorrilou]

ive done the night feeds with all 3 kids, oh works long hours and normally works 6-7 days a week so would be unfair to ask him to do them.

 

[Claire788]

Its horrendous chick, absolutely a god awful living hell! (sleep deprivation not LO lol) sending lots of hugs your way! I really thought i was going to die those first 6 weeks, and absolutely despised my OH for sleeping through his noise and sleeping for 7+ hours ! my LO would only sleep on me, and until 6 weeks would only nap for about 30 mins in his moses basket.

I know its gonna be a killer to say, but hang out for the 6 week mark, you should see a really improvement on sleeping/napping, even thought you probably dont think you'll make it that far, you will!!

my OH drives HGV/Plant 6 days a week, so I didn't ask him to do any night stuff after his 10 days paternity, I've just started getting him to do the weekend shifts now (5 months) as LO only wakes once or twice for a dummy in the night now.

Sometimes when he napped for a short period, I would just lie next to him with my eyes closed, not to sleep, just as some rest. Will LO sleep for longer on you, or cosleeping?

Its waaay to early to get into any bad habits, so I would do (did do) anything and everything I could that worked just to get a bit of shuteye!

Keep strong, wont last for ever (easy for me to say I know!! xx)

 

[Rhiannon]

i dont think it would harm your OH to do feeds when hes not working the next day. i know its his day off...but whens your day off??

my DH always used to do night feeds when he wasnt working the next day. as far as im concerned your 'working' all day too looking after LO so u also need a break and some sleep.

just wanted to add that my DH was out of the house 12 hrs a day 5 days a week.

lack of sleep is a killer and you have to have some relief, especially if you find it so hard to sleep in the first place

xxx

 

[lauzie84]

My OH is actually quite good dear bless him, he'll always do at least one of the night feeds, usually the one around 3/4 am. Amy's quite good now at settling once shes fed, so its just a case of him feeding her and putting her back down - takes a max of 20 mins. I don't know what I'd do if he didn't help out x

 

[babyblog]

I have done, and still do all the night feeds from Sunday to Thursday as my OH works in the week. However each Friday and Sat we share and let each other have a lay in. It is hard and some nights are worse than others but it is amazing how quickly you get used to it. Obv during first 2 weeks when hubbie was on pat leave we shared it completely

 

[Claire788]

Ooh good point, ps, what does he do, if he has an office job, I'd say get him up! If he drives for a living, or operates heavy machinery etc then maybe I wouldnt!

 

[Rhiannon]

i think if he has an office job then one feed a night wont harm him.

 

[sophxx]

i did every night feed but was lucky lo only woke once a night and slept through fron 5 weeks x

 

[leelee]

The first few weeks are very hard with the lack of sleep. I found Max really started to stretch the nights from about 10 weeks. I was getting 6-7 hours in a row and it made all the difference.

I do the majority of night feeds during the week but if I was particularly tired my OH would get up and do it. We take it in turns during the weekend and let each other have a good sleep.

It is Friday today so if your OH is not working tomorrow I would suggest that he takes your LO tonight so you can get a full nights sleep. And make sure you have a lie in tomorrow as well. Its amaing how much better you will feel with a good nights sleep.

If you are still struggling during the week you could always get OH to do the Wed night shift so you have something to work towards.

Just try to remember - it doesn't last forever. Your LO will start to stretch the nights out and you will get back to sleeping a good stretch. These thoughts used to really help me through the night.

 

[JRNH]

ive done all the night feeds with my 3 lo slept through from 6 weeks i kept putting him down after seeing to him awake or not and now he can fall asleep by himself when i put him down
i prefer my other oh to do things like bathing, making tea, making bottles etc and to just get up when i do in the mornings to help out with things, which he does he works sometimes 12 hour shifts so i'd never ask him then!!

 

[Melody74]

Thanks for the support girls. OH is a chef and is on his feet all day. It's his own business too and so aside from the day of birth there was no paternity leave - we couldn't afford to close. I still haven't got over the 2 days of no sleep from the birth. He doesn't work Sunday and so Saturday night he does a night shift till 4am and then I take over so he can sleep till lunch. We are both like new people on Sunday afts!
However by Tuesday I'm like hell again - it's the drip feed of the odd half an hour here and there and the accumulation of night after night.
I'm hearing 6 weeks may be a breakthrough?? Oh, crossed fingers! xx

 

[Rachel_C]

Sorry if somebody else has already suggested this but if your OH gets up at 6am, I would ask him to get up a bit early and feed LO then. I would also ask him to do the last feed at night and you go to bed then. Obviously I don't know your normal feed times but say you feed LO at 6pm, 9pm, 12am, 3am and 6am, you could try this:

6pm - you feed and then relax/go to bed when you're ready
9pm - OH feed and then go to bed when ready
12am - you feed
3am - you feed
6am - OH feed
9am - you feed

If you went to bed at 9pm, you'd get 3 hours sleep before you do the night feeds but you could go to bed earlier and get longer, and then after the 3am feed you could have another few hours while OH does the morning feed. Your OH would still be getting a decent block of sleep in the night, depending on when he went to bed (he could have say 10pm-6am, not bad!).

I wouldn't ask him to do a full night during the week (I know what my OH is like - no chance!) but you could get him to do Friday and Saturday night and then you let him have a big lie in the next day, or you could do the nights but he takes LO while you have a lie in.

It does get better. Your baby will start sleeping better/easier and you also get used to it. I was like a zombie for the first couple of months but now I hardly wake up when I feed LO in the night. The next morning, I only know how many times I got up by counting the used bottles! Now, at the weekend I make OH put LO to bed one night, feed LO one night and also get up with her first thing so I get a lie-in. The next day, I do it all so he gets a full night and a lie-in. That works for us.

 

[BethK]

My OH will do the last evening feed if it's around 9pm and then settle her in her room.

I'll do all the feeds after that which are every 2 hours at the moment! She's coming up to 6 weeks but I can't see it getting better!

Like your LO, Freya feeds but takes about 30 minutes to take 4 ounces, then she has to be kept upright for 30 mins due to reflux, then it can take another 20 mins to get her in her cot and even then sometimes she'll start wriggling and grunting if she has more wind so you either have to burp her again or leave it but then she'll wake herself up anyway!

Also takes me about an hour to drop off so I get no sleep at the moment.

When DH gets home from work he does take her but then I have to cook tea. I tend to go up at about 8pm for a lie down but don't actually sleep.

 

[bubbles123]

I do all the night feeds. OH has to be up at 6.30am and has a a hard job so it doesn't seem fair to ask him when I don't have to go to work. He is quite willing to help out though when he is off work but he only did two nights when I said no more, I'll do them because he was so tired and grumpy he was horrid to have around and I'd rather be tired myself than have a grumpy OH! LO is sleeping through at the mo but usually OH will take him on a Sunday morning so I can have a lie in and a bit of rest.
A the beginning it was feeds at 11pm, 2am, 5am then 8am etc... The 2am went at 8 weeks and the 5am went at 12 weeks so it does get better as I only have the 11pm and 8am ones now, giving me 9 hours...fab!

 

[suzanne108]

I don't have an OH, I am both halves

I know how you feel

The tiredness and sleep deprivation are so hard, if you can't sleep when LO is sleeping just try to relax. Sod the housework and get some takeaways in

The first few weeks are the hardest. xxx

 

[Alias]

When we were at that stage, we would split the overnight feeds on the weekend. I'd do the late ones (10 and 1am) and he'd do the early ones (4 and 7) then I'd get up around 9am and he'd go back to bed. During the week I'd do 10 1 and 4, and he'd still do 7 so I could lie in.

Now we're on 9-2-7, he still does 7, I do 9, and he does the 2 on Friday and Saturday nights, I do it the rest of the week. If Ellie wakes up during the night, DH gets up if it's after 5am (he gets up normally at 6) otherwise it's my job.

 

[OmarsMum]

I'm lucky I guess. DH used to prepare bottles, I feed & he winds. Omar dropped all night feeds at 12 wks. We have 2-3 dummy runs & DH is the one who usually wakes up to put Omar back in place & give him his dummy.

 

[Helabela]

oh i remember those days, it was sooo difficult. In the end i had to get hubbys help but it didnt mean i got any more sleep as i was still up with him trying to settle baby, we were both like zombies for quite a few weeks. It does get better. My LO is nearly 4 months now and sleeps 9.30-5ish every night. It does get better, best of luck.

oh i remember some nights we did shift work, so hubby would get back for 6, id sleep 6- 11 then he would go bed at 11.