Figuring out FOB's behaviour?

[Dezireey]

So my FOB has not seen my little boy since he was born in May. He pretty much acts like he doesnt exist. To be honest his behaviour at present is baffling the hell out of me. He sends e-mails, calls me his best friend, tells me how much he misses me etc. Yet no matter how many times I talk about our boy he does not respond about that topic. Its odd and like hes pretending it didnt happen. He either changes the subject or refuses to answer direct questions. Anyone have a clue why an FOB wants to keep in touch with the Mother in a nice way but does not talk about his baby? Do you think he might not want it on written record ( e-mails) that he admits to having a son? in case I use that against him? i'm just guessing now. I am considering never contacting or responding to him again as I am starting to think I am his shoulder to cry on or he misses the fact i was always 'miss fix it' in his life.

 

[Ceejay123]

It sounds like he's struggling to come to terms with it. If I were you I'd send something saying that your boy is your life now, he's going to have to get used to it x

 

[Lemonflower]

You can spend the rest of your life trying to figure out why he behaves the way his does and you may never find out why.

Be kind to yourself and do not torment yourself.
Just think he is the way he is and move on with your LO.

I asked myself "why?" or "what is he thinking and feeling" about my fob but I've decided that it doesn't matter. He's just a horrible, selfish ba****d.

I would say that your LO is your life now and that even though fob is not acknowledging your baby - fob knows he's his. I'd cut off contact with thst pathetic excuse of a man and say that you need to move on with your life and if he can't even acknowledge your LO then you don't want him in it. How can you treat your "best friend" that way. I think he's maybe trying to control you and/or using you for a shoulder to cry on. Either way I think he has issues.

You know my story. It hurts me so much FOB doesn't want LO. Like I said before I look at him and think, "how can he deny that he's your dad and not want you"?
Like I said I'm done trying to understand his behaviour. He chose to have a baby with me, leave me and now have nothing to do with LO.
I'm now moving forward though it does hurt some days.

 

[Ceejay123]

Completely agree LemonFlower. x

 

[lemontree12]

completely agree too lemonflower...
im beginning to see the end of my very dark tunnel, finally got a prefect little home for me and my baby, and if she stays put until her due date, i will be able to take her home to our home. and now, fob asks is everything ok with me, when things are easy and wanting to ring to have a 'natter' il give him the benefit of the doubt this time and hope hes ringing to discuss money and our baby, but i will refuse to tell him any of my social life. (not that a 38week pregnant woman has an exciting one lol)

you are so strong and offered me so much advice in the last few months. if he generally thought of u as a bestfriend, then bestfriends are there threw thick and thin and know that u come as a package you and your baby. mayb he is starting yo feel guilty but he has had long enough to adjust to the situation, the 9months of ur pregnancy and the short time your little boy has been here. id give anything for my fob to remotely care about our baby, but after his statements a few weeks back about 'sorting this problem out at the start with an abortion' i know hes no where closer than the start. how many opportunities is too much is how im starting to feel and mayb my fob needs the choice taken away before he realies what hes missing out on.

sorry for rambling on...

 

[Dezireey]

Thanks guys xx

It is hard having him hanging around in the background behaving like that. it takes all my willpower not to expose him to his friends who have no idea he is a father. i really cant be arsed trying to make sense of him. He simply doesnt make sense, full stop. Maybe he does have a brain injury problem as there is no logic to half the stuff he says or does. Having my boy has commenced a new chapter in my life, a great future and he is all mine and hes my boy, he'll get all the love he needs from me.

 

[tooyoung]

this just sounds so strange! how does he communicate with you? do you see him in person? I'm surprised HIS friends don't know he has a baby...don't they realize that you, as his gf, have a baby and therefore it's his???

if I were you, I'd just say (or write) that he shouldn't bother to get in touch until he's ready to acknowledge his baby.

 

[Dezireey]

this just sounds so strange! how does he communicate with you? do you see him in person? I'm surprised HIS friends don't know he has a baby...don't they realize that you, as his gf, have a baby and therefore it's his???

if I were you, I'd just say (or write) that he shouldn't bother to get in touch until he's ready to acknowledge his baby

He e-mails, calls and texts. Initially I contacted him but it's a bit of both now. I tell him things about his child, he responds as if we are having a completely different conversation e.g

me: So had to take baby to Doctors today as he had a cold, bless him poor thing

him: So, how are you? have you got a cold too? I miss you loads. Work was crap today........

And so on ......that's kind of how the communication goes. Completely ignores anything about his son, does not mention his name, just babbles on about other stuff and how we used to be.

I meant his friends that he works with / friends I haven't met and that he has made since we split. The friends that we both used to have, know about the baby, they don't speak to him, they just hang out with me now, they don't want to know him.

I e-mailed him today and told him to never contact me again unless he wants to talk about his son.

 

[teal]

It does sound very strange. Well done you on emailing him. He doesn't deserve either of you in his life if he can't even acknowledge his son xx