find out or wait?

[3babesforme]

let me preface this saying that i have 2 beautiful little boys who i love dearly. with my second boy i had very bad gender disappointment. i cried on and off for weeks. when he was born it went away entirely and he is the biggest momma's boy now, i love him (and my oldest of course) so much. this time i am currently 11 weeks and my hubby and i have plans to wait until the baby is born. i have been reading conflicting things saying that it would be better to wait and on the flip it'd be better to find out early to have more time to accept it... i am so confused. i want to enjoy this pregnancy as it'll be my last no matter the gender, and i don't want to feel any disappointment or sadness. i feel like a terrible person for thinking this. i will love another boy the same. my gut tells me it's a girl, but i don't know if that's actually my mind playing tricks on me. what would you do? find out or keep plans and wait until the birth?

 

[Wombat]

Me and my OH have 3 boys between us. So he is really desperate for a girl and I would prefer a girl.
This might also be my last pregnancy, so I know how you feel.

We decided to find out for sure. First of all it will give time to prepare and start communicating to a baby. We also have decided on names, so will give us time to get used to the idea.

But, I would be happy with whatever it is. It's a miracle baby for us, so im just praying he/she will be healthy and I will have an easy natural healthy birth.

 

[Blessedbaby]

my husband wants to find out as well ... I on the other hand don't want to ...

we will see when we get to 20weeks if we will find out or not ... this too is my last baby

 

[darkriver]

I havent asked my exhusband what were going to do. I kind of want a surprise.

 

[Kmx]

I have a boy and I really want a girl. I think it's a boy I'm having and have decided to wait to find out. If I wait I know that I will not experience any disappointment when it's a boy at the birth. I'll just be so happy to have him with me. If I find out at 20 weeks I know I will feel some disappointment and I'd rather just avoid that.

 

[KatO79]

I'm currently 8 weeks pregnant with baby #1 after having tried for a little over 2 years and been through 6 failed IUIs and 2 IVFs, the 1st resulting in a CP and the 2nd resulting in this pregnancy. Since we didn't get any frosties from either IVF and I'm turning 37 in May, this will most likely be our only child unless I somehow manage to get pregnant naturally afterwards.

DH and I decided a long time ago that we were going to be team , especially now that it has taken us so long to get here. We're just super grateful to be having a baby (FXed it really is my sticky) and only care if it's healthy, gender is of no real importance to us. We'll be super happy and excited no matter what!

 

[j1405]

Its a difficult one especially because you were so disappointed with the gender of your second and sure if its another boy, there might be some disappointment again.. its only natural I think to be somewhat disappointed even though we love them just as much!!

We are having our second and I really want a girl, but not to the point where I will be in tears if its another boy. Its my last pregnancy as well so sure there will be a little bit of disappointment if its a boy but you know what, I believe we are sent what we need. This is one thing not within our control and such a miracle so just to have a healthy baby is amazing.

Depending on how you would feel if its another boy, you should either find out or not. For me the planning would be a nightmare if I did not know, especially if it were to be a girl. I have no girly things so also for that reason i'd rather know.

Good luck with your decision

 

[ElmoBumpToBe]

Hey I can really relate to you here.

We have three gorgeous boys. When I was pregnant with my second I wanted a girl I'll be honest and I thought I was having a girl bevause the pregnancy felt so different to my first, when I found out she was a he, I was mildly disappointed but happy that my eldest would have a little brother and of course most importantly that he was healthy!! When I was expecting my third (I'm going to be really honest here and people won't like it, I know it's not right but I'm being honest to help the op) I was DESPERATE for him to be a girl, I wanted a daughter so badly and thought I was having my last baby. When I found out at the scan that I was having a healthy baby boy (and we weren't even positive that he would be healthy because I had polyhydramnious and his legs where in the bottom percentile but head in the top) I SOBBED for the baby girl I would never have, I was so so disappointed and had it been at the birth I know I would only have been so so happy to hold him and him be ok because he birth was touch and go. So on that hand it might have been better to wait. On the other hand though as gutted as I was when I found out, it probably only lasted an hour or two! After that once it sank in I was just happy to be having him.
Since then, we have had a vasectomy, then regretted it and had it reversed, tried for 20 months to get pregnant, been told by the NHS that antibodies meant that DH was not highly likely infertile....then got pregnant with our 4th!! Complete shock and because pregnancy has no longer come so easy to me and bevause I have longed for the chance to have another child for what feels like such a long time, I can genuinely say that this time I don't care about the gender! It's a brilliant feeling to not care. Yes obviously I will smile a little wider if I come out at 20 weeks with the news we are expecting a girl but I'm begging to realise that some of that is because of the disappointment from other people. So many times they have said "oh maybe next time" or "oh well you can't have Anytning I guess" or "aww what a shame, was so hoping for a girl for you this time"

If I get that this time, I think I'll lose my shit. I know it's hard honestly I do remember from last time, but just remember how much of a blessing a healthy baby is at all. Let me know what you decide! I'm definitely going to find out just because I like to plan and would be such a shame to me to only be able to buy neutral clothes. If I'm honest I'll probably start buying boy things before we even have the scan lol bevause I just kind of presume at this point that we are having another boy lol X

 

[smileyfaces]

Exactly the same here...I have 2 boys and this is 100% my last pregnancy. I want a girl. I would of course be happy with a boy but since this is my last child I would prefer a girl.

I am waiting till the baby is born to find out. I think once you have been through labour and get given your baby there is no way you would be disappointed at the gender at that point.

 

[theraphosidae]

I work with nurses and one was telling me a story about when she was working on the labour and delivery ward, there was a mom who didn't know the gender of her baby but really wanted a girl. Well, the baby was born a boy and when she saw him she didn't even want to hold him. She was just like "get him away from me". Not that I think you'd have the same reaction, a reaction that strong is probably pretty rare, but if I were in your position, I would find out before the baby is born so I would have time to come to terms with the result if I'm disappointed.

 

[smileyfaces]

I work with nurses and one was telling me a story about when she was working on the labour and delivery ward, there was a mom who didn't know the gender of her baby but really wanted a girl. Well, the baby was born a boy and when she saw him she didn't even want to hold him. She was just like "get him away from me". Not that I think you'd have the same reaction, a reaction that strong is probably pretty rare, but if I were in your position, I would find out before the baby is born so I would have time to come to terms with the result if I'm disappointed.

Omg that is shocking. Not sure how any woman could react like that to her newborn child

 

[oneday123]

We didn't find out with ds. This time around I think I want to know. I'd love a girl so would have one of each, but know I'd be equally as happy if I found out we were having a boy. My instinct told me boy throughout last time.

 

[2cheekyboys]

I know exactly how u r feeling. I have 2 boys, and am 12 weeks pregnant with our 3rd. I am so desperate for it to be a girl. I am actually worried about how i am going to bond with this baby if i find out its a boy. Although i am sure i will love it nomatter what.

I am seriously so anxious atm about the gender. Everytime somebody says congratulations all i can think is i bet they are wondering if i care if its another boy.and i worry about what i will say if they ask me if i mind what it is. I cant exactly say im going to be devastated if its another boy. Hubby knows how im feeling. And we have booked a private scan for just after 16 weeks to find out. We aren't telling people we have made the appt though because if it turns out to be not what we hoped for then the last thing we need is people ringing/texting to see what it is.

I felt a little disappointment with my second but we didnt find out. And it was only a couple of seconds i thought to myself oh another boy. But soon after all was fine. I just dont think i have the strength this time to wait.

So i think if you feel you can wait till baby is born then maybe do so. But if you are going to be worrying the whole pregnancy then find out.

Hope it all works out for you x

 

[mari35racz36]

I think finding out before hand will give you more time to adjust if you are disappointed. I am pregnant with baby #4. I have 1 DD and 2 DS. I would really love a sister for my DD. My 2 boys are such sweet hearts and I know I'll be happy if this one is a boy too. But a part of me will be disappointed for my DD wishing she would have a sister. I booked a gender scan for next month. No way I can't wait until the end this time! Lol

 

[hope2bmother]

If you know that once the baby is born you'll react like you did with your second boy, then there's no point in finding out if finding out will cause you distress. But if you feel you need to find out in order to bond better with the baby then find out.

My husband and I did not find out the sex of the baby till she was born and I have to say it added a degree of excitement to the labor and delivery... Well, really the whole pregnancy when everyone would speculate on whether baby was a boy or girl. However, we weren't concerned about gender disappointment as this is our first and we really just wanted a healthy baby (our rainbow baby after a miscarriage).

A happy and healthy pregnancy to you!

 

[KatO79]

I work with nurses and one was telling me a story about when she was working on the labour and delivery ward, there was a mom who didn't know the gender of her baby but really wanted a girl. Well, the baby was born a boy and when she saw him she didn't even want to hold him. She was just like "get him away from me". Not that I think you'd have the same reaction, a reaction that strong is probably pretty rare, but if I were in your position, I would find out before the baby is born so I would have time to come to terms with the result if I'm disappointed.

Wow I'm sorry but that's just disgusting how that woman reacted! I'm a former LTTTCer (took a little over 2 years, 6 IUIs and 2 IVFs before I got my BFP) and so many women have issues getting pregnant and are super happy no matter the gender (I know I am!). That woman should've been happy she had an easy time conceiving and be grateful. I know this may sound harsh but women like that shouldn't be having kids if they react so strongly to the "wrong" gender. They know full well that there's a 50/50 chance and should be emotionally and mentally prepared if their baby isn't the gender they were hoping for!