Finding a sperm doner

[rebeccaalice]

Hi my wife to be and I are now looking into finding a sperm doner to have a baby of our own once we are married but I'm really not sure where to begin can I really trust a stranger off the Internet as I don't think either of us know a male who would be willing donate where is the best place to start? Or any website you would recommend? Tia x

 

[Savasanna]

Hi! I've heard of a known donor registry (by that name, I believe) where you can enter your geographical and insemination preference (at home vs in office) and it gives you a list of people who have signed up stating they're willing to donate. We briefly looked into it, but decided against it personally. We tried for a few months using my wife's brother as the donor, but things didn't work out for us. He lives about 5 hours away so it involved a lot of travel and schedule coordinating.

We also used frozen sperm - which is legally safer but very expensive and not as good as fresh sperm. I don't have a ton of great things to say about that because it didn't work for us, but plenty of women get pregnant from frozen sperm so that could be an option for you as well.

Good luck to you!

 

[KylasBaby]

^^we found ours on the known donor registry.

We weren't comfortable using anyone we know. Just felt to us like they would be too close to the situation. Using a "known" donor we don't know feels safer as that way the child can have contact when she is older, but he won't be around or see anything on fb or anything like that. Wouldn't want to risk him becoming attached or telling the child who he is before we have had that conversation with her.

Also whereas I have PCOS and can't pinpoint ovulation enough to use frozen sperm as O happens when it feels like it, fresh sperm was our best bet. Conceived first try both times.

 

[Savasanna]

Yea - I think at a certain point it's just individual comfort level. Interestingly enough the reasons Kyla chose to use the known donor registry were sort of the reasons we chose not to. We liked the idea of using my wife's brother because there is already an existing lifelong relationship, so it's not like we were really bringing anyone new into the picture. But there were definite complications that came with using someone you know, which is why we eventually switched to frozen sperm.

My concerns with using the known donor registry was that we'd be in some legal gray zone where some random person could potentially have rights over our child. I'm sure there are things you can put in place to protect yourself against that, though.

 

[rebeccaalice]

Ahh thanks ladies some more things to think about using a known or unknown doner is that website for the states? Or uk? As I'm in England x

 

[Savasanna]

It's in the states but I'm almost positive there's a UK equivalent. Let me see if I can track that down - I'll get back to you!

 

[Lou_Gem]

Have a look at the London Sperm Bank. They have anonymous sperm. We are also currently looking for an anonymous donor. It's such a surreal experience!

 

[Savasanna]

Good luck to you, Lou!

 

[rebeccaalice]

I know what you mean lou_gem I'm finding it bit difficult well awkward asking for sperm from someone how long have you been looking for a doner?

 

[laurac1988]

First thing - you're looking for a donor. Not a doner
Second thing - we found our donor on the facebook groups. There's about. My favourite one (and where we found our guy) is called "Free Sperm Donor UK!!!"
Keep you wits about you, though as there are a lot of bad guys around. There are lots of men who will try and get you to have sex with them by telling you it is more effective or safer. There are men who will try and charge you for their sperm - remember that in the UK it is illegal for anywhere other than a licenced clinic to charge for sperm or eggs. Private donors can ask for travel expenses, but avoid anyone who charges a "fee" for their sperm.
All the very best of luck!

 

[Mrs. and Mrs.]

My wife and I are using the sperm bank of California. No success yet, but we're working on it!

Using a stranger totally freaks me out. The risks of STI's and legal repercussions terrify me.

We tried with a known donor for a little while, but he eventually moved away. He was a mutual friend.

 

[Lou_Gem]

I know what you mean lou_gem I'm finding it bit difficult well awkward asking for sperm from someone how long have you been looking for a doner?

I think it's just such a big decision to make based on some tiny snippets of biological information. We have a preference for a rare blood type so that's making finding all the other parts we want, like ethnicity and stuff, more difficult! We have been looking for at least 6 months. Have just picked our clinic and are scheduling the initial consultation in October. They have 3 sperm banks they use sperm from so we have to look in their catalogues. It's strange, as if this is a product or something! The thing about the uk guidelines is that we cannot use a truly anonymous donor. They have to be contactable when the child is 18. So even if we import sperm it must be from a donor who will allow themselves to be contacted when the kids are 18. We are having out consultation in October and starting around the middle of next year. This gives us time to find the right donor with the clinics help and also to have all the tests done and prepare our bodies. It's such a huge responsibility as this sperm will be 50% of the genetic make up of our babies!