chelsealynnb
Wife & mommy <3
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- Feb 12, 2012
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Well I had my first bout of uncontrollable crying today. I could tell my hormones were off more than usual this morning because I was getting so aggravated with DS1 trying to vacuum. But then I went and finished up my Christmas shopping with my best friend and had a great time! Well when I was out, I bought 2 pairs of pajamas for myself. When I got home and was getting ready for bed, I tried the pajamas on and found that both pairs were way too small for me. I got upset because I've gained roughly 30 pounds so far 
but figured I would just return them. Well when I got into bed, DH wanted to DTD and Urgh, I just felt so fat and disgusting the whole time. I held back tears the entire time (DH had no idea, it was pitch dark) and when he was finished I ran into the bathroom and sobbed, then went into the living room and cried some more. DH could tell sometbing was wrong with me even though he didn't see me crying and came out into the living room asking what was wrong, and at first I didn't want to tell him because I was afraid he would think I was insane or stupid. He insisted though so I told him and he just looked really confused and kept saying "but you're pregnant you're supposed to gain weight". I used to have an eating disorder in high school and can't stand this. I feel like when I'm bigger people look down on me, talk behind my back and think I'm disgusting. I felt like this before I had DS2 as well and lost 10 pounds at around 38 weeks because...it's hard to explain but whenever I feel like this I hate eating so much that I can barely swallow food, it makes me want to gag it back up. Urgh I am going to look up some healthy food items recommended for pregnant women but I hope I snap out of this really quickly.
but figured I would just return them. Well when I got into bed, DH wanted to DTD and Urgh, I just felt so fat and disgusting the whole time. I held back tears the entire time (DH had no idea, it was pitch dark) and when he was finished I ran into the bathroom and sobbed, then went into the living room and cried some more. DH could tell sometbing was wrong with me even though he didn't see me crying and came out into the living room asking what was wrong, and at first I didn't want to tell him because I was afraid he would think I was insane or stupid. He insisted though so I told him and he just looked really confused and kept saying "but you're pregnant you're supposed to gain weight". I used to have an eating disorder in high school and can't stand this. I feel like when I'm bigger people look down on me, talk behind my back and think I'm disgusting. I felt like this before I had DS2 as well and lost 10 pounds at around 38 weeks because...it's hard to explain but whenever I feel like this I hate eating so much that I can barely swallow food, it makes me want to gag it back up. Urgh I am going to look up some healthy food items recommended for pregnant women but I hope I snap out of this really quickly.
