First time Mum - some 'dumb' questions

[thentherewere]

Hi everyone,

Hope you can help. I've been suddenly hit by a wall of practical questions which I would really appreciate your feedback on:

1) How did you/do you plan on handling visitors in the first few days? We only have a few friends locally and all pre-arrange popping over so they aren't too much of an issue. However, our families live 2 hours drive away. Not sure when we should get them to come down or who? There are my 2 grandmas, 2 sets of parents and my brother and sister (plus my sister's bf). Pregnancy has highlighted differences with my MIL, I find her approach to our baby quite difficult at times (she called it her baby at one point and has told me how to parent on more than one occasion, the latest was her rearing up about what surname baby would have). But I don't want to treat them differently to my parents because OH is an only child and they do mean well. My lot are good at getting stuck in so don't think they would impose or expect to stay at our house overnight...infact my Mum, Gran and Sister would be an amazing support I think and it could help my Nana as my Grandad died in November so it's been a tough few months for her.

2) A few American Mummy blogs I follow seem very protective of taking baby out of the home in the first few days because of germs etc. I always thought you just needed to be sensible, keep them away from ill people, not too much passing around, no kissing them etc. Are you planning to keep them indoors for x amount of time?

Sorry for the essay. If anyone else has 'dumb' questions please comment below, maybe we can trade advice.

Amy x

 

[NicolaWynne]

Hello

Im a first time mummy too. With regards to taking baby out, it will just depend on weather and the health of my baby, if she seems prone to getting lots of colds etc during the first few weeks i will keep her in, if not and she seems happy and healthy i will look forward to taking her out for walks!

Visitors- Hospital, im only having my family come, OHs family can wait til im home, i dont want a bunch of practical strangers smothering me when im in hospital (thats a personal decision depends on what your relationship is like with them i guess)

If anyone wants to see baby they will be coming to me, i wont be taking baby to them... and if i dont feel up to it, or its getting a bit too much i will make up some excuse

 

[kateqpr]

It kInd of depends on how your birth goes on some ways. I had been awake for over 48 hours and lost a lot of blood, so came out of hospital feeling completely exhausted, overwhelmed and just wanting peace and quiet. My husband became my 'gatekeeper' and basically managed all visitors. His parents live hundreds of miles away, but we checked them into a hotel down the road for two nights do they could just come for a few hours a day. They just wanted to sit and hold the baby for ages, and to be honest it just bugged me as I wanted to home my baby. I still felt I just wanted to cuddle and bond with her before everyone else.

Also I was SO hormonal and teary and didn't want people around I didn't feel one hundred per cent comfortable with. I cried every day for weeks!

Oh, and not sure how you're planning to feed, but I was breast feeding. It was a real struggle and I spent a lot of time with my boobs out trying to get Poppy latch on and it was painful. I definitely needed lots of privacy as didn't feel comfortable totally topless in front of my FIL!

I would play it by ear and have places other than yours that family can stay at as a Plan B. friends of mine have been home the same day as delivery and happy to have visitors, but I think keeping things easy and low key, with only short visits, allows you and your OH the time to adjust to your new rile at your own pace, and just enjoy that lovely bubble you're in with your new baby.

Oh and I didn't go out with LO for about a week. I think I did a walk round the block maybe! Not for germ reasons, but just wanted to lounge in pyjamas and spend time staring at my LO!

 

[Laurenmomma]

it does depend on the labour and how your feeling but dont be afraid to tell people to go home or not come cos with dd i was n it really got to me when people were sat in my house all day commenting on how much washing i had amassed and stuff i used to hide in the bedroom feeding baby as i felt it was the only time we had together!

this time oh is bringin us home and im tellin people not to visit until the next day!

with regards to going out u might not want to! i had dd saturday night came home sunday night and went to asda on monday afternoon n couldnt wait to get out of ther! the walking round killed me, dd wanted feeding so was screaming and everyone knocking ther trolleys into my 2 day old dd really pissed me off!!! id just ask sick people to not visit til their better n anyone who holds baby to use sanitiser gel! x

 

[fairy1984]

not silly questions at all.

my advice would be to set peoples expectations now as to when you expect them to visit and for how long. then you dont have to deal with disagreements after the baby has arrived (i.e they expected to come up for the first weekend and stay with you while you thought they'd pop in for a cuppa)

my attitude towards visitors is quite strict. my parents and MIL/FIL both live 2 hours away also so its a big deal when they come (no popping in, its a planned thing and usually for a whole day) so I said that they had to wait until we said we were ready after my LO was born. we needed a few days to get used to it being just the 3 of us and work things out for ourselves before people came along and expected a cuddle with my baby. i found it hard to let people hold my baby to start with and I needed to be ready before handing her over. also we were strict about her not being cuddled to sleep or held too long while sleeping as we knew we couldnt keep tha tup when visitors left so were quite strict with visitors from that side too. in the end both sets of parents came up for a few hours only and that was a few days after the birth. this worked well for us as it wasnt too overwhelming.

with regards to taking your baby out, i would say it'll be a judgement call at the time. for us we waited a couple of weeks because we had terrible snow and it was freezing (plus i was ill after the birth and couldnt actually walk) but as i'm having a March baby i'm sure i'll try to get out and about within a few days of coming home as it'll be warmer and my toddler will want to get out too.

 

[waitandsee]

taking baby out: I'll make that dependent on the weather. For sure some fresh air is going to be good for them but if it's windy etc I'll rather keep her in for the first 2 weeks or so.
"Germs" are everywhere it's an illusion that you can escape them. Just don't let people touch her and sanitize your own hands regularly, the flu is transmitted by rubbing your nose or eyes or face when your hands aren't clean.

 

[fairy1984]

oh just read other replies and fantastic points. if you want to bf then your boobs will be in and out and prob sore for the first few weeks so depends on how comfortable you are with whipping them out in front of people. i wasnt so i headed off upstairs with baby, leaving my visitors downstairs. LO took an hour to feed but visitors had to put up with that.

also, i didnt actually see my MIL or FIL the first time they came over as i was soo hormonal and a mess i just couldnt bare it so i sent my LO downstairs for a couple of hours while i slept/ cried over wanting to have my baby with me

 

[thentherewere]

Thanks girls! Pregnancy has definitely highlighted some issues with my MIL and if I am totally honest I have found her very hard to tolerate at times which I imagine will only be worse during those first few days. However, I have commuticated with my Mum and Sister that I might need them to be my armour against her and my OH is fully aware of the difficulties I've had with some of her opinions - fortunately he equally disagrees with her. The only problem is she tends to come out with these gems when he isn't around.

Might chat it through with my Mum this weekend and see what my sister thinks. I think I'll want my Mum down quite soon as she has been a huge support to both Mark and I. Plus she is a nurse by trade and mum of 4 so having her about can make sure I get discharged home asap {hate hospitals and being in non-private rooms so hoping for 6hr discharge if there aren't complications}. Will take her advice about when my grandparents, siblings and in-laws should then come down. Amazing to think Mark and I's parents are sooooo different, funny when I know how well we work together as a team.

x