First time on Baby and Bump. TTC Husband not supportive...but he is...

[SS87]

Hi,

Kind of new to forums, just need somewhere to vent. Me and husband have been together 6 years, married 1 and half. Having problems trying to conceive because of him. He knows I've been ready since before we got married. One minute he is on board then he is not then he is. 4 months ago he said he was ready, the week I was ovulating he said lets wait...OK...then the next month, "I'm ready" he says but the week I ovulated he wasn't in the mood. Ok next month, "lets try" ovulation week come and he wants to wait to go on a honeymoon, so we missed it. This month same thing..."I'm ready when you are" We've only had sex once in three weeks and he didn't ejaculate.....Now ovulation has passed yet again. I feel like he is not supportive and is just playing with my emotions, but when I say something it turns into an argument, no matter how sensitive I am, because his pride gets hurt. I'm frustrated and I am very bitter and resentful towards him. I don't even want to be around him right now. Just don't know what else to do. Need some advice, and to know that I'm not the only person going through this, and I don't have many people to talk to or have supporting family. I'm 28 he's 30. I'm just tired of trying, and honestly starting to wish I didn't want kids. Maybe I'm not suppose to be a mom. Tired of being depressed about it. Thanks for listening.

 

[Hotbell312]

Hi,

I don't think you should feel bad about wanting kids at all. I would talk to him and be insistent that's what you want and it's something your not willing to compromise on. Hope that helps and good luck

 

[littlelily]

Do you tell him when you are ovulating? Maybe that's adding extra pressure.

 

[MagicDance]

Heya,
I'm sorry you are going through this but no you are not alone. I think you definitely need to have a serious sit down talk and explain to him how his behaviour is making you feel. It's not fair for him to blow hot and cold, is there more than meets the eye? You have both had the having children chat? I would say he is acting very selfish and you are not both on the same page and you need to get this across in the best way possible!
I don't want to knock the guy down as I don't know him, is he overtired is the way in which you approach ttc adding to much pressure, I know my hubby feels like I treat him like a sperm bank sometimes and I need a gentle but firm ''calm yourself down love'' lol.. I really hope you get things sorted, maybe it's just sinking in for him right now and he's nervous, men have a funny way of dealing with their emotions sometimes xx

 

[GraceER]

It seems like sex for you guys has become soley about TTC. Maybe for him he just needs to feel like sex is what you want and that you're not just demanding sperm! Maybe there's a way to make it feel more fun? I agree with maybe not telling him about ovulation unless he asks. Otherwise if he says he's on board then dropping out at the key moment that's not fair on you. You need to ask him what's going on because it's not fair for you to gear up for each cycle only for him not to play his part. Hope you sort things out x

 

[supergongjoo]

I am in a similar situation.

Been together for 8 years married for 1. Ive been ready for what seems like forever but dh not so much.

after months of ME trying and him NOT trying, endless arguments, etc , ive found that telling him i was ovulating or communicating that i was initiating sex because i was ovulating was our problem. he finally fessed that he wanted a baby but for some reason the pressure of me ovulating was freaking him out.

So i stopped telling him i was ovulating and just initiated randomly last cycle. I've also included maca root into the mix of vitamins i give him for his libido. we just started the maca this cycle. And it solved a lot of his anxiety and stopped a lot of my frustration.

 

[magicalmom2be]

This may sound deceptive, but try to keep him out of your plans of TTC. Do like others suggested and have fun making love and just let it happen. Don't tell him when you ovulate, seduce him during that time, and see if you get a BFP. lol....

 

[KatO79]

I agree with everyone else. Try not telling him you're Oing and see what happens. Maybe be NTNP for a while? Maybe he finds it too stressful and can't get turned on if he's feeling like just a sperm bank to you. Try when you're close to O to initiate a bit more BDing but otherwise don't tell him anything at all. I'd say just aim a bit for 2-3 times a week and just see what happens. If you're still not pregnant in about 1 year (it can take up to 1 year to conceive, your chances being about 20% each month) then maybe you can revisit the whole "being more proactive" thing.