I'm beginning to realise that I am, in fact, a great big ball of seething resentment and pain.
My parents are moving to Wales by the end of next month. I was thrilled for them - it was their retirement plan (slightly complicated by the fact that my dad won't actually retire for at least a further 2-3 years but whatever, it's a plan) . Ok so it means we wouldn't see them so often or so easily but that's cool - it just means long weekends or whatever - they are buying a 4-bed house, so that's cool, there'll be somwhere for us to sleep.
WRONG.
So - 1 bedroom for mom and dad - check
1 bedroom to be turned into a temporary hobby room - they are theoretically going to be building an outhouse for their hobbies long term, but as they don't even have planning permission for that yet it's going to take a while, if indeed it happens at all - but hell this is their retirement home right? Of course they should have space for the things that will fill their time once they've given up work - check.
My little brother (22 next month) has just finished his degree and has a 16-hour a week temporary job with Argos while he tries to build up his TV and film making portfolio - so there's no way he could afford his own place on that money - so he needs his own room - check.
So whatever way you looked at it, there should be A space for me, DH and Nathan to crash for an overnight, even if it meant all 3 of us in one bed once N outgrows his travel cot (about a year to go I reckon if he carries on the same rate of sprouting as he's doing currently).
WRONG.
My little sister (just turned 24) has decided (pending agreement but it will happen) that she, her husband and their son (2 months younger than Nathan) plus two cats (my parents have 2 dogs) should move in with mom and dad permanently so that they can save up for their own place (they currently rent). And, considering the last month or so, probably try and use my mom as free childcare for as long as they can get away with.
Ok, fine, their lives - they want to lose their own place and space etc - but the upshot of this is that Nathan will spend even less time with his maternal grandparents than he would have done - because it's too far away for a day trip - 6 hours is impossible.
I have a bad back, I'm not willing to spend the night on a sofa - especially not with the aforementioned animals, as they would love a chance to jump all over more humans.
It just appears that rather than retiring, downsizing and moving their lives - which is fine, they've more than earned it - they are moving their family - or at least the ones that matter. Which as usual is neither me nor my son.
They (well my mom) constantly bitches that she doesn't see or know Nathan well - well maybe that is because you cancel on us every bloody time we arrange for babysitting with you. But we live in Banbury, my parents live in Princes Risborough (Buckinghamshire) and my sister lives in Abingdon - I admit that's 20-40 minutes closer than us but she'd constantly detour home via Abingdon from Oxford (where she was working) to spend the evening etc with Harriet and never ever to see me.
Even when Nathan was 5 weeks early she barely came to see us, didn't spend ANY time with us bar one or two hospital visits (I was held to ransom there for 6 days) and wouldn't make arrangements to visit 'in case Harriet needed her' because she was still pregnant. I was having a really hard time - bf wasn't working, Nathan was jaundiced _I_ was ill (really high BP) and I could have just used a hand here and there.
I will add that when she did come to visit the first time she did stock us up with ready meals and tidied the house for us and I am grateful for that - it wasn't like she did nothing so perhaps I am a tad ungrateful I don't know.
But she spent so much time with Max - he achieved favoured grandson status by virtue of the fact that she was at his birth. I am going to apologise for the fact that I felt seriously uncomfortable at the thought of my parents at my baby's birth - I won't change my mind with #2. But it's bloody pissing that my son is penalised for a decision that I made...
Wow I have a lot of pent up anger... I still feel awful, but at least Harriet has had the implant fitted - so there's a chance I might have baby #2 without being overshadowed by the impending arrival of a cousin - it really really did hamper everything - no enjoyment because 'Oh yes Harriet has all this to come' or 'Oh you are so lucky not to have had X - Harriet's was so much worse'...
So I won't be announcing to family when we TTC #2 - and I will be waiting til 13 weeks to announce as well... that way maybe, just maybe, I can have some time with my baby/children getting some of the attention they should be entitled to.
I'm just always the third wheel, never considered - and then they get annoyed because I don't ask for help????
