Flying anxiety and diazapam while pregnant (long sry)

[Andromida]

@danijoanne

Its not a tangent at all its actually very helpful and informative and I appreciate the support and even more-so the acknowledgement of how difficult it is! Even without the worry about my husband etc not everyone can afford to lose the thousands of dollars already spent on each of the trips (which would also add to the guilt).

As you said I think a lot of it has to do with drug companies not wanting to deal with repercussions, and I think also the inability to do research (self report bias alone can cause problems in studies done after pregnancy as well as other factors they may not look at and its not like they can test it with an outright control and test group as it would obviously be inhumane) My doctor friend outright said to me "I honestly think no one really knows what makes a healthy baby and what hurts them, its all guess work and it changes every other day".

I am considering trying acupuncture as my friend here found a good one but she is at the midwives clinic Ill start at when I see my doctor the first time, so its another thing that can't be discussed before I fly again. I also wanted to try hypnotherapy but my inability to find a good psychiatrist or psychologist here has hindered that. Id LOVE to get off the drugs and thats what people don't get. I don't use them to get high or to feel good, I use them to stop the debilitating fear. My US doctor was able to get me off my daily meds and my sleep meds (I still have insomnia but I always have but the nightmares are not as bad or frequent) but the flying issue just wont go away.

and thank you for simply just understanding and not judging me for even considering taking the meds. I was a psych major (though focused on animal behavior) and I know how much of a stigma still exists over mental health issues and just how much people don't understand and its been a really hard journey.

 

[Dobsd]

I'm going through the same thing at the moment. I'm flying to Sydney, Australia in two weeks time (I'll be 6 weeks pregnant). It is only a 3 hour flight but I am terrified of flying. I have panic attacks on takeoff and landing and just don't relax the entire time. And I don't mean just small, heart racing panic attacks... They are disabling. I can't see, breathe or hear anything. I throw up, cry, shake. I usually take Diazepam and Propanolol which sometimes take the edge off a bit but now I can't and I'm terrified. I don't want to cancel because I am going for a friends hen weekend and I'd hate not to be there. Just don't know what to do!

 

[Andromida]

@loeylo

I honestly believe people forget to place importance on their relationship with their SO too much once kids are involved and its something my husband and I promised we wouldn't do. Children are important. My babies health is one of the most important things to me. So is my marriage.

I don't think he would outright resent me, I think it would start unconsciously. People don't ever really know how they'd react to a given situation until they are in it and its hard not to feel certain ways. For example I moved to Europe and gave up my career for my husbands (though it was in most ways my choice. As it would be his staying with me rather then going to the weddings alone). I didn't think I'd resent him for it, but especially when things aren't going the best I do. We've spent a lot of time working through those feelings of resentment I kept hidden for almost 6 months before I figured out why I was so angry at the dumbest things my husband did. I think its harsh for you to say Id be better off without him for something people do unconsciously all the time. Its very easy to say when you aren't in the situation, and again, there has been no real studies of any substance I can find saying benzos cause birth defects since the 1970s, so it may be hard for him to accept that there is any real risk. (Its always harder for the man when hes not carrying the child)

As far as travel issues alone, I dont have any flights booked after 22 weeks I believe so that part wont be an issue. I agree with my anxiety I would probably not receive approval (nor should I!) since such stress could easily cause premature labor.

As far as living with myself if the baby had any problems and I did take the meds? I have no idea, again no one knows what they'd do in a given situation, and as you said, would there be any evidence it was the meds? But also would I ever forgive myself if this lead to a rift between my husband and I. Or if I don't take the meds and I miscarry and it could have been the anxiety? Or if I just don't go because Im afraid of something I know is COMPLETELY irrational and I lose THOUSANDS of dollars could I even look at myself in the mirror? Pregnancy has way to many unknowns and they are all terrifying.

As far as stress not having any effect on the baby just because yours was healthy, I could argue there are many drug addicts who delivered healthy babies and even in the 1970 study that claims benzos cause birth defects only .7% had a birth defect. that means 99.3% of the babies were healthy. My mom smoked through all of her 3 pregnancies because her doctor told her quitting would be worse then continuing to smoke, yet she had 3 healthy pregnancies with 8lb or greater birth weights even though smoking is supposed to cause low birth weights.

It also doesn't sound like you know much about PTSD and the stressed caused by it. This isnt just something that causes normal stress. I named the outright things Im afraid of but not the causes of them.

 

[Andromida]

I'm going through the same thing at the moment. I'm flying to Sydney, Australia in two weeks time (I'll be 6 weeks pregnant). It is only a 3 hour flight but I am terrified of flying. I have panic attacks on takeoff and landing and just don't relax the entire time. And I don't mean just small, heart racing panic attacks... They are disabling. I can't see, breathe or hear anything. I throw up, cry, shake. I usually take Diazepam and Propanolol which sometimes take the edge off a bit but now I can't and I'm terrified. I don't want to cancel because I am going for a friends hen weekend and I'd hate not to be there. Just don't know what to do!

Thats how bad I usually am. Sobbing in my seat, nauseated, tense and in pain the entire time (to add to it I have 2 herniated discs in my back and the tense muscles make them act up too), heart racing and pounding, and it literally feels like my blood is ice flowing in my veins. I also have to sit in the window seat to look out the window and "make sure the plane isnt crashing" (yes I know how stupid that sounds) and with me being pregnant and having to pee every 10 minutes as well as my anxiety making me have to pee every 10 minutes should make the person in the isle seat SOOO happy to be in my row.

I wish there was a quick easy answer for both of us other then "risk it or dont go"

If you talk to your doctor at all before hand about the diazapam please let me know what they say and Ill do the same if I can move my appointment!

 

[Andromida]

Please anyone else read the note on the bottom of my first post before replying. Im shocked at the lack of understanding and lack of compassion being shown by many. I didn't post here to be lectured on my decisions or my priorities or my life or judged. I came here to ask advice from people who may have gone through what I am, and if anything else maybe for some compassion and understanding. Some people in this thread have left me feeling on the defensive and nearly in tears. Living with PTSD is hard. Its painful. Its miserable. Its something I work on every day. Flying is whats hardest for me right now. This isnt normal "stress" its not a normal situation.

If you wish to "lecture" and can back it up with outright scientific studies that are from 1990 or newer feel free to do it in my inbox. If you are simply here to tell me its awful cause you read it on google or your doctor told you so don't bother.

 

[bananaz]

It's not just an issue of drug companies wanting to avoid liability; the medical and scientific community no longer tolerates the kinds of experimental studies that would be needed to clearly establish the safety of drugs during pregnancy.

The drugs that we are able to tentatively label as "safe" during pregnancy either have empirical data to back them up because they were developed before widespread implementation of legal and ethical constraints on research, or they have a large amount of consistently reassuring evidence from lower level studies (e.g. cohort, case control, etc) to support their safety. Most medications, however, don't meet either of those criteria, and while there may not be any strong evidence that they are harmful during pregnancy, it remains to be demonstrated that they aren't harmful. So I think it's pretty reasonable to feel hesitant about advocating for their use.

 

[bananaz]

All of that aside, an abstract fear of "something" happening to the embryo/fetus isn't sufficient cause for stopping a medication that is critical for the woman's ability to function. Mom's health is obviously very important for a successful pregnancy and unchecked anxiety, especially in someone with PTSD, can have bad outcomes for everyone involved, including baby. Based on my own education and training I do think that benzos should be avoided, especially during first tri, but that doesn't mean you have to just stay home and incubate for 9 months. There are other pharmacological and non-pharmacological interventions to explore (Benadryl and mindfulness training are my two personal favorites, and I think they've both been mentioned at this point)

 

[Andromida]

It's not just an issue of drug companies wanting to avoid liability; the medical and scientific community no longer tolerates the kinds of experimental studies that would be needed to clearly establish the safety of drugs during pregnancy.

The drugs that we are able to tentatively label as "safe" during pregnancy either have empirical data to back them up because they were developed before widespread implementation of legal and ethical constraints on research, or they have a large amount of consistently reassuring evidence from lower level studies (e.g. cohort, case control, etc) to support their safety. Most medications, however, don't meet either of those criteria, and while there may not be any strong evidence that they are harmful during pregnancy, it remains to be demonstrated that they aren't harmful. So I think it's pretty reasonable to feel hesitant about advocating for their use.

Yup I mentioned that also. I know most drugs can't actually be tested as well as they would like due to ethical reasons. And yes its exactly what you said, while there isn't any good evidence they ARE harmful there also isn't enough they ARENT and is it worth the risk of hurting my baby. Again thank you so much just for understanding. I was really almost crying several times replying to some of the people here, so the people who responded meaningfully and with understanding and some compassion made it worth asking the question.

As far as alternatives I have been looking into them as well. They will obviously be my outright last resort. I do have a self hypnosis video that has helped me deal with some of the preflight anxiety. Ill probably try and listen to that every night prior to the trip and hope it has some effect.

 

[Starlight32]

I was on klonopin before I knew I was pregnant. I stopped as soon as I found out though (thankfully I was weaning already so the dose was low enough to stop cold turkey). It was hard but being on it would have made me more anxious about worrying about my baby. I stopped at 17 dpo.

 

[Andromida]

I was on klonopin before I knew I was pregnant. I stopped as soon as I found out though (thankfully I was weaning already so the dose was low enough to stop cold turkey). It was hard but being on it would have made me more anxious about worrying about my baby. I stopped at 17 dpo.

Its good you were weaning and were able to stop. I've heard withdrawl from benzos is rough. I luckily never had to take them daily, just for panic attacks at first now just for flying. I understand the worrying part thats my entire problem :/ but I also don't know how detrimental a full blown panic attack and break down on a plane would be.

 

[loeylo]

@loeylo

I honestly believe people forget to place importance on their relationship with their SO too much once kids are involved and its something my husband and I promised we wouldn't do. Children are important. My babies health is one of the most important things to me. So is my marriage.

I don't think he would outright resent me, I think it would start unconsciously. People don't ever really know how they'd react to a given situation until they are in it and its hard not to feel certain ways. For example I moved to Europe and gave up my career for my husbands (though it was in most ways my choice. As it would be his staying with me rather then going to the weddings alone). I didn't think I'd resent him for it, but especially when things aren't going the best I do. We've spent a lot of time working through those feelings of resentment I kept hidden for almost 6 months before I figured out why I was so angry at the dumbest things my husband did. I think its harsh for you to say Id be better off without him for something people do unconsciously all the time. Its very easy to say when you aren't in the situation, and again, there has been no real studies of any substance I can find saying benzos cause birth defects since the 1970s, so it may be hard for him to accept that there is any real risk. (Its always harder for the man when hes not carrying the child)

As far as travel issues alone, I dont have any flights booked after 22 weeks I believe so that part wont be an issue. I agree with my anxiety I would probably not receive approval (nor should I!) since such stress could easily cause premature labor.

As far as living with myself if the baby had any problems and I did take the meds? I have no idea, again no one knows what they'd do in a given situation, and as you said, would there be any evidence it was the meds? But also would I ever forgive myself if this lead to a rift between my husband and I. Or if I don't take the meds and I miscarry and it could have been the anxiety? Or if I just don't go because Im afraid of something I know is COMPLETELY irrational and I lose THOUSANDS of dollars could I even look at myself in the mirror? Pregnancy has way to many unknowns and they are all terrifying.

As far as stress not having any effect on the baby just because yours was healthy, I could argue there are many drug addicts who delivered healthy babies and even in the 1970 study that claims benzos cause birth defects only .7% had a birth defect. that means 99.3% of the babies were healthy. My mom smoked through all of her 3 pregnancies because her doctor told her quitting would be worse then continuing to smoke, yet she had 3 healthy pregnancies with 8lb or greater birth weights even though smoking is supposed to cause low birth weights.

It also doesn't sound like you know much about PTSD and the stressed caused by it. This isnt just something that causes normal stress. I named the outright things Im afraid of but not the causes of them.

Well the way I see it you have several choices:

1. Your partner to go alone. He has a good time, you don't need to worry about flying, he doesn't resent you.

2. You go with your partner and take the drugs, accepting the risk of possible birth defects or miscarriage.

3. You go with partner and don't take the drugs, accepting the possible impact of stress of the fetus.

4. Neither of you go and you accept that you both have something far more worthwhile than some trips abroad.

Personally I'd go for one or four. My partner would choose the fourth option as it took two people to create the child therefore we both now need to make sacrifices.

 

[Peanut112]

Didn't want to read and run. I also have PTSD. It's horrible, and nobody understands it unless they deal with it themselves. I'm sorry this situation makes it worse on you.. I have no medical advice considering I'm no doctor and I'm not your psych. however, if you haven't already, I'd definitely ask your doctor ASAP and discuss the pros/cons and come to a conclusion yourself… Congrats on your pregnancy, by the way. That's exciting news! I hope something can be figured out with your flight trauma. Maybe take something that's baby safe and will zoink you out?

And I'm sorry that nobody truly understands the struggles. In their minds they're just trying to help… but it's hard to get help from people who don't understand. Hugs to you and good luck with everything.

If you would EVER like to talk about it… I'm here to listen. Just shoot me a personal message

 

[Andromida]

Didn't want to read and run. I also have PTSD. It's horrible, and nobody understands it unless they deal with it themselves. I'm sorry this situation makes it worse on you.. I have no medical advice considering I'm no doctor and I'm not your psych. however, if you haven't already, I'd definitely ask your doctor ASAP and discuss the pros/cons and come to a conclusion yourself… Congrats on your pregnancy, by the way. That's exciting news! I hope something can be figured out with your flight trauma. Maybe take something that's baby safe and will zoink you out?

And I'm sorry that nobody truly understands the struggles. In their minds they're just trying to help… but it's hard to get help from people who don't understand. Hugs to you and good luck with everything.

Thank you so much for this. It is my goal to move up my dr appointment before my next flight and also to keep doing research. Even though everything I find says there is no real evidence of birth defects its still a stressful situation. I am going to try unisom and benedryl (different flights of course) on my next flight since its a bit shorter and hope it will make me sleepy. (Though my flight anxiety has beat seroquel before so Im not sure it will help but its worth trying!!)

Ty for the congrats and understanding and compassion and congrats to you as well as I see you are also expecting Wishing you a happy healthy pregnancy!

 

[Andromida]

@loeylo

I honestly believe people forget to place importance on their relationship with their SO too much once kids are involved and its something my husband and I promised we wouldn't do. Children are important. My babies health is one of the most important things to me. So is my marriage.

I don't think he would outright resent me, I think it would start unconsciously. People don't ever really know how they'd react to a given situation until they are in it and its hard not to feel certain ways. For example I moved to Europe and gave up my career for my husbands (though it was in most ways my choice. As it would be his staying with me rather then going to the weddings alone). I didn't think I'd resent him for it, but especially when things aren't going the best I do. We've spent a lot of time working through those feelings of resentment I kept hidden for almost 6 months before I figured out why I was so angry at the dumbest things my husband did. I think its harsh for you to say Id be better off without him for something people do unconsciously all the time. Its very easy to say when you aren't in the situation, and again, there has been no real studies of any substance I can find saying benzos cause birth defects since the 1970s, so it may be hard for him to accept that there is any real risk. (Its always harder for the man when hes not carrying the child)

As far as travel issues alone, I dont have any flights booked after 22 weeks I believe so that part wont be an issue. I agree with my anxiety I would probably not receive approval (nor should I!) since such stress could easily cause premature labor.

As far as living with myself if the baby had any problems and I did take the meds? I have no idea, again no one knows what they'd do in a given situation, and as you said, would there be any evidence it was the meds? But also would I ever forgive myself if this lead to a rift between my husband and I. Or if I don't take the meds and I miscarry and it could have been the anxiety? Or if I just don't go because Im afraid of something I know is COMPLETELY irrational and I lose THOUSANDS of dollars could I even look at myself in the mirror? Pregnancy has way to many unknowns and they are all terrifying.

As far as stress not having any effect on the baby just because yours was healthy, I could argue there are many drug addicts who delivered healthy babies and even in the 1970 study that claims benzos cause birth defects only .7% had a birth defect. that means 99.3% of the babies were healthy. My mom smoked through all of her 3 pregnancies because her doctor told her quitting would be worse then continuing to smoke, yet she had 3 healthy pregnancies with 8lb or greater birth weights even though smoking is supposed to cause low birth weights.

It also doesn't sound like you know much about PTSD and the stressed caused by it. This isnt just something that causes normal stress. I named the outright things Im afraid of but not the causes of them.

Well the way I see it you have several choices:

1. Your partner to go alone. He has a good time, you don't need to worry about flying, he doesn't resent you.

2. You go with your partner and take the drugs, accepting the risk of possible birth defects or miscarriage.

3. You go with partner and don't take the drugs, accepting the possible impact of stress of the fetus.

4. Neither of you go and you accept that you both have something far more worthwhile than some trips abroad.

Personally I'd go for one or four. My partner would choose the fourth option as it took two people to create the child therefore we both now need to make sacrifices.

You are correct, those are my options and Im very well aware of them. I do love how people think they know what they'd do though. Maybe its easy to say what you think you would do since it isn't your thousands of dollars spent on non-refundable flights and hotels etc, or your husbands best friend since he was 3 whos getting married.

People who want to voice what "they would do" should try and understand you have NO IDEA what you would do in my situation because you aren't in it. Studies show people always think theyd choose the "good options" and very often don't when actually in a given situation. Sorry if this is a blunt or rude reaction but after nearly crying at some of the things people have said here I'm a little tired of people making assumptions off no data.

Edit:Im assuming you are basing anything you say off the simple "known fact" that benzos are bad because google told you so, since as you said "2. You go with your partner and take the drugs, accepting the risk of possible birth defects or miscarriage.", however benzos have never been linked to an increased chance of miscarriage. Actually benzo WITHDRAWAL has been linked to it, but not the taking of them.


So in general I ask again to all people, unless you have something useful to contribute or some empathy and understanding or support, please don't post. Making me feel awful isn't helping anyone unless you enjoy making pregnant women cry.
Or more to the point Im going to leave the board and let it die since I can't believe how awful some people here have been. If anyone else going through something like this or with any REAL advice (based on science not google) would like to chat please send me a private message.

A huge thanks to those that showed compassion and empathy for a mother to be whos really struggling.

 

[danijoanne]

You're doing amazing and thinking of all angles and approaches. You'll do what's right for you and you're family. Hope you find what works and let me know what does work, I may need it if my ocd and anxiety ups it's game. Have an amazing few trips and have a wonderful pregnancy. You're doing fab, just remember that 😀

 

[Katt36]

As I told you in my pm to you, I am a psychotherapist and I suffer from PTSD as well as treat many patients who suffer with it. You have to use common and sense and be realistic about the scenario. I knew people would come off like that which is why I chose to message you privately. Kudos to all the perfect Moms parents and human beings out there. Must be delightful. Common sense approach and everything will be fine. If you need to chat anymore just inbox me.

 

[hanni]

Don't pot on a public forum if you can't handle different opinions, some that might not be the same as yours.

A wedding and keeping your husband happy isn't more important than your babies health. Absolutely nothing in the world is. I absolutely know what I would do because I look at my son sleeping next to me and I'd walk through fire to make sure there wasn't a hair on his head out of place. The option to take potentially dangerous medication just so I could go to a wedding wouldn't even come into it. Not when there are other options.

 

[Quartz]

Have you spoken to your husband, you presumably made the decision to ttc together knowing that there was a possibility that you could get pregnant with the trips coming up so surely he must have an opinion. I would speak to a professional and have him come along so you can make an informed decision together about the risks involved and what you are both willing to do.

I dont think it matters what relationship you are talking about though someones health and wellbeing should always come first, whether it is yours or the babies. Also a lot of posters already have children and most would say however important their relationship with their partner is the children come first. In mine that is never an issue though with my relationship because we both know that which is why I think you should talk to your husband to get his opinion

 

[danijoanne]

Wow I'm shocked at how rude some people are, the poster isn't saying lightheartedly 'oh yeah I'm going to take a drug that will cause birth defects cause I don't care and I want a holiday' what she is asking for is support in making a decision. Making people feel guilty and being self righteous and rude in your opinions is not helpful, all it will do is upset someone. All medication has some unknown risk as studies are not done on pregnancy as a previous poster explained very well there are some older studies before ethics that show results about some medication. The poster is taking a responsible approach in researching all approaches and I believe was looking for support in finding an informed opinion, not people just saying that they would do anything for their child and would not take the medication. I have to take a medication that isn't completely safe, I have minimised the risk as much as possible. Does that make me not care about my child? Does it make me a bad mother? No but some of the comments on here are geared that way. I think we need to remember this is a forum to support each other through some of our hardest times, not kick people when their down to make them feel guilty or bad. I'm all for opinions but remember how we word things can have a lasting effect. Be respectful and kind we all need support at sometimes x

 

[loeylo]

Well yes I am stating that it is what I would do in that position. My OH is to be a best man abroad next June, i am also very good friends with the bride. One of my best friends is getting married abroad next May. We are planning to TTC as of December, and it is very likely that we will be pregnant for both weddings. If that is the case, I sure won't be on the plane, my OH won't be on the plane because he would choose not to be, and if he is immature enough to resent me for not wanting to risk his child then he can bugger off.

You posted on a public forum asking for opinions, it seems you just wanted people to say "oh take the drugs you will be fine" - we are simply differing in opinion. I'd never put a friends wedding or money in front of the health of my child, and I think you will find on a pregnancy /parenting forum, where there are parents who have had horrific journeys to parenthood, possibly spending tens of thousands of pounds on IVF or going through multiple losses, or people who are unable to conceive at all, to say "oh my husband will be angry coz hr misses a wedding" or "oh but it cost money" seems a bit insensitive.