FOB can no longer support the kids ***UPDATE PAGE 4***

[BrandiCanucks]

My ex husband and I have a shared custody agreement, which states that if either parent ever becomes unable to properly provide for the kids, we are supposed to voluntarily surrender custody to the other parent. He lost his job two years ago, and his Employment Insurance ran out in October. Since then, I have been financially supporting the kids (3 of them) at both houses. I have been buying clothes, groceries for both houses, doing laundry for both houses, and, stupidly, feeding my ex supper, because I wanted our divorce to be a good one, without fighting, but I'm getting into a position where I can no longer do that. Now that he knows I'm cutting him off, he's trying to control me again. Our marriage was filled with 7 years of abuse, with things turning physical in the last year and a half. Now I'm out, I'm happy, I'm recovering through counselling, and I'm happy.

I told him one month ago that if he didn't find a source of income within a month, I was going to apply for full custody of the kids, since he is, technically, violating the order by not surrendering his custody. This would be to his benefit so he could get himself out of debt, and find a full-time permanent job. (He was fired from one after a day and a half in November).

Anyway, the month is up next week, and he still has nothing. He has lied to me three times in the last week about temp jobs that have been offered to him. Three times, these jobs have apparently been cancelled the same day he was supposed to attend them. I have papers now that are filled out, just need to be read over by a lawyer, but are otherwise ready to be filed for full custody.

The kids go to daycare, and given that he doesn't have a job, I CAN say he does pay half of the childcare fees. I'm concerned about how he is getting this money. His mother is out of the country until March, the rest of his family doesn't have money, and he shut down all his lines of credits before he lost his EI.

Since telling him about going after full custody, I have found naked pictures of my kids on his phone, that are also turning up on his Facebook page, and on a folder that he put on MY laptop labelled Mike's Phone. (My laptop was still in his house until 3 days ago). He is also a former junkie. I'm starting to get REALLY concerned about how he is acquiring money for daycare, but claiming he has no money and is deeper in the negative than the bank allows, and why, when he has all the time in the world all day to look for a job (or even apply for welfare, for crying out loud), he does not use these opportunities.

I tried called Children's Aid about the pictures I found and they claimed I was likely overreacting and they don't believe there is anything sinister about the photos, but they will ask him to take them off Facebook.

I'm really concerned, too, about my kids. While I don't believe he is doing anything to them (my son would tell me), it makes me worry about what creeps are looking at these photos. I worry about whether he can feed them, clothe them, take care of them properly. My son also tells me he doesn't want to go to his dad's house anymore because his dad spanks him, and when we were together, we never spanked.

Sorry this is long, but what the hell do I do to protect my kids? I can't cut off his custody and access until either CAS, the police, or a court order states I can, but I want to and need to protect my kids.

HELP!

 

[Sushai]

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. I too would be feeling all worried and would be wanting to protect my children from anything that may be going on. I've really no advice but sincerely hope that they come into your care ASAP.

 

[KayBea]

i have no advice either hun

have you spoken to him about the pictures & the spanking? x

 

[BrandiCanucks]

No, because the last time I had a concern about our oldest daughter (special needs), putting toys into her vagina when she was in the bath, he turned around and told everyone I was accusing him of doing stuff to her. He really can be unpredictable and psychotic.

 

[dachsundmom]

 

[Danie1stbaby]

sorry you are going through this,sending virtual hugs~ My first question is what were the kids doing in the pictures? were they just taking a bath? or standing there nude? My next question is what is the hold up? file for full custody,something is not right and you have to protect your babies.As far as your daughter putting toys in herself is tricky.....I am at a loss for words,but please get the ball rolling,contact a social worker maybe? That needs to be investigated....that is flat out weird and I would suspect something....omg

 

[BrandiCanucks]

I contacted out social worker, as we do have an open file with Children's Aid because of physical abuse he imposed on me in front of the kids, and I had to speak with a covering worker because ours was on vacation. The covering worker spoke with the manage who apparently said she doesn't believe there is anything sinister about the photos, and therefore they aren't concerned, but they will tell him to take them off Facebook.

I am meeting with a lawyer on Tuesday who will be going over my papers and making sure everything is down correctly in order to go after full custody.

One photos is of my youngest daughter standing naked on the bathroom counter with him holding her hand and smiling as he takes the picture. She did not just get out of the bath either.

Another is of my 4 year old son sitting on the change table with a towel on his head and the rest of him completely exposed.

Another is of my son standing in the living room with a pair of underwear on his head, naked, and holding his penis.

Another is of my youngest daughter standing near the front door with the living room blinds up, naked facing the window, and wearing only Backpack from Dora. Her bum is exposed. This one is on Facebook.

My son really likes AC/DC, so my ex husband took a picture of my son mooning the camera, and used that picture to make into an album cover, which he called "Izzy's AC/DC Al-BUM". This one WAS on Facebook, but has since been taken down.

I haven't found any naked pictures of my oldest daughter, just my younger two.

 

[Dezireey]

This man is a danger to your children. Get them away from him as soon as you can. These pictures, what you are describing, is sinister and not normal for a father to be doing. Ignore whatever idiot is saying you are overreacting and get a second third or even fourth opinion on this. Naked pictures of children, in this day and age and what the internet is used for, is totally unnacceptable. It would take all my willpower not to threaten him with legal action for doing that. Hell, I would be banging down the Polices door demanding they investigate this immediately.

I also question where he is getting money from and I know what you are thinking, I am thinking that too. Things dont add up here and the sooner you get your children away from him, the better. You may have a battle on your hands in future but in this type of circumstance, I would say its worth it to protect them.

Good luck with all the procedures and know that - no, you are not, not in a million years overreacting about the naked pictures of your kids. I am aghast at the person who thinks that a father having naked pictures of his small children on his phone or on facebook is acceptable in any manner. Stand your ground hun.

Hugs xx

 

[louisiana]

did this manager just look at the pics and decide they werent sinister or did she actually speak to ur ex about them?
if it was based on just looking at them id be extremely unhappy.
i would speak to someone else about it.
can u afford to stop taking his money for the daycare?cause i know i wouldnt be hapy unless he can prove where the money is coming from.

 

[BrandiCanucks]

I can afford daycare all on my own, if necessary. The manager, nor the social worker, saw the pictures. They made the decision that they weren't sinister based on my description alone.

 

[Dezireey]

I can afford daycare all on my own, if necessary. The manager, nor the social worker, saw the pictures. They made the decision that they weren't sinister based on my description alone.

Seriously?! they didnt even see them on his phone or the context in which they were posted in facebook? Bloody hell and we wonder sometimes why some kids get unprotected in the system. I would demand that they see the photographs, might hit home to them how inappropriate they really are. How would they like it if it were their kids? Some people have no clue, no clue whatsoever.

 

[Seren0613]

I would be concerned. He may not be physically forcing himself onto the children, but there ARE sexual undertones to all of this. Maybe he's selling their pics online? Idk.

I would really have someone else do a second investigation. Take your laptop to a computer place & have them search the hard drive. Even if stuff is deleted, it can still be recovered. Find out what he was using it for.

 

[Seren0613]

P.S.: I was molested by a family member whe I was a child. No one in my family believed me (other than my parents) ... because "he's a good Christian - he wouldn't do that." you can honestly trust NO ONE, no matter how well you think you know them.

Edit: the toy thing really tips me off. I know children explore their bodies, but then again - when abused they can act out scenarios. For ex: myself. When I was little I was caught playing "doctor" naked in my play room, "exploring areas of my body," I'll just say. Also, I was 3 when I drew a picture of a penis & could tell you what it was. My parents didn't think much of either instance. Little did they know, my aunt's husband was molesting me. Children can't verbalize it most times, but will draw pictures/ act it out. Huge red flag.

 

[Seren0613]

On second thought, since Children's Aid (is that like DSS in the US?) didn't listen, go to the police. Explain your concerns & ask if they will search the laptop.

 

[BrandiCanucks]

I spoke with our social worker who already has an open file. She felt her manager was wrong and is going to do a more thorough investigation. She's meeting with him on Friday, but says it's just for a "follow up", so that he doesn't have time to delete anything. She's going to bring it up at this follow up and request to see his phone and computer, and then make the decision on whether she recommends I take full custody and she request the police launch an investigation, or whether she agrees with her manager, that the photos are not sinister.

 

[Seren0613]

Good! Hopefully for the children's sake, it's nothing. But, better safe than sorry.

 

[Danie1stbaby]

Yes,better safe than sorry~ Take this great advice from these ladies.something definitely isn't right~ I can't even give you the proper advice because my way is not the good way,I would have been snapped and whooped his ass until I was physically tired,and got plead insanity.I know that is how I would have handled it~ Yet you have a chance to do it right,go and push the issue until something is done.Do not allow your children to be left in his care anymore.

My heart and love also goes out to Seren0613 ~ May the person that violated your innocence burn in hell! I have no care at all for nasty *******s that violate innocent children~ ugh I am disturbed....

 

[Tasha]

I am so glad that the other social worker has taken you more seriously. when do you see a lawyer?

 

[MikaylasMummy]

If there were pics of the kids in the bath or playing in a backyard pool naked,fair enough.but why on earth would anyone want/need a picture of a child naked when u can't even see their face!!and why would you have a child on the change table naked and taking pics unless they are a baby smiling while u change them?the whole thing screams to me that something is wrong and I think we are all thinking the same thing about where he is getting his money.personally I would speak to the police and any other service you can get a hold of until someone investigates this matter properly.i think a financial record to show where his income is coming from is the first important marker on whether these are innocent or not.

 

[BrandiCanucks]

Thankfully, the social worker is coming out tomorrow morning. I'll be showing her the pictures then, and she's already agreed to investigate deeper into how he's getting his money. Tonight, he threatened that if I tried to take him to court again, he'd be fighting for "100% of the kids", and he "make sure I never see them again, so I can't hurt them anymore" by "not trying to be friends with him".

God, the guy is seriously effed in the head! Can't wait to speak with the social worker.