FOB can no longer support the kids ***UPDATE PAGE 4***

[MegnJoe]

I just read the whole thread. I'm so sorry for your situation. I am glad the right people are digging into this deeper. My husband always covers my daughter with a washcloth when she is doing something cute in the the tub..I pray he isn't a sexual deviant, and this all gets straightened out. keep your head up, it's a long road ahead but as u know, well worth it to protect your little ones..

 

[BrandiCanucks]

I don't believe he is doing anything in that sense to them. My son would have told me during one of our nightly talks. But it does make me curious, why he has these photos, and how is he getting money for daycare?

What IS happening that is making my son throw NASTY tantrums. I don't mean a regular kick and scream tantrum, but kick, scream, nearly put holes in my wall, scream no over and over, swear at me, and then tell me he's scared when I try and talk to him. Why does he tell me he doesn't want to go to his dad's? He says it's because dad spanks him and calls him a bad kid. Why did he hold his bowel for a week straight and then have a nasty accident at the babysitter's today? My son is a sweet kid. He is kindhearted, gentle, sensitive, and loves everyone. He uses his words when he's sad. I've never seen tantrums this horrible and frightening from him ever, and I mean HE is frightened. So frightened, he hyperventilates and can't catch his breath. He toilet trained himself at 27 months old and hasn't had an accident since then, until today. The babysitter said he had a rock solid BM that was the size of an apple, and then for 15 minutes straight, it kept flowing in watery bits into her shower, and he cried the whole time because he couldn't stop it. He has lost ALL confidence in himself. This is the kid who started dressing himself at 16 months old, knew how to do up his coat and put on his boots at 2, and now he won't do it. Not because he can't, but because he is afraid. He has literally lost all confidence. He asks me for help with his boots, saying he can't do it, and Daddy said he can't. I could go on and on.

To make matters worse, I'm trying to get him in counselling, but can't put him in because he's part of a shared custody agreement. In shared, they need BOTH signatures, and my ex won't sign. He says he doesn't need it.

SOMETHING is going on, and I need to save my kids from it. Hopefully I get somewhere tomorrow.

 

[_Mouse_]

I think you should be informing the police or OPP as naked picture of children fall under kidddy porn. I work with all types of computer technology everyday at work if we find even a hint of naked children on the device, all information must be searched for any other photos and the police and opp notified to pick up the device and hand over all information to them.

I wouldn't let him have the kids again until everything is sorted out or at least request supervised access.

 

[MikaylasMummy]

That is horrendous.film all incidences from now on.it is hard because it is a he said she said so if you have proof of his behaviour it will hopefully shock them into acting.i assume your already keeping a dated diary of every incident with the kids especially the bowel issue with the babysitter and note she was a witness.these severe behaviour changes have made me change my mind about whether the fob is abusing him.i very sadly think such extreme behaviour change could be the result of something sinister.not just bad words from his dad.are you sure you need two signatures for a psychiatrist?maybe take him for an emergency doctors appointment after an episode with a video and they might be able to legally override it due to medical need.the fact that fob doesn't want councilling also rings alarm bells to me.why not?what is he afraid that will come out?how do you know with the kids still regularly in fobs company that he hasn't put such severe fear into them that they dare not tell as the retribution will be bad when they are back with him.

 

[BrandiCanucks]

My 4 year old doesn't lie. He tells me what his dad tells him. Even my special needs daughter told me she hated my new house and the only reason she did is because her dad told her to say it. I KNOW something is going on, but until someone else believes me and tells me I can take action, my hands are tied, or I will be the one getting in trouble, not him.

 

[Seren0613]

I don't believe he is doing anything in that sense to them. My son would have told me during one of our nightly talks. But it does make me curious, why he has these photos, and how is he getting money for daycare?

What IS happening that is making my son throw NASTY tantrums. I don't mean a regular kick and scream tantrum, but kick, scream, nearly put holes in my wall, scream no over and over, swear at me, and then tell me he's scared when I try and talk to him. Why does he tell me he doesn't want to go to his dad's? He says it's because dad spanks him and calls him a bad kid. Why did he hold his bowel for a week straight and then have a nasty accident at the babysitter's today? My son is a sweet kid. He is kindhearted, gentle, sensitive, and loves everyone. He uses his words when he's sad. I've never seen tantrums this horrible and frightening from him ever, and I mean HE is frightened. So frightened, he hyperventilates and can't catch his breath. He toilet trained himself at 27 months old and hasn't had an accident since then, until today. The babysitter said he had a rock solid BM that was the size of an apple, and then for 15 minutes straight, it kept flowing in watery bits into her shower, and he cried the whole time because he couldn't stop it. He has lost ALL confidence in himself. This is the kid who started dressing himself at 16 months old, knew how to do up his coat and put on his boots at 2, and now he won't do it. Not because he can't, but because he is afraid. He has literally lost all confidence. He asks me for help with his boots, saying he can't do it, and Daddy said he can't. I could go on and on.

To make matters worse, I'm trying to get him in counselling, but can't put him in because he's part of a shared custody agreement. In shared, they need BOTH signatures, and my ex won't sign. He says he doesn't need it.

SOMETHING is going on, and I need to save my kids from it. Hopefully I get somewhere tomorrow.

Something is going on. Tell the social worker all of this.

Him holding his bowels seems to be as a means to control (possibly his rectum?), also anger is shown when scared/feeling out of control. I was angry when I would return from my aunt/uncle's house. I would be a huge brat. My parents thought it was because my cousin was a brat & was rubbing off on me.

You have to ask him why daddy calls him bad? What is he doing to make daddy say he's bad? If he is being abused, his father may say this to brain wash him into thinking not going along with it is bad, and good boys do as they are told. The man who molested me told me I couldn't tell, because it would upset my aunt badly. I didn't tell for 6
months. I told an older family member (child also). She was about 12/13 & new better - so she convinced me to tell. I was scared to tell an adult. He also did something to her, which is why we got on the topic of discussion. She told, then I told. I think if she wouldn't have told, I wouldn't have.

He's probably so scared. Even if your children are always truthful, don't forget intimidation toward a child can be a very powerful thing.



Danie, thank you.

 

[Dezireey]

From what you have added to your thread now in other posts and from talking myself recently to one of my friends who was abused as a child, Im sorry to say but it looks extremely likely that your ex is abusing your children. I would not let him see them at all asap and I would go straight to the Police now. Dont forget abusers control children and they also control what they say. My friend was abused by her grandfather who ( she found out later) also abused his daughter and she never told anyone. He used to threaten that he would kill all her family if she told on him and he also said things like ' everyone knows anyway, they all think its fine' which convinces the child that no-one is on their side. If you are 100% convinced he is not an abuser in a sexual manner, from what you have said that man, at the very least is hitting them or humiliating them badly.

For the sake of your children, remove them from this mans care immediately. Your little boy may not be telling you anything verbally but he sure as hell is crying out for help with his actions and body language. That should be enough of a red flag for you to stop all contact. Ignore courts/ officials, current custody rules etc. Demand a thorough investigation as you suspect possible abuse. I cant imagine any social worker would argue with a mother (with the evidence you told us here) wanting her kids removed immediately from his care until the truth is investigated properly and thoroughly.

Hope things work out xx

 

[BrandiCanucks]

Thank you. I will definitely be discussing my concerns with the social worker, and if possible, I'm going to ask if she can sit down with my son and talk with him.

 

[BrandiCanucks]

Just spoke with the social worker. She has rescheduled our meeting for 3:45pm this afternoon so she can sit and talk with Isaiah privately about why he doesn't want to go to his dad's anymore.

 

[Rhio92]

Hope it goes okay, thinking of you all xxx

 

[BrandiCanucks]

Social worker just left. Apparently she had been on the verge of closing the file because there had been no activity in a few months. I showed her the pictures of the kids, including the captions he posted them under on Facebook. She also spoke with my son who told her everything he has told me. He is being spanked at his dad's house, whether he is being good or bad, he doesn't want to go there, his dad calls his a bad kid, but what nearly had me in tears what that my son said he would rather be spanked by his dad than have a time out, because the spankings hurt, but the time outs hurt more. Apparently my son is also spanked by his dad while in bed. She is going to call him in the morning to meet with him. She had previously recommended that he attend a parenting class, and now she is ordering it, and he can't say no, because he is ordered by the court to attend any program as recommended by Children's Aid.

My son also told her that the reason he wants to sleep at my house is because I don't spank him, and I'm nice to him.

She can't say right now that I can keep the kids away from him, not until she speaks to him, and starts the investigation (tomorrow), but according to the custody agreement, the kids are to sleep at my house for the next week, so we should be okay for a few days. Based on this program she's ordering him in to, that will be the deciding factor on whether or not they back me up on a pursuit of full custody.

 

[Danie1stbaby]

Glad the social worker is getting things into action.Damn the parenting classes though,he needs to be away from those babies.Your baby's bowel movements,and confidence are bothered....something is up.See I couldn't follow the law to protect my baby,you are such a patient person.God knows my child would not go back and I would flat out say that I think my babies are being abused.The father would give me answers,I would flip out so bad on him.Your son might not know what is happening and like another post up here said,kids act things out.I remember my mother saying that to me recently,she said kids never forget things and they usually talk about it on their time,when they are reminded of a certain event.He can't take your children from you,that is a way to control and scare you.Omg this case needs direct attention,is there anywhere I could write to.They are going to give this some attention and investigate immediately.Even when I am not on the forum I think about you and your beautiful babies.Something will and has to be done~ Those children do not need to be in his care~ a parenting class will not change a mentally unstable person.I would have told the caseworker to do what she has to do,because my babies will NOT go back into his care whatsoever

 

[MissWaiting]

you need to do what you think is right for your kids id ask your son whats been happening at his dads other then spanking and also good on your for getting someone involved about the pictures. in all honesty thought do what you think is right normally your gut feeling is right and even if your worried about the kids missing out on contact with their dad when they are older they will understand why you took the steps you did but be open with them about it i know its a diffrent thing but my mum kept us informed on every step of her and my dads break up and then we decided how her dating life went after and even to this day she always tells us whats going on when my nan was sick she told us striaght away as our nan wanted to speak to us all and we are greatful to this day that she took those steps as it allowed us to process things and make scene of it and we tell her to this day that her and my dad breaking up was the best thing she could of done due to the house being happier so follow what you feel you need to do and they will thank you for it when they are older xxx

 

[BrandiCanucks]

So last night, I tucked my kids into bed. This routine consists of me giving my 4 year old son a big hug and saying, "I love you, Handsome. You're my favourite boy." To which he normally replies, "And you're my favourite girl, Mommy." Last night, however, he said to me last night, "But Daddy says you don't love me". My blood started to boil. So, I asked my 5 year old daughter (she has special needs and is developmentally delayed), if Daddy had ever told her that Mommy doesn't love her, and she said "Yes, every day".

This situation played out after I was late to pick them up because I was a witness to an attempted robbery at a drug store and the police asked me to stick around for an interview. I had to run home and pee after that and asked if he could bring them to me, because I was low on gas. Instead, he decided to play games and tell me that I shouldn't have left my kids there all night and if I truly wanted them, I could come get them. It got to the point where he began to refuse to give me my kids and I needed to call the police and have them speak with him. It was my night, according to the custody agreement, so essentially, by refusing to give me my kids, he was kidnapping them. He then agreed to give me my kids. Tonight, I offered to let him have access, and he refused to come get them, but said if I "wanted to get rid of them", I could bring them there. Needless to say, they're asleep in my house tonight.

I am SO BEYOND PISSED! I CANNOT stand him. I want nothing more than to get my kids away from him and hug them, and love them, and protect them, and let them be HAPPY!!!

So, I applied for legal aid today, and got a certificate, and I have an appointment with a lawyer. I will be filing my motion to change next week. I'm getting this show on the road. Hopefully we will be happy from now on.

 

[Ceejay123]

So last night, I tucked my kids into bed. This routine consists of me giving my 4 year old son a big hug and saying, "I love you, Handsome. You're my favourite boy." To which he normally replies, "And you're my favourite girl, Mommy." Last night, however, he said to me last night, "But Daddy says you don't love me". My blood started to boil. So, I asked my 5 year old daughter (she has special needs and is developmentally delayed), if Daddy had ever told her that Mommy doesn't love her, and she said "Yes, every day".

This situation played out after I was late to pick them up because I was a witness to an attempted robbery at a drug store and the police asked me to stick around for an interview. I had to run home and pee after that and asked if he could bring them to me, because I was low on gas. Instead, he decided to play games and tell me that I shouldn't have left my kids there all night and if I truly wanted them, I could come get them. It got to the point where he began to refuse to give me my kids and I needed to call the police and have them speak with him. It was my night, according to the custody agreement, so essentially, by refusing to give me my kids, he was kidnapping them. He then agreed to give me my kids. Tonight, I offered to let him have access, and he refused to come get them, but said if I "wanted to get rid of them", I could bring them there. Needless to say, they're asleep in my house tonight.

I am SO BEYOND PISSED! I CANNOT stand him. I want nothing more than to get my kids away from him and hug them, and love them, and protect them, and let them be HAPPY!!!

So, I applied for legal aid today, and got a certificate, and I have an appointment with a lawyer. I will be filing my motion to change next week. I'm getting this show on the road. Hopefully we will be happy from now on.

Oh my gosh! What a twisted, evil man! Why is he telling your kids this, and why the hell is he spanking them? I just read this in absolute disbelief. I think you're well within your rights to withhold access? Have you visited a solicitor sweetie? If you're afraid for your kids I can't see them holding it against you. Have you told the social worker that he's telling them mummy doesn't love them? X

 

[MissWaiting]

Wow what a ass hole he is I'm sending you huge hugs he doesn't deserve to have kids when he treats them like that xxx

 

[MegnJoe]

I am SO glad you are taking action to keep them away from him!! They will be happier for it and so will you, but you know that lol. Big hugs and stay as strong as you are being. Hopefully this whole nightmare will be in the review mirror very soon! Just keep loving your kids as much as you do. Your love will carry them through this, no matter what that man says to them.

Good luck! I hope they change the custody to him never seeing them, or at least supervised visits with a social worker in a neutral location like once a year!

 

[divershona]

just read through this thread and i'm so srry that you're having to go through all of this.

I was abused when i was a child and i was a horrible brat for it because i felt it was the only way for someone to listen to me. The fact that your son is saying that he doesn't want to go to his dads would raise warning flags for me especially when his reasons for it are what they are.

is there not a way in which you can just deny custody because of your concerns until a full investigation has taken place, or is it possible for you to say go to the police station with your kids and raise your concerns with them and just say that you think this needs investigating now because it is impacting on their health (your son's bowel movements are evidence of that!)

something that i have heard of police doing with young children in an abuse case is taking a teddy or doll that kind of thing and asking the child to show them what the abuser says does as if the teddy/doll were them.

is that a possible thing you could ask your son to do so you might be able to understand better, it might be that he doesnt know how to communicate the exact things that are happening to him but if he can show you through acting it out with the teddy you can under stand. If you can do that video it and use that to show police / social workers etc. but be very careful not to lead your son into doing something that might not have happened to him if you know what i mean.

hope this can all be sorted very soon for you hun!

 

[xoxsarahxox]

I'm so sorry for what you and your children are going through. I don't really no what to say it have any advice, but I use to have issues with my son coming home from his dads and being either realy nasty and angry or just shutting himself away, he was a different boy. When it came to going to his dads it was a fight Everytime and we had to drag him to the car crying and screaming. I put a small recording device in the bottom of his nappy bag one day (knowing full well he never changed my sons nappy while he was there so there was no risk of him finding it) I only made a few recordings and all I heard was him swearin at my son calling him racist names ( my son is half Greek and so is his dad so god only knows why he was bein racist) my son screaming sayi g he was hurt, several times my exs sister in the background shouting and crying at my ex telling him to let go of my son as he was Hurting him. It was painful to sit and listen to it all but I took it straight to social services and my solicitor and contact was stopped immediately. He has since had to go through 2 years of supervised contact, parenting classes, risk assessments, courts, and now finally he has normal contact with him and I do believe he is a changed person and my son is at no risk. I realy feel for you cause it's not nice knowing there is something wrong with your child but you don't quite no what x

 

[creatingpeace]

I just read this whole thread! Frist and foremost, big hugs, how darn stressful!!!! What a damn asshole!

Secondly, I am a single Mom and I work in the social services system. I have one important thing to say DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT expect the system to take care of this, CAS. It just won't happen, or it will happen too late. Evidenced by the manager (WTF) and her poor judgement and the SW "about to close the file". Social services is VEEEEEEEEEEEEERY subjective and so many mistakes are made. You have done a great thing, get legal aid, a lawyer who is working for you and get sole custody of these children. This man is sick and should only have supervised access at BEST with your children.

I am so sorry you and your beautiful children are going through this. Do not allow that man to make you feel crazy, over reactive or anythg. Furthermore, your CAS's manager has a supervisor, you should make a compliant that you were told you were over reacting ( and that you did not feel supported), this is a very unprofessional comment to make. Trust me, from someone working in the field, the squeaky wheel is the one who gets the grease. Clearly from your posts you are a smart, together, articulate lady. Remain so in all your dealings with CAS, police, court and everything wil be just fine!