FOB's gf impersonated a nurse to get into my home

[Lemonflower]

Yes that's what happened.

If you read my other thread I've explained that FOB has denied paternity to the CSA.
Yesterday me and my son were at home and there was a knock on the door and this girl in a nurses uniform and note pad stood there.
She says, "I'm the community nurse I've come to check on you and baby"
I was a bit taken aback and let her in - I didn't feel right.

She sits opposite me.

Conversation:

FOB's gf: "how are you"
Me: "fine thanks"
FOB's gf: "I'm here today to offer you support, I understand you had an eating disorder"
Me: "yeah but that was years ago"
FOB's gf: "any help with benefits?"
Me: "no they're all sorted"
FOB's gf: "I understand you're single"
Me: "yes the father has actually denied paternity recently"
FOB's gf: ** looking at my son**
"aww what colour eyes does he have, blue, beautiful, beautiful". ** he has fobs eyes**
Me: **feeling weird** "why are you here again?"
FOB's gf: "I'm a community nurse in the area I help new mums with babies and the elderly"
Me: "can I take your name and number please."

She writes them down and leaves. (not a real name or number - confirmed later)

I knew then it was my ex's gf. Called the non emergency police and my friend to bring a photo of her around. It was def her.

Gave a statement to the police and they more or less said there was nothing they could do cos she didn't cause a loss or get a gain. She also didn't touch my baby.
They went and saw her and and my ex and they admitted everything and said they were stupid and was sorry.
She confirmed she is actually a nurse and she just wanted to see baby for herself as fob is saying he is not the father - I left him and cheated on him!!!!! Both of them said they don't have much money and don't want to pay for a child that isn't there's.
The police gave them a smack on the wrist. They came and saw me again after and said there was nothing they can do. They didn't commit a crime.
I broke down and said that I'd had his mother threatening me on my doorstep and his gf gains entry into my home under false pretence - what will it take for them to help me.
The police replied that they don't think she did it in malice. WTF!! Why did she do it??
I was speechless!!

Why did she do it?? He's obv fed her a pack of lies. I called him up and ranted and asked him what the **** he is playing at. I said that I didn't have a problem with her yet she came to my home and lied... He didn't say why they did it.
She was listening and he carried on berating me on the phone and lied about what he has done to me. Said he'd do a DNA test because the baby wasn't his. I screamed that he knows my son is his... We planned him!!! He threatened to take him from me if it is proven to be his son.

I feel sick to the pit of my stomach.... I'm angry that I didn't follow my intuition and let her in, I'm angry I didn't beat her, I'm angry I didn't tell her calmly the real story, I'm frightened that if a woman can be that brazen what is she capable of.
I feel like a bad mum and like I didn't protect my son - I let her in my house. Yes I was weary but I feel like I failed him. I can't stop crying... That man just keeps kicking me while I'm down. When I get up he kicks me down again

I'm angry at myself cos I got the CSA involved - I'd heard nothing from him in weeks. He's obv pissed I got them on his back. He'd have kept up his lies of me leaving and charting and would of had nothing to do with us.
I wanted my baby to see his dad though ... Even though I hate him. I don't want my son feeling rejected in years to come.
He doesn't want my baby he's doing all this to spite me. Why should he not pay for the child he planned..I'm really struggling!! i'm confused again.

I'm thinking about dropping my CSA case. I'm frightened of them. She must be as crazy as him to do that.

I'm crying so much I can't even look after my son properly. My mum is over. The police has advised that I go to a solicitor as it is a civil matter. I'm not even entitled to legal aid cos I work.

 

[MindUtopia]

If I were you, I would report her to the NHS or whoever handles unethical professional behavior. If she is truly a nurse, she is not legally allowed to abuse her professional privileges in order to barge into someone's house for her own personal agenda. He's not going to be able to take your child from you, especially if you keep these things documented on the official record, which you've done. Keep your CSA case open and make him step up and be responsible. But seriously, I would turn her in so goes on her professional record. Crazy people that shouldn't be qualified as nurses. I'm so sorry you have had to deal with that. That would scare the crap out of me.

 

[Dezireey]

Please dont blame yourself about this hun. You did protect your son, no harm came to him and you called the police, so you did exactly what anyone else would do. I have a health visitoe due tomorrow, she could be anyone too, i wouldnt know?? you and baby are safe and that is all that matters.

What these two pillocks have done is so detrimental to your FOB's cause about your son, they have no idea. What an inordinately stupid, stupid thing to do. Pretend to be a nurse and gain entry into your home. If she is genuinely a nurse, I really would take it one step further and contact her employer. She will be disciplined or sacked at best for doing this. That will show her.

Dont let his childish behaviour deter you from what you need to do. If you think going through the CSA is wise, then do it.

i couldnt believe what that woman did when i read your post, how nuts is that!!

 

[mellllly]

OMG - I agree though complain to the NMC (Nursing and Midwifery Council)
Link: https://www.nmc-uk.org/General-public/Reporting-a-nurse-or-midwife-to-the-NMC/

She should not be able to use her position to gain entry into your home

 

[jemmie1994]

That's insane! you should definitely report her, is scary to think she can just come into your home the one place you should really feel safe so sorry you have to deal with them two nut jobs!

 

[surprisebaby]

really shocking

Hope you're ok

 

[lemontree12]

This is disgusting and has taken things to another level!!
The fact she knew personal details from ur past is disgusting also!

I know u may not want to stir things anymore, but I would def do what pp said, if he is actually a nurse she needs a complaint put in!
It's a serious offence!

I can not imagine how u feel right now! But please not feel like u let ur little boy down! U where never to know that they would do something so f&*ked up! Just learn from it!

Xxxx hugs

 

[baby8]

Owh babe that's absolutely awful! You must feel so violated x

 

[Sarahcake]

Just wtf?! I can't believe the police didn't do anything what a fricking nutjob she is!!

Definitely contact her employer, Ive been a health care assistant in the nhs for 6 years in total and know what she has done is a stackable offence. Ring them, tell them, give them the crime log number (easily obtainable from the police) and watch her get what she deserves for that. If they kick off, then log it with the police.

So sorry you've had to go through this

 

[teal]

OMG sending you lots of hugs

I agree with above that you should definitely complain if she is a nurse. She shouldn't be abusing her position like that.

xx

 

[MikaylasMummy]

Report her!!as a student RN I'm telling you she would be in VERY big trouble from her employers and possibly face a hearing for using her professional status to lie and gain entry to your house!the police may not do anything but I assure you she will be in big trouble!be sure when you phone and go through the reporting channels that you have a police reciept number of your dealings with them about the situation as this proves your not just making it up to cause trouble.don't drop your CSA claim.he has no hope of gaining custody from you completely or even a majority custody so don't be concerned about that.but please report her!!

 

[Laura2919]

OMG!!! Just OMG!! I cannot believe someone would even try and do this

 

[dustbunny]

Wtf?! I am in shock, complete shock!! I would report her, whether her employer be NHS or not she is in major trouble.

 

[Dezireey]

I hope she wasnt lying about being a nurse as we all want to see her get reported!! lol

Hope you feel better today hun xx hugs xx

 

[davidjoemum]

Report her ASAP please do for your own and LO's safety.this is dangerous she is insane!!!!if she is really a nurse it's unethical unprofessional and illegal.she should pay big price for her stupidness.

 

[Lemonflower]

Thanks everyone. I'm still feeling sick to my stomach but am a lot better now.
The police officer visited me yesterday to check I was ok. He gave me her full name but could not give me the place she works. He said it's not the NHS but a big care firm in the area. I asked him if she was a care worker and he just raised his eyebrows. I don't know how I'm going to find out. They've got away with this.
So yeah ladies.... It's ok to pretend to be professionals and enter peoples homes falsely. You just get a smack on the wrist... I broke down when he said. No criminal offence has been commuted, I said, "does me and my son need to be hurt before you will intervein" he said said sorry and that he tried to find something to pin on her but couldn't. I have lost my faith in the police completely.I believe now she could of been there to swab my sons mouth.

I spoke briefly to a solicitor and she said she could write my ex and his gf a warning letter - that's £75+. an injunction is £1500. I don't get legal funding and this is too much.

I've decided that tomorrow I'm going to drop the CSA. It's what pissed them off I believe.
My ex hadn't bothered with me or LO for 9 weeks and him getting the CSA call has annoyed them. They don't want to pay for "my ugly mistake" (what my ex said to me on the phone when I ranted at him later that day).
I figured that as long as they are in mine and LO's life they will always make it a misery. I was genuinely so happy before his gf pulled that stunt.
Now it's set me back a step and I'm feeling awful again.
She's as evil and crazy as him - she must be to do that to a woman who's only then had a baby. I'm scared of them and don't want them around my son. Also I believe if my ex had to pay he'd see and use LO to hurt me. All I want is to be happy with my LO. Bugger his money. I'm sooo angry he won't be paying for a baby he planned but I believe our happiness is more important.
The police are sh*t - they've shown the won't help me and if my ex took me to court for access I couldn't afford a solicitor.

Some of my friends have said "he's won"
- maybe he has but I can't risk anything they may chuck at us now or the risk of him getting access and not treating LO right.
Hopefully he'll crawl back under his stone when he receives the CSA cancellation later and I can get back to where I was before she shook me up.

I'm worried he'll try to spite me and turn around and ask for a DNA test anyway If he does I'll refuse, he can take me to court and I'll inform him I'll pick my case up again. After what he's been saying I dong think he will - but them he is evil and unpredictable.

Tomorrow is a new day - I'm gonna move forward from this.

Xxxx

 

[Snowball]

How awful

 

[MikaylasMummy]

I understand to feel safe you just don't want to cause trouble.just so you know you don't need to know where she works and it doesnt need to be nhs,the nursing and midwifery council is for all registered nurses and carers.at least in Australia to be a health care worker you are registered as either an RN or EN and you will get in trouble from higher up.to report her you just need to find or google the council and give them a call and they will know far more and be able to help you

 

[MommaAlexis]

I really don't like that you've let them bully you into giving up.

Edit. I really don't like that they've bullied you into giving up. Changing phrasing as that first one sounds like I'm blaming you. Sorry!

 

[AusGirl86]

Oh hon, please don't give up! It sounds like she is potentially a nutjob (hahah no offense..) and she needs to be reported for her behaviour. I think reporting her to the nursing professionals (not sure who they are where you live) and trying to find out that way is the best option. If she is a nurse, there's no way she is professinal enough to attend to patients. Plus you want to scare her into realising that she cant mess with you and your baby!

Would you look at going for a paternity test and then hit him for child support to the enth degree? If you can, record any conversations he says to you, keep a diary with what he tells you, when, dates etc and be specific.. that way if he ever in the future tries to get joint custody or what not you can fight back with what an unreasonable parent he is, and he will never win!