For people with a child already

[Alexas Mommy]

Okay I have a question for those who already have one or more kids, and are ttc or wtt another. Before I ask, I must warn you, I do overthink things alot... too much for my own good really... Anyway, my question is, did you ever feel like you were "betraying" your first LO by wanting another one? Okay I know this sounds really stupid, especially seeing it in writing, but I guess I feel bad that I want a little brother or sister for Alexa, because I am scared that it will affect the relationship that I have with Alexa... Does this make any sense? Please answer, I need reassurance, and feel really stupid thinking this Thanks!

 

[Caroline]

I always worried when pg with second child that I wouldn't love them as much as 1st, or that I'd love no 1 less as I'd got a 2nd.

You do have to share yourself a bit more, but as they get older they are often quite happy playing on their own. I think it also helps them learn that they can't always be centre of attention (helpful when starting school).

I love all 3 of my kids to bits, all are very different personalities, but my 2 eldest love having a brother/ sister, and they are both pestering ( younger more than older) for another lo.

Thankfully we are hoping to ttc sometime next year (probably mid year), but that will be our last. I dread to think what will happen when they are a little older!

 

[Alexas Mommy]

Thank you for replying Caroline! I worry that I won't love another as much as I love Alexa, because it's so hard to imagine lovingsomeone else as much... And then having to share the love between them is hard to imagine. I mean I obviosly know I will love them both, but without having a second right now, it is hard to imagine!

 

[Sassy]

I remember when I brought my second child home from the hospital. The guilt about killed me. I thought I 'broke' my first born. Trust me, he is 11 and he didnt stay 'broken' long!

 

[Sparkleyone]

Hiya!

Its quite normal to feel this way. I am pregnant with my 2nd child and have had a wobbler or two, I have asked myself & worried about every scenario possible! I've even wondered WHY I wanted another, as my little boy is my world world plus more. But at this stage its hard to see past my pregnancy, I was the same when pregnant 1st time around - I couldnt picture the end result so to speak.

My little boy enriches my life more than anything, and the last thing I would want to do is hurt him /betray him. Having a sibling is such a precious gift to any child, and I know my son will benefit in so many ways. I am prepared that he may feel a little put out at first but I will do everything within my power so that he knows just how much he is loved, so hopefully the adjustment wont be too bad for him.

The betrayal thing is normal ie you ask yourself if your first child isnt enough, as why do you want another?! We all know thats not the case at all though. Our children are always good enough and fullfill is more than anything - its part of nature and part of life and we shouldnt have these emotional battles as common sense tells us what is right.


Do remember though that your little girl is still a baby in herself, and when the time is right you will just know. I know that my son is ready for a friend as such. He will be nearly 3 when we have our 2nd child and nearly starting nursery. It took me a long time to come around to the idea of having another child, and now I am pregnant I am so exciting about family life changing again. As the years go by, my son will have a brother or sister which is something I always loved. I have lots of siblings, and I am so grateful for them. They are my friends into adulthood and always around when I was little, as a friend, as company - even someone to snitch on. Its all good, try and think of things this way and you'll be fine

Sorry I have waffled on havent I?!

Take care x

 

[alyxzandra]

My son is 14 weeks and we are already thinking of another one, but will wait a year before trying. However, I see it that our LO has given us so much joy and happiness that we want to have another bundle of joy to share our lives together. I do not see it as betraying him, but giving him a brother or sister that he can also love.

 

[Alexas Mommy]

Thanks! I definitely feel better about all of it now. I think Alexa would love to eventually have a little brother or sister, so I will have to think of it that way, rather than thoughts of betrayal...

 

[B4byAnge1]

I used to think this before I got pregnant with Skye, and while pregnant I worried about it, thinking I couldnt love another baby as much as lewis, but as soon as she was here the feeling just totally disappears!

 

[princess_bump]

i think the same, especially as i'm an only child. i worry that maddi wont get my full attention, but then i remember she'll have a sibling for support and friendship, as well as me, which is something that i would have loved. i think its naturally to feel that way honey, its because you love alexa so much, and that love with just grow with another baby x

 

[sam's mum]

I worry that I won't love another as much as I love Alexa, because it's so hard to imagine lovingsomeone else as much... And then having to share the love between them is hard to imagine. I mean I obviosly know I will love them both, but without having a second right now, it is hard to imagine!

We're TTC #2 and that is exactly how I feel (I'm hoping that's normal)! I can't imagine loving anyone else as much as I love Sam. My mum said she felt the same until she was pregnant with my sister though - and that it doesn't ever feel as if you have to share the love between them x

 

[freckleonear]

Oh thank goodness someone else feels like this too. My husband just laughs at me everytime I say "but I love Aaron too much to have another".

 

[Alexas Mommy]

Wow, I am soo happy you guys can relate!! I have an older sister, and honestly, she is my best friend in the entire world. We were all we had, as we both grew up in a foster home, and I think it would be wonderful to give Alexa that kind of bond-even if it is a younger brother. I can definitely see myself buying a king size bed before I have my next one-so I can share my bed with both my kids, not just one... Ah well time will only tell how it will all play out, but for now, it just relieves me to know I am not wacky for thinking that it will be hard to love two kids... Thanks everyone!!

 

[baby_dreamz]

I want another little on cause I feel bad that he's alone and all he has is me and his step-dad, and his step dad works alot. And I feel like it's time

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