For those of you not currently with FOA

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by Croc-O-Dile, Nov 15, 2011.

  1. Croc-O-Dile

    Croc-O-Dile Well-Known Member

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    My ex-OH and I were wonderful together. Then I fell pregnant and although I was not ready for another LO, he was over the moon. We had a life plan mapped out, everything was perfect. Then I lost the baby. :cry:

    Things just weren't right between us after that. I was hurting so bad and I couldn't even look at him because all I saw was the life we should have had. We ended up calling it quits.

    When we see each other it's bitter sweet. We don't really know how to act like just friends, we never have. Well now I'm working with him on a seasonal job and it's unbearable. I've been really down lately because my 20 week scan should have been last month, I should have reached V day last week, we should be moving into our place this month. But none of that is happening.:cry:

    Don't get me wrong, I have a wonderful boyfriend now, and I care about him a lot, but it makes me so sad seeing my FOA every day interacting with children (we work a santa set)

    Yesterday was really hard. We had two different people ask us how long we've been together and when we said we're not they laughed and said, "Oh you will be soon!" Or something along those lines. I get it. We have good chemistry. Now stop.
    Then, right as we were getting ready to close, this woman came in with her son and she was pregnant. Okay, no big deal. Then she mentioned how she's due March 1. My due date. :cry::cry::cry:

    I tried talking to him about it tonight but he wouldn't really talk about it. He just kept saying things like, "Life isn't fair, we just have to accept it. We didn't last anyway." We didn't last because I was grieving and pushed you away! I just want him to say something like, "I think about it often" or "I wish that hadn't happened" but all I get is him making excuses!

    For those of you who aren't with your FOA, do you find they're more hesitant to talk about it with you? And how do you face them now?
     
  2. amotherslove

    amotherslove MamaToLilyLucyAndLila<3

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    mine hasnt spoken to me since i was 6-7 weeks pregnant.. and he hasn't spoken to me since.. i don't even know if he knows she's gone.. and i know he likely wouldnt care.. it make me mad thinking of him playing with his other two kids and not giving two hoots about ours.. MINE... i'm so sorry your FOA is being so closed off.. i think maybe he's just hiding his feelings.. him saying life isn't fair leads me to believe he hurts alot over it too.. and saying it's better because you arent together sounds like he's trying to find a reason.. just as we all are.. for some people it's easier to pretend it doesn't hurt.. <3 so sorry for your loss.
     
  3. jennijunni

    jennijunni Well-Known Member

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    I personally think you still love him deeply and he you. And I think you are letting this grief rule your life. I think you need to sit down, realize that you will not feel the same, he will not grieve like you and you will not grieve like he does, and that is okay. You seem to want to be with him, and there seems to be a lot of love between you. I say, talk it out, and get back with the man you clearly still deeply love. Hugs!
     
  4. Croc-O-Dile

    Croc-O-Dile Well-Known Member

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    It's not that easy. I'm in a new relationship and I'm pretty sure he hates the idea of me right now. I really put him through hell. It felt more like a divorce than a break up, iykwim. Especially because of how close he is/was with my daughter. I work and close with him tomorrow. I don't know how I'm going to get through the rest of the season. Every time I see him I feel like crying. :cry:
     
  5. jennijunni

    jennijunni Well-Known Member

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    Well you never know unless you ask. And tbh you dont seem super attached to this new guy. I would give the other guy a go. But take it slow for your DD's sake, that is so, so hard on a little one. You will forever regret letting him go without a fight, and will forever wonder "what if." Go for it. What do you have to lose? Besides this new guy?
     

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