For those of you who really wanted to breastfeed. Would you help me help others?

[TheNewMrs]

Good Evening Mamas,
I am beginning a mother to mother support group in my area and if any of you are willing to share your experiences I'd really appreciate it. If however its still a very raw area for you please do not feel obliged to respond. I have a list of questions I'd like to ask, if you don't feel comfortable answering one or some of them please feel free to leave it blank.

1. What preparation had you made for breastfeeding before babies arrival?
2. What kind of birth did you have. (please mention any interventions if there were any.)
3. Did you get to have skin to skin with your baby right after birth?
4. How long after the birth (if at all) did baby breastfeed?
5. What issues did you encounter?
6. What support was there for you?
7. Do you feel your Health Care Provider did enough to help you?
8. Why did you decide to stop breastfeeding?
9. How long did you breastfeed for?
10. Did any Health Care Provider explain the risks of formula feeding to you?
11. What brand of formula did you chose and why?
12. How do you feel about your breastfeeding experience?
13. Did anyone offer you support for the loss of breastfeeding?
14. Would you breastfeed any future children?


Thank you so much ladies. This might help me provide more support for ladies who are going through what you have went through, it may also help me educate HCP's in my area. Please, PLEASE lets not turn this into BF-vs-FF.

 

[socitycourty]

1. What preparation had you made for breastfeeding before babies arrival? Bought a Boppy, Medela pump, lansinoh cream, also read a lot of BF info online and in books.
2. What kind of birth did you have. (please mention any interventions if there were any.)I intended to go natural. My water broke at home, went to hospital and things were seemingly stalled. Went 24 hours without pain relief, only dilated to 4 cm. Had a high fever and infection, so dr recommended epidural to see if it would speed it up. I finally dilated to 10 cm by the 31st hour but LO was in a transverse position (surprise!) and her head was getting rammed into my pelvis by every contraction. They then did EMCS because I was ill and she was showing distress.
3. Did you get to have skin to skin with your baby right after birth? No. Due to the nature of the EMCS
4. How long after the birth (if at all) did baby breastfeed? I BF her in the recovery room, she latched on right away with no assistance.
5. What issues did you encounter? None at first, but after 4 days she had no wet/dirty diapers, she was yellow and weak, and it was determined she lost a very large amount of weight and also had severe jaundice. She was taken to NICU for 2 days, had to be supplemented and have phototherapy, my milk didn't come in for 7 days I guess because of the trauma to my body.
6. What support was there for you? Lactation nurse at the hospital came on the last day. Other than that I would just call a nurse if I needed help, it was mostly help positioning my bed to BF.
7. Do you feel your Health Care Provider did enough to help you? Yes, they did.
8. Why did you decide to stop breastfeeding? My LO was vomiting and screaming constantly. I had her in the doctor's office 3 times in one week. I tried elimination diet and then a 24 hour formula trial. She was fine once on hypoallergenic formula. The doctor recommended switching her as we could not figure out what was giving her so much pain and sickness.
9. How long did you breastfeed for? 8 weeks.
10. Did any Health Care Provider explain the risks of formula feeding to you? No, just tried to reassure me that it wasn't the end of the world. I had already been preparing formula for my niece so I knew the proper way to do it.
11. What brand of formula did you chose and why? hypoallergenic types as prescribed by doctor.
12. How do you feel about your breastfeeding experience? I enjoyed the act of BF but couldn't stand to hear my daughter scream after every feed, she was also projectile vomiting all the time.
13. Did anyone offer you support for the loss of breastfeeding? The pediatrician was very kind and assured me that I'd done everything i needed to do and also that I was making the right choice for my LO at that time. Most people I know in real life didn't think it was a big deal and didn't understand why it was so emotional for me.
14. Would you breastfeed any future children?I would definitely try again but I think we are stopping at one child.

 

[TheNewMrs]

Thank you so much socitycourty for your response. I really appreciate it. x

 

[dizz]

Go look on the fearless formula feeder site - there are dozens and dozens of stories on there - from women who had physical issues, to women who went to all kinds of lengths and still were thwarted in attempts, to women who made the decision from the start they didn't want to.

I'm not answering though - lots of your questions are worded in a tone that views us very much as "failures" and I'm many things - but not one of those because my baby and boobs couldn't get it on together.

 

[TheNewMrs]

Go look on the fearless formula feeder site - there are dozens and dozens of stories on there - from women who had physical issues, to women who went to all kinds of lengths and still were thwarted in attempts, to women who made the decision from the start they didn't want to.

I'm not answering though - lots of your questions are worded in a tone that views us very much as "failures" and I'm many things - but not one of those because my baby and boobs couldn't get it on together.

I don't think any of my questions imply failure. I didn't once mention "failing" or suggest that mothers who need to formula feed are failures. Especially considering my own child was formula fed for a month solid.

I am genuinely trying to learn about experiences of mothers whose intentions and desires where to breastfeed and then something happened along their journey to prevent that from happening. It's not about failing, for me this is about equipping myself for what other mothers experiences, how health care providers respond and the factors that lead to a mother making the decision to stop breastfeeding so that maybe I can help mothers be prepared for these issues should they arise.

I'm sorry if you feel like I was suggesting otherwise.

 

[Dawnlouise30]

1. What preparation had you made for breastfeeding before babies arrival?
Brought a breastfeeding pillow, breastpads and had read up on breastfeeding.

2. What kind of birth did you have. (please mention any interventions if there were any.) Forceps delivery as he was big, threatened c - section, long pushing stage as he was stuck.

3. Did you get to have skin to skin with your baby right after birth?
about 40 minutes after birth - i needed to be stitched up.

4. How long after the birth (if at all) did baby breastfeed?
we attempted it about 1 hour after birth but baby was sleepy, i was exhausted and the midwife offered to give him some formula, i was so tired i agreed.

5. What issues did you encounter?
Baby was too tired to latch on initially, and then the day after he fell asleep each time he was placed at the breast.

6. What support was there for you?
fantastic support from the nursery nurses, less support from the midwifes (they were busy). Nursery nurses helped me to try and get him to latch.

7. Do you feel your Health Care Provider did enough to help you?
yes and no, i felt that in hospital i had the support but ultimatly he never learnt how to latch properly and was not feeding. i did not realise this till 3 days later, my notes said he had established feeding when clearly he had not.

8. Why did you decide to stop breastfeeding?
my son lost nearly 15 % of his body weight in 3 days, i felt awful. He continued to just sleep at the breast, by day 2 i was exoressing and feeding him a bottle of expressed milk but i was not producing enough. I was also in a lot of pain from the birth. I knew he was not feeding well and it was stressing me out, also not breastfeeding meant i could have better pain relief.

9. How long did you breastfeed for?
3 days

10. Did any Health Care Provider explain the risks of formula feeding to you?
No, but as far as i am aware there are no risks!

11. What brand of formula did you chose and why?
Aptamil - as it is meant to be as close to breastfeeding, we later switched to cow and gate comfort due to colic.

12. How do you feel about your breastfeeding experience?
i am glad i tried but i wished i had satyed in hospital a day longer to try and establish it properly.

13. Did anyone offer you support for the loss of breastfeeding?
No and i remember feeling very guilty for stopping feeding.

14. Would you breastfeed any future children?
No because my son lost so much weight and i did not even realise he was loosing weight, luckily he was a good birth weight but the not knowing how much he was taking was too hard for me.

Dawn


Thank you so much ladies. This might help me provide more support for ladies who are going through what you have went through, it may also help me educate HCP's in my area. Please, PLEASE lets not turn this into BF-vs-FF.

[/QUOTE]

 

[bubbles123]

OP, questions like did they explain the risks of FF'ing to you will only upset people. Yes they do explain, anyone who sees a tub of formula can see it in black and white and its where so much of the guilt and misery comes from. I understand you don't want to upset people but Im not sure this is the place. This is our place to get some respite from feeling bad.

 

[TheNewMrs]

OP, questions like did they explain the risks of FF'ing to you will only upset people. Yes they do explain, anyone who sees a tub of formula can see it in black and white and its where so much of the guilt and misery comes from. I understand you don't want to upset people but Im not sure this is the place. This is our place to get some respite from feeling bad.

I have stated that mothers who feel too emotionally raw about it should not feel obliged to respond.

I'm sorry if mothers are feeling bad about their experiences. I know how that feels as I felt it too. I had hoped though that there might be a few mothers who might be willing to share experieces to help me help other mothers who find themselves in their shoes. The mother to mother group is both for BF and FF Mothers and I have already read up on safe formula preparation, have a counsellor on hand to help mothers with the loss of breastfeeding and am trying my best to cover all areas.

Here is a link to the risks for the Mother who said she wasn't aware there was any https://www.infactcanada.ca/RisksofFormulaFeeding.pdf

 

[NickyKB]

I BF for the 1st 7 months and I now FF and feel no guilt about it, it was the right decision for us at the right time. I felt sad at the time it ended but I do not belive I am causing active harm by changing.

TheNewMrs I admire the fact that you are setting up a support group for mothers in your area but I think you need to be careful with some of your responses in this section. The link you have provided whilst accurate in its information presents it in a way that is quite upsetting if you are FF. I haven't read the whole document as I'm afraid i consider it too biased in it's representation eg it has a very large title "reduced cognitive development" but only if you fully read the info below does it say that the studies it is basing this on are at least 75% in very low birth weight (and often extremely premature) infants. this data does not apply to the majority of FF infants. Whilst there is research that shows there MAY be a link with IQ it is a matter of a couple of points only which for most people makes no actual difference to what they may go on to acheive. also most of the studies are done on NICU/SCBU babies and follow up (and therefore you cannot apply the outcomes to full term infants as NICU babies often have other co-morbidities which may affect the outcome and it is very difficult to control for these across a group of any size) and actually if the studies control for maternal IQ (which most don't) this difference often disappears.

As mentioned I really admire you for setting up a support group but I question posting a link suggesting FF is harmful in this forum.

EDIT: I'm not disputing there are benefits of BF I genuinely believe there are but I don't think formula is harmful and for many women/babies it is invaluable.
Maybe just reword the question to did anyone explain the 'benefits of BF' rather than the 'harms of FF.'

Edit: sorry just reread your orig post and link I genuinely thought it said harm not risk apolgies if I sounded harsh in my reply although I stand by the rest of it. I will complete the questionnaire later.

 

[Dawnlouise30]

Although i was happy to answer the questionnaire i generally did not know there were risks to formula (maybe i was naive). I clicked on the link and now wish i hadn't. For me giving up breastfeeding was so hard and i really feel it was not suited to me or my son (i actually doubt if my milk ever fully came in as my boobs never changed).... anyway, i now feel bad for formula feeding him.

 

[HorseCrazy91]

That PDF is very misleading! I study statistics as part of my maths degree and by excluding variables or only choosing your sample from a certain group you can virtually get any result you want to achieve. Also without reading each article or book it refers to fully, you can't gain a proper view of how credible the research is and whether the author is biased for any reason (eg funding). In no way is it an unbiased information source. I am aware that yes there age risks to ff. But my choices were accept these risks or not feed my daughter as I physically couldn't produce enough milk to keep up with her. Will answer all your questions properly later as lo has just woken up.

 

[bubbles123]

Although i was happy to answer the questionnaire i generally did not know there were risks to formula (maybe i was naive). I clicked on the link and now wish i hadn't. For me giving up breastfeeding was so hard and i really feel it was not suited to me or my son (i actually doubt if my milk ever fully came in as my boobs never changed).... anyway, i now feel bad for formula feeding him.

Oh please don't. When it's phrased like this it sounds so bad but as the previous poster explained so well the differences are so small they are really not worth getting upset about. You are a wonderful mum and your baby will thrive, just like my babies and all the other millions and millions of FF'ed babies. You are doing a great job X

 

[TheNewMrs]

Now I feel as though I hadn't bothered. Honestly it seems as though you cant do right nomatter what you do. In my profession, we are actively trying to recondition the thinking of our staff to breastfeeding being the norm, (as well as all the HCPs across the country) and so rather than use them term "benefits of breastfeeding" we are taught to use "risks of formula feeding". The reasoning behind this is that the natural should always be the standard and anything else is seen as an intervention. Right across the board, not just with infant feeding. With birth, anything given to mother in labour is now called an "intervention". So if naturally feeding is the standard then what used to be seen as benefits of breastfeeding is revered and spoken about as risks of artificial feeding. (I can't believe I have to justify how I phrase words.)

I feel as though asking admin to close this down would be better than having to justify trying to help mothers regardless of how their babies are fed. Sad day.

 

[bubbles123]

I do understand you mean well OP but people are so touchy on this subject however you phrase it it will upset someone. I have noticed this intervention and artificial thing in hospital. I think it's a bad decision in all honesty, not everyone can achieve the natural and it just makes people feel bad. Again this is not aimed at you OP as you are just repeating language that is normal to you.

 

[TheNewMrs]

I do understand you mean well OP but people are so touchy on this subject however you phrase it it will upset someone. I have noticed this intervention and artificial thing in hospital. I think it's a bad decision in all honesty, not everyone can achieve the natural and it just makes people feel bad. Again this is not aimed at you OP as you are just repeating language that is normal to you.

Thank you. I just really feel like in my area there is NO support for mothers, especially FTM's and although I probably do need to be more sensative about my phrasing the fact is that BFing is hard work, but FFing after having your sights set on BFing is so hard too, because your dealing with Mommy guilt, the loss of breastfeeding (studies have shown that your body naturally goes into a state of mourning when a woman stops bfing as it believes a tragedy has happened and that has a lot to do with the emotional side of FF) and that is something I see a huge need for support for. I am not for a second disputing the fact that some women simply cannot breastfeed. I dont expect anyone to justify their choices to me. BUT if some of you wish to SHARE, it will help me get a wider understanding of circumstances that can arise, so I can be prepared, my volunteers can be prepared and we can help ALL mothers efficiently regardless of how they feed their babies (as long as they do!)

 

[bubbles123]

One thing I would be really interested to know is how many women want to BF and how many feel they should? Because I think many women feel you should but don't really want to. This was certainly the case with me. I was told over and over about the risks of FF so thought I should BF, then had issues with BF so FF, felt relieved but then guilty that I felt relieved! It's an incredibly complicated issue. Am on my phone now so will take too long to answer your questions as phone keyboard is useless but will try to do so later when I'm on the laptop.

 

[Lady_Bee]

1. What preparation had you made for breastfeeding before babies arrival?
I went to a class and read a book. The midwives at my class made it out to be so straightforward that I honestly didn't see a need for more preparation.

2. What kind of birth did you have. (please mention any interventions if there were any.)
Induction (baby born at 42+1) with ventouse delivery.

3. Did you get to have skin to skin with your baby right after birth?
Kind of... quite briefly. Not as much as I would have liked because I felt sooooo nauseous and was constantly dry heaving. I handed LO off to my husband because I was afraid I would throw up on him.

4. How long after the birth (if at all) did baby breastfeed?
Straight away but not for long for reasons above.

5. What issues did you encounter?
Not enough milk.

6. What support was there for you?
IBCLC breastfeeding drop-in, support lines (LLL, NCT etc.). HV support

7. Do you feel your Health Care Provider did enough to help you?
Yes, I actually feel they went above and beyond for me.

8. Why did you decide to stop breastfeeding?
After pumping for 4 months to keep up my half-supply I had to move across the Atlantic with LO. I just couldn't face pumping all the time while trying to settle in a foreign country. The stress would have sent me into full-blown PPD.

9. How long did you breastfeed for?
3 weeks ebf, 4.5 months combined breast and formula. EFF after that.

10. Did any Health Care Provider explain the risks of formula feeding to you?
I was very aware of the 'benefits of breastfeeding' yes and it would not have changed the fact that I needed to use formula so in all honesty the information didn't help me, just made my circumstances more depressing.

11. What brand of formula did you chose and why?
Aptamil in the UK, because my HV recommended it. Similac in the US followed by a switch more recently to Target Up & Up (to save money).

12. How do you feel about your breastfeeding experience?
Bitter!

13. Did anyone offer you support for the loss of breastfeeding?
Women online going through the same thing, yes. My HV was also very supportive and the only real life person who was there for me really. I got very little sympathy or understanding from family members, who all thought I was crazy for being so torn up about it.

14. Would you breastfeed any future children?
If my body is capable next time, yeah. If not, then well I guess not.

 

[mommy0629]

Even though I think question #10 is rediculous and worded completely wrong, I'll answer the rest.

1. What preparation had you made for breastfeeding before babies arrival?

Not really any because I didn't want to waste money if it didn't work out. I did get a boppy pillow and breast pads, but I would need those regardless.

2. What kind of birth did you have. (please mention any interventions if there were any.)

Vaginal with no pain meds or epi., 7 weeks premature

3. Did you get to have skin to skin with your baby right after birth?

No. Approx. 2 hours later I did because she was a preemie and had to be taken directly to the NICU. IF she had been full term then yes, I would have, it's the hospital's policy.

4. How long after the birth (if at all) did baby breastfeed?

about 12 hours. Again, it couldn't happen sooner because she was a preemie.

5. What issues did you encounter?

She was too small and weak to latch/suck (she was fed through a feeding tube a mix of my pumped colostrum and formula and we put her to my breast just for the skin to skin and association)

6. What support was there for you?

Yes, lots

7. Do you feel your Health Care Provider did enough to help you?

Yes and lactation consultants at the hospital

8. Why did you decide to stop breastfeeding?

Because of her prematurity she didn't have the energy to suckle enough so I had to pump and bottle feed bm (fortified with preemie formula to raise the calories) after bfing. It became too taxing on me. So, BF, bottle feed, pump every 3 hours around the clock was WAY too hard

9. How long did you breastfeed for?

2 weeks

10. Did any Health Care Provider explain the risks of formula feeding to you?

OP - I have a serious problem with this question and you need to re-word it to: Did any Health Care Provider explain the benefits of breast feeding to you? Formula feeding is NOT risky!
my answer - yes

11. What brand of formula did you chose and why?

Gerber Good Start based on the ingredients (not nutritional content, they're all the same basically, I mean the actually ingredients) and that's it's broken down for easy digestion.

12. How do you feel about your breastfeeding experience?

I enjoyed it while it lasted

13. Did anyone offer you support for the loss of breastfeeding?

*I also think you need to add to this question, it's not a loss to every mother, to some that really struggled with it, switching to formula can be a freedom and a relief

14. Would you breastfeed any future children?

I'm not having any more, but if I where then, yes, I would try to bf

I hope that gives you a different side of a bfing story. Not all babies are born able to bf, it's just a fact. I honestly think it is important to inform expecting mothers of this also and that's something that's NOT done. Then, when it happens, we get to be made to either feel like we failed OR we're felt sorry for our "loss". Yes, some women DO feel a sense of loss when it doesn't work out and I did for a short time, but that's not always the case.

Good luck in your endevor Just make sure you have ALL your facts straight from un-biased sources and keep getting the views of lots of different senerios, that's a good thing just be careful to be more sensative about it.

EDT: Oops, I misread question #6 - The NICU nurses where very supportive and I was also visited by lactation consultants on staff at the hospital who were fantastic.

 

[Celesse]

If you accept that formula feeding is the norm, then any additional positive effects from breastfeeding are "benefits".

If you accept that breastfeeding is the norm, then any additional negative effects from formula feeding are "risks".

 

[TheNewMrs]

Thank you ladies. I appreciate the answers. In a country where FF is the norm and we are working towards raising BF standards I feel obliged to lean towards the perspective that BF is the norm in order to change things where I live so this is why the survey is worded as it as.

I understand everyones experiences are different and if breadtfeeding wasn't a "loss" for some ladies that is ok! I know for most who had intended to bf (at least in my experience) is does appear to be a huge sense of loss with little recognition given for that loss, this is something I am trying to change in my area too.

Thank you SO much!