For those pushed into FF

[purpledahlia]

Does anyone else feel guilty?

I was failed by the midwives who i saw, they all told me different things, they said the BF consultant would come, she never did, nobody helped me, i got in trouble for holding her the wrong way and not doing it 'right' but i was only doing what the previous mw told me, and so the cycle continued, I have flat nipples, ones cracked and a bit inverted, one has a little skin tag on, they were bleeding and broken and i was in agony, my milk took ages to full come in even altho i was leaking collostrum from 20weeks! and to top it off i was so ill and almost immobile it made Ava ill she lost a lot of weight and got a rash all over her body then jaundice (i was told that was because she was dehydrated from my non-milk and the rash was all my medication)

And altho formula is working great for us now, were in a routine, shes thriving, shes a good weight, happy etc. sometimes i just think, i dont think actually i just feel bad and guilty for FF. Is this something society has put on me or is it just me feeling bad? When people ask theyre shocked im not BF.. but i had no choice by the end. i was too weak, the midwife said, as i was sitting trying to stop the bleeding, '' you have to choose now shes waking up, i wont top her up again you have to make a final decision now '' I mean surely a few days isnt long enough to be put in that position? where was the support??? Its only now i can look back and think, thats not right. surely.

Anyway, we're getting on with Formula, shes sleeping thru etc, i just cant help but sometimes feel bad.

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

That sounds like a horrible experience

My baby would not latch and the MWs, HV and BF support worker I saw couldn't help. I was so fed up with hours spent trying to latch Ruby, both of us crying, that I stopped trying...did some expressing and got lots of EBM into her, but when OH was back at work I just couldn't express often enough and my milk went.

I don't feel bad or guilty for giving Ruby formula, but I do feel like a failure for not BFing and feel that we have both missed out by not doing it, if that makes any sense. It's not that formula is bad, it's just that breastmilk is better IMO, and I don't like not giving my LO the very best. But at least I tried to, and feeding is only a very small part of parenting!

 

[purpledahlia]

Maybe guilt isnt what i mean maybe you worded it better by saying you felt a failure, thats what i mean. I do feel like a failure, My mums a nurse and even she said, '' you do have really bad nipples '' .. sounds funny now but then i was the same as you, fed up of crying and her crying and buzzing nurses all thru the night, they got annoyed and made me feel like an inconvienience because i couldnt get up and get her and try without them being there to pass her to me. I wish i had tried expressing, but, the hospital told me not too and its no good and they wouldnt of allowe'd me too, and i was in for 7 days so i couldnt of got away with it. If i had come home i definately would of tried it!

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

The birth centre I gave birth in was the opposite extreme - they brought me a breast pump less than 24 hours after Ruby was born! Obviously nothing came out as it's very difficult to express colostrum apparently. I think my problem was letdown, some women say they start letting down as soon as they hear LO crying, whereas I had to pump for aaaaages before any milk started coming out.

I find it helps to think of all the postives about Ruby's routine now and how it may well be different if she was BF. You've got to see the positive things or it drives you mad!

 

[purple_socks]

I don't feel bad or guilty for giving Ruby formula, but I do feel like a failure for not BFing and feel that we have both missed out by not doing it, if that makes any sense. It's not that formula is bad, it's just that breastmilk is better IMO, and I don't like not giving my LO the very best.

thats exactly how i feel...i can see that Kian is doing fine on formula but in hindsight i regret my choice to FF and it makes me feel like a failure. Kian did have a lot of trouble latching on but think we could have worked through that...the biggest problem was i didn't have anything, not even colostrum- i got about a pin heads amount out after hours of trying but nothing else for over a week even with pumping and Kian was clearly starving and sucking my nipples raw. i didn't get any help in hospital (even tho i asked over and over again), nor did i know (and no1 told me) how i could help bring my milk so i ended up giving up because i though something was wrong with me and i 'couldn't do it' and i thought once i used formula that was it...no going back. Now i know more i feel a real sense of regret and failure for not doing more or sticking it out.

hun...i don't think u should feel guilty though. i bet ur LO is doing great x

 

[Kit]

I can never quite work out whether I feel bad in myself for not "succeeding" or whether I feel more worried about what others think!
I know it shouldn't matter but I always feel that people are thinking to themselves "I bet she just didn't try hard enough".

 

[maddiwatts19]

i feel the same too... i breastfed Riley, so i feel even worse for not breast feeding Josh! but i was in labour for 44 hours and was throwing up with every contraction, lost 700 ml of blood and was far too weak to try the first couple of days, and then i was told i couldnt because of the iron tablets i was put on for my blood loss.. and by the time i finished them, he wouldnt take to my boob..
i spent 2 days crying because i couldnt breastfeed him!
i really wanted to breast feed, but i couldnt. and i kinda feel like mums who cant breast feed for whatever reason, are slightly discriminated against! i know that the government promote breastfeeding, but formula really shouldnt cost that much! its not fair.. but thats a whole other argument! hehe!
but at the end of the day, none of us are "failures", we're all still amazing, loving mums who are looking after our children, no matter how they're fed

 

[Kirstin]

Yep, I feel like a failure

 

[indieknits]

the midwife said, as i was sitting trying to stop the bleeding, '' you have to choose now shes waking up, i wont top her up again you have to make a final decision now ''

I wish I could say I am shocked by this but unfortunately after my awful experience at the hospital I am not surprised.

I had Emma in Queen Charlotte's birth centre and had a lovely experience. Unfortunately, we had to be admitted to the post-natal ward on day 2 as Emma had breathing problems (she's fine now). Honestly, I have never received such awful conflicting advice from so many different people. And this is meant to be one of the best maternity hospitals in the country!! I was a complete state and doubted myself for weeks after leaving the hospital, however I managed to persevere with BFing - but only because I received good advice and support from friends on an online forum!

Don't feel bad or guilty. You did what was best in the circumstances you were under. There is nothing wrong with formula and BFing is bloody tough, especially in those first 6 weeks, when you are knackered from being pregnant for 9/10 months and going through labour and then have to adjust to having this new little person in your life.

I am BFing but started making the switch over to formula yesterday. I will miss it, but am looking forward to sharing the responsibility of feeding with my husband (especially at night time!!!)

 

[WW1]

Yes I feel the same. My LO was in SCBU for a little while after birth and was given a bottle (the mw misread my birthplan and thought I was planning to FF from the start). By the time I got to try to BF, LO wouldn't latch on and I was so distressed by her not eating properly that I reverted to expressing and formula combination. I kept the EBM going for a month but it pretty much dried up and I couldn't keep it going.

I feel I missed out on an experience with Rebecca for sure but at the time, in hospital, I was just happy that she was taking any food, regardless of whether it came from me! Now I do feel like I've failed but I do keep reminding myself that she's eating and that's the main thing!

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

I can never quite work out whether I feel bad in myself for not "succeeding" or whether I feel more worried about what others think!
I know it shouldn't matter but I always feel that people are thinking to themselves "I bet she just didn't try hard enough".

Yeah, me too, but they are people who don't know anything about what it is like to have problems BFing. Before I had Ruby I was like 'how hard can it be?' and my friends who didn't have kids looked really puzzled and disbelieving when I said that Ruby wouldn't latch.

I think all the pro BF messages from the NHS, NCT etc are great, but they are nowhere near as good at supporting women BF, as they are at promoting BF! Some of the leaflets I was given actually ended up upsetting me because they were all on about how babies love to BF, and how natural it is. I felt like a freak when a) my baby clearly didn't love to BF, and b) it didn't come naturally to me in any way shape or form! Calling formula 'artificial feeding' also made me feel like I was somehow an artificial mum

Oh dear sorry for the rant

 

[Dream.A.Dream]

^ completely agree with the above.

Edward is the same. He just won't latch. Even the MW in the hospital said she'd never seen anything like it and she'd even managed to get a 3lb premature baby to BF but my full term LO just plain refused.

I have a long thread about this in the BF forum at the moment as I didn't know where to put it. In my case I'm worried it's more than just feeling slightly disappointed as I think about it all the time and find myself crying over it daily. People keep telling me it's not too late to get my milk back and BF...but I think they're missing the point that he flat out won't latch

It's too late now anyway, my milk is gone. xx

 

[OmarsMum]

I had a traumatic emergency CS. I BF for 6 hrs only. Then LO couldnt latch on. MW & nurses kept squeezing my breasts & forcing it into my baby's mouth, it felt horrible. Then they sent me a BFing consultant who tried for 2 hrs but with no success. They starved my baby for 18 hrs, & his jaundice increased due to starvation, the way he was put under neon naked with his eyes blinded broke my heart. I left the hospital 1 day early as I couldnt handle the stress. I tried to express at home, but didnt get any milk. So I just went for formula feeding open minded & I'm happy I did so. I dont feel guilty, I have a healthy baby & this is what really matters.

 

[OmarsMum]

I call his TT CTN bottle his second mummy He's in love with both of us, now he giggles for both his mommies & both of us (me & the bottle) give him what he wants which is care & food. lol

The good thing is his second momyy never failed to satisfy his appetite

 

[Kirstin]

What makes it worse for me is the constant statuses on facebook people have about how gerat they are for bfing and how ffing is crap. I'm devastated I couldn't get LO to latch on, its my fault for not trying harder or not expressing for longer I dont need it rubbed in everytime I go onto fb

 

[Dream.A.Dream]

What makes it worse for me is the constant statuses on facebook people have about how gerat they are for bfing and how ffing is crap. I'm devastated I couldn't get LO to latch on, its my fault for not trying harder or not expressing for longer I dont need it rubbed in everytime I go onto fb

I know how you feel, I try to tell myself it's not my fault but it's hard xx

 

[Mummy~L]

Bobby didnt Put weight on for 4 weeks while I was BF so the HV said I had to switch to FF as he needed to be putting weight on. I was soooo uoset and felt like a complete failure! BUT after a few weeks on formula I realised that it was actually the best thing for us. Bobby really started thriving and it actually helped us get into a routine xxx

 

[Nic1107]

No, yeah, I know that- but I word things badly. lol

I don't mean pro-BF stuff as in BF pride, encouragement, that sort of thing, but the endless Breast is Best articles are grating and redundant. It's like, we know, they know, everyone knows already and it feels like some people have a need to keep proving the same point over and over. Articles of support and information are great- articles of "this is why we're right!" are unnecessary.

 

[blahblahblah]

It's awful that so many women feel bad just for feeding their baby the way that works for them.

When I hear comments about how natural BF is, I always remember how one NHS worker responded. She said, "Giving birth is natural too, but just think how high the death rate used to be before the world of science and medicine learnt how to help".

I'm not sure I've worded it as well as she did - but I think it still makes sense. For me, having the option to FF is just the same as having the option to have a caesarean - some people choose it and some people need it, but in neither case is it wrong. I'm just thankful that we are in a position to have these options available to us.

 

[twiggy56]

Well i definitely feel like i failed. I've failed her, its my body that failed her...she was feeding great bless her, makes me feel so much worse.

I got severe mastitis, the worst case all 3 different midwives and breastfeeding support worker had ever seen. I was on antibiotics that should have begun to clear the infection after 24 hrs but i have still got the mastitis to this day (7 days later), on day 5 i was put on a stronger antibiotic, one that could give abigail thrush and diarrhoea so giving her milk was out the question. On day 5 however my breasts became so blocked that the flow reduced to drips, and the right breast the flow stopped completely. None of the midwives had ever known it to become so severe that flow stops dead- they actually advised me all the way through to keep feeding through the mastitis, whatever happened the worst thing i could do was to stop feeding (even though the pain was excruciating, the agony of each feed brought tears to my eyes) I persevered, through blood stained milk, engorgement, very hot red breasts and absolute agony so i could keep my milk....5 days of agony to be rewarded by my milk stopping and to be put on the antibiotics so i could not feed my baby.

My body had failed. I have had to start formula since yesterday and it broke my heart feeding her that first bottle...however she gulps it down, her jaundice has shifted which was previously a worry as she is now 18 days old, and her wind has improved which had previously caused her alot of pain. So she is a completely different baby on formula....and much happier. I love seeing her happy, and that gives me comfort and also makes me sure shes better off on formula.

But i still cant help feeling guilty, even though ultimately the decision was taken out of my hands....