For those pushed into FF

[Lu28]

I know I don't belong in here but I saw the title on the front page. I hate how mums are made to feel bad for ffing - every mum who ff has a reason and it's no-one's business and no-one else has the right to judge. Sorry, I'm not wording this very well at all, it's just not fair that mums end up feeling like this when they're obviously doing such a great job

No, yeah, I know that- but I word things badly. lol

I don't mean pro-BF stuff as in BF pride, encouragement, that sort of thing, but the endless Breast is Best articles are grating and redundant. It's like, we know, they know, everyone knows already and it feels like some people have a need to keep proving the same point over and over. Articles of support and information are great- articles of "this is why we're right!" are unnecessary.

Absolutely agree with you hon, it's pointless. That formula is junk article particularly angered me

 

[purpledahlia]

thanks everyone, its good to know i dont feel like a failure alone.

I feel like my body failed pregnancy because of the problems i had, too much fluid, risk of cord prolapse, itching so much my skin was bleeding and peeling, then my body failed childbirth -4 days of labour and no progression, she got stuck and emergency CS and then failed feeding.

I too had midwives and nurses, and whoever answered my buzzer who thought they were able to help, pulling my breasts and shoving them into her mouth, one even shoved her head into my chest so hard i pushed her away and told her to be carefull. she looked at me like i was mad, telling a health professional what to do, but no, she was hurting me and my baby!!! I was so glad to not have people pushing and prodding me and her in the end.

It is true FF mums are made to feel bad, in the press, in society, everywhere, and it shouldnt be like that! If the government are so keen on everyone BF'ing they should invest some money to bloddy well train people correctly and offer more support!!

 

[Kit]

No, yeah, I know that- but I word things badly. lol

I don't mean pro-BF stuff as in BF pride, encouragement, that sort of thing, but the endless Breast is Best articles are grating and redundant. It's like, we know, they know, everyone knows already and it feels like some people have a need to keep proving the same point over and over. Articles of support and information are great- articles of "this is why we're right!" are unnecessary.

Yeah, you're right - I hate it too. I just try hard not to!

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

What makes it worse for me is the constant statuses on facebook people have about how gerat they are for bfing and how ffing is crap. I'm devastated I couldn't get LO to latch on, its my fault for not trying harder or not expressing for longer I dont need it rubbed in everytime I go onto fb

I would be furious if I saw such statuses on FB.

 

[Kit]

I know I don't belong in here but I saw the title on the front page. I hate how mums are made to feel bad for ffing - every mum who ff has a reason and it's no-one's business and no-one else has the right to judge. Sorry, I'm not wording this very well at all, it's just not fair that mums end up feeling like this when they're obviously doing such a great job

No, yeah, I know that- but I word things badly. lol

I don't mean pro-BF stuff as in BF pride, encouragement, that sort of thing, but the endless Breast is Best articles are grating and redundant. It's like, we know, they know, everyone knows already and it feels like some people have a need to keep proving the same point over and over. Articles of support and information are great- articles of "this is why we're right!" are unnecessary.

Absolutely agree with you hon, it's pointless. That formula is junk article particularly angered me

Thank you. Very few breastfeeding mums seem to be able to say this without adding a "but...."!

 

[purpledahlia]

people shouldnt jude anyway, for all they know its EBM your feeding... !!

 

[Nic1107]

thanks everyone, its good to know i dont feel like a failure alone.

I feel like my body failed pregnancy because of the problems i had, too much fluid, risk of cord prolapse, itching so much my skin was bleeding and peeling, then my body failed childbirth -4 days of labour and no progression, she got stuck and emergency CS and then failed feeding.

Oh hunny no. The only way to fail pregnancy and parenting is by either complete disregard for the health and safety of your LO, or utter ignorance and incompetence. You are obviously an intelligent, caring, devoted and concerned mommy who does everything in the best interest of her child.

Look at your avatar. I see a bright, chubby, beautiful happy baby with a huge smile on her face who clearly adores you. I believe that, my dear, would make you a great success.

 

[purpledahlia]

that brought tears to my eyes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wont let myself fail parenting, she will be a doctor

 

[Eala]

I hear you Claire, I felt (and sometimes still do feel) the same.

I had desperately wanted to breastfeed. It didn't work for 2 reasons. My LO didn't latch well at all, so I was in a lot of pain from cracked/bleeding nipples, and each feed was agonising. This led to the second reason, which was my emotional response. I'm a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, which left me with a complete hatred of anyone touching my chest area. For some naive reason, I thought that wouldn't affect me breastfeeding; it's your baby, how could it have any negative associations? But the pain, even the sensation... I was having flashbacks, I was in pieces. We were sat at 3am, me crying, baby howling, and my husband crying too, as we all just felt so helpless.

Apparently, I'm supposed to have been able to "work through that", according to some BF-ing Mums, and a breastfeeding "counsellor" who I saw the morning I'd cracked and given LO a bottle of formula.

I hate the feeling of having to justify my decision. I've had the whole "Oh, you just didn't try hard enough" opinion from people, until I mention the abuse. Then, apparently, it's ok (for some). But why the heck should I have to have a reason like that for not BF-ing to be "acceptable"?! Why should I have to explain myself at all?

I guess the big question is "Why the *bleep* do I care what these people think?". I suppose it comes from 34 weeks of BF-ing propaganda from the MWs. I even had a DVD given to me, full of comments like "I've been BF-ing for a year, and my LO has never been ill, and I'm sure that's why..."

Meh, I'm tired and rambling Just trying to say that I don't think anyone is alone in having these kind of feelings. It's irksome, to say the least

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

I even had a DVD given to me, full of comments like "I've been BF-ing for a year, and my LO has never been ill, and I'm sure that's why..."

I know the stupid DVD you mean, I put that on at 2am trying to latch Ruby when she was 2 days old because I thought it might have some tips, but NO! It was the worst thing I could have done!

 

[purpledahlia]

tbh, i know plenty FF babise who are never ill, and BF babies are. so i dont pay too much attention. We all know BF is better, natural, etc, but no need to preach to those of us who couldnt for whatever reason. the point is we shouldnt have to justify it, but yet we all feel like we do.............!

to a baby, milk is milk. bottle, breast, mummy, daddy? lets not beat ourselves up anymore. or try to.....:/

 

[Lu28]

I even had a DVD given to me, full of comments like "I've been BF-ing for a year, and my LO has never been ill, and I'm sure that's why..."

I know the stupid DVD you mean, I put that on at 2am trying to latch Ruby when she was 2 days old because I thought it might have some tips, but NO! It was the worst thing I could have done!

Aisling is snorting away upstairs with what must be her 4th cold in 2 months and I know tonnes of other bf babies who have caught everything going. Sorry, I'll leave you guys at it, this is just another of the stupid bfing myths that annoys me!

 

[wishingonastar]

I know I don't belong in here but I saw the title on the front page. I hate how mums are made to feel bad for ffing - every mum who ff has a reason and it's no-one's business and no-one else has the right to judge. Sorry, I'm not wording this very well at all, it's just not fair that mums end up feeling like this when they're obviously doing such a great job

No, yeah, I know that- but I word things badly. lol

I don't mean pro-BF stuff as in BF pride, encouragement, that sort of thing, but the endless Breast is Best articles are grating and redundant. It's like, we know, they know, everyone knows already and it feels like some people have a need to keep proving the same point over and over. Articles of support and information are great- articles of "this is why we're right!" are unnecessary.

Absolutely agree with you hon, it's pointless. That formula is junk article particularly angered me

Thank you. Very few breastfeeding mums seem to be able to say this without adding a "but...."!

i don't 'belong' in here either but i too agree completely with Lu28... a fed baby is a happy baby and thats all that matters it's no one elses business how another person feeds their baby so long as they're fed! whether a baby is FF or BF, a mum has nothing to feel bad/guilty about as either way, at the end of the day they're being fed and nurtured

 

[Mynx]

I breastfed Evie for 2 weeks and she seemed to have problems with feeding, she was quite lazy at the breast, always falling asleep etc so I had to start combination feeding. Unfortunately it meant that my milk supply started to suffer, even tho I was pumping. My SPD was really bad after the birth too (wierd birthing position due to shoulder dystocia) so sitting for long periods of time in one position was absolute agony. In the end I was only able to pump 3oz per day which was no where near enough so I decided that it was time to make a complete switch.
Altho I do feel bad about it, and wish that I could have continued to BF, I dont regret the decision. I look at her now (she's 15lb 1oz at 15 weeks old and on the 75th percentile) and see that she's absolutely thriving. She's happy, content and developing as she should, and has plenty of lovely fat rolls The HV is very happy with her too, and my decision to fully formula feed was never questioned by my MW or my HV.

 

[purpledahlia]

Its nice to hear some positive posts, All i seem to see is only positive about BF. happy babies = happy mummies!

 

[JoJo16]

i had a horrible first few weeks because i was triny to bf! alice was born by forceps afer her hear dropped and didnt recover. she spent 3 days in neo natal being fed thru a tube and syringe she was so confused when i tryed to put her to the breast!
i had lots of help and mws spent hours helping me. my milk came in after 2 days so it was there when i got alice back but she was so confused she didnt no how to latch on. she was starving and screaming and i was gettin stressed and crying. one stupid mw was so pushing for breast she was telling me to express and wouldnt give me formula even though alice was screamin! i felt terrible
i got her back after 6 days and was expressing for 2 weeks b4 i eventually gave up and she still wouldnt latch. it even took her a week to figure out how to suck a bottle properly. i was upset because i did want to bf but if i new it was going to turn out like that i would have ff from day one because it was a horrible first few weeks. we were both alot happier wen i changed to formula. the one thing i hated was seeing my ebm going down the drain and my boobs still leaking for 6 weeks after. xxx

 

[wishingonastar]

i notice some of you have said you feel guilt about not being able to BF and feel BFing is promoted as really positive...well it may help you a little for me to share another side to this... i'm returning to work in a few weeks and am desperately worried as isabel won't take milk from anything other than 'the source'... i now feel guilty for BFing her, as if i'd FF her she'd drink from a bottle no problem and i wouldn't have to worry about her being upset and hungry while i'm at work

as a parent i think we've set ourselves up for constant guilt and worry about whichever direction we go!

 

[Kit]

I hear you Claire, I felt (and sometimes still do feel) the same.

I had desperately wanted to breastfeed. It didn't work for 2 reasons. My LO didn't latch well at all, so I was in a lot of pain from cracked/bleeding nipples, and each feed was agonising. This led to the second reason, which was my emotional response. I'm a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, which left me with a complete hatred of anyone touching my chest area. For some naive reason, I thought that wouldn't affect me breastfeeding; it's your baby, how could it have any negative associations? But the pain, even the sensation... I was having flashbacks, I was in pieces. We were sat at 3am, me crying, baby howling, and my husband crying too, as we all just felt so helpless.

Apparently, I'm supposed to have been able to "work through that", according to some BF-ing Mums, and a breastfeeding "counsellor" who I saw the morning I'd cracked and given LO a bottle of formula.

I hate the feeling of having to justify my decision. I've had the whole "Oh, you just didn't try hard enough" opinion from people, until I mention the abuse. Then, apparently, it's ok (for some). But why the heck should I have to have a reason like that for not BF-ing to be "acceptable"?! Why should I have to explain myself at all?

I guess the big question is "Why the *bleep* do I care what these people think?". I suppose it comes from 34 weeks of BF-ing propaganda from the MWs. I even had a DVD given to me, full of comments like "I've been BF-ing for a year, and my LO has never been ill, and I'm sure that's why..."

Meh, I'm tired and rambling Just trying to say that I don't think anyone is alone in having these kind of feelings. It's irksome, to say the least

It was your exact situation I had in mind when I posted recently that it is possible to have a good and valid reason to FF from the start - I have heard about other people with the same emotional response to breastfeeding. I know you tried it but you could just have properly said "you know what, I'm not going to take the risk". I think those of us who gave it a go and "failed" often forget that there are many women who made the decision not to BF at all for reasons which are just as valid and powerful as the reasons why others were unable to BF.
I sometimes feel like we have an odd sort of "caste system" - the upper caste being those who succeed at BFing, the middle rank being those who gave it a go, and the "untouchables" being those who did not BF at all. This may be me being oversensitive, but i definitely think that is the attitude of health professionals and many, many other mothers where I live. If you gave it a go then you can't quite be in the club, but you are just about acceptable - if you didn't then you are a lost cause!

 

[OmarsMum]

I feel annoyed not a failure. When ppl feel sorry for me as I didnt have milk & LO couldnt latch on.

During the 1st mnth all I could hear is eat this & eat that to have ur milk back. Try again, the sucking will bring ur milk. He's older now, he can latch on. "Poor baby, how's he doing? r u planning to wean him early?"

All those around me who r breast feeding offered to give him milk, to improve his immunity! I accepted once, but couldnt take it more.

I swore next time it will be elective CS & FFing frm the beginning as I cant go through all this stress again.

 

[Chris77]

Closed pending admin review.