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[MummyI]

What is it about being pregnant that makes everyone on the planet think that they are your own personal life coach? I am a generally laid back person, but I am quickly running out of patience with the apparent lack of self-control of just about everyone I encounter. Case and point below:

Woman at work: "Did your doctor do the tests for birth defects yet?"

Me: "No, we decided not to do that at all. We're actually going to a Birthing Center."

Woman at work: "WHAT? That's a terrible idea. What if something goes wrong? What if your baby dies?"

Me: "I've done a lot of research --"

Woman at work: "If you want to do this just for yourself, that's pretty selfish. I won't be surprised if something happens."



Anyone else dealing with this kind of malarchy? I mean, at what point do you stop "keeping the peace" at work (or anywhere, really) and tell people to buggar off? And what do you SAY to someone who is as big an idiot as this woman I was talking to??

 

[miss_divine]

I've had a lot of opposition to wanting a home birth. People have said that I'm being selfish and should do what is best for the baby, not myself (i.e. go into hospital).

I have said to them that if I have any genuine complications during my pregnancy that would legitimately make a home birth unsafe, I will go to hospital.

However, they continue to nag. Now I am saying that I have researched it fully, I know what I am doing and that if they would like to push a watermelon out of a grape in front of an audience whilst in extreme pain, they can make their own decisions!

I wont let anyone criticise my decisions when they don't have to go through with it personally. It can be hard to, but once you've been straight with them, they generally back off.
xx

 

[sarah1980]

I zipped up my mouth and threw away the key at 20 weeks lol!!!

Seriously I just dont tell anyone anything. I find most people are very opinionated and generally in a negative way.

My standard answer to any pregnancy/birth related question now is "Oh I'm not sure, we've not really decided" which now I am approaching 39 weeks is not working as well so I just avoid the worst offenders when I can lol!!!

I get heaps of support and advice on here though and I can rant about the rest of the narrow minded world which I like to do often lol!!!

Sarah xxx

 

[sarah1980]

I used to want to explain my choices to people but as I got heavier and more tired and uncomfortable I started to think why should I have to justify my choices? I dont ask anyone else to justify their choices to me.

Sarah xxx

 

[jcg0506]

I think I would just say something like, "Well everyone is free to make their own choices, and that is the choice I have made" and then walk away. I generally don't bother trying to justify my decisions to people who are not genuinly open-minded. Fortunately, I haven't gotten any reactions like the above, only things like, "that's brave." Someone even said that yesterday about my decision to use cloth diapers! Like there's any danger that necessitates bravery in how you diaper your child!

 

[MummyI]

Thank you ladies! It's good to know that I'm not the only one getting advice I haven't asked for. I think you might have the right idea, Sarah!

 

[numum]

When do you stop keeping the peace? Immediately! I would have gone through her for a shortcut :fistshake: Though in the interests of staying zen for your baby's sake perhaps fobbing people off is better. I used to say in a sarcastic tone of voice "yes i've thought long and hard and decided to endanger my babies life/my life/whatever you're being accused of" alternatively "prove it" shut them swiftly up too.

 

[lynnikins]

lol few ppl know so far but i know i'll get the odd comment when they do find out , unfortunatly for us we have to tell some ppl as we need ppl to help with the boys when the time comes lol

 

[madasa]

My family were pretty positive, excited. OH's family barely managed to conceal their horror.

I had people allude to how "selfish" I was, too. Really hard NOT to say: "yeah, cos I don't give a &^%$! about this baby I'm carrying in here..... I surely don't love them as much as YOU do. This is ALL about me. [eyeroll]" (<end sarcasm.)

It's no one else's business but yours. You can't change how they feel or how they act, all you can control is you you respond. Smile sweetly, change subject

 

[Fuchsia1412]

I don't think people like that even want to hear a reasonable answer...did she even know what a birthing centre is..? what a strange thing to say...most birthing centres are about 50 metres from the labour ward anyway...all my local ones are. Many people have extremely outdated ideas about homebirths..my MIL included...even though her mother very likely had her babies at home. If people are willing to listen, I often say something like "well actually its been proven beyond doubt by just about every study that home births have no more negative outcomes than hospital births, and it's in our National guidelines (i.e. NICE in the UK) to offer them to every woman so....perhaps you should do a bit more research before commenting?"

 

[L Elise]

I don't mind the 'that's brave' comments - I never know what scares other people.

The 'selfish' comments would send me off the deep end though. I think if they're feeling brave enough to cast the first stone at a hormonal woman then they're asking for trouble - and I'd bring it!!

I guess I don't feel the need to put up with their bad manners - you must have the patience of a saint!!

 

[cranberry987]

ive started just asking people 'why' like 'arent you going into hospital' 'what for' stops most of the nonsense that you get as people just dont know what to say.

if people think they can be rude to me then Ill jolly well be rude back tbh. no need to pussy foot around people if theyre going to make such judgements on your well thought out decisions. they obviously arent worried about keeping the peace.