formula without guilt - help !

Discussion in 'Formula Feeding' started by grace10209, Oct 11, 2013.

  1. grace10209

    grace10209 Well-Known Member

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    Hi All
    My daughter was born at 34.2 on Sept 1st, and spent 10 days in the nicu. I have been exclusively breastfeeding and she is S L O W L Y gaining weight.
    The pediatrician seems pleased with her progress but I am not........:shrug:

    Today, which happens to be her due date, she was 5lbs 10oz. per the visiting nurse. So she is almost 6 weeks old and still only 5lb 10oz. - this seems low to me.
    Plus, i really don't like breastfeeding and i hate pumping! i have to pump 4x per day and i just hate it. I am struggling and want to switch to formula 100%. My DH does two feedings per day - he gives her pumped breastmilk at 730p with her vitamin and then the 12midnight feeding. Now the pediatrician suggested at our last visit that DH add serving of formula to the two breastmilk bottles she is getting each day, so we started that a few weeks ago and its going well.

    But lately, after most feedings, she acts like she is hungry again within 10 minutes. I bf for about 30 minutes total and she usually is asleep by the end, but then when i go to put her down - she starts crying and fussing and acting hungry, doing all the hunger cues.

    part of me really wants to just stop breastfeeding and give her formula 100% of the time, i think she will gain more weight faster AND she will be more satisfied after eating.......

    BUT i feel a huge amount of guilt even thinking this way. 1) she was a preemie and 2) they push breastfeeding and say how its soooooooo much better for babies then formula.

    Can someone tell me that if we switch to all or mostly formula that its ok? can someone share their experience with their baby that they gave formula to and the baby was just fine?

    I need to feel better about this. :nope: I want to stop pumping, i want my little girl to gain weight and thrive, formula just seems like a good solution but im so afraid.
     
  2. Saphira

    Saphira Well-Known Member

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    I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way. :( Honestly, if BFing and pumping are making you so unhappy I would make the switch. It's not worth these precious first weeks with your lo to waste time with stress. If I could go back in time I would have been a heck of a lot easier on myself after I had a terrible BFing experience with my firstborn. I, like you, felt horribly guilty to switch completely over to formula. There is a lot of pressure put on us moms to do what's "best" for our babies but in reality best is not universal. For some moms and babies bottle feeding BM or formula is best and that's that! :hugs: I know it's much easier said than done but please don't be so hard on yourself. There are many moms like yourself that go through these feelings but in the end our babies thrive and the guilt fades with time. I promise! I'll admit, 21 months on I still feel sad about what was but both my girls have had formula and both are happy and healthy and that's what matters most. :)
     
  3. grace10209

    grace10209 Well-Known Member

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    Hi thanks so much for responding, what does 4 months EP'er mean?
     
  4. Saphira

    Saphira Well-Known Member

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    Of course. I know how it feels so it makes me especially sad seeing others go through it. :( Wish we could just enjoy the newborn days instead of being so caught up with exactly how they're being fed.

    EPer = exclusive pumper
     
  5. grace10209

    grace10209 Well-Known Member

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    We go back to pediatrician on oct 31, I think I will hold on until then - and plan on telling him I want to transition too 100% formula at that appt. I'm guessing he will suggest a gradual process to do so.

    That will give her 8 weeks of Breastfeeding and also gives me hope for light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak.

    Hows that sound? I still can't believe how hard and not enjoyable it all is - :(
     
  6. sillysapling

    sillysapling Parent of 1

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    My baby wasn't a preemie (38w0), and BFing was never an option, but I used donor breast milk for the first month, then switched to half formula.

    We had a REALLY hard time finding the right formula. LO does BAD on formula. I'm pretty sure the problem was palm oil. Or possibly the @#[email protected]#%@^ those cheapskates put in instead of lactose. So I got a formula without palm oil and with lactose. Constipation, really hard stools, diarrhea, gas- pretty much every single problem you can have, we've had. I hated myself. It was pure hell and I absolutely hated myself for not being able to formula feed.

    Once we found a formula that works, it got a lot easier not to feel guilty. If your baby has a hard time on formula, it's impossible not to feel guilty about it. If your baby is healthy and happy on formula, and you're less stressed- what do you have to feel guilty about? Dire warnings from people who don't even know your baby?

    Breastfeeding isn't the be-all-end-all. I'm glad we had it for the first month. I don't know how necessary it truly was or if it was just for my personal peace of mind.

    You can't tell the difference between a formula fed and breast fed child. Really, go to an elementary school and see if you can spot the difference between who was formula fed and who wasn't- you can't.

    Breastfeeding is awesome when it truly is bonding. But if it's only frustrating you or baby- then that's really not very bonding, is it? There are so many ways to bond with your baby.
     
  7. Saphira

    Saphira Well-Known Member

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    I felt the same way - I didn't imagine BFing would be so hard and unenjoyable! You hear so often it's this amazing bonding experience - which, I'm certain it is for some moms and babies - but not all. I wasn't bonding at all with my daughter during that time. I dreaded attempting to feed her, which ended up in screaming in desperation to be fed, and giving her a bottle was instant relief for us both. I knew what I had to do.

    In the end you have to put everything into perspective and reach deep inside of yourself to figure out how to proceed. I'm wishing you the very best in whatever you decide and truly hope you can start enjoying this time. :hugs:
     
  8. girlnboots

    girlnboots Mother to 4 furbabies

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    You ladies made me feel so much better. The first week was great, baby girl gained 5 ounces in as many days. I hadn't had any pain, we were bonding, blah blah blah. But after my milk came in/engorgement went away, she stopped gaining weight even though she's constantly attached to me for 30-45 minute feeds every 2 hours. She fights me every single feed and acts like she's starving all the time. I HATE breastfeeding, but I was dealing with it because it's what's best and if she was thriving, great! But she isn't growing, we're both miserable, and the past 24 hours since I switched to formula have been so peaceful.

    However, I didn't feel like getting up at 3:30am, so I nursed her, and we were up til 5am fussing and screaming. So not worth it.

    In the end, as long as baby is growing well and their bellies are full, does it really matter?
     
  9. sillysapling

    sillysapling Parent of 1

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    I feel like we're only told about the easy times until we start having problems. My mom had a very easy breastfeeding experience- I latched without any difficulty, she didn't need anyone's help. Throughout pregnancy, I kept hearing about how it's best and how easy and natural it is and blah blah blah. Then the baby comes, we have problems, and suddenly the tales of difficulty start coming out of the woodwork.

    I guess some people want to only hear good things- but I really wish I'd known about how hard it was, I wish some people had just come out and said "You may not be able to, but it's good that you want to try and I'll do what I can to help you" instead of just acting like they think it'll totally work until it doesn't.
     
  10. familygirl30

    familygirl30 Well-Known Member

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    Hi Hun,my boy was born at 34 weeks 5 days and he couldn't latch on and i so wanted to breast feed,he was fed through a tube with my expressed milk and formula.i had a bf support worker come in my room every day and go on about how breast is best!i was expressing 8 times a day and was shattered aft a ecs.Kept trying to bf but still struggled to latch on and we were both getting upset and frustrated.We were in hosp 10 days and I had to ask them to let me try my boy with a bottle to see if could suck and he took to it straight away after been tube fed for 8 days,he had my expressed milk for 7 weeks,I felt so bad about stopping but it was really tiring out esp with sleepless nights,my advice Hun is do want u think is best for u,your baby has had some breast milk and that's what I keep telling myself,I was so much happier when switched to formula and baby had a more relaxed mummy x
     
  11. drudai

    drudai Well-Known Member

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    I have been struggling with making a bottle in public, only because I don't want to see people's judging looks. Or at least I feel like that's what they're doing.

    I was so adamant to BF, my sister did it so easily. But LO kept curling his lip, wouldn't take enough nipple in, I was gritting my teeth in agony. Pain, exhaustion and baby blues combined, I actually resented my baby. When I got home, I was officially desperate and made a bottle from our sample FF. It took 2 days of crying and going back and forth on BFing and FFing for me to just give up on BF all together. I hated that feeling of blaming my baby for the pain of BFing, it made me so sick.

    With formula, I can make a bottle and gaze into his eyes and just be at peace. :flower: He is growing steadily and my baby blues are gone.
     
  12. Smiler82

    Smiler82 Well-Known Member

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    My LO was born bang on time and a very healthy 9lb 9oz but we still had problems. He latched on ok most of the time, but he,would ALWAYS cry and fuss etc at feeding time. His arms flailed around, he kept twisting his head at awkward angles etc. I couldn't leave the house because I was no way going to try feeding in public with all that fussing. It just got so stressful I dreaded feeding times. At first it was every 2 hours then became every hkur. Thought it was a growth spurt but when 5 days later he was still hungry every hour I just had to say enough's enough. I was exhausted, stressed, tearful and in pain. I was not enjoying BFing at all and he didn't seem to either. He also seemed to really struggle with wind after each BF feed and wasn't getting enough sleep either. The first time we gave him a bottle he slept 3 hours straight and tummy was mu h better.

    Despite the troubles, in a strange way I di kind of miss BFing and part of me wonders if I'd stuck with it would we have come thru it and found it much easier. But I think it's important to have a happy, well-restd mummy rather than a fed-up, tired and annoyed mummy! I felt very guilty for stopping at first but it gets better. LoO is gaining weight fine and tummy issues are much better. On a slightly selfish note it makes life easier for me...last night I went tk bed at 10pm and DH stayed up with LO to let me get some good sleep. I also disappear once a week for a few hours for some 'me' time which I think is important.

    I think your baby will be fine if you switch and just tbink you should do what works best for you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with FFing, your baby will be nourished just fine and if you're happier then the whole household will be too. Time flies so fast, no point making life hard and have this preciou time spoilt with frustration, stress etc xx
     

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