Found out on Friday

[jinxii]

Well, I actually knew on Wednesday (sleeping a crazy amount, I never do that except when pregnant) but the test turned positive on Friday. I lost my daughter at 1 day short of 19 weeks on Dec. 31st of last year. I went back on fertility meds two months ago assuming it would take a long time to fall pregnant again and I would be ready by the time it happened. And now I'm pregnant again and really not emotionally prepared for it. I guess I better get prepared in a hurry! And my husband is so excited and saying things like "there's no way it will happen to us twice". And I know it can. We have wanted this for over 15 years.. and now I feel terrible for being so uncertain about it. I want to be happy, but don't know how to without it utterly destroying me if it ends in loss again. We've agreed that if I make it past 12 weeks and it ends in loss, I'm done. So knowing that it is this time or never is tough too.

 

[BSelck24]

Congrats!! Obviously I understand the worry and the fears, but be excited and cherish every moment! I am beyond excited for you!

 

[jinxii]

7.5 Weeks now.. and still not excited. Just scared.

 

[BSelck24]

That's ok- feel whatever feelings you need to!

Totally expected and normal and your excitement will come! For now, just feed off of your husbands positivity

 

[jinxii]

Turns out I was right not to get excited... 9 week scan, no heartbeat. Somehow I knew.. I told my husband to be prepared for no heartbeat at the scan a couple days prior which really annoyed him at the time. Baby stopped growing at 8 weeks so now I have to wait for the physical loss.

 

[lucy_x]

I'm so sorry for your loss

Big hugs to you and your husband x x

 

[EverythingXd]

Oh no, so sad to read this Sorry for your losses, let yourself grieve and take care of each other x

 

[busytulip]

Very saddened to read your latest update. I'm so very sorry for your loss jinxii

 

[nessaw]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself.xxx

 

[Amygdala]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've had two mmc around that same time. I know you didn't ask but I'd recommend you consider a d&c. I did it naturally once and d&c the second time and the latter was definitely much easier. Hope you can start to heal soon!

 

[jinxii]

Thanks everyone. I've decited to go through the physical loss at home since hospitals freak me out and shoot my blood pressure through the roof. I will be taking pain meds and another pill to make it hurry up and happen since waiting possibly weeks would kill me. I had to take misoprostol with my 18 week loss and responded really well to it, hoping it will be the same this time. I didn't take any pain meds with that one though and it was fine. I am planning to this time just because I won't be in the hospital.

 

[busytulip]

I hope that things happen quickly and you recover physically really soon. I'm so sorry you are going through this again

 

[jinxii]

It went okay, not nearly as bad as I thought it would be considering some of the experiences I've read online! I didn't even bother with the pain pills... no need. I might have a pretty high pain tolerance though.

 

[busytulip]

I'm glad that you weren't suffering in pain.