Freaking Out.. Tell Me I'm Not Alone!

[Charmed86]

I am freaking out about being pregnant.. The 'What have I done?!' kind of freak out. I've wanted a baby ever since I could remember, I always thought I would be a Mum. 5 years ago, I was diagnosed with PCOS & told that I would struggle to conceive naturally. I was told to lose weight & we could try clomid. I went back on the pill at the time, so I could try to lose weight without any pressure. The thing is, I never came off the pill. I stayed on it for almost 5 years & convinced myself that I simply didn't want children any more. They were too expensive, too messy.. etc. Then my brother accidentally got his GF pregnant & it kinda stung. Why was it so easy for them?? (She was on the pill & they were using condoms at the time!!) Again, I put the thoughts to the back of my mind & reminded myself of all of the awful things they'll have to deal with, that I won't. At my niece's first birthday party, I held a 10mth old, she was adorable & I just fell in love with her, or the idea of her at least. DH & I decided to start trying again.

Honestly, I fully expected it not to happen &, despite getting AF every month, I was upset but also quietly relieved. Mostly, I guess, because in all the time I was off the pill before, I didn't have a period! It was nice to see my temps changing throughout the month, showing that each time I did manage to ovulate

In December, I had a chemical pregnancy & I was distraught. My cycle was completely messed up after that & I figured that was it. Then, by some miracle, I got a BFP in early Feb! My first ovulation since the chemical. I was so excited! I couldn't believe it! It still doesn't really feel true.

Then the sore boobs came, they were bearable, but the sickness I am really struggling with. I am freaking out about whether I even want a baby, can I cope with labour? Can I cope with a baby?? The lack of sleep? I am a person who loves her sleep, so I don't know. I had to mourn the loss of my lie-ins, as pathetic as that sounds! I've not been able to sleep in since getting my BFP I'm still overweight & I am freaking out about my weight throughout the pregnancy. I am trying not to gain too much, but I can't even stomach healthy foods right now. I feel sick most of the time! This evening, I wanted noodles for dinner, didn't work.. I ended up having salt & vinegar crisps with chocolate milkshake (which is really helping with the sickness!)

Someone please tell me they are also completely freaked out about all of this! I suffer with anxiety anyway, so I think that is adding to the problem. I had some bleeding over the last week & I was in bits at the thought of a miscarriage, but then (And I know this is so awful) I kind of came around to the idea. Oh, it's so awful to admit

I feel so ungrateful, I tried for this, I wanted this, why do I suddenly now fear it & feel like I don't want it any more??

 

[Dill]

You've got cold feet! I think it's normal for people to second-guess themselves when a major life-changing event comes about, even if it's something they want. How many grooms FREAK OUT the day of the wedding, only to continue on afterward quite happily?

Your life IS going to change, and that's a big deal! It's a lot to cope with. Just try to focus on the positives. And enjoy the not-a-mom life while you've got it. Sleep in on the weekends, enjoy your favorite foods without worrying about sharing, take photos of your pristine house before it permanently looks like it's been hit by a tornado. And know that once you get to hold your beautiful baby in your arms, you won't want to give it up for the world.

 

[Penguin20]

I agree with dill, hope your ok now

 

[spunky84]

I think what you're feeling is perfectly normal, to be honest.

Having a baby, especially your first, can be absolutely terrifying. It's life changing and you really don't know what to expect (even if you've taken care of other kids, having your own is different).

With our first, my husband lost sleep for the entire pregnancy because he was scared to death. He didn't adjust to having a baby until DD was about 4 months old. I remember thinking, myself, "what did we do?" Don't get me wrong, I was thrilled, but at the same time completely scared out of my mind. I panicked even more as EDD drew nearer.

I've never really had experience with children (and with my SIL's, if I held my niece, the second she looked like she was going to cry, I was giving her back because I was terrified to hold her while crying because I didn't know what to do). I fretted over everything. I wondered how on earth I could ever possibly be a good mom when I've never even changed a diaper. I didn't know how to tell if the baby was hungry and needed fed. I felt like I was going to ruin this child's life. I was terrified about how I was going to get through sleepless nights.

But the thing is, once baby is here, you adjust. Your maternal instincts do kick in. I didn't believe it when people told me that, but they do. You're not going to know everything right away. You're going to have moments when you don't know what to do. But you get through it and you learn, and it eventually gets easier. The sleepless nights can be hard, but you also adjust. Life becomes ever changing as they grow, but you learn to adjust with them. Believe it or not, you'll be fine You just have to cut yourself some slack and allow yourself to feel what you need to but know that no matter what, you're going to be a great mom.

As far as gaining weight, if you make healthy food choices with right portions, your weight will be fine. I think our bodies will gain what they need to gain during pregnancy. So as long as you are making the right choices (not saying you can't have some junk or whatever), your body will gain what it needs to. If it does become a concern, talk to your doctor! I was concerned about my weight gain with DD (53 lbs and started out overweight), so she helped me figure something out as far as what is safe for me to do.

At this point, don't worry about what foods you are able to keep down. If keeping down junk is all you can keep down, then that's great that you're able to keep something down! At this point, you pretty much have to get down what you can. Once the ms settles down, you'll still have plenty of time to eat healthy. If the ms is really bad or you're really worried about the only foods you are able to keep down, talk to your doctor. They may be able to help!

Just know that what you're feeling is absolutely normal. Don't feel that you're ungrateful at all. This is a very big life change that can be scary for anyone, whether it's their first or not.

 

[heidi87814]

I think this is perfectly normal. We love our babies with everything inside us but when people say to us "Oh, I bet you can't remember a time when they weren't here", it's complete bull.

Of course I can remember sleeping in all day, lounging around in my PJs, going out and doing whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. We all do.

But, believe it or not, when that baby gets here, it's a feeling that's more powerful than you can imagine. No-one knows how to handle it at first (or even 9 years later, like me) and everything's such a big adjustment, such a massive change to every aspect of your life, but you'll cope. We all do.

I totally understand where your anxiety is coming from. I have 2 older kids, a 5 month old baby, and am 9 weeks pregnant. When I found out I was pregnant again, I kind of just dropped into a depression for a few weeks. I was completely freaked out at the idea of having to go through everything again so soon. I was miserable and couldn't pick myself up and see the good side of it.

But I adapted and now I'm getting excited about it. (The hormones and nausea during the early stages really don't help anxiety and worry.) And so will you.

Like the other ladies said, those feelings are completely normal.

 

[tallybee]

I agree Hun the way you're feeling is totally normal and understandable, first time parenthood is so full of the unknown!

I think if you weren't freaking a bit that'd be weirder lol.

You will be fine xx

 

[2have4kids]

It sounds like you're very flexible, you can wrap your head around whatever life throws at you - that's a talent, you will be able to adjust to baby, you will fall in love and each time you get up off the couch to help your wee toddler or parent (not being a 'couch' parent nattering on from the couch), you'll tell yourself it's good for you to move, it's good for my baby that I'm up and with them rather than yelling as some parents do from a distance. You can still have that snuggle time in bed, just picture a warm cuddly giggling baby with you. The baby will be a blessing and your heart will be overwhelmed, just go with the flow and let your body take you through this amazing process. You thought you were broken - you're not!

The thing that surprises me is that chips help with your sickness. Ms is caused from sensitivity to foods from our increased hormones. When our blood sugar drops we often get that sharp ms, when you're eating high sugary, fatty foods it causes a roller coaster with ultra high blood sugar peaks and dips making the symptoms of ms much worse than normal.

Proteins like unflavoured greek yoghurt (ie Liberte 0% has 18g protein to 6 g carbs) help keep your blood sugar level. Chicken, I found Turkey pepperoni sticks at Costco, beef jerky, hard boiled eggs, salty seaweed crips (they have very little sugar and great vitamin content for your immune system). High fat/carb foods usually increase the frequency & intensity of ms. If you're still eating like that just make sure you're taking liquid iron and good quality vitamins. Chips & junk won't help you absorb pill-form vitamins and learning disabilities & ADHD and other developmental issues have been linked to poor nutrition in pregnant mothers (along with post partum depression).

I'm a high risk pregnancy, I have immune issues after getting tested (I had chemicals and mc's) and inflammation is a contributing factor to my losses. So I'm pretty sure I'd be putting baby at risk eating highly inflammatory foods. My list of safe foods are curries (all of the spices especially turmeric are excellent anti-inflammatories), clean proteins, salmon, all of the proteins listed above, cottage cheese, fruits & loads of green veggies. Absolutely no pasta, bread, crackers, chips, noodles, no foods that cause massive inflammation. There's an inflammation index on all foods at nutritiondata.com if you're interested to find out what might have high inflammatory ratings.

 

[Lil_Pixie]

I've been ttc since my son was born three years ago, had a mmc in that time and I'm still freaking out

Having a baby is such a massive change, it's only natural that you'd be worried about it, but when the time comes you won't view it as a whole with all the things you're worried about happening. Each day just follows the last and you get up in the morning and deal with that days challenges. And who knows? My son is up at 5.30 every day but I have a niece the same age who sleeps in till past 9 every day besides, you won't be alone, there will be lie ins and date nights etc in your future, and you'll appreciate them so much more.

Hot choc has been settling my stomach, along with any kind of bread/cracker/cereal etc. And I had some crisps on Friday and they helped too. Although I had heard that fatty food makes it worse that hasn't proven to be the case for me. I guess everyone's different, just find the thing that helps you and go with it

 

[misspriss]

I had that exact feeling when I was first pregnant with DS. I mean exactly. I had never convinced myself I didn't want children though, I had ALWAYS want to be pregnant and have kids, all the time. Then it happened and I was like "oh s**t, what have I done!? Do I really want this? this will change my life FOREVER"....it went away eventually though.

Fast forward to second pregnancy, I have similar feelings but not the same, they are more "Why did I do this? I will never be able to cope with two!"...that feeling has just gotten more intense as my due date gets closer...

I think these feelings are really normal, and it's okay. Nothing is wrong or anything, it's a natural and normal feeling to have.

 

[ParisJeTadore]

If I can master this being a mommy thing then you can too! Any big change in life is going to cause anxiety. Change is hard and it is completely normal to have cold feet or doubt your abilities. I was a wreck after I got my first bfp, terrified of giving birth and really doubted my abilities to be a good mother. I was awkward around kids, had rarely held a baby and, coming from a very dysfunctional childhood, worried I'd screw it all up too.

Reality is, everything takes practice whether it's learning to drive or raising a baby. You'll make mistakes, question if you're doing the right thing, and yes, might struggle with sleep but the more you do it, the better you become at it. I'm on my second child and can't believe how crazy comfortable I am with the whole baby thing. It takes time but you will get great at it!

I suggest this to every expectant mother bc it worked for me so well: look into hypnobirthing. I did a program by Maggie Howell (bought a cd and work book since I couldn't afford classes) and, considering I suffer from anxiety, was totally calm and focused during my labours. It was a lifesaver!