Friends children weeing and pooing themselves

[Eternal]

They are 6 and 5 and both weeing and pooing themselves, the both she changes 3 times a day at least and the girl (6) once at least, and she seems to poo herself more.

Mine are three and younger, my three year old was just 3 (he was late but has suspected autism) when he was toilet trained and we have only ever had two accidents, one was on a 12 hour car drive and we were looking for a service station and the other was this week and he said because a and b did it and he was really upset. My twins are 19 months so I'm not even attempting.

But is it normal for some children to still be doing this? I know it's common at night but during the day?

 

[seoj]

Out of curiosity- is there a legitimate reason for it? Have they been checked out by a physician? I wet my bed till I was 7yrs old- but my Mom had me checked and I had blood work and scans and put on diets to see if I was allergic- till they discovered I had a reflux valve that wasn't working right and I wasn't able to hold it too long. But I never wet myself while awake- I knew the moment I felt I needed to go I'd go. It was embarrassing enough wetting the bed at night sometimes (not all the time either).

If my LO has any real issues past 3yrs- I'll be proactive and talk to her doctor. In part because of what I went through... it's certainly not "normal" although I hate using that word-- but there could be a physical or emotional reason for it.

 

[Eternal]

I'm asking because she is struggling in all aspects of raising her kids, she is a single mum, and constantly asking my advice, and I'm not sure what to say, I was extremely shocked especially when I saw the amount of times they were being changes a day!

They have accidents throughout the day, if it was just the night then I imagine that's fairly normal but I hadn't heard of accidents though the day as often as this.
She has taken them to the gp and heath visitor and told there was no problem but no tests were run.

They are both very undisaplined kids, she just doesn't have the energy to deal with it, she has health issues herself and had stresses which she can't cope with. She loves 500 miles away so I can't help in anyway but I get the impression she wants someone to come in and fix everything which just won't happen.

I just don't Know what to suggest, I would certainly not be happy if my 3 year old stated wetting himself but she just changes them without saying anything, not sure if that's the best approach or not? Anyone experienced or have suggests I can suggest to her. She keeps asking but as I said my eldest is my only potty trained child and never really had any accidents.

 

[Dream.dream]

Usually that is a sign of a problem if a 5 ans 6 year old is still not potty trained. Regardless of whether they have a medical issue causing this their mom should be taking them to a doctor to figure out why. Constipation or bowel impaction are a on mom reason but the fact that its both children to me shows there is a more psychological reason behind it .

You said she's a single mom with health problems is it possible they Arnt getting enough attention or being neglects and this is a way to get attention or maybe their mom just never took the time to properly potty train them?

 

[Alexas Mommy]

Because you mentioned that they are poorly disciplined, I am inclined to believe this is the actual issue.

While I can understand that your friend has medical problems, it really isn't fair if her children are not getting the attention they deserve-perhaps the mother would benefit from a foster care respite once or twice a month? Also, I would suggest your friend visits a doctor about her own mental health-if she can't be bothered to fully care for her children-including disciplining them, she needs to care enough to get her issues fixed.

Not trying to be mean, but this type of lifestyle is not healthy for kids to grow up in, and honestly as her friend, I think you need to be blunt with her. If she doesn't change, and this is harsh, but if she neglects her kids continuously, children's aid should be involved until she can properly care for them.

Sorry if I am misunderstanding the situation, but the picture you painted in your second post seems to be a picture of neglect.

Good luck!

 

[Kittycat155]

Abuse could also be cause. I would tell her to tell the school or dr and ask for help. Something seems to off. For 2 kids to be doing this means alot to me. I have been around a kid who had free run and she was using toilet by 3(mostly at 2 1/2 or so) she was passed back and forth from grandma/aunt/mom/another aunt.... Either way I agree. this is NOT a healthy upbringing. My heart goes to these kids.

Are they in school? cant see the school not saying much? At least in USA that would be a red flag...even in nursery school they sometimes have restrictions if child is not out of diapers

 

[Eternal]

Thanks, I'm inclined to agree and have suggested she see the doctor but she says she has and says the health visitor is aware. She blames her ex who sees the kids one day every three weeks and he travels over 500 miles to see them.

It was interesting that when the kids were not with her the listened and followed instructions and my sil who has spent time with them says the same, However when she is there they run circles around her. She tells them, no don't do that, without changing her tone of voice 2 or three times and then gives up and let's them do whatever or screams for ice cream and says no then they hit bite etc and she gets it. I keep saying she needs to be firm but she doesn't seem to get it.

Twice I told them off infront of her which I never would usually do, once they were pushing my 19 month off the slide by kicking him or pushing the slide over, I gave warnings and eventually took the slide away and then all of them including my son were throwing sand at each other and I gave warnings and eventually took the sand pit away, I would never tell anyone else's kids off usually but she just didn't and it wasn't safe. Funny thing was, the kids cry constantly, they never even whimpered when I took them away.

She has attended parenting classes, she gets counselling and has even turned up at a&e saying she wast coping and felt she was mad, I'm assuming there are quite a few professionals involved already.

I'm not sure what to do, she asks for help but won't take advice. as I say I'm 500 miles away and we aren't really that close, she used to go to the same church and she briefly dated my now husband before he discovered she was a psycho, that's what he says. She is nice enough and we did stuff together when she was married but she invited herself to stay and its obvious she isn't coping.

 

[Dream.dream]

You can't do much but if she won't take advice and the children are suffering because of it someone has to step in somewhere .

It's not good for te kids , kids need structure and discipline . Also how is it goin to affect their self esteem when the kids at school start making fun of them for having accidents?

 

[Kittycat155]

This reminds me SO much of brothers girlfriend.. he left her after many many years. She had 1 kid from previous BF. No no no ...hey want a piece of candy? Sit sit sit...oh here is the tv remote you wanted. it was a big game to the child. She lived with the father/more the fathers mom for some time then lived with mom(think as she got older realized lack of rules. She is 10 or so now and still bouncing around. sad life

At some point I truly think brothers ex just wanted SOMETHING to talk about 24/7 an the kid was IT. At times I thought it was an issue with the mother and glad the child was out of scene for so long.. Mother used to go to hospital with general issues for child, asthma that was already diagnosed and treatment established at home..but would let treatments go as "child did not want to sit, what am i to do???"